I. The Choice – October 22, 1981, 7:43 PM

Lily sat rooted to her chair, as if she'd been stunned by some unknown assailant. The ice clinking against James' and Sirius' glasses was deafening. A dirty light seemed to be cast through the room, and she wondered if it too had lost its shine because of the war or if she was just imagining it. Her heart was leaden, pumping blood sluggishly through her veins. Harry slept soundly in her arms, and he was the only thing that brought her any warmth or happiness in this cold, empty, miserable world.

"It's only a suggestion," Sirius added, after a long moment's silence. "I'm happy to do it, James. Really. They're going to come after me anyway, so it's got nothing to do with wanting to save my own hide. I just thought that another line of defense might be beneficial."

She wanted to say something to Sirius, but as she turned to him, words seemed to fail her. He looked horrible. The years hadn't been kind to any of them but carrying the burden of fighting this war had marred Sirius' handsome face in ways that Lily thought impossible. She hoped if he survived the war—and he would, she knew, because he was Sirius and Sirius was above all else a survivor—some life would be breathed back into him and he would smile that contagious smile and the world would suddenly right itself because of it.

"No, you're right. It's a brilliant plan. Just…Peter?"

"I know what you're thinking, mate. And that's exactly what Voldemort and the Death Eaters will be thinking. No one will suspect Peter because Peter is the last person any one in their right mind would choose when you have men like Dumbledore offering to be your Secret Keeper."

Though she couldn't form the words to voice it, Lily thought that the idea of using someone else as their Secret Keeper was a good plan. But, she wondered as she looked down at her sleeping baby, did she trust Peter with Harry's life? Sirius seemed to think he was worthy of such a task, and James, however hesitant he seemed to be about the matter, would no doubt feel that Peter was a good candidate for Secret Keeper as well. But Lily couldn't shake an uneasy feeling. His Animagus was a rat, and she couldn't help but feel as if it were symbolic of something in his nature.

However, she would never be able to say something like that to either of them. Peter was one of their best mates. He had stood beside them since first year and had always been eager to participate in rule breaking rather than tattling on them. No doubt James and Sirius would see it like that. Peter had been kind to her as well, but she would feel much safer if it were someone else.

"I'd rather it be Remus," she said, pulling Harry closer to her.

James and Sirius looked at her, almost startled because of her silence up until that point. And then surprise faded into troubled looks, which then gave way to sadness. There was something they weren't telling her.

"Lily, love…"

"There's been talk among the Order…"

James looked at Sirius. "Well, it's just that…some members have been a bit concerned…"

"Because we know there is a spy," Sirius added.

"Yeah, because of that…"

Lily thought she knew where this conversation was about to lead them, and she prayed, for their sake, that it wouldn't go there. "James?"

"Some in the Order think that Remus is the spy." James looked suddenly unnerved as the words slipped between his lips, as if he were a child caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

"Who cares what the Order thinks?" she hissed, trying to keep her voice down so as to not wake Harry.

"That's the thing. We've talked it over, James and I, and we're not sure they're wrong. He's been acting suspicious lately, Lils, and he's been disappearing without word."

Lily could hardly believe what she was hearing, especially coming from Sirius. "How could you? You care about him. You've been closer to him than any of us these past few years. You should know better than to think he's capable of this."

"Yeah, I do care about him, but I also care about Harry. And right now, his life is in danger. We know it's someone on the inside, someone close. Considering Moony's shady behavior lately and the fact…" He paused, as if to think about whether he wanted to continue. "He's a werewolf, Lily."

Fire licked her insides, setting her heart aflame. Remus was her very dear friend. Before James and Sirius could ever consider themselves a part of her life, Remus was there. She tutored him in Potions second year, and he helped her with Defense Against the Dark Arts. Remus was there for all those late nights in the library, studying for exams. They had prefect duty together. They fought along side each other against the Death Eaters. Hell, she'd gone to him before any of the others when she'd found out she was pregnant with Harry because she was just so damn scared. So she was not about to stand there and let Sirius Black talk about him like that.

"James?"

He looked quite guilty. "He has a point. I don't want to think it, but we do know that Voldemort has werewolves working for him. I think we'd be stupid if we didn't pause for a moment to consider it."

Lily jumped from her chair, Harry stirring in her arms. "How dare you, James Potter. You're going to condemn him because of something that is out of his control? He didn't choose to be a werewolf anymore than Harry chose to be part of that bloody prophecy! You're his friend, and you swore that you'd never judge him, think badly of him, because of something that happened to him as a child! He's a victim, not a traitor. And you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Both of you."

Harry began to fuss from her shouts, so she gave James and Sirius one final, harsh look before leaving the kitchen. As she walked up the stairs to Harry's nursery, Lily felt hot, angry tears begin to well in her eyes. Damn Voldemort for doing this to them. They had been fighting against him for years now and slowly he was wearing them all down. Now he had James wanting to go into hiding. And while Lily knew it was in everyone's best interest that they did, she didn't want to run anymore.

She paused in front of the nursery. More than anything, Lily wanted to walk down the steps, out the door, and seek Voldemort out. She wanted to pay him back for what he was doing to her family and to her friends, pay him back for all the lives that he took and havoc he wreaked. But she couldn't because of the baby she held. Lily placed a kiss on his forehead. She was a mother now and had to put Harry's needs before her own desires. So she would sit and wait in hiding, maybe for days, maybe for years.

But when Voldemort did come—and Lily could not shake the feeling that he would somehow, someway—she would be ready for him. She was bright enough to know that she wouldn't survive, but she wouldn't run from him or beg for her life. She would hold her head up high and show him exactly what a Muggle-born was capable of.