The Many Ways to Say Goodbye Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic

This is a songfic to the song For the Girl by the Fratellis.

La la la la la la...

December 4th, 1999

Things have changed now. Draco Malfoy is no longer that punk who screwed around with his friends and found himself playing puppy to the one he liked most. It's ridiculous. Almost pathetic in a sense, but that's fine. It's over. Draco left and got a bit of a life.

He goes out to restaurants and talks to his coworkers, enjoying being away from the people he knows better than anyone. Instead he's surrounded by strangers which is much safer and much more entertaining.

No... that's a lie. It was fun being able to laugh with his friends, smoke a cigarette (which he gave up with having no one to smoke with), notice every visible bruise and scar on Harry's body, while punching the people who screwed with his friends. It… had been nice.

Of course calling it nice that he was being used by the one person he cared about most, is not something most people refer to as healthy. Does that really matter though? They were friends for several years and then it ended. It ended because Draco has said goodbye and Harry couldn't even think of a fucking response.

He was a coward, an absolute coward who had no right to change like he did. He had no right to have those white pills on hand and to try to sleep with Luna knowing that Draco wanted her. It never worked, naturally, because she never allowed herself to get drunk and saw through him. Of course she did. Luna saw right through him because she knows that Harry meant more than everything to Draco. It's different now, though, but she stopped reaching for him when she saw his face.

Yeah, Harry had his life fucked up again. But this time, he's hundreds of miles away.

Their lives would have been better... if they weren't always screwing up. Draco allowed himself to be used and forgot something important, and Harry got contacts and left. It's as simple as that but oh so much more complicated.

Especially when you know it's all over between you two.

Well she said," I know."

But I just can't tell

Everything you've just been saying

October 7, 1994

Harry was lying on the couch with his head hanging off the end and his arm over his eyes as he listened to Nirvana in the background, singing to the lyrics softly. "Come, as you are, as you were, as I want you to be..." He didn't sing the rest, and he doesn't need to.

Harry only sings the lines significant to him, and he loves to drown in the music, but of course Draco only knows this thanks to clipped conversations and the fact that he knows his best friend better than anyone can ever guess. The couch he's sitting on is a ghastly orange but that's what they get for hanging out in the garage full of things Draco's parents will eventually be getting rid of. It's only right that the two friends would be here as well.

"You tired?" Draco asked with a small smile, trying to lighten the mood while knowing that Harry won't bother to look up at him. His plaid long sleeve button down shirt is open, revealing a white t-shirt, stained with Coca Cola and Slurpee. He must have worn that shirt for three days in a row now, but oddly enough it's not unflattering on him regardless. His jeans are ripped thanks to too many skateboard crashes and his converse are off, showing his large, torn, gray, socks.

"Exhausted," Harry answered, and rolls over onto his side, his back facing Draco as the man stared at him in silence, not knowing what else to say. But the silence isn't a bad thing, that's something which takes Draco a year of knowing Harry to figure out.

So he only lies down on the dirty wooden floor, ignoring the dust and smudges of dirt and stared up at the gray ceiling with a soft smile, finding images in the indents. "I think we need to buy cigarettes." Harry said suddenly, blankly, making the blond blink before sitting up abruptly and staring. But Harry doesn't seem to have moved an inch.

"We don't smoke."

"Yeah, but I hear it kills you."

"I think I heard that somewhere too."

"So I think we should smoke."

"Alright then," Draco nods but doesn't bother to ask where this came from, there's no point. The deaths are probably the cause but right now that doesn't matter. Harry's brain goes through revolutions. That's the only way he can cope with disasters, every few weeks or months he has another one and decides to do something drastic because of it.

The skateboarding is fine, but now smoking? And what can happen after this? Is he going to have them drinking beer before they're of age? But as Draco stared at his best friend's back he noticed that it's trembling. If Harry told him they should start drinking or having sex with strangers then there was no doubt in his mind that he would do it without a second's thought.

Thank God Harry never shares his little white pills. But even if he did... Draco would do it easily, without even considering the consequences.

That's how easy it is for Harry to manipulate him, and the funny thing is... the idiot doesn't even know. But sometimes Draco wishes he would.

Lucy was there as well in the dark

The kids in the band were playing

October 27, 1994

It's going to be their first meeting, and even Pansy's groans over how annoying it is that they're stuck listening to the same old songs again because Draco couldn't find a new freaking band to like... well first of all she didn't say freaking, and second of all, Pink Floyd is a great band and seeing them live is even better, but regardless... Draco and Harry are going to meet tonight and that makes this night worthwhile. So she can go rot in hell for all he cares.

Walking over to the stands right outside the dome he bought himself a can of root beer, Pansy doesn't give a damn about the rules and most of their friends don't either but... if the others discover that he can't drink yet because he's just eighteen, they'll drop him. Yes, they will really do that. But luckily their IQ's aren't that high so buying a root beer and covering the root part with his finger is just fine, for now.

When they got into their seats, Draco had gotten the awkward seat, sitting beside a stranger. His friends wouldn't have given a damn so he pretended not to either, but he's just eighteen so strangers are still an anomaly to him.

But when he glanced over to get a good look at the man beside him, he noticed the root beer in his hand, with his finger casually covering the root while his friends were drinking real beer beside him. Draco then grinned and motion to his own root beer, sharing a small smile with a stranger. When the lights dimmed and the music started playing, everyone began jumping up and down singing the lyrics. Their sides and hands brushed but neither of them pulled away.

When the song slowed into something else, the crowd swayed back and forth, cigarette lighters filling the air as everyone lit up, except for the bastards who didn't buy a light, even if they don't smoke.

Draco glanced over at the stranger beside him and could faintly hear him singing, and had to pause to listen, even though he didn't know why he even bothered. But no, he's singing something different... something completely different then Floyd. A new song, a different song, ah... he's one of them isn't he? The one with the potential to separate from the fake shit they are all stuck within, the stupid cycle of doing what your friends do. He was one of the few who dared to be different alone with no one to do the same beside him.

After the concert Draco smiled at him. "My name is Draco Malfoy."

"I'm Harry Potter."

They exchanged land lines and that's how Draco Malfoy met Harry Potter... but this was not the part where he regrets this relationship, not just yet.

No-one can hear a word or tell

What the girl was singing

December 15, 1993

"I hate this." Pansy glowered and grabbed her skates, rushing out the door in a huff, her face red and eyes red and lips swollen and red. Yeah, Draco hates it too. She has a boyfriend that likes seeing her with other people, and somehow she can't get out of it or escape him, and worst yet... sometimes he orders her to do things when her friends are around. This time... it's Harry and Draco. It's not quite clear how Harry became friends with everyone in his group and how everyone in his group because friends with Harry's friends but now there is fifteen of them.

Everyone knows about Pansy's boyfriend and no one likes him but the guys wouldn't dare defend her... because she could destroy them. None of them really care enough, which means that Draco will probably have to be the one to put a stop to it, when no one else is willing to do something then it always falls in his hands.

It's like cleaning the bathroom or washing the dishes, and sometimes even doing the laundry. They're used to using him by now, but luckily he has Harry who helps out whenever he's over. Draco stood up slowly and accidentally knocked over the ash tray on the arm of the couch. He didn't curse or try to clean it up; this is the boyfriend's place after all. As soon as he was up, Harry grabbed their things and put them by the door before leaning against the wall, staring at him in amusement at what was to come.

Without hesitating, Draco stormed into the bedroom and ignored the naked bodies in the room, the very ones that made Pansy late for meeting up with the gang. Seeing her boyfriend, the tall man with dark hair, pale features, and a sadistic smile, Draco punched him in the face and told him never to go near Pansy again.

It was simple, almost childish, but when the bastard stood up ready to fight back, Draco merely glowered then turned around and left, Harry carrying their things behind him. "You did good," he called and placed his board on the ground before tossing the blond's in front of him. They both skated down the road a bit before stopping at a nearby 7-11, not really knowing where to go.

"Pansy is going to kill me when she finds out." He sighed softly and began rubbing his eyes with his hands which were slightly bruised and cracked from the punch. Harry stared at him for a minute then walked inside and bought two large Slurpees, one with a mixture of coke, blue raspberry, and lime Fanta. The other was just Coke and Dr. Pepper. Once he was outside, handing his friend the drink... Draco smiled at him and took it.

