Title: All Deep Things
Pairing: Josef/Mick
Rating: Low Level NC17
Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Summary: Josef and Mick spend an alcohol fuelled night together, emotions have to be faced in the harsh light of day.
His head still pounding Mick turned the cold tap of the shower to full, and stepped under its icy spray. Alcohol might be a great equaliser for mortals, but for vampires it usually meant having to put away twice the average amount, and paying the price with a killer hangover the next day - unless you were willing to drink straight from the tap, so to speak. An inebriated freshie could deliver all the pleasures of stumbling drunkenness sans the jackhammer in your skull. Mick usually chose the latter; last night it was a case of beggars not being choosers. He'd needed to be drunk, bombed out of his skull, paralytic, stinking drunk.
Five bottles of Scotch later, and no freshies in sight he'd just about been half way there.
Mick stepped out of the shower then, feeling no more refreshed than when he'd first stepped in. He reached for one of Josef's towels. Josef slept in the other room, curled up strangely with his arms wrapped tight around the pillow, as if he didn't quite know what to do with it. Mick trod carefully across the carpeted floor, not wanting to wake his friend as he fluffed the towel through his wet hair, and then pulled on a pair of sweat pants.
"You leaving already?" Josef muttered, still groggy with layers of sleep. He pushed the offending pillow to one side then, and sat up.
"Yeah, I figured you were pretty crashed out from last night, probably wanted to catch some extra freezer time at some point. I thought I'd just leave you to it," Mick sat on the edge of the bed, rummaging through an overnight bag, looking for a clean t-shirt to wear. "Why, is there a problem?"
"Were you at least going to leave a note, say goodbye, you know, anything that says 'give a shit' written on it," Josef quipped with the least amount of cheeriness possible as he rolled out of bed, and made a performance of wrapping an expensive silk robe around his naked form.
"You're really not much of a morning person, are you?"
"I could say the same about you," Josef parried in return, "considering both us of should be in Freezerville by now."
"Yeah, well, last night must have thrown us both off kilter," Mick wasn't in the mood for morning chit-chat, not served up with a Josef sized order of acid tongued wit at least. He needed to get out of there, put some distance between them, get drunk again, and wipe out some memory banks in the process.
And all deep things come up to light…
Not that, that wasn't supposed to have come up, a few bottles of fine malt to brush away the cobwebs of a bad memory, drown his sorrows at the bottom of glass whilst listening to the sound of his own melancholy as he poured out his feelings on Josef's shoulder – that's how it was supposed to have gone. Josef of course would pretend to cluck sympathetically, but he would have known Mick's devastation over Beth leaving - should have known at least, should have known enough not to have taken advantage the way he did, should have known…
"Is that what you think last night was about? I took advantage of you?" Josef layback on his not inconsiderably sized bed, and raised a perplexed eyebrow, fifty years of friendship he'd learn to read Mick's thoughts by the myriad of facial expressions he was apt to go through. "That's funny; because I thought I was offering that comfort you kept begging me for when you proceeded to drain the contents of, how many bottles was it?"
"I don't remember," Mick muttered as he grabbed a shirt and pulled it over his head.
"But you do remember us having sex, don't you." Josef's tone was couched in burlesque. He was pushing Mick's buttons, trying to evoke a response.
"Yeah, I remember, what's your point?" Mick could feel the depressions in the mattress behind him as Josef began to inch closer.
"My point is maybe you weren't as drunk as you'd like to pretend." Josef was almost on top of Mick then, his head rested atop Mick's shoulder momentarily, nose buried in the side of Mick's neck, inhaling his scent. "Look," Josef turned Mick's face towards his, and sat back then, his words sharpened with a determined edge. "This is who we are; it's what we are, vampires and humans alike. We fuck, and we fight, and we fall in love, and we break each other's hearts, and then we fuck some more. It's been going on for millennia, Mick, so why should you be any different?"
"Because it was only supposed to be about sex, Josef, nothing else."
The proverbial cat was out of the bag then. Josef remained uncharacteristically silent, no snappy comeback at the ready this time.
And all deep things…
"You felt something," when Josef finally spoke his voice was surprisingly calm, even to him. He'd expected a moment like this to have come with some sort of fanfare, fireworks at the very least.
"You mean apart from –"
"– The obvious?" Josef interjected.
"Yeah."
"So are we going to talk about this, or are you going to do your usual trick of slinking back into the shadows?" Josef wasn't pushing buttons then, he was just pushing, waiting for Mick to break, waiting for something, anything. Mick remained frustratingly noncommittal, refusing to talk about what had transpired.
"I think I should go," Mick hunted for his shoes and socks then.
"Isn't that what you were already planning to do?"
"Yeah, I guess it was, before we decided to talk about my feelings, which by the way are nobody else's business but my own."
