Counting Stars

This song fits Rayne in ME1 so well. It inspired these writes.

Part I

Rayne Shepard refused to be treated for her injuries anywhere but the Normandy and Anderson wasn't inclined to argue. It had taken reserves she didn't know she had to pull herself out of the rubble of the tower. She had heard over the comms that Sovereign had been destroyed moments before a dark shadow loomed terrifyingly over her sending her diving for cover. The same guardian angel that had saved her back on Auzke reared up again. It was the only explanation for how she survived, she thought to herself as she clambered over the bizarre alien shrapnel and limped towards Anderson's voice below.

That final battle against Saren felt like hours ago now, but in reality it hadn't been long at all. Shepard and her team of Garrus and Kaidan huddled tiredly in the decontamination unit of the ship before stepping back on board. None of them spoke, all too tired and frankly bewildered to put voice to the last 48 hours.

The internal doors slid open and Garrus disappeared without a word, no doubt back to his usual station to digest the recent events while Shepard herself and Kaidan made their way to the med-bay. Kaidan was moving slowly, his eyes half closed against the lights of the command centre. She had could see the migraine starting to beat about the inside his skull, his lips were tight and his skin was pale and clammy. She used the pretense of holding him up to slip her arm around his waist and spoke softly into his ear.

"Go to my cabin, I'll get Chakwas to come see you in there."

"Shepard-" Kaidan started to protest weakly, giving his head a short shake before groaning low. "Regs-"

"Shhh," she cut him off. "The med bay is going to be too bright and too noisy. You need a dark room and some quiet."

He didn't say anything more and she knew she was right. They separated as they got off the elevator – She headed off to the med bay and Kaidan towards her cabin.

Chakwas was waiting for her by the door, worried lines about her eyes. Her voice was almost sharp with concern. "Commander, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Shepard said with a wave of her hand. She waited until they entered the medbay and Chakwas shut the door behind them. "But the Lieutenant needs some pain relief and some rest in a dark space."

Chakwas paused, her eyes narrowed at Shepard. Shepard felt vaguely uncomfortable for a brief moment, wondering if Karin's obvious disapproval harked back to her burgeoning relationship with Kaidan. Did she know? Surely they hadn't been that obvious?

"You should at least let me look at that head wound."

Shepard put a hand to her head and was surprised to see blood on her fingertips. "Huh, didn't even feel that."

"I'm surprised you don't have a headache too. You should both rest. Let me get my things."

She followed Shepard into her cabin where they found Kaidan sitting at the edge of her bed, his head in his hands. Chakwas strode over to him without hesitating, running her omnitool over him and administrating the pain relief he so sorely needed. Within moments, colour had come back to his cheeks but he still looked utterly exhausted.

"Thanks, Dr Chakwas."

"Get some rest yourself, Commander. You're going to have a lot of explaining to do when the Council gets back to the Citadel."

Shepard shrugged ruefully. "Don't I know it."

Without another word, Chakwas let herself out. As soon as the door slid shut, she forced her tired legs to carry her to Kaidan's side. "Kaidan," she said softly. "Let me help you up."

He nodded silently and climbed gingerly to his feet. With fumbling hands, he tried to undo the latches on his armour but she pushed them away firmly. He didn't argue with the silent command, letting her take away plate after plate then collapsing heavily onto the bed in only his black undersuit that hugged him like a second skin. His eyes drifted shut as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Shepard paused for a moment despite her own tiredness. It felt so comfortable to have him here in her bed considering all the rules and regs of the Alliance screaming at her how wrong it was. He must really be suffering, she thought, disappointed to see that although he was now sleeping, the grimace of pain was still faint on his features. Without thinking, she leaned forward and stroked his cheek feeling the dark stubble under her fingertips. She was still buzzing from the success in defeating a reaper, defeating Saren but her own exhaustion tugged at her. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to curl up beside him.

Moving away from the bed she crossed the room and began to strip off her armour, hesitating when it came to crawling into the sheets in her underwear or erring on the side of caution and putting her BDU's on. Technically, she wasn't off duty and she knew there was a shit storm coming, she just had no idea of the schedule. With her Alliance uniform on bar her boots, she climbed onto the bed beside Kaidan, gingerly moving over the mattress for fear of disturbing him. She needn't have worried, he was deeply asleep and a good thing too because no sooner had her head touched the pillow when Joker's voice rang out over the comm.

"Commander, the Council are requesting us to rendezvous with them ASAP. I tried to stall them but… well, they want to talk to you. In person."

Shepard groaned quietly and took a moment to gather her strength. She swung her legs off the bed, feeling around for her boots in the low light and slipping them on. Apprehension sat in her gut like a lead weight. They might have saved the council and defeated a reaper, but there was still going to be hell to pay. She dreaded this meeting but she was confident in the decisions she had made and she'd do it all over again if she had to. With one last glance at the sleeping man in her bed she headed to the bridge.

