Author's Note 1: Hey everyone, it's your favorite author and literary genius Panzerraptor. Just want to say I thank you all for reviewing my stories, especially the rather popular harem "The Hodgepodge Romance of Ichigo Kurosaki." Anyway as a way to hold you guys over, I made this little oneshot. Why didn't I place it in my oneshot collection? I figured this little piece is enough for it to stand alone and easier for many readers to find. Anyway, this is my first ever attempt at a triple pairing. And not just any, but one that's rare to impossible to find. A RangikuxIchigoxNemu piece. No friends, you're not having a hallucination. This is the real deal. I may update it later down the road, but between my current project and schoolwork, that may not be likely. Still, I hope you guys enjoy this short story and please leave a review.
Author's Note 2: For those of you who have been reading my latest story are wondering on this oneshot's placement, rest assured this is not in the same continuity of it or any of my previous oneshots. If you want to place it anywhere in the actual storyline, this would take place before the Winter War in an alternate reality.
Menage a Trouble
It was a Saturday morning as Ichigo's alarm went off. The time may have said nine o'clock, but it might as well be four in the morning for the teen. He spent most of his night fighting hollows as a shinigami well past twilight. With only three hours of sleep, one would understand Ichigo's reluctance to start the day. He groggily groaned and stirred in his bed, trying his best to press the clock's off button, but to no avail. Fighting hollows may not be easy, but he'd rather go against those corrupt souls instead of listening to the blaring alarm sound any longer. Having enough of hearing the noise from the device, Ichigo threw his arm on his desk once more and began to feel around the surface. Just as the teen found the clock, the noise quickly stopped with the push of a button. However, it wasn't Ichigo who disabled it. "Huh? Is someone else here?" the orange-haired teen thought.
"Rise and shine!" a feminine voice cheerfully sang. Hearing the stranger, Ichigo sprung up and turned to the door. However, his sight was too blurry to make out the individual. After rubbing his eyes, Ichigo was shocked by the person standing before him. Wearing nothing more than her white underwear and a matching see-through robe, stood the lieutenant of Squad 10, Rangiku Matsumoto. The strawberry-haired teen was speechless by the view before him. His mouth hung loose as a trail of blood began to run down his nose. Rangiku only smiled at the teen's reaction. "Good morning, Ichigo," she said.
"This is just a dream! This is just a dream!" Ichigo repeated in his head. "No way is this really happening!" Seeing Ichigo frozen like a (literal) bloody popsickle, the blonde goddess walked over to the teen and bent down. Ichigo struggled to keep his eyes on the woman's face instead of her cleavage. Of course, that was pretty difficult considering how close her impressively-sized chest was to his face.
"Well. I guess you're enjoying the view," Rangiku said.
Realizing that he was conscious, Ichigo broke out of his daze. With reddened cheeks and a hand covering his bloody nose, the strawberry-haired teen scurried to the wall to distance himself from the vivacious vixen. "W-Why the hell are you in my room!" he hollered. "Don't you know how to knock?"
"I would've, but your door was wide open."
Ichigo scowled from the lieutenant's explanation. "I thought I locked up last night!" he thought. "How did she get in!"
"Besides, I wanted to help you get ready for school. Is there something wrong with that?"
"Yeah there's something wrong!" Ichigo shot back. "Like the fact that you're standing here in virtually your birthday suit!"
"Oh really? Well, don't you think this is a better wake-up call than the usual ones you get?"
Ichigo's right brow twitched in agitation as he turned his head away from the sexy bombshell. "I'm starting to miss that crazy old bastard's morning beatings," he thought. "At least they were something I got used to…"
Rangiku only smirked. "He can be so prude," she thought. "Then again, that's what makes him so interesting." "Well, since my job is done I better get dressed," the lieutenant said as she stretched her back. The lieutenant then glanced down at him with a seductive leer. "Unless you'd rather have me assist you in any way."
"W-What!" the substitute replied, taken aback by the innuendo dripping from each word she said. "Stop doing that!" he replied.
"Oh yeah. Just so you know, Nemu's making breakfast for us downstairs."
"What?" Ichigo asked in bewilderment. "You mean she's here too?"
"Yep," Rangiku smiled and shrugged. "I told her that I would handle things on my own, but she just insisted on tagging along."
"Alright, fine. Now can you please get out of my room? If you don't mind, I'd like to have some privacy."
Rangiku chuckled. "Don't be like that, Ichigo. Look at it this way: at least you know what I'm wearing for today."