"Well excuse me, his majesty has spoken," Josef gave a flourishing bow, and then backed off. "I'm not trying to force you to talk about your feelings, Mick."
"Yeah, well good, because that's one conversation we're not having," Mick found one of his wayward shoes and then just as quickly threw it against the nearest wall. It bounced back, almost striking him in the process. "Damnit Josef, why, just tell me why this had to get so messed up. Last night I almost," Mick hesitated, the word 'love' poised on the tip of his tongue, "I almost felt a connection with you that I've never felt before. And it wasn't just the sex, it was beyond that. But I'm in love with Beth, and now she's gone, and you're here…"
"…and you're babbling." Josef approached with caution then, hesitating a moment, before reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from Mick's forehead. "If you're still planning on leaving I'll call a car around for you."
Mick admitted emotional defeat as he shook his head, and let his shoulders sag. "No, I'll stay for a bit longer, I've already spent enough time out in the sun for one week," he lay back on the bed, legs hanging off the edge of the mattress. "We said some crazy things last night."
"The god in me and the beast in me…"
For all the world Mick looked like a frightened rabbit caught in a set of headlights, ready to bolt at a moment's notice, Josef did his best to maintain a respectable distance as he settled in alongside him.
"…and all deep things come up to light," Mick gave voice to thought then, before quickly explaining, "Coraline had the quote as part of a wall hanging in our old apartment, tacky looking thing, always seemed out of place to me."
"You talking about yourself, or the wall hanging," Josef smiled.
"Both I guess," Mick shifted position then, rolling onto his side to face Josef. "So tell me, last night, was that your idea of bartering your soul for the prize of love?"
"You're asking me if you were just another conquest." Josef raised one eyebrow, and then rolled his eyes skywards. "Yes, Mick," he deadpanned, "more than sixty years of friendship and you were just another conquest. There, do you feel better now; does that help with whatever crisis of conscience you're currently having?"
"Well gee thanks for your understanding and compassion, Josef. It's not like I went on a bender last night and ended up in bed with my best friend," Mick turned away, once more intent on leaving, storm out of the room and walk the fifteen blocks back to his apartment. LA summer weather be damned.
"Don't be a bloody idiot; you'd probably collapse before you even got halfway. And I don't feel like mounting a rescue mission in this heat."
Mick's lips were suddenly pressed against Josef's own, hard enough to bruise if he'd been mortal. And still his head continued to pound, going from a jackhammer to a dull throb.
"I just need to know," Mick was pleading then, his forehead rest against Josef's as he curled distracted fingers through Josef's short mop of hair. "Please, Josef, don't play games with me, not over this."
"Okay," Josef carefully placed some distance between them, "but how about you tell me what your deal is first. You let me screw you through the mattress last night, now you're having regrets?
"I don't …" Mick broke off, stroking his brow with thumb and forefinger as he tried to find the right words, simple words, words that would make sense out of the chaos and confusion. "I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you last night."
"Well you know me, Mick, after four hundred something years I've learnt not to believe in coincidences." Josef waited for a response, carefully watching the myriad of expressions that crossed Mick's face.
"Yeah, me neither," Mick shook his head, and then shifted to sit on the end of the bed. "But why us, Josef, and why now? Things with Beth were always…"
"Restrained?"
"Yeah," Mick gave a brief nod, "and Coraline, Coraline was just…"
"God with one and the beast with the other," Josef sat beside Mick then, his hand rested lightly against Mick's thigh. "And what about last night, which one did you feel like then."
"Both," Mick's voice was reduced to a whisper as it was Josef's turn to take the initiative. He leaned forward, his mouth against Mick's, all warm, wet sensation and lips tingling in response, and then harder, deeper.
"So, any sparks flying, or was that just a kiss?" Josef studied the contours of Mick's jaw with his finger.
"You mean like last night was just sex?" Mick countered.
"Or comfort," Josef leaned in for another kiss, "we both get lonely, you know that. This doesn't have to mean any more than you want it to mean."
"You know it doesn't work that way, Josef, not with me," Mick countered, "I can't not feel."
"Then don't 'not feel'," Josef's lips were working the line of Mick's throat then, one hand slipping beneath the waistband of Mick's pants.
"That's the thing; I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. This, with us…"Mick growled his approval as Josef's fingers found their mark, an involuntary shiver running the length of his spine. "All I know is it feels like I'm falling in love and that was not supposed to happen."
"Why not just fall," a shrug of his shoulders, hands gripping the elastic sides of Mick's pants, pulling them down around his ankles. The world according to Josef Kostan – want, take, have – just feel, just fall, all of it so simple. He pressed his lips to Mick's ear then, his breath warm against the side of Mick's face. "You were never just another conquest."
