I was running as fast as I could, running away from all of the embarrassment and pain that I had felt just two seconds ago. I ran through the halls, through the main doors, and I was outside. I forced myself to stop thinking, to stop remembering. I just wanted to run and run. My body was numb after about ten minutes of running and I knew that I was going to have to stop soon. I reached the forbidden forest and ran deep inside.
My thoughts came crashing down on me. Tears streamed down my face. How could he? The pain I was feeling felt like someone was stabbing me. Only instead of just going in and out, it felt like they were going in, twist, and then out.
I realized I was on the ground. I tried to run again to run away from everything, everyone, but it was too late I couldn't move and there was no escape
I fell to my knees and let out the inescapable cries.
The memories came crashing down again.
I couldn't see anything, but his face, his disgusted face. I wanted it to end, and I wanted me to end. I let out another cry but it was so loud that I almost stopped. I didn't want anyone to find me. I glanced around. That wasn't going to be a problem, because I didn't even know where I was, and I knew most places on Hogwarts grounds. It became cold, and dark. I was so tired that I didn't have any more energy to cry. I closed my eyes and waited for death.
But I waited…
And I waited…
I started to drift off, but I think that I was just falling asleep. I wished for some animal to find me, but I didn't hear a thing before blacking out.
…...
"I found him, James." Remus said.
"Where is he?" James's voice demanded. I hated myself for dreaming about him.
AGAIN!
"He looks dead." Remus whispered softly, as James approached. Now I wished
this wasn't a dream.
"Pick him up." James ordered, I felt a pair of hands go under me. 'This
dream seems so real.' I thought to myself.
I felt a light breeze and shadows dancing across my face.
James began talking again. I couldn't hear him, and I didn't want to. I never
wanted to see that monster again. So I let go of myself, and before I
knew it, I was blacked out again.
...
I awoke suddenly. I was on a bed, and a lot stronger than I was before, when I in the woods. I tried to move but there was someone on my torso. I opened my eyes. There was James, slumped onto my chest, sleeping. He'd obviously been here a while. Memories came crashing down again, and my eyes filled with tears. I hated him! Why did he always do this to me? 'HE TURNED ME GAY!' I screamed in my head.
I was filled up with so much hate, I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to push him off of me; I wanted to beat him until he felt the pain I did. That would show him! But I couldn't do it. Not because I couldn't move, but because I was in love with him. It would kill me to see him go through so much pain. I was better if I went through it instead of him. I hated myself for thinking that because that was the reason I was in this mess. I let my head fall on the pillow, and allowed the tears to fall silently.
...
I woke up again and to my relief no one was on top of me. But I was scared to open my eyes, afraid of what I might see. Or more accurately, who I might see.
I waited, and listened, but it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. I slowly opened my eyes. There wasn't anyone in the room. I sat up and was surprised at how much strength I had. I would have to send Madam Pomfrey a thank you note. I looked around there was a plate of food on the nightstand next to
my cot. My stomach started to growl when the aroma of the food touched my nostrils, so I picked up the plate and started shoveling food into my mouth. It tasted like nothing, I didn't really realized what I was eating but I didn't care. I finished and lie back down, falling asleep again.
...
"Sirius" Remus said shaking me.
"Uhn… Go away." My voice wasn't as strong as the rest of me felt, and it cracked.
"Are you okay?" He asked, obviously concerned.
"I'm fine," I said with a weak smile. "Nothing can hurt Sirius Black." Except James Potter.
One minute I was lying there on my bed, and the next, I was in Remus' arms. My face turned beet red and I was ashamed to admit that I was a little turned on.
"Sirius" Remus sobbed. I was shocked, and he pulled me closer towards him.
"What's wrong Remus?" I said, placing my hand on the back of his neck.
"Are you really asking me that?"
"I'm sorry?" I was confused.
"Sirius, don't you ever do that again. Do you know how
scared we were? How scared I was?" Remus' voice was slightly angry.
"Um… Remus?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't breathe."
"Oh, sorry." Remus said letting go.
"So what's up?" I asked, lying back.
"Sirius you looked like you were died. Why did you run away?" Remus asked coming closer towards me. 'What is wrong with him why does he want to be so close to me?' I asked myself I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I closed my eyes trying so hard to push the memories back down.
"I'm sorry" Remus said hugging me again, but because I was lying down then he was just on top of me. I pushed the filling down again, knowing they were never going to disappear.