"Thanks."

Harry merely pulled out his walkman and gave Draco an earbud while he took the other and they sat in silence listening to the stones, 'Paint it Black.' It was probably one of their well-known songs but every once in a while it was quite nice to listen to the mainstream of your favorite bands.

"Pansy is lucky to have you. I would only have offered some words and a shoulder to cry on. You actually punched the guy." Harry said with a smirk and took a sip of his brown concoction.

"I used to do shit like that for less." Draco replied, not quite willing to take the compliment. They had only known each other a month. No reason to get painful now. But soon Harry was singing a song under his breath, just like that night at the Pink Floyd concert... and that was when Draco realized he didn't know much about Harry at all.

The kid could be sixteen... or eighteen. But it didn't really matter. Why the hell should Draco care? They both covered the root in root beer, and they liked Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, and Guns and Roses. They were walking on water right now.

But of course... Draco didn't realize that he was wrong.

She was into the Stones when

I was into the Roses

November 8, 1993

"Hey this is Draco Malfoy, right?" A male voice asked over the phone making the blond pause before smiling, knowing exactly who this is. Harry couldn't give him his number but said he could find pay phones and call Draco if he gave him his. So here they are, calling each other.

"Yep, is this the boy who covers root on root beer for his friends, just like I do?" Draco smirked in response. He leaned against the marble counter, with a small smile on his face. He's in the maid's section of the house so his parents wouldn't see him actually using the phone to talk to someone.

It was something he never did, typically he just sneaked out of the house to hang out with his friends. He never called them. Granted, being in the maid's section of the house, waiting for a phone call was weird too. But he had done this all week. Typically bringing a book or soda with him. He would listen to music and wait all day for one measly little call. It was out of character but he was happy he had done it now.

"Yeah," Harry laughed at the comment, and inhaled. "Talking on the phone is kind of weird for me. Do you want to meet me at the park or something? It's the one close to 7-11 and across from the skatepark. If you have a board then we can hang out there for a while." He added swiftly, sounding a bit nervous.

Draco paused and glanced at the time. It's noon... no one would care if he ditched now to go see a friend, in fact, it would be expected. He was eighteen now, he could make his own choices.

Hanging up the phone after a few awkward goodbyes, the maid found him and gave a little, soft smile. "Still waiting for your friend?" she asked curiously, her purple hair bright in the white room. She was his cousin or something but since she was in a bind his parents decided to hire her as a maid and paid her one hundred dollars less than they typically would. It was cruel, but then again Tonks allows them to.

"Actually he just called. Need to go; we're going to hang out." Draco informed her, making the woman beam before stumbling over closer to him.

"Don't forget your cool points. You two met at a Pink Floyd concert which is automatically awesome. You know the best of the Beatles right?" She questioned, pretending to be stern. Draco nodded with a smirk. "Alright, and you've got your Guns and Roses memorized, correct?" Nod. "You know The Rolling Stones?" Nod. "The Police?" Nod.

"And you're starting to get into Radiohead right?"

"Of course. Tonks, I think you've taught me much better despite your low credit to yourself." Draco pointed out and crossed his arms. She just grinned widely and winked at him.

"Then you're good to go. I just wish I could have been the one to teach you how to skateboard, but I'm too unbalanced for it."

"You're unbalanced with your very existence. In fact, you forgot Red Hot Chili Peppers." Draco mentioned with a smirk, practically sneering at his mentor as she sighed and placed a hand over her face.

"You've obviously beat me. Once you've beaten the master then you know you're ready." She continued and ran her tan fingers through her hair, her eyes becoming glazed.

"Only you would be pitiful enough to call your pathetic skills such a high title." Draco sighed, but both of them knew that he was just teasing. Tonks was the one who helped him survive living with his parents. When he was six years old he packed up a suitcase and was planning on running away but... she found him before he could and introduced him to the rock music, showing him that he couldn't survive out there on his own and also informing him of a whole new world.

She taught him how to breathe... and he would always be grateful for that.

"Go on then, have fun and don't forget to rock. If you go to a skatepark and they're playing rap... kill them. Immediately. Don't worry about jail, I'll bail you out or have one of my ex-boyfriends take good care of you."

She called as he just walked past and left. "Wait! If they count Beastie Boys as rap then it's fine!" Tonks shouted after him but he just nodded, having heard it all before. Shutting the door behind him he smiled softly and shook his head. A rich boy would be lucky to have a clumsy oaf like Tonks looking after them... but he wouldn't share her for the world.

Grabbing his board which was hidden behind the bushes at the front of the gorgeous house, he began to skate towards the town. It was just a mile away which wasn't that bad. Granted, it would be better if he was wearing skates since they were faster.

The ride was nice and relaxing, a few of his friends were driving around town and noticed him but they didn't have enough room in their car to drive him to the skate park, besides, they were heading to Pansy's boyfriend's place to set up the house for the party tonight. He was a jerk and abused Pansy a bit but she was strong enough to handle herself so all of them left her alone when it came to him.

When he arrived, he noticed familiar glasses and sloppy black hair, before grinning and picking up his board so he could walk across the grass over to him. He was just sitting on the swing set. "You made it." He called with a smile and stood up swiftly, his short board beside him while Draco carried his long one.

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have stood you up." This made Harry frown but he just walked right up to Draco and sized him up for a moment before nodding slowly.

"No, I really don't think you would have." He agreed before leading him through the back entrance to the skate park. "A few of my friends are here already, probably making a ruckus of themselves, but you've got nothing to worry about. I'm here to protect you if you need it. Not like I think they'll get into a fight today, but you have a board so you're armed if they do." Harry informed him in a gentle voice as they climbed the fence to get to the graffiti covered park. Gangs making their symbols and kids writing their names, every once in a while you would find decent song lyrics, other times the cries of broken hearts.

When they got in, it was obvious that rap was the one which heard over the speakers, which made Draco smirk lightly and grab Harry's hand, dragging him over to the air conditioned building where the DJ would be.

This could possibly cost him his new friendship but he wasn't going to let Tonks down. Rap? Really now? This is a skate park not some ghetto. Rap is alright, but rock is much better, especially in the 80s. There were two guys lounging by the radio connected to the speakers.

"Why the hell are you playing rap?" Draco demanded, his arms crossed (stop holding Harry's hand a while ago... it gets awkward when you hold someone's hand for an excessive amount of time).

"Hey, Remus and Sirius." Harry grinned at them and shoved his hands into his pocket while his feet were keeping their boards in place on the ground. The two greeted him with matching smiles but Draco refused to be moved. "Typically it impressed people when I know the DJs, but apparently you'll be harder to impress."

"If these idiots weren't playing rap then I probably would be impressed! Tonks warned me that if the DJ is playing rap then I should punch him, but I'm being a bit nicer than that." Draco informed him icily, but honestly he doesn't mind so much. The guys seem to be pretty laid back, probably in their thirties or early forties. One had dirty blond hair while the other had longer black. Both look like pretty boys, which typically meant they have no taste in music.

"Tonks? She would tell you to do that. Alright then, I just made a mix CD, it's got some Radiohead and most of the decent works lately. Any bands you two want me to start with? I'm pretty sure I have it." The dirty blond one said with a kind smile.

"The Stones."

"The Roses."

Both bands were said at the same time, and soon... Harry and Draco were glaring at each other.

That was how Draco met the regular DJ's at the most popular skate park in town, and also how he discovered Harry's favorite band. Two eighteen year olds were ready to conquer the world with good music and skateboards, neither knowing that they were simply too innocent to it.

She was breaking my bones when

I was bursting their noses

June 10, 1996

A pack of cigarettes is the way to go, especially hanging out in front of Draco's parents' place and knowing that they could get caught at any minute. Harry was much more worried than Draco but he always was. He had grown up with people who did their best to catch every hair out of place with him just so they felt they have the right to get pissed off at him. It wasn't fair but they do it anyway.

"So this will kill us faster right?" Harry asked hesitantly and forced himself to inhale, the burn in their throats and the feeling of ash in their mouths... it feels gritty and disgusting. But they both inhaled again.

