The camera shifted into focus, blinked in disbelief.

A man was sitting in what appeared to be a head, buried in the sand on a tropical island. He wore military boots, a red top and his hair was shaved at the side and styled into a Mohawk. He was playing with sand, passing it carefully from one hand to the other.

"Ok so, welcome back to the Vaas Montenegro show! Welcome back to my torture show, welcome back to my island. It is a beautiful day here but uh, like I said, Chris is not feeling too good. I don't think I'll be able to torture him for much longer now. It's sad, it's real fucking sad. It's sad but you know, que será, será."

He adopted a sorry but resigned look, briefly locked eyes with his viewers.

"But today I have some big news for you!" His voiced, flavoured with a heavy Hispanic accent, took joyful notes. "Real big news. Something happened to me. I broke into a million pieces." He let the sand escape between his fingers. "Let me tell you the story. The other day, me and my guys saw a boat, like a scuba diving boat thing with some white kids on it. So I went over first because i thought, you know, better introduce myself or something. So I'm on that boat, my men are waiting on the beach right, so I point my gun at the captain so they can't drive off while I'm talking to them because that'd be fucking rude, and then some kid, some fucking, cocksucking, rude little shit creeps up behind me and hits me right in the fucking head. Right in the fucking head!"

His hand came up, showing the exact place of the impact. He stared his viewers in the eyes, shook his head, looked back down to his hands.

"So fucking rude, hermano. I was seeing stars, ladies and gentlemen, I fell into the water and I swear to god man, I was sinking. I couldn't swim anymore man. But then..."

His eyes looked into the distance, shaded by a dreamy haze. His hard face softened visibly.

"I was saved" he said, simply. "I saved by a mermaid."

He stood abruptly, pointed his finger at the camera.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING LAUGH HERMANO! IT WAS A MERMAID!"

He sat back onto the head.

"It was a mermaid. She dived in after me, and she held me tight." He mimicked the movement with his arms. "She took me to the surface, and got me back on the beach. Then she sang to me with her mermaid voice."

He blushed, looked sheepish.

"Ok maybe she didn't sing, maybe she was just talking to me hermano I don't know. Her hair was touching my face and my..." His hands ghosted over his own shoulders and torso.

"Ah, fuck hermano. I think I'm in love."

He picked a pink shell off the beach, played with it, examined it, his eyes lost in some sweet dream.

"The Pirate and the Mermaid" he said. He poked the head's nose. "Sorry Chrissy, no one gives a shit about you anymore now." When the blue head failed to respond, the pirate looked back to the camera. "I think he's jealous. Chrissy's no longer got my undivided attention. I'm in love hermano, I found my sirenita. My nena."

He smiled to himself, looked at his viewers with a cheeky smile.

"She's in my shack now. Carlos is watching her while I'm talking to you. I think she's scared but you know, is ok, she don't know me yet man. I'm gonna make her fall in love with me. She ain't never leaving my island hermano, I tell you, now I've got my sirenita I'm not letting her swim away!"

He moved to the camera, alarmingly close.

"Do you think she'll like this?" He was showing the shell. The camera failed to focus on it.

"I think she'll like it. It's pink and it's from the sea. Fuck, hermano. She so beautiful, man. So fucking beautiful it hurts. She sweet. I'm gonna go give her some mango. Introduce myself and shit."

He stood.

"Ok so, until next time ladies and gentlemen! Remember to love."

The image turned to black.