More blood began to pour out of Ichigo's nose thanks to the woman's remarks. The clothing she was wearing may have been see-through, but he thanked god almighty that there were patches in her garb to cover her private areas. However, the image would still be etched in the back of his mind. "G-Get out, Rangiku!" Ichigo hollered as he tried pushing the blonde out of his room with his clean hand.
Once Rangiku left the young man's room, she grinned and waved to him from the other side of the doorway. "See you downstairs, Ichigo," she said wryly before the substitute quickly closed and locked the door.
Ichigo's body slid along the door's surface and to the ground as he gave a relieving breath. "Oh, man. Toshiro has my sympathy," he said. Still, knowing that it was only a matter of time before he'd have to meet with the buxom beauty again, Ichigo sighed. As he got himself dressed, Ichigo thought over the reason for Nemu and Rangiku's stay in the living world.
It was last Saturday when he was called to the Soul Society. With the numbers of hollows on the rise, Head Captain Yamamoto was concerned that Ichigo's efforts would not be enough to control the numbers. He felt that it was necessary for the substitute shinigami to be given assistance. At first, Ichigo didn't mind the idea of extra hands on his patrol and figured Renji and Rukia would be his assigned partners. However, both shinigami were busy with matters of their own. Instead, Yamamoto decided to send the only two lieutenants who were free for the mission: Nemu Kurotsuchi and Rangiku Matsumoto.
Since then, the strawberry-haired teen found the situation to be a bit troublesome. No matter where he went, the teen would always be followed by either one or both of them, making him the focus of many spiteful glares from his male contemporaries. After all, in their perspective, Ichigo was undeservedly living the dream of being accompanied by two beautiful women. The substitute shinigami, on the otherhand, would disagree on that viewpoint. Between being the target of Rangiku's constant flirting and Nemu's rather odd behavior, Ichigo saw it as somewhat of a nuisance. Of course, even he had to admit that it wasn't all bad. Thanks to the femme duo's help, he was able to control the rate of hollows appearing in the town. Also, the two were given their own place to stay thanks to Kisuke's generosity (brought on mostly by Rangiku's teasing). Then there was the fact that Ichigo had the home to himself for the next two weeks since his family (including Kon) had gone to visit some relatives in a distant town.
After a few minutes in his room and some time in the restroom, Ichigo was now wearing a white shirt with a blue jacket. His soul badge was stuffed in the front pocket of his gray pants. He walked downstairs to the living room where Rangiku was watching television. She was wearing her long sleeved beige dress (the ends of which were cupped in black) which exposed a good portion of her cleavage. She also wore a pair of white leggings. The vixen turned to the teen and gave Ichigo a suggestive wink. A blush crept on Ichigo's face due to the little event that happened in his room not too long ago, coupled by the woman's current teasing. He fought back the blood rush as he averted his gaze.
Instead, he watched Nemu, who was busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen. She wore a short purple mini-skirt, blue shirt that revealed her shoulders and bra straps, and black leggings. Her emeralds eyes fixated on the carrot she was cutting with a knife. Each chop was so perfect and precise that it would make a master chef jealous. Sensing that she had company, the young woman turned around and saw Ichigo approaching her. "Good morning, Master Kurosaki," she greeted with a polite smile and a small nod.
Ichigo let out a small sigh from his title. "Didn't I tell her to stop calling me that?" he asked himself before dropping the subject. "Morning," he greeted back. "Rangiku said that you really wanted to come over. Did something come up from the Seireitei?" Nemu turned her head away in an attempt to hide her fluster. She felt somewhat embarrassed for Rangiku telling Ichigo of her insistence for coming to his abode, but didn't know why. Noticing the violet-haired woman's reddened cheeks, Ichigo eyed her with a risen brow. "Is something wrong?" he asked in concern. "Are you sick or something?"
"N-Not at all, Ichigo," she stuttered a reply. "To answer your query, there was no news received from Seireitei recently," Nemu said. "My reason for coming here was to make sure you received the proper nourishment for the morning. It would be a shame to see you weaken due to a missing course."
"Oh. Thanks for that," Ichigo said as he scratched the side of his head. "But you didn't have to do it, I could have done that myself."
"It's really no trouble at all," the 12th Division lieutenant said as she turned back to Ichigo and flashed a smile. "I'm just glad I can be of service in any way I can."
Ichigo gave the shinigami a nod before taking a seat at the kitchen table, sitting backwards in his chair. As the substitute watched the news with Rangiku, Nemu returned to her work. Her cheeks were still hot and red like beats. The lieutenant didn't know what the cause for this was. Though she did know it usually occurred when Ichigo was nearby. "Perhaps I am allergic to something on his person," she thought. "But that's impossible considering the work my father did to ensure nothing was wrong with my biological functions…" She quickly shook those thoughts out of her mind and continued fixing food.