"Apparently, but you know... the media lies. Trying to convince us we're all getting fat."

"Not likely with the skate park around."

"I know, right?"

They sat in silence once more and Draco began to fidget a bit but then stopped and dropped his bud to the ground, crushing it even though he hadn't finished it. "At this rate you'll never get addicted." Harry commented dryly beside him but Draco ignored him. The air is chill and it was obvious that summer is ending.

"Do you like the song Scar Tissue by Red Hot Chili Peppers?"

"No."

"Oh."

Sometimes he wished he could hate Harry for moments like these when he seems unwilling to even attempt to help them get past these barriers, but he knew that it was alright, fine even.

Draco is the one who pursued this relationship. If Draco let him, then Harry would fade into the background of his life and they'd lose each other... but that'd probably be easier in the end. Then Draco can continue fantasizing about bursting the noses of those around him while dealing with Harry's smirk since the idiot knows that he can't.

The blond really couldn't hurt anyone, but he had done it once... right? His parents' car drove up, and the driver gave Draco a warning look, making him pick up the bud and toss it into the bushes before dragging Harry inside so they could hide.

His parents didn't know about the cigarettes or his friends, they only knew Pansy and they were fine with her. If he could punch anything... if he could burst anything, it would be the perfect picture of his family. It sounds simply and cliché but it's true.

They had hurt him, and although that sounds childish... it was true. It hurt to be their son and he knew that they didn't care of him. Maybe they did though, but so what? It was not like they showed their affection. So maybe Harry had a point with these death sticks. Might as well test out the theory.

Those green eyes were on him, shining with mischief as he inhaled one last time, then tossed the cigarette bud on the parlor floor and dragged Draco out the back door. There was no way his parents were going to miss it. But right now... he really didn't care.

Even though Harry hurt him just as easily as he helped Draco, he couldn't help but follow the man around. Something about him was insanely addicting, even though there was a new bruise every week and right now he had a scar across his neck that Draco could swear he didn't see yesterday... even though his best friend broke Draco's metaphorical bones... this was fun.

So why gave up something you like?

She would tell me a secret

August 16, 1995

When everyone found out... the girls were the first to break down, not Pansy of course, she was much too strong for that. But it was hard to imagine... they had fifteen members of their weird little group, the skaters, the rockers, and the rebels... well, the real world hit and it hit hard, killing five of them. Sirius, Cedric, Millicent, Colin, and Dean died in a car crash. The worst part about the crash was that they were all sober, and Dean was the one driving... and he was the best driver among all of them. But even with all of this, he drove them straight into a pole somehow and they all died instantly. The worst part about seeing the totaled car was the silence. No music at all, the radio died and so they died with no sound... the worst kind of death imaginable.

"I think... that when the world ends it will be silent too." Harry informed Draco. He had to nod in response because he feels the same way during all of their silences. So when the bonfire was made in an abandoned field just outside of town, everyone came, all ten of them. The ones who were still living, the people who didn't die... the kids' fate chose to keep alive for a little while longer.

They burned the things that made their friends complete when they were still alive. Favorite albums, letters from lovers or family, and their boards, everything was burned to keep them alive.

It was a paradox but it worked, it fitted like that. Someone's dad owned the place so having a bonfire in the middle of this plain field and drinking alcohol while crying over losses... it was no big deal, just something they were going to do because it hurt, and this beat being alone in a room listening to depressing music.

Neville and Luna were drinking together on the far end. Dark and blond hair mingling as their eyes were downcast on a stack of photos that someone had thought to bring. Those were probably going to burn later.

Pansy, Theo, and Blaise were huddled in the shadows, all looking like death as they stared at the fire. None of them really cared about death. In fact, they used to mess with Millicent all the time At one point, she wouldn't come out with the group for over a week because of how bad their teasing had gotten.

Draco figured that he belonged with them, even if he didn't really lose anything and because they were the ones he knew best here. Seamus was occupying Harry and Ginny was sitting too close to the flames. What was he supposed to do?

That was when Luna walked up to him, Neville had left her for Ginny, probably to move her away from the fire. "You know... I didn't know them well either, and we had spoken for several years." She informed me softly, her hair looked white against the light of the flames. Her eyes are a soft gray, like his, but they seem much more knowledgeable and understanding. She was better than him then. Figures.

"Cedric was the hero, Dean the silent type who knew everything, Millicent the bullied, Colin was an annoying fanboy who just wanted in, and Sirius was my best friend's godfather. I didn't know them at all, just one trait people in my mind until they died. It's kind of sad isn't it?" Draco spat and crossed his arms, staring at the bonfire full of broken guitars and skateboards with the occasional CD and letter. Most of it was already ashes now, just a few forms still seen.

"Actually it's quite normal. How terribly sad is that?" she responded, making him smile bitterly before finally uncrossing his arms and rubbing the goosebumps along his flesh.

"If you died... I would have called you the weird one."

"I would have referred to you as the sad one."

They stood in silence for a while and were only broken apart when Harry came over. He looked a bit pissed off but also incredibly depressed. He knew the people who died, unlike Luna and Draco, so he was one of the few who had a right to be upset. It's kind of funny... Draco had never really had the right to feel anything.

"I was looking for you," Harry glowered, looking pissed but Draco couldn't think of a reason why so he just raised his eyebrows at the man before him in his red t-shirt and ripped jeans.

"I've been here the entire time, ever since you left me to talk to your friends. I haven't gone anywhere." He explained blandly, but this didn't seem to help his case as his best friend glowered. Grabbing hold of Draco's hand, he was led away to one of the darker areas in the field, which made it hard to see Harry's face but he doesn't really mind too much. The guy was looking pretty pissed earlier anyway.

"I'm going to tell you a secret but if I hear anyone talking about it then I will find you and slice you to pieces, you get it?" Harry demanded making Draco grunt in response, not liking this Harry one bit.

"I-I was supposed to be with them... in the car. But I got a bad feeling and left, besides, Cedric... I kind of liked him, and he was sitting next to me and we were too close together in the back so I volunteered to grab my board and let them drive off without me to give them more room and to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with me."

Draco stared, unable to get it. It took him a minute to understand exactly what Harry must mean by that but... Harry gay? Harry gay for Cedric Diggory? The same guy who just died after Harry got out of the car? No. No… that can't be true.

Because things like that just don't happen, that's just too cruel to be anything other than a dark poem or someone's sick and twisted little idea. That shit doesn't happen in real life. No… real life was Slurpees in the parking lot of 7-11 and arguing with the DJ at the nearest skate park.

When they got back to the bonfire, Pansy was sobbing and Ginny was nowhere to be found. It didn't matter, though, because at that moment Draco noticed some deep bruises that could barely be seen under the red shirt Harry was wearing. Bruises shouldn't be that dark... that noticeable. Why... why does he have bruises?

But Draco didn't get any answers.

I would lose it the next day

August 17, 1995

Waking up was no easy feat. First of all, his brain is trying to murder itself with a spoon and somehow it's beginning to succeed. Opening his eyes he saw a mess of black and noted with a groan that Harry is on top of him. Their chests were pressed together at an angle and his head was just over Draco's shoulder, his waist down was off to the side. How the hell could he sleep like this?

He sat up and tossed his friend to the side and groaned when he heard the loud "thump" meaning he was probably injured the idiot. His brain kept telling him that that was not a good idea today and that he should be coddled, not abused, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out why.

Then it came back...

"Oh, shit," Draco growled and noticed how he's in his room along with everyone else. He was sleeping on his bed and now Harry's on the floor moaning in pain. Luna was still asleep next to Draco on top of the covers. Pansy was curled up on the foot of the bed, Blaise and Theo were on the floor along with Neville, and that seemed to be it. All of them were sleeping in his large and comfortable room... well it looks like everyone, but Luna, was beginning to wake.

"Why the hell did you-" Harry stopped then and groaned once again, his hand over his face as he slowly sat up.

"Let me continue my sleep or I'll kill you." Pansy stated darkly from her side of the bed, causing everyone to stop stirring for a few minutes then finally people began to get up and stretch.

"You were on top of me." Draco explained in annoyance at Harry's angered expression. A haughty tone made his parents leave him alone, so why shouldn't it made Harry as well? Apparently all comparisons between Harry and his parents were false because he just punched Draco in the gut then walked past to look through the boy's closet.

