Secret Summer 2015
Request
J/C romance, prefer rating R-NC17. I love fluffy post-Endgame, but a little angst is okay if brief and must have HEA. C/7 never happened, so please no mention of it. Post-Endgame is not a must, so if your muse wants an episode addition or missing scene, that's fine.
No goes
No baby fic, C/7, Kashyk, J/7 or J/Kes.
Rating
NC17
Dawn of a new day (loosely based on Eat, pray, love)
Gazing at the familiar passing stars, she wondered what it was she had done so wrong in her life to deserve this. Years of trust, love and understanding; their unspoken promise to one another; gone. He had moved on.
The hole that was left where her heart used to be burned beyond belief. She held her arms tight around her chest to keep herself together, but already felt tired and ready to give up.
She felt physically sick when she heard his voice over the comm. "Chakotay to Captain Janeway."
She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down before she tapped her badge with a trembling hand. "Janeway here" she said with a shaky voice.
"Captain, we are ready." he stated.
'But I'm not…' her mind said. Out loud she replied "I'm on my way" then closed the comm. channel. Her Captain's mask fell into place as she exited her ready room onto the Bridge.
XXXXX
"Mr. Chakotay, the helm." Janeway pointed at the chair Tom had just left. There he stood; next to her… the sight almost sickened her. Why her?
"Aye, Captain."
She had to sit down, afraid that her knees would give out. She felt Seven's eyes on her. Taking in a deep breath, she gave the order. "Set a course… for home."
'Keep it together! Breathe, Kathryn, breathe!' She felt her heart pounding in her chest and her head was spinning. What was happening? "Commander, you have the bridge." Her voice failed her.
She hurried into her ready room and had to grab the back of the chair in front of her desk to steady herself. She closed her eyes and fought the nausea that hit. She sank down on her knees, breathing heavily. It was too hot, it made her feel dizzy. She pulled at her jacket, her collar; she had to get out of it. 'Breathe!' She managed to get it off and pulled her turtle neck over her head. On hands and knees she tried to catch her breath, but it didn't work. She was getting all worked up. "Stop it, Kathryn, stop it. Breathe… can't breathe…"
She forced herself to take in deep breaths, but it didn't work. Why didn't it work? 'Why… why…'
"Why…" she whispered, "Why…"she said again. She pushed herself up and covered her face with her hands. She snapped. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" she screamed. "Why, why, whyyyyyyyyyy?!"
She didn't hear her door open when Chakotay stormed in. He was at her side in an instant, taking her face in his hands to try and get her attention.
"Kathryn!" he yelled at her.
"Why, why… Can't… breathe…" She gasped as she pushed against his chest.
"Kathryn!" he tried again. "Calm down!" He grabbed her hands and held them tight as he pulled her against his chest. "Shh, Kathryn."
"No! No! You don't… Not you…" she fought against him as she realized who he was, but he was too strong.
"Kathryn, what's wrong?"
"This! You!"
What she said surprised him and she managed to squirm her way out of his embrace. She backed up against the bulkhead and looked at him as if he was her worst nightmare. Right now, he was exactly that.
He shook his head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"Your date with her in the Cargo bay. How could you?" she cried.
He slowly rose to his feet and turned to look out the view port. Earth… home. He and Seven had gone on one picnic but that was just as friends, or so he had thought. "I was done waiting."
"But…" she started.
He interrupted her. "No buts. You wouldn't…"
"….I couldn't." she said, doing the same.
"Kathryn." He took a step towards her. He wanted her to hear his side, that he was just trying to help Seven out with growing in her humanity.
"Do you love her?" she asked and closed her eyes, not ready for his answer.
This blatant question made Chakotay realize Kathryn wasn't willing to hear his side of what happened the night of that picnic and it upset him. "You have no right to ask me that."
She opened her eyes and just looked at him. "Leave!" she ordered in a low voice and turned her eyes down. He hesitated for a moment before he marched past her and left the ready room. Janeway sat there for a long time, staring out at nothing. She felt numb, empty.
"Captain, we are entering Earth's orbit." Tuvok informed her over the comm.
She drew in a deep breath. "I'll be there in a moment."
First she had to clean herself up. Her make-up was smudged with black streaks on her cheeks.
She put the rest of her uniform on again and entered the bridge then took her place in her chair, avoiding looking at Chakotay and watched Earth fill the view screen.
She had imagined coming home being a lot different.
XXXXX
As she closed the last box with her belongings her mind drifted off again, to the first time she had laid eyes upon that renegade man. She had never dared to imagine they would become so close. New Earth, she was so happy there. At ease, content, ready to begin her life… with him then the call came and they were back on Voyager. At first, things weren't easy but he gave her space and with time, their friendship got back to where it was, before New Earth.