Meanwhile, Rangiku peered over to her fellow lieutenant and the young host with a smile on her face. "Looks like little Nemu is finally experiencing her first crush." she thought before turning her attention to Ichigo. "Still, she's not the only one who has eyes for a strawberry."
As a commercial came on, Ichigo turned to Rangiku as he noticed her staring at him. From the smirk on her face to the gleam in her sky blue eyes, the teen knew that she had something going through her mind. "Hey, what are you planning over there?" he asked.
"Who me?" Rangiku asked. "What makes you think I'm planning anything?" A light chortle escaped her lips as she waved her hand up and down.
"Well for starters, that expression of yours isn't inspiring any innocence," Ichigo said plainly.
"Oh, that hurt my feelings, Ichigo," Rangiku whined. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you didn't like me." Ichigo spun his eyes in response to her comment. He knew the buxom blonde had something in mind. He also knew that whenever she did, it would be bad news for any male she knew. Especially when that male in question was him.
Before Ichigo could speak, Nemu walked over to the two shinigami. "Lieutenant Matsumoto, Master Kurosaki. Breakfast is ready," she politely announced with a bow. Hearing her call, Ichigo turned his seat around to the table while Rangiku walked to grab a chair. On the table were multiple plates filled with delicacies. Ichigo gawked at the multitude of food, which looked so delicious. "Is there something wrong, Ichigo?" Nemu asked. "Do you find the food unappealing in some way?"
"No, it's not that," Ichigo replied. "It all looks great. But don't you think you might've overdone it?"
Nemu glanced at her culinary creations with a melancholy glance. "Perhaps I have created an excess amount of fish-based cuisines."
"Just the fish?" Ichigo thought to himself with a perplexed glance.
"Well, I don't know about you, Ichigo," Rangiku began, "but I can't wait to dig in. There's no point in letting good food go to waste." With that said, the Squad 10 lieutenant began to feast. She picked at different plates with her chopsticks to add more food her own dish. For her, it was like being at a free all you can eat buffet. Ichigo only shrugged before joining with his ally.
After finishing up their breakfast, Ichigo and his guest took their empty plates and placed them in the sink. The food was surprisingly delicious, on par with Yuzu's cooking (though Ichigo would keep that thought to himself). After Rangiku grabbed her purse, the trio left the house. "Oh, wait a minute," Rangiku said at the door. Ichigo watched as Rangiku pulled a key from her pocket and started locking the house up. Ichigo stood in shock as the lieutenant stepped forward with a smile on her face. When she noticing the strawberry-haired teen's wide-eyes, she gazed at him quixotically. "Hey, what's wrong?" she asked.
"What do you mean what's wrong!" Ichigo hollered. "Where did you get that key!"
"You mean this?" Rangiku asked as she held up the small piece of steel. "I found it laying under the welcome mat. I figured since it was just lying there, it was alright to use it."
"So that's how you two got inside my house! You stole my spare key!" Ichigo responded as he pointed at the golden-haired woman accusingly. "Give it back, Rangiku!" Ichigo tried to swipe the key from her hand, but Rangiku's quick reflexes made it impossible.
In the end, the little piece of metal found itself nestled between Rangiku's bust. Ichigo glared daggers at the woman before him. She knew that his inhibitions wouldn't allow the orange-haired teen go near such territory. "Come on, Ichigo," the busty lieutenant goaded as she shook her chest. "I don't mind if you reach in and take it. It is yours after all."
"You know full well there's no way I'm going in there!" Ichigo replied. Though the key was his properly, it was essentially in 'No Mans Land' for the substitute shinigami. There were boundaries he never wished to cross. Especially ones that would brand him a pervert needlessly. "So much for getting my key back," he thought. As for Rangiku, the blonde woman believed she had won. The young woman knew about the teen's limits and inhibitions.
However, she didn't take into account of Nemu doing the deed instead. The lieutenant didn't understand what the big deal was, nor did she care. Without so much as a second thought (or concern for personal boundaries), the violet-haired woman stuck her hand in Rangiku's cleavage. Both Ichigo and Rangiku watched in shocked expressions and the Squad 12 lieutenant sifted through her sizeable breasts. The busty blonde's cheek's began to glow red as her comrade's hand wriggled around her chest. Ichigo flustered uncontrollably as he watched the show. He wanted to turn away, but as a young man in his situation, he couldn't help but watch the show. In a few moments, Nemu managed to grab a hold and pull out Ichigo's spare key. "I believe this is was the object you desired to obtain," Nemu said as she handed Ichigo the item.