That was when an incredibly cheerful bitch burst into the room, her hair a bright pink (something Draco told her not to do because his parents will definitely throw her out this time) and a big smile on her face as she greeted all the exhausted and pained faces.

"GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!" She made sure to shout extremely loud for the idiot drinkers... oddly enough, Luna continued to sleep through it, looking peaceful and content. Draco leaned over her and stared at her pale features before leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"He's kissing her awake? How cliché... seriously Draco, you can do better than that. A grope will do." Pansy informed him in a snarky tone.

"Harry, don't destroy the room. That would be rude." Tonks warned cheerfully.

"It's time to wake up, Loony," Draco whispered making her eyes flutter open before she smiled at him happily.

"We're awfully close so early in the morning. Are you trying to worm your way into my soul, Draco Malfoy? I'm afraid that you won't get very far, I have worm repellent in my purse along with cigarettes." She informed him sweetly before pushing him back a bit and sat up.

Once everyone was relatively awake, Tonks led everyone to the long table in the maid's section of the house; it was a bit weird to have such a big table. But a few years ago, Draco's parents had many more servants, and then... things happened and people change. Now it was just Tonks and she did her job pretty well, it was just that she wasn't aloud out of this section whenever people were over. His parents' people, not Draco's naturally.

She made them bacon and eggs while humming some song by Nirvana and every once in a while brought up some small talk about new albums and band mates along with who could do what trick now. It was all relatively light but Harry seemed upset regardless, even though he took the trouble to make sure that Draco was sitting as far away from Luna as possible.

"Why are you so upset about Luna? Isn't it healthy for me to be spending time with a girl? I never really spend time with anyone but you. It's going to be weird and since we're both straight that would be stupid." Draco pointed out blandly as he stabbed his pancake.

"You... you don't remember?" Harry asked. His eyes were wide as he stared at his best friend in horror.

"Remember what?"

"Cedric Diggory?"

"Of course I remember him, but we're trying to have light conversation, she was just making sure we weren't all basket cases after this. So just calm down and enjoy yourself for once. It's not like we make bad company and Tonks is fantastic." But of course, right as he finished complimenting her, she fell face first into the ground and broke three plates and ruined the rest of the pancake batter.

"Who jinxed me?" She growled, beginning to clean up the mess. Whenever someone complimented her... something bad would happen, so she prefers insults, which in her opinion, much less painful.

"He did." Harry informed her, pointing at Draco, making her face go red as she glowered and cracked her knuckles. Promptly he grabbed his plate and locked himself up in the bathroom with the CD player so he could listen to music and continue eating while she was unable to get to him behind the door.

For some reason... he couldn't get what Harry said out of his head.

What was he forgetting?

Young love please you easy

Makes you sick in a bad way

February 28, 1995

The first time Draco ever saw Harry in a romantic light... was the first time he saw the bottle of white pills.

They were in a parking lot downtown where everything looks dead and broken into, not a dangerous place it just looks it with the graffiti and broken windows with the occasional signs about molesters.

Draco was downing a Slurpee, while looking at the tattoo on his wrist. His father has it showing that he's part of a fraternity. And yes, Draco was stuck joining it as well. He was the only one in their group who was going to college, balancing it on top of everything else.

He was getting a business degree, naturally, because when his father died he would take over... or when his father retired. Odds are, his dad wouldn't retire until he was in his eighties anyway so Draco had time to relax. He had given notices and plans to read each week to keep up to date but other than that he's allowed to do whatever. His parents were being lenient on him.

But it pisses off people like Harry and Pansy who think he should just quit that shit and do what he wants to do. But what in the world does Draco want to do? If anything... if he could do anything at all, he'd stay young forever and hang out with his friends until the end of time. Of course... he might change it slightly if he knew that in the future Harry won't have those bruises on his body anymore.

On his arm, just above the wrist was a distinct hand print. He had being abused... but he never talked about anything outside of the group. Home was never mentioned, love life either, and those white pills... he just popped three without blinking, a swift motion as if he does this all the time. What the hell happened to him? And would the silence ever fucking stop? Cedric told him yesterday that Harry uses silence to collect himself but Draco didn't think that was true.

It was more like he used the silence to protect the secrets, to speak softly in a way no one understood so he could feel satisfied that he tried to get help but his friends were all too stupid to actually do anything. Draco wasn't stupid, he understands silence. All his life... he had been surrounded by silence and hated it. That was why he was so grateful Tonks came into his life with her music. If not for her then he'd be fucked so long ago.

"What are those?" Draco asked softly, but Harry just ignored him and stuffed the pills into his jacket pocket.

"Just something I need from time to time, no big deal." His best friend said with a dopey grin then stood up and eyed the world around him with new eyes before grabbing hold of Draco's plug-in CD player. There was a plug outside every building so he just plugged it in and began blasting Pink Floyd, swaying to the beat and shouting out specific lyrics. But as Draco watched... he realized that this incredible guy that rocks the world and hung out with his friends regardless of bruises and scars… he grinned and tries to distract himself from life, he tried to make up for lost time by signing up for whatever grants him freedom. It was a bit pathetic.

Ah... ah no, that was just too harsh. He was obviously abused, and hurt, but now Draco made it worse because he didn't pity Harry. Not in the slightest. People in pain never pity other people in pain. And even though Draco had been checking his best friend out, it wouldn't change anything between them as long as Harry drowned himself in this fantasy. They couldn't do this forever and frankly... those white pills are drugs.

Love hurt... like hell. But then you just picked up a bottle and continued to rock.

What else are you supposed to do?

And all the while the girls sang

La la la la and she sang

October 7, 1996

She smiled at Draco as he put on his beanie and got ready to go down the half-pipe. He flashed a grin in her general direction then began to skate as the crowd cheered and shouted his name. It was another contest day at the park; everyone was heading down to get ready to show off. Harry was somewhere around her but now it was Draco's turn so he just looked up and flashed the crowd a smirk before going down.

The wind in his face, the solid feeling of his board under his shoes and the knowledge that he knows exactly what to do. This was what he was made for... that feeling was what filled him every single time.

Once his board got up off the ground he couldn't help the way his eyes widened in wonder just as they did every time. He just grinned widely and held out his arms before finally hitting solid ground again. Four more times, up and down, his hands felt like ash from gripping the pipe and board but that was alright because he was moving quickly and did just as he always did, teasing the wood with his wheels, showing off his moves for the general public. Once his turn was up he stopped and bowed to the crowd, unable to get rid of his stupid smile.

"You did great!" Luna beamed, making Draco blush lightly but as he looked through the crowd he couldn't find Harry anywhere. He shrugged his shoulders after a while, that was fine. Harry didn't have to give a damn about him today and Draco would be fine.

Today was just... perfect. Those white pills and his best friend's hot ass would mean nothing to him as long as he could keep this happiness... the innocent bliss of accomplishment; it was something he wanted to hold onto.

But when he looked up he saw Harry and his best friend just looked so pissed off and hurt that Draco almost ran through the crowd to see him, but then Luna fixed him with a lighter version of that same expression.

"You did an amazing job, Draco." She smiled softly, but then she looked down and began to toy with her long, slender fingers. He paused, then took hold of her hands and stared down at the top of her blond head.

"What happened?" He asked in a hushed tone but she still managed to hear him.

"It's Tonks… Draco, I'm so sorry but… she died. An accidental shooting, both Tonks and Lupin are dead."

A little girl and boy ran past with their hands intertwined singing a happy song cheerfully and loudly, as though wanting everyone to share in their bliss.

Colors swirled together making a beautiful techno-color surrounding of the usually dull park.

Ah, so this is the price for his moment of bliss.

Damn.

Kickings for my sweetheart

Bruises that I just don't miss

October 14, 1997

Harry showed up to the funeral, but none of the others could. Luna would have if her dad didn't schedule an appointment with a therapist thanks to all the deaths in her life.

But honestly, Draco doubted he would have noticed if she did show up. It was only Harry and Draco, but the pastor smiled at them as though he was just happy they could show up. "She was much more popular than this," Draco assured him with tear filled eyes but the man simply nodded, that small smile still on his face.

