Disclaimer: I'm definitely not an owner of any Stargate SG-1 characters or concepts.
A/N: This is the first fanfiction-type thing I ever wrote, and it's been languishing in my desk for years. I'm trying to improve my writing style, though, so I figure publishing this is a good start. I would really love to hear any helpful feedback and suggestions that anyone has!
It's funny, when you think about it—all these things we never say. As if we're constantly keeping secrets. Most of them aren't life-changing, earth-shattering proclamations. Most of them are just simple, everyday phrases. Phrases like, "Good morning," and "Do you want to get some lunch?"
Not that the saying is everything, of course. The saying is just the part that you can control—you're letting the words out. The real question is this: Once you say, will anyone listen? Will anyone hear?
So what I'd really like to know as I stand here in front of you is this: If a person can say something when no one is listening, can a person likewise listen—and hear—when nothing is being said?
Can you hear what I'm not saying as we carry on this terribly mundane conversation about normal, everyday (for us, anyway) events? Can you hear that at some point, when I wasn't even looking, I got so used to having you around that the mere idea of going through the day without you seems more alien than any world we've yet discovered? That your opinion and your respect mean more to me than almost anyone else's? That I rely so much on seeing your face and hearing your voice that trying to go a day without them is like trying to breathe without air?
I can't say these things out loud. That's not how it works around here. It's our job to be strong, to be professional, to be independent, to be self-reliant. It's an unspoken code that I know I shouldn't break, a line that I know I shouldn't cross. Instead, I have to content myself with disguising these momentous statements in normal conversation:
"Did you have a good trip?" (I missed you while you were away.)
"Are you okay?" (It kills me to see you in pain.)
"See you later." (I love you…)
As I watch you turn and walk away, I have to ask myself why we hold back. Why we don't tell people how we really feel. Maybe because we're scared of being that vulnerable. Maybe because we know it would complicate things. Maybe both. Maybe more. But as I stand here and watch you go, I have to wonder—will you ever hear the things I never say?