All Ichigo could do was hold out his hand to receive the key before placing it in his pocket. His face was still painted red by what he had just seen. Rangiku tried to gather her herself, though was still in a state of disbelief from having someone reach into her cleavage like that. True, her impressive bust has drawn many eyes, and it was a fact that she enjoyed the attention. However, it was rare for someone to dig into her assets like that, let alone another woman. "Thank… you…?" Ichigo replied as his mind was still desperately trying to process the event. All he knew was that his Inner Hollow was having a field day with this. "There's another image added to my already damaged psyche," he thought.
Nemu merely nodded. "We should continue on," she said. "I estimate that the establishment will begin its schedule in less than a hour. By calculating our average walking speed and the use of public transportation, we should arrive on at our destination in approximately forty-six minutes and fifty two seconds."
Rangiku quickly snapped out of her daze, arranged her breasts and the fabric. "Really?" Rangiku asked before she folded her arms. "And where exactly are you going?"
"I wish to visit this sector's local public scientific institution."
"You mean the museum?" Ichigo asked to which Nemu replied with a nod.
"How boring!" Rangiku replied. "I have a better idea. Why don't we go to the mall instead."
"Didn't you go there yesterday?" Ichigo replied, taken aback by the woman's shopping tendencies.
"So? You can never have to much good things. Am I right?" A sweatdrop formed on the side of Ichigo's head as he imagined Toshiro's office being flooded with bills from every clothing store in Karakura Town. Before he could protest, his left arm was caught in Rangiku's clutches. "Come on. Let's hurry before all the good stuff is gone."
Just as the blonde bombshell was about to pull Ichigo from the scene, the two were stopped as Nemu held the young man's hand in a firm grip. "Actually, I was hoping that Master Kurosaki would accompany me on this excursion," the purple-haired woman said, her face turned away as she tried to hide her tinted red cheeks.
"I'm pretty sure he'd rather go to the mall than a stuffy old museum," Rangiku replied. The lieutenant moved toward his ear and whispered in a sultry voice, "Besides, I'm sure you'd rather enjoy a little quality time with me, wouldn't you?"
Both women turned their attention to Ichigo, awaiting for his answer, their eyes borrowing into his face. The strawberry-haired teen, on the other hand, was sweating bullets with his cheeks beet red as he felt both girls' chests against his arms and their faces mere inches away from his own. Honestly, both places sounded pretty good and he wouldn't mind accompanying either of them. Though he was hoping to spend some free time by himself (the first time by himself in a week). "Well… I, uh…" Ichigo tried thinking of an excuse, but his mind was empty of any ideas. Luckily for him, the shinigami trio's moment was interrupted by a loud blaring sound. "Never thought I'd be saved like this," the teen sighed in relief. The two women released Ichigo from their hold as the teen dug into his pocket for his badge.
The expressions from both women became serious as they grabbed their gikongan dispensers. Ichigo pressed the seal against his chest while both Nemu and Rangiku swallowed their soul candies. After their spirits were free from their corporeal bodies, Rangiku turned to her gigai. "You two stay here and watch over Ichigo's body."
"Right!" Momone (Rangiku's gikon) replied affirmatively. Both gigais grabbed Ichigo's body off the ground and carried it to the side of his home.
"Hollow spiritual presence detected," Nemu reported. "Located two miles northeast of our current position. Arrival time in approximately two minutes."
"Alright then. Let's get going!" Ichigo replied before they shunpoed from the scene.
Author's Note 3: I hope you guys enjoyed this story. Anyway, before you leave to (hopefully) review, I would like to issue a challenge to the reader. I'm sure there are plenty of these called by many other author's, but this one is different. Readers and writers, I challenge you to make more IchigoxNemu or IchigoxRangiku. Full-fledged stories, oneshots, or as a secondary pairing, or even blend the two together, it doesn't matter. If you want, you can even use this or other oneshots of mine as a basis (though let me know before hand).
Why am I asking you to do this. Well simply because there's just too many yaoi or common pairings trying to establish themselves as "canon" (which is dubious considering how Tite himself said he's not doing any kind of romantic stuff like that), I figured why not make it one of actual interest? One that would kinda make sense (in a cracked sorta way, but nonetheless). You could also say that this may also be a way to start a revolution of Maybe if there's enough, we could make one or both of these pairings possible "canon" couples (which I'm sure is a fantasy for anyone who writes couple stories for a series).