Mick placed a hand in the middle of Josef's chest and gently pushed him away - just enough to put some distance between them, enough for them to talk. "So last night, you felt it as well, it wasn't just me."
"It hasn't been just you for a long time, Mick."
Josef's words were measured with the sort of studied quietude Mick had only seen reserved only for Sarah, many years ago. For a moment he couldn't speak, and then any words that might form were being swallowed with another kiss, his mouth on Josef's own this time, hands and body seeking heated contact as he quickly slipped Josef's robe off his shoulders. It was either this or him rushing headlong into places angels feared to tread – those feelings, the ones rising from where they'd been pushed down, barricaded, hidden from conscious thought. He'd already skated too close to the edge.
And all deep things…
His breath coming in half gasps and growls of delight as they fell backwards and rode up against one another; Mick hooked one leg over Josef's hips and used the momentum of their bodies to change position.
"So when was the last time you let anyone fuck you?" He asked as he sat astride Josef's supine form.
"Much longer than your sudden tangoing around any discussion on feelings," Josef dead panned, the barest hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "Or perhaps you'd like to ask me who else I'd consider worthy to be that vulnerable with?"
Check and mate. At least that's what would have run through Mick's mind had they been playing a game of chess. Josef had just managed to expertly steer the conversation back to matters at hand without so much as a blink of an eye.
"Okay then, who else do you consider worthy enough?" Curiosity finally got the better of Mick. "We're going back a few centuries so I assume there's a list tucked away in there somewhere."
"Nope, no list, just you," Josef gave a disarming smile; his gaze locked on Mick's own "By the way, you're giving me whiplash watching you trying to obstacle course your way around last night." In one practiced move Josef sat up then and drew Mick towards him, his legs locked around Mick's waist. "I think it's time for option b, if you don't want to talk the least we can do is…"
Mick cut the rest of Josef's sentence off with a kiss. Option b sounded like a good choice, they couldn't be talking if they were fucking.
So why did the words continue to pour forth? Questions Mick didn't want to ask were being answered and none of it made sense. But this, this physicality, this was something he could hide himself in. He drew Josef closer, and kissed him again.
This doesn't have to mean any more than you want it to mean.
And that would be fine if any of it were true.
"Lube, we need lube," Mick mumbled distractedly as Josef hovered inches above his cock.
"No we don't, Josef smiled that same disarming smile as he lowered himself onto Mick's erection. "Four centuries worth of practice, remember."
"I thought I was the only one on that mythical list of yours," Mick had been going for salacious teasing, too late he realised he'd just opened a channel to more conversation.
"There's a difference between getting fucked, and allowing someone to fuck you," Josef paused when he reached the hilt; he intended to draw this out as long as possible. "Let's just say in four hundred years you learn certain matters of survival, how to gain an advantage in power plays, sex can be a formidable weapon," Josef pressed his lips against Mick's ear then, whispering to him, "or it can make you feel more alive than you have in decades, with your blood fuelled heartbeat racing, and every cell in your body firing at once and you just know if you could hold onto even a fifth of that feeling it would consume you whole. That's what being in love is for us, Mick, and we can dance around that fact as much as you want, but either way, we're still dancing."
Very slowly Josef began to move then, rocking gently back and forth on Mick's length inside him. Josef was right, they could run themselves ragged dancing in circles all day and all night. In the end it came down to one thing, they'd always circle back to that one moment where it had all begun.
"When did you know?" Mick clutched Josef's hips either side, began to control the rhythm of his movements, listening to the way Josef purred every time he hit a certain spot. "That I might have fallen in love with you, I mean."
"1958," Josef picked up the pace a little, his heels digging into the mattress behind for leverage, "it was the first time you and I had anything close to a civil conversation. You kept looking at me like you didn't know whether to shove me in your book case under living history, or fuck me right there on the rug in front of the entire party."
"I remember, I thought you were using some sort of vampire mind trick that Coraline hadn't told me about, I couldn't take my eyes off you," through the haze of his own pleasure Mick could suddenly see that night laid out in front of him, it had been the beginning, a beginning he hadn't even noticed.
Words became superfluous then, Josef was riding him into oblivion, thighs straining, and finger nails digging half-moons into the skin of Mick's shoulders. And the two of them rising together, a moment suspended in time, and then falling -fangs slicing into one another, flesh melding with flesh, hot and wet and sticky. They clung to one another as the last pulsations slowly ebbed away.
The god in me and the beast in me
And all deep things come up to light;
And I would barter my soul to be
The prize of love for a single night.
Mick thought he finally understood the meaning of those words, here in the rising daylight with Josef. There would be more nights though, that much Mick was sure of.
"So are we still dancing?" Josef quipped as he disengaged himself from Mick's embrace.
Mick gave him a slightly off centred smile in return.
"Always."