"I'm sure she was, and forever will be. Twenty-nine is such a terrible age to die." He mused but Draco silently disagreed. She never got old, not really. Tonks stayed young forever and never reached the dreaded thirty.

He was supposed to make fun of her and call her old, then wait for the inevitable gray hairs for when she didn't have the money to dye it away. Yes, he was supposed to make fun of her for eternity and they would be best friends forever... like mother and son, the true mother and son. Narcissa was never his mom, it was always Tonks, no matter what anyone said.

"If it wasn't for her then I would be dead." Draco said softly then buried his face in his hands, choking back sobs as he tried to keep it together. Harry remained a silent bystander, merely watching as though that was all he had ever been, a watcher.

The pastor spoke his words and then motioned for Draco to speak his part but he couldn't do it... he just kept shaking his head and backing away until he almost tripped over someone else's headstone which was rudely put right behind him.

"I'll speak... Draco will probably spend the rest of his life coming here to speak, but today... today I will." Harry informed them then held his hands together in front of himself and pushed his hair to the side letting Draco notice a weird scar on his face along with a bruise along the temple.

"Tonks was probably the craziest bitch I'd ever seen. She had obnoxious hair and a weird style where nothing ever matched and she never wore a pair of shoes, just one of two different colors and shit. Sometimes she even wore different types of shoes and would bitch about it later. But… I'm not afraid to say I didn't like her, not in the slightest." Harry stated making Draco glare and clench his fists, digging his nails into his palms.

"She meant more to you then I ever could... and that pissed the hell out of me. She noticed, of course, and didn't try to be nicer to me like I thought, and she didn't even try to stake her claim. Instead she just smiled and told me that it's okay to be jealous. She pissed the hell out of me. She can make you smile and laugh like crazy when I can't even manage that much most of the time! It's stupid and retarded to be so upset about it but I am. And now... I've won. She may have got him growing up but I'll have you for the rest of your life and... and..." Harry had to stop then, tears streaming down his face and soon he was bawling.

The pastor gave them time alone which was spent with the boys making out heavily in front of her grave, trying to forget, remember, and understand but in the end all they got was a couple of half-hearted gropes and split and swollen lips. Nothing changed for the two, except that a very important part of them died.

But Draco found out something important that day. Harry's bruises were also on his stomach, thigh, and the nape of his neck. He's covered in them.

Today, though... he didn't really care.

And she said, "I can't love you anymore than this."

November 18, 1997

They stood together, hands intertwined and tried to see the stars from the ground, but it was hard, and they weren't really trying. Why should they? Holding hands, Draco sat down and pulled Harry down with him and smiled softly, looking into green eyes with hardly a lick of shame. But his best friend just stared at him in shock, as their fingers intertwined. "I think we should have done this ages ago, but then again you were grumpy and I was a bit... naive."

"Draco... you're still naive." Harry informed him but... he's not teasing, he sounds dead serious. This made the blond sit up as Harry got off of him and began to brush off his clothes, not even wincing at the bruises on him as he hesitated but then popped a few pills in his mouth.

"What... what are you talking about?" Draco asked, trying to keep his voice steady and strong, trying to prepare himself for anything because God knows this was going to hurt. Anything to do with Harry was going to hurt. And when those green eyes stared at him... He knew he wouldn't be disappointed.

"I'm sorry, but I can't love you anymore than this."

Ah, so that was it. Just a few gropes, some deep kisses. Romantics were crossing those lines and staring at the stars was inappropriate. He should have known... Draco really should have. There was no excuse.

"Fuck-buddies?" Harry asked with a smile, making Draco wanted to punch him.

Instead he just faked a smile, and told himself 'never again.'

Aw she said she said no no no no

Then again, yes why don't you kill me

March 5, 1996

Draco didn't know what he expected when he showed up in front of Harry's place but it wasn't some fat lark stuffing his face with the chocolates Draco had sent just a few days ago. He took a step forward cautiously and began to walk up to the house. It was obviously a suburban with the tan bricks and off-white door with a brass knob.

Draco walked right past the brat and knocked, but before anyone could open the door, the boy put his chocolate stained fingers on Draco's shoulder. "What the hell are you doing?" The brat demanded, looking pissed. That was when Draco realized, in dark amusement, that this punk is around Harry and his age.

"I'm trying to see a friend of mine, if you don't mind. Harry does live here, doesn't he?" Draco asked with a bit of a snarl as he noticed that his plain white t-shirt is now ruined thanks to this grubby fat man.

"Harry... you know Harry?" The boy asked, his eyes wide. He looked a little guilty then, but it was just for a moment before he glowered. "If you know him then why the hell do you let him come home?" he demanded, making Draco pause, frowning a little. What the hell is he talking about?

Right then, Harry opened the door and stared in shock at the two of them, not seeming to understand the picture in front of him. "Draco? You… you shouldn't be here. How did you even know…? No, forget it. You need to go, and don't come visit me at home again. I try to keep my social and home lives separate." He explained swiftly and got ready to slam the door but the boy stopped his with a foot and arm. Draco noticed with a bit of detachment that the chocolate boy was strong.

"You have a chance to leave... so why haven't you just left?" He asked in what was obviously supposed to be a hushed whisper. Harry seemed to notice how terribly it failed as he glowered and turned around to hide within the house.

"I'm Dudley, by the way, I don't think I mentioned that before. But... you need to get him out. We'll kill him if you don't."

Draco watched Harry's back as he continued to leave down the long dark hallway of this place then glanced at Dudley's apathetic features as he followed in after him. And he couldn't even bring himself to doubt the fat punk.

This place would be the death of Harry.

But even with that knowledge, he turned around and walked away.

He asked him why you messed up right there

September 27, 1997

It wasn't hard to see that Lupin has a thing for Tonks, and she really wasn't trying to hide her thing for him either if her constant flirts and the way she always watched him. But Lupin never made a move and always shot down hers... so odds were; they weren't going to go anywhere.

Draco complained to Harry about this but the boy just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Maybe Lupin knows what happens when you love someone and they love you back." Harry didn't explain his answer and frankly, Draco didn't want to hear how he knew anyway.

Last night Tonks informed Draco that she was going to give it her all to get into bed with him, go out on a date, or maybe just hang out as friends. It didn't matter, she just wanted him for anything she could get, but as he walked out into the kitchen and saw her laying on the table with an empty bottle of wine next to her… Draco stopped dead.

"You look more pathetic than usual," he commented. But it wasn't as biting as he'd prefer it to be, thanks to her pathetic state on the table.

She grunted in response but then looked up, allowing Draco to see the tears. Oh no… oh no, oh no, oh fucking no. She had been crying… He hated it when she cried. He's only seen Tonks cry twice in his life but that was much more than he was could ever imagine, because Tonks crying was the worse image in the world. Her eyes were puffy and red, her face blotched and white, and then her hair… even her bright blue hair seemed floppy, like it died overnight or something.

"Can I kill him?" Draco asked idly but it just made her laugh in that choked way whenever she hadn't laughed in more than an hour.

"No… no, I just shouldn't have tried. It was my fault, not his."

Yeah, like Draco could believe that.

"You're so pathetic to be crying over a guy."

"Dick."

"And you're only saying that because you're jealous that I've got one."

"You don't act like you do."

"Ouch."

"I try."

"Bitch."

"Now that's just rude."

"So is you moping on the table when you could be making me breakfast."

"Sexist!"

"Lazy-ass."

"Insensitive!"

"Wow… that really hurt," Draco replied sarcastically then took the bottle of wine from beside her and tossed it in the trash. Tonks slowly got up then and hurried over to the sink to wet a dish towel and place it over her eyes to bring down the puffy redness. "Seriously, can I kill him?"

"No… no… please don't." She whispered from behind the towel as her shoulders began to tremble. She was just twenty-eight… she shouldn't be so upset for just twenty-eight. Draco hugged her from behind and breathed in her musky scent of freshly mowed grass with a mixture of snow. It was a nice smell, but he had never told her that and he definitely wouldn't now with the wine trying to engulf it.