–

Kaidan was waiting for her when she got back and this time the exhaustion was too much. She was barely able to respond when he greeted her, looking somewhat refreshed after his rest. She envied him. Right in that moment, all she wanted to do was down some pain relief and close her eyes. The stress of the fighting had finally caught up with her and it hit her hard, the squabble with a grateful but still incredulous council sapping the last of her strength.

"I woke up and you were gone," Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his neck. On closer inspection, he still looked tired. It was going to take days, maybe weeks to recover fully after that ordeal. With any luck, maybe they could finally take that shore leave that was promised to them. She sighed, hitting the door lock behind her as she stumbled into the cabin. She caught Kaidan's flicker of surprise as he registered her action. She had locked him in with her and she had no intention of letting him leave. Right now, she desperately needed a friendly face.

"The council," she muttered tiredly, "wanted a blow by blow personal account of exactly what went down today."

"Oh," he said sympathetically. "Guess we still have a lot to answer for." Then he straightened, cocking his head as he studied her with those amber eyes. "Shepard, have you slept?"

She shook her head, crossing the cabin and starting to undo her uniform's copious buckles and buttons as she went. She glanced at him quickly, hoping he wouldn't be embarrassed, hoping that he realised she wanted him to stay right there. He paused for the briefest second before moving to her side and catching her hand in his. "Shepard, you're dead on your feet. You took care of me, now let me do the same for you."

"Technically that was Chakwas," she responded with a weary half smile. He blinked and hesitated for a heartbeat.

"Should… Ah, should I get her for you?"

In spite of her tiredness, she chuckled. She pulled a small canister from her pocket with her free hand. Her other hand was warmly ensconced in his and it send a wave of warmth surging over her skin. "Already got what I needed from her. I just need sleep now." She paused then lifted her head to meet his gaze directly. Her stomach did a little flip as their eyes met. "And you."

"Shepard," he said her name on a breath, tugging on the hand he held and gathering her up into his arms in one smooth, fluid movement. God, it felt so good to be held, to be able to let go of all the rigidly held tension inside of her. She fleetingly wished he had known Kaidan after Akuze. She wished she could have been pulled from the rubble and dropped into his arms. Maybe it would have soothed some of the trauma. Right now, it felt like a balm to her soul to have someone to lean on.

He surprised her by carrying her a few steps to the bed. He sat her down then kneeled in front of her to tug off her boots. She chuckled tiredly at that. "Kaidan, I'm not completely helpless."

"Shh, just let me take care of you for a while."

With her boots gone, his warm hand rested on the curve of her ankle and it made her catch her breath. She could feel his faintly calloused hand on her skin, the way he brushed his thumb over her - the way he was looking up at her with eyes dark and warm and impossibly deep… He made her think of things she hadn't thought of in years. Things she never realised she wanted. A life away from the military, the two of them exploring the galaxy together, not having to hide what they meant to each other – long nights of him buried between her thighs and his mouth on hers. She wanted to know what it would be like to settle in one place, with him to come home to every night, what his family was like, what their family would be like – all the possibilities that existed for them, and in that moment she wanted to know them all.

But like a cruel master, Sovereign's voice boomed in her head and reality crashed over her like a cold wave. Despite the victory today, it wasn't over. The fight was only just beginning. She tore her eyes away and took a shuddering breath, trying to banish the unbidden imaginings that flowed through her mind's eye when he touched her. In her weary state, her emotions got the better of her and her eyes pricked. It was foolish to think those things, to let them take root in her heart. She was a solider and so was he. And to save the galaxy, they had the fight of their lives ahead of them.

After a few more heartbeats where he seemed to read the thoughts in her mind, his hand slipped from her ankle and he loomed up over her as he climbed to his feet. Without words, he placed his hands on the buckle of her belt, watching her carefully to ensure that he wasn't over stepping any boundaries as he tugged on it to strip her of her clothes. He was so cautious, even after the last night they spent together; he still waited for her go ahead before taking action. She wondered briefly if his past with Rhana and BAaT had something to do with that, if they had been the ones to shatter his confidence so completely but before she could even finish that wayward thought, he slid her shirt off over her shoulders. The cool air of the ship brushed over her bare skin causing her to gasp softly at the sudden change in temperature.

"Kaidan," she whispered his name, letting all her stirred up emotions seep into the word. The longing in her voice was obvious and he responded by gathering her close again. She found the act of being half undressed in his arms to be wildly erotic but too tired to act on it.

"I'm here, Shepard. I'm right here."

The steady thrum of his heartbeat lulled her eyes shut as she rested her cheek against his chest. She could fall asleep right there, wrapped up in his warmth.

And that was exactly what she did.