"Draco, when you grow up, find a girl you like and spend the rest of your life with her. Don't go after the ones you love because it won't turn out well. Just find a nice girl to spend your life with and don't think about the ones you fell in love with. They can only hurt you because in the end… they don't know you as well as they wish they do and you can't possibly tell them everything. Life is a very terrible thing for those of us who make the mistake of trying to be with the ones we love." Tonks informed him and then slowly put down the towel so she could wrap her arms around his lean muscled form. He was getting older, and so was she. Soon… soon he would leave the nest and she would be all alone again but so would he.

"He fucked up… when he left you." Draco informed her, his eyes filling up with tears. It's not like he's trying to cry, it's just sad that Tonks knows something as melancholy as that. How the hell did she learn it? How the hell did she find out?

But he knows just as well as she knows… that they'll both be making the same mistake again.

Sweetheart, you know that don't thrill me

August 4, 1998

Standing outside of Harry's window, Draco listened to the Stones music trailing out the open window and into his listening ears. Sitting down with his back pressed against the wall and his butt in the dirt, he just looked up at the night sky and looked for the moon. If it wasn't for Tonks… he wouldn't be able to sit out here in the dirt with the possibility of bugs crawling over him.

He used to have a crush on Tonks and so she figured that out pretty early and made him try things that his upbringing would typically make him snarl in disdain. Well, he tried to compete with her and show that he was just as strong, brave, and childish if he wants to be. Well… she told him, practically dared him to go camping in his backyard. He did.

Draco liked seeing the stars for once and being able to gaze at the moon. He managed to just barely ignore the bugs crawling on his flesh, and after a while the world was perfect. Falling asleep outside, when he woke up he proudly informed his crush that he did it. Tonks was proud of him. She only dared him to because she knew that he would enjoy it.

Draco didn't know that though, and thought that this proved he could be with her… that he could be with Tonks forever. Of course he didn't know age difference matters and that they're just going to wind up being the best of friends. He confused mother-figure with romantic material. Luckily, Tonks has been nice about that section of his life and hasn't ever teased him about it even when she could have.

"Truth or Truth?" Harry asked, sitting against the wall in his room, his hair barely making it up to the window pane.

"Truth," Draco answered with a soft smile. They've been playing this for a few weeks now. Neither knew who made it, but they both play it all the time now, but only with each other and most of the time… they didn't say anything. Not really.

"Who was the last person you almost fucked, virgin?" Harry asked crudely as though this was the most normal question in the world.

"Luna." Draco stated without any hesitation, but was left in silence, that painful horrible silence that always makes him feel like he had done something terrible. Finally there was an intake of breath.

"Figures, you've been eying her for months now," His anger was obvious but Draco had long since stopped trying to analyze it. Harry had mood swings, so what?

"Truth or truth?"

"Truth," Harry responded instantly.

"Really? You had to pick that truth? The other one would have been much better." Draco informed him with a disappointed sigh, but it got Harry laughing which was what it was made for. "Anyway, who was the last person you had sex with?" Harry wasn't the only one who can come up with dirty truths.

"Ginny, last night."

Now that hurts. Harry and Draco had been making out for almost a month now but… well… it was not like they were serious. "Draco… do you love me?"

"Harry, I think we should stop the game now. Too much tension and besides… it's my birthday tomorrow and I know you need time to ruin it like you do every year." Draco responded tiredly and stood up to go. He shoved his hands in his pockets and moved slowly, half hoping that Harry would stop him and make the blond stay. Instead the awkward silence simply grew until Draco finally left.

It figures Harry would turn things around like this. It could never be his fault that drama ensued around him. No, he just happened to be the one in the center of it all.

And it still kind of hurt.

Said I would have been there for you if you had been a little bit nicer

January 23, 1998

Draco stood at the doorway and smiled at Luna as she walked up carrying a small package wrapped in large leaves from the palm trees that grew near her house. Some guy thought it'd be cool to have palm trees outside of a car dealership to lure in customers. At the very least they learned in a little blond girl who wanted a unique environment safe wrapping.

He invited her inside the maid's quarters as she wore her fancy soft blue dress with glitter over it. His parents were holding a small ball inside his house and so he had been sneaking his friends in the back while having them dress up like they were one of them. Draco didn't want this for his birthday but his parents said he could play a song of his choosing once every three songs. That alone shut him up.

This ball would be full of people that wanted him to marry them or join companies together. He was not his father but one day he would be, and that was enough for these people. Luna put her present directly in his room then snuck into the ballroom with Draco close behind her.

They were all in now and it was time for the party to begin. He placed an arm around her waist and smiled kindly but she merely looked off into the crowd with an expectant expression. Once she saw what she was looking for, Luna looked up at Draco and smiled before leading him to the dance floor. He grinned and danced with her, honestly happy with the arrangement.

"You seem especially happy today." Luna informed him with a smile but he merely shrugged his shoulders and stared into her soft gray eyes. "Have you seen Harry? He looks a bit upset," she murmured as though that was a grave importance.

"He's always upset."

"Not this upset."

"Why do you care so much about him?"

"I don't. I care about you and you care about him so I must pay attention to his emotions and how long he looks at you and how his mood is for that day to ever be able to hope to understand you while he is around." Luna said honestly with her glazed expression.

"What?" Draco asked weakly, his face growing pale as he stared at the undeniably insane girl before him.

"It's hard to accept now but I'll eventually lose you to him. But that's alright as long as I have you for a time. I have no doubt that I can treat you better, regardless, but you're a boy and wouldn't understand the goodness in that." She explained with a smile and kissed him on the lips. He didn't respond but at that point the third song ended so he pulled away and smiled weakly in return before turning on Harry's favorite song. It was on a whim but he did it anyway. Jumping Jack Flash played loudly over the speakers but by the time Draco looked up… he couldn't find Harry anywhere.

When he did, Harry was drunk and seemed to be flirting with everyone in sight, especially with Ginny. It wasn't much of a surprise. Everyone knew they were going to hook up eventually but it still pissed off Draco. He was probably only mad because his best friend was drunk at the birthday party...

"I think you should stop drinking now..." Draco started, taking the vodka from Harry. But the man just glowered and moved it from his grasp before gulping the rest down as though he was used to it, and that wass when he took out the little white pills. "No... please... not here, and not now." Draco whimpered.

But it was too late. The pills swallowed and now... now Harry wasn't Harry anymore.

He glowered at Draco then grabbed Ginny's hand, leading her delighted form from the party so he could have fun with her without Draco's nagging presence. He just stood at the center of the ballroom and tried to hide his horrified embarrassment, but Luna showed up by his side then and took his hand, smiling at him. "He's a bit of a jerk at the moment, which means he'd lash out and hurt you. But I'm here. I'm not known for lashing out at those I love."

He smiled gratefully at her but... it's not okay. Harry isn't okay.

Later, he went into his room to open his presents with his friends. Draco grinned and got ready to open the little hoard of cheapo gifts but saw note from Harry.

"I would have stayed if you were nicer, but you're a whore aren't you?

H."

Needless to say, his smile faded and didn't come up again for the rest of the night.

I was dead by Sunday

Half dead scared trying to please her

June 25, 1998

Draco sat on his bed with Harry sprawled out across it, sleeping like an angel. He hated it when the idiot came over to his house just to sleep rather than going home. Yeah, it was a common knowledge that going home for Harry was practically a death wish with all his bruises and scars... but it was like everyone expected Draco to be the one to fix him, which is ridiculous.

He watched the boy for a moment longer then traced the lightening bolt scar on the boy's forehead. "How much do you hate me? I'm curious to know." Draco whispered softly in his best friend's ear and was rewarded with Harry's eyes opening as his arms wrapped around the blond's waist.

"Won't tell you until we fuck."

Ah... so it was that kind of night. These kinds of nights had been happening often lately and honestly Draco didn't mind much. He got to get rid of some of his need for sex while enjoying his time with the guy he liked... a lot. Even though it fucking hurts after it was done. Yeah, these nights were terrifying for him.

But if Draco didn't please Harry then… his best friend would run off with someone else. Whatever their relationship was... Harry could go off with whoever he wanted but Draco couldn't. It was double standards, but did that matter when he was getting everything he could possibly want? But was this what he wanted?

Harry didn't wear glasses anymore. Draco couldn't quite remember when he started wearing contacts instead but it had been a while now. Those nerdy round glasses were replaced with an ass of an attitude, but that didn't matter. Draco, too, had changed. Harry hovered over him and smirked that wide cruel smirk of his before began to move roughly.

He was always rough, it was like he had forgotten what it was like to get hurt. No, that was probably exactly why he was so rough. Crying out in pain, Harry didn't even blink as he continued.

But again, Draco was used to it, and frankly, he wouldn't know what sex was like without it. Sure... Harry was gentle at some point but that was a long time ago. That was Harry wearing glasses long ago. Besides... it only happened once when they were both drunk and both high from the idea of loving someone.

But he didn't love Draco and that hurt more than anything. They pretended like it didn't happen and now here they were so long after; having a good old time with pain and blood and the heat of the cum. Gotta love being a teenager.

After the sex, Draco stared at the ceiling, his ass throbbing and his eyes wide and dry. Harry was snoring softly beside him and the world was just so quiet.

Absently he wondered if it was this quiet after Cedric and the others died.

And that was when he remembered Harry's confession.

She was getting the pills when

I was into her best friend

June 19, 1999

"You like her then?" Harry asked with a groan as he smoked the cigarette in his hand, looking so casual even though he had only been smoking for about a week. Draco nodded mutely, not bothering to admit to anything aloud because the moment he did was the moment that Harry will take him seriously and that just... can't work.

No, the scariest thing in the world was when Harry took Draco seriously... because then everything goes to shit and things just die right in front of him. "I grew up with Luna... she's a nice girl. Very observant and witty when she wants to be, but honestly, I thought you'd go for a tougher type."

"I like honesty and someone who's there and will listen. It's simple and kind of bland, but frankly I'm tired of extravagant and naive. I'm especially done with wild and emotional, having done that when I was a high school dumbass." Draco informed Harry with a smirk but the dark haired man just inhaled the smoke and stared at Luna as she spoke with Ginny, then swallowed a few pills and grinned.

So he's going to try to fuck her.

It was obvious and frankly, Draco should have known. Whenever he showed an interest in anyone, Harry would take those little white pills and tried to fuck the girl and occasional guy.

The only one he hadn't gotten into was Tonks, and hopefully he never got into Luna's pants either. Draco's best friend... what a laugh, it was a complete and total joke but he couldn't help sitting there on the bench at this stupid skate park and wish... wish for once that Harry would just fucking say what he fucking wants. But that was like asking the world to end when it become too painful. It might be hurt like hell but nothing was going to change.

And Draco had long since given up. But the good thing was... Harry never did get into Luna's pants.

She was chasing the thrills

And living down at the West End

December 14, 1993

It hurt when he first noticed Harry's giant smile. That was probably only because it wasn't directed at Draco and more towards Harry's friends. They were nice... but Draco was surrounded by Harry's friends, so of course... the blond stuck out. He wasn't one of them but he smiled and laughed when they did. It was disturbing like the parties he had been forced into in the past. The only difference was the Slurpees and being outside in the open air while the kids in front of him were talking about things he actually kind of understood, just slightly.

They were discussing the flaws in modern pop culture and how terrible it would be when skateboards and band t-shirts go out of fashion. Sure, Draco vaguely knew this argument but he didn't know enough to hold a decent conversation.

A girl with long blond hair and glazed eyes seemed just as out of the loop as he was, but then again it looked natural and even normal on her. It wasn't fair, not at all. Besides, they were not in a part of town that he knows.

The West End was full of all the poor trash, which what his parents had said, and oh look! That was exactly where he was. Sneering to himself, he glanced at the adds on the walls of the abandoned buildings near them. A local showing of Hamlet would be performed next week by the people in this town... how vulgar. There was a very colorful sheet of paper with the solar system behind the big bold words. Apparently the world needed saving from the wasteful dirtbags and so a volunteer group would be formed to help save the town.

Draco looked around at the trashy area and decided quite frankly, that this place needs a bit more than just some volunteers helping the planet. It needs graffiti taken off and these buildings to be occupied by respectable businesses.

That's when fingers intertwined in his and he glanced over in shock to see Harry grinning at him like Harry is just so happy to be standing here with Draco next to him. "I've been neglecting you." He informed me seriously then handed over a half melted chocolate bar that had been sitting in his back pocket for the past hour. "Here's to make it up to you." He beamed, while his glasses were covered in the light from the sun.

Draco took the candy hesitantly, then placed it in his own back pocket knowing when he gets home he will freeze it and never allow it to be eaten. "We're going to start having fun now, right?" Draco grumbled, making Harry laugh kindheartedly from beside him.

"Of course! I've been hanging out here at all the cool spots since I started getting kicked out of my house. Just tell me what kind of thrills you're into and I'll help you have a great time." Harry promised with such sincerity that made Draco taken aback, but then he just smiled and squeezed the hand in his grasp.

"Let's just have fun together, doing whatever your friends want to do."

They did.

She was pretty in glasses

I was living under her window

October 7, 1994

Harry leaned out of his window, his glasses shone under the moonlight as Draco grinned up at him with the latest Roses CD. The man just rolled his eyes and tried to inform his best friend, for the millionth time, that the Stones were better. It went on deaf ears, per usual, and then the music was playing over the shitty speakers.

Sometimes Harry couldn't sneak out so in the end Draco spent most of his time sneaking out from under Tonks' watch to visit his best friend and hang out under his window to listen to music and talk about anything at all. "You know... I decided something today."

"What's that? You're finally going to get contacts?" Draco asked with dramatically wide eyes and gaping mouth. Harry just sniggered and smacked Draco over the head.

"No! I decided that I'm going to be myself from now on, no matter what anyone else thinks. I don't want to pretend to be a hero like Cedric and be the boy that Cho and Ginny think I am... so instead I'm just going to be me and have a good laugh." Harry informed him matter-of-factly as Draco leaned against the wall and slid to the ground. His hand came up and soon he was messing with his static filled hair.

"Good luck with that."

"Thank you Draco, I really appreciate it."

"Retard."

"Lamer."

"Bitch."

"You know it."

They laughed at that point and soon they began to drown in the CD, trying to keep their heads above the drowning point of music, but when they're together it's hard and oh so easy to drown.

"Think we can be friends forever?" Harry asked softly, barely being able to be heard over the music.

"Stop being an idiot."

"No really…"

"Of course, dipshit, now just sit back and enjoy the music."

She said take me to London

Tell me something I don't know

July 5, 1995

When Harry walked up to him... Draco knew something was wrong. But like a fool, he didn't really think anything of it. Harry's glasses were gone, but for some reason he didn't even spare a thought about it, instead he just stared into those strong and angry eyes.

What changed? What changed the Harry he used to know? But that didn't matter… no, not now when everything is different. "Draco... you have money, don't you?" It wasn't even a question, more like a demand, an interrogation.

"Yeah but…" instantly his wrists were grabbed and Draco was thrust against his refrigerator door.

"Please... take me to London, take me to New York City, take me to Honolulu, Tokyo, Marseille, or Toronto. I don't care just take me anywhere in the world but here." Harry demanded and for the first time... Draco saw tears.

"What are you hiding? What happened?" he whispered, but Harry just flew back as though insulted by Draco's very presence, it was as sudden as him being thrust against the fridge. Hands tightened into balls of rage, Harry paced the kitchen looking ready to destroy the world. Then he walked to the back doors, the very ones he had entered through and took hold of the handle, his knuckles white.

"I'm tired," was all Harry said before leaving.

That's the moment Draco's best friend changed for good.

And she said, "I don't like you."

November 3, 1999

Draco packed his bags. It was not as though he really felt he had a choice in the matter. Last week he graduated from college and now his father wanted him to go to New York to do an intern job for the company to get a real feel for actually working and having a job.

Then... after a few years Draco would run the business. Who knew stock markets could be his way to success? Well... everyone probably. Still, only one person showed up to his graduation. Luna.

His parents had sent a reporter in their place because when he was six years old he had told them that he hated not being in the paper. Their family had some serious communication issues but Draco thought it was sweet that they remembered that from so long ago and went ahead with the polite interview. He would be in a boring column in the back, probably. But it was the thought that counts.

"Where are you going?" A voice asked from behind him, the acid clear in his cruel tone.

"New York." Draco answered honestly.

"What?" Ah... panic. So Harry still feels that then? Well that was news to Draco. They really needed to talk some more.

"Are you deaf? No surprise, with your shitty taste in music with the Stones. I'm going to New York. Maybe you'll finally get an email so we can keep in touch. Or you can give me a permanent landline to call, dad got me a wireless." Draco informed him, flashing his new phone for his old friend to see. He still hadn't turned around and it was not because he was afraid. That'd be stupid to be afraid of your own best friend.

"Why... why are you leaving? Don't you like Luna? Don't you want to stay with her?" Desperation definitely was not an attractive tone on him.

"We broke up. Long distance would be too cruel and she knows I have to do this. I didn't go to college to spend time away from you all and have some alone time. Nah, I went there for my future. Might as well do something with my education, unlike you lot. Seriously Harry, you should get a job. You're ruining your Puritan Work Ethic heritage."

"And you're being a dick... seriously, why are you leaving?" he demanded, as if it was the most devastating thing in the world.

"I'm leaving... because I'm tired too."

Harry's eyes widened and Draco shut his trunk and zipped it up, but he still glanced up for the initial reaction, because if he hadn't... then he would have hated himself for the rest of his life. This will probably be the last time he ever saw Harry and so Draco wanted to give a proper goodbye.

"My plane leaves in five hours which means I should go now or I'll be incredibly late on being impeccably early." Draco smirked and ran a hand through his blond hair. "Goodbye, Harry."

Two words, they were simple and easy. Anyone could say them and frankly... Draco was surprised he was like anyone right now. But Harry... he couldn't return it. All he could do was stand there in shock, staring at an empty room as Draco left.

No… he couldn't say the words at all.

You can't stand me

December 4, 1999

Draco's father died exactly one month after the blond moved to New York and began his basic training. He didn't even know how to make a presentation let alone the basic controls for power points. He was taken in as an intern and for the last month he had to undergo vigorous training on how to spot twisted facts and how to figure out data charts and graphs. It's a lot of work for an adult who just got out of college, but he did it all and it had been easy... keeping himself busy so he wouldn't have to hear news about his friends or have to wonder about who Harry's latest fuck-buddy is. It's over, it's all over and that's fine.

But then Draco's father died.

See, Draco wasn't supposed to get the company until he got to his fifties, maybe sixties, when his father was supposed to die. But no… it looks like fate likes to laugh, a lot. The thing about the corporation… was that the main offices were where he used to live. They're back home. Draco couldn't even find out about his father's death like people typically find out a love one died. His mother didn't call, nor did the police, or lawyers. Instead he got a call from Pansy, a girl who'd barely been in his life in the past year.

"Hey little bastard, long time no see. Well, I guess you'll be seeing me now. Your dad's dead, kicked the bucket and all that shit. Come back before I murder you. It's no fun when you're not around." It was a lie but the voicemail was full of sincerity in her snooty voice with a slight nasally drawl.

He got two more calls, one from an unknown number which could be Harry and another from Luna. They emailed occasionally but neither of them ever bothered to call, which means that she knows. He listened to the voicemail with eyes shut and heart pounding.

"Hello Draco, I'm sorry to hear about your father. I know you two were never that close but it must hurt more knowing you never will be. Call and tell me whether I should come visit you or if you're coming down here. There's a rumor going around that you may be coming back. I hope you do. We all miss you. Harry is sober now too." She added then hung up. Luna's such a... fool. No matter what happened and what he does… she'll always inform Draco about Harry's movements and status. It's as though she thinks that's all she can offer.

Draco hesitated, but then played Harry's voicemail.

"I heard your dad died and you might be coming home. You need to, you really do need to. Because I'm running out of cigarettes and I have no more money." He blew out a sigh and then began to tremble.

When he got back into town it's no surprise Harry had left… got on a plane and went to Ireland. No one knew where he got the money, well no one knew until Luna remembered five years later that Sirius and his parents left him all that money but he couldn't get ahold of it until he was twenty-one. Why he didn't bother using it until now, no one knows... but he left, just like that. Didn't even bother waiting for Draco to come and buy him a pack of smokes.

Yeah, Harry really doesn't like him.

I can't love you anymore than this!

October 7th, 2004

Draco stood at Tonks' grave with the biggest smile on his face. "I made it... I made it to twenty-nine!" He grinned widely and took out his handheld phone and turned on Hash Pipe by Weezer and began jumping on top of her grave, unable to contain his laughter.

"I made it! I thought I would die! I literally thought I would die without you but here I am with as many years as you had, still alive and well! Take that, bitch! And look! I brought you some decent music too!" Draco shouts, laughing like a madman as he jumps up and down, swinging his hair to the music while having a great time.

The sun is shining and the clouds are gone, it's just Draco acting crazy in a graveyard by himself, but that doesn't matter to him, he honestly doesn't give a fuck. Harry is gone and really, who gives a damn! What the hell is in Ireland anyway? It's not like he went to Italy or Peru!

When Draco spinned around towards the parking lot and began doing the air guitar, he stopped and stared. The music kept playing and the wind began to tickle his garments, but he honestly doesn't feel a thing. There's Harry, doing as he always does, coming right when you think of him just to crush you even more than before.

"Hey, Draco." The man said with a soft smile, his eyes looking cloudy and dead but that smile… it's real. He really is almost happy to see Draco, but they stopped being friends years ago and frankly... sometimes you just have to move on.

"I'm twenty-nine you know." Draco informs him idly, as though speaking of the weather to a bleak stranger who may just off themselves but you don't particularly like the idea of blood getting on your clothes so you're talking to distract the person.

"That's why you're so happy."

"Is that why you're so sad?"

"You've always known me well."

"No Harry, I don't think I've ever known you."

"When did things change between us? Can't we go back to the way we were?"

"Things changed the day you got contacts."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"So you want me to wear glasses again?"

"Nah."

"What do you want, Draco?"

There is a pause, and the song ends. It makes Draco pick his phone up off the ground and played the song, "The Man Who Sold the World" by Nirvana. A bit corny, given the situation, but he doesn't mind. "I like this song, and I like the Stones and I like the Roses."

"Ah... almost forgot. The Roses... it's your favorite band."

"Was. Not anymore. I'm into Weezer now. Weezer, the Killers, Blink 182, Sum 41, and Modest Mouse."

The scariest thing in the world to someone like Harry is when his best friend's favorite band changes. It means that he no longer knows him... understand him. Draco is a completely different person than he was when they were friends, kicking back on their boards and looking at the night sky with Nirvana playing in the background.

"I'm glad I got to see you. I only just got back." Harry explains, his eyes shining as Draco stares blankly, not particularly interested. It's nice that Harry came to him but frankly it's like a recurring stranger has shown up once again to bug him.

"That's nice. I hope you enjoyed yourself. I should probably be off. Lots to do. I'm the owner of my father's company now and I'm hoping to keep it just as high as it has always been," he says with a soft smile.

"It's kind of fun... didn't think I would have a knack for it but I guess it runs in my blood." Draco picks up his phone and once he is upright again, he is almost chest to chest with Harry.

Instantly his old friend's hands cups his face before leans in and kisses him. It's one-sided. Draco refuses to open his mouth and after a while, Harry quits trying and instead allows the pressure of two lips together be his fill before biting a bit.

"I missed you."

Gray eyes stare into brilliant green, now brimming with emotion and passion and… and nothing. There's nothing more to see. Harry can stand there and tell Draco everything, explain everything but that doesn't matter because it won't change a thing.

"I can't love you anymore than this." Draco quoted with a grim smile, showing his bitterness to its full capacity. He won't stand here, cry, and give a speech about all the shit Harry has put him through. Odds are, he'll figure it out eventually, or he never will. It's just... he's done. Why bring it up again and suffer again when he's done?

There are many ways to say goodbye. Harry stares at him with tears falling down those soulless orbs, his face beginning to crumple as he choked back sobs. It's all so bloody tragic. Draco has tried to say goodbye many times, typically with actually saying the word. But this time... this time he'll do what he should always have done.

He turned around and walked away. Never wanting to return. Because the scariest thing in the world to Draco is being with Harry for the rest of his life.

It won't happen though.

Because he's finally said goodbye.