They both had their share of romances, only two for her that almost became too serious, but she never stopped loving him and he knew that, even though they couldn't act on it.
At least she thought he knew… until now.
Seven. Of all the women on Voyager it had to be Seven, her 'daughter' so to speak. The tightness in her chest was there again and her vision blurred. She wiped at the tears that threatened to fall.
"Tuvok to Captain Janeway."
"Janeway here."
"Captain, they are waiting for us."
"Has the crew left Voyager?" she asked.
"Affirmative, Captain, Senior staff only. The Admiralty is standing by to welcome us home."
"I'm on my way. Janeway out." She straightened her jacket and took a deep breath. "Let's do this."
=/\=
The weeks that followed had completely drained her. Debriefings, fighting for the Maquis crew, fighting for her own crew, answering millions of questions… face Chakotay everyday…
As she walked up the cypress flanked path to the small house on the hill, she knew she had made the best decision for her. Well deserved rest and alone time in Tuscany, Italy.
She waved one last time and watched Luigi ride down the road to town again. Every other day he drove up to the house to deliver fresh groceries and other supplies courtesy of the shop's manager, Luigi's father Giulio, who was a little infatuated by the great Captain Janeway. She was grateful for that because that meant as little contact with reporters, journalists, 'fans'… in short, people. The only one she wanted to deal with was herself.
When she got to the house she put everything away except for the delicious looking grapes, a piece of cheese and a bottle of wine. She took it all with her to sit outside on the deck to enjoy the sun, the view and the silence.
After eating a few grapes she reached into her pocket and pulled out a handwritten letter. She opened it and read its contents. Dear Admiral Paris,
This is my formal notification that I am resigning from Starfleet as Captain.
I appreciate the opportunities I have been given here, and wish you much success in the future.
Sincerely, Kathryn Janeway
It was short, but it was all she had to say. She was done, done with it all. She had given up so much for her job that after these seven years and the few months after that were enough for her. She wanted out and to live her life again. She thought she had earned her rest, seven years non-stop, an entire career squeezed into that timeframe. It was time to close that chapter and start a fresh one with the title: Kathryn Janeway!
=/\=
Kathryn stepped out of the shower, feeling refreshed and ready for the night. She threw on a light blue sundress, pinned up her hair and applied a dash of make-up; not too much, not too little. She looked at herself one last time, smiled in approval and left the bathroom.
That afternoon, Luigi had told her about a nice restaurant in town, Frajo's. It was his nephew's and by the sound of it, it was the best restaurant in town, but Luigi could have been biased.
As promised, Luigi was waiting for her at the bottom of the hill so that she didn't need to walk all the way. She had said she didn't mind the 15 minute walk, but he had insisted.
"Buona sera, signora Janeway. Hai un aspetto incantevole! You look lovely." He greeted her and helped her onto the horse carriage.
"Buona sera Luigi. Thank you." She was glad the sun was setting, coloring the entire scenery in a soft orange, so he wouldn't notice the blush that surely had crept into her cheeks.
"I hope you are hungry. My nephew Franco is expecting you. He has developed a menu, especially for you." Luigi beamed.
"Luigi, that's nice, but he shouldn't have. I am easy going when it comes to food, especially Italian. I love pasta! In any form or shape." she smiled kindly.
Luigi smiled back and started the ride to town.
"Franco, that was exquisite! What's it called?"
"Linguine alle vongole in bianco." Franco said as he cleared the table.
"It was truly delicious! Thank you." She lightly touched his upper arm and gave him a wink.
"The best is yet to come, signora Janeway. Dessert." He wiggled his eyebrows and turned to leave.
"I can't wait, and please, call me Kathryn."
"Signora Kathryn." He bowed his head and disappeared into his kitchen.
Franco's wife Joacynna refilled Kathryn's water and wineglass and cleaned the table a little. Jo, as she said to call her, was a beautiful woman. Long dark brown hair, eyes just as dark, lightly tanned skin and the most beautiful, charming smile. Any man would be envious of Franco, who himself was also a very handsome man, to have such a wonderful wife.
"Signora Kathryn I was wondering, if you're not busy tonight, maybe you could join us later at a small get together at our uncle's house. It's just some family." Jo asked.
Kathryn felt honored at the invitation, but she didn't want to impose.
"Nonsense, you are very welcome." The young woman reassured her and gave her the most radiant smile possible.
"Alright then, I would love to join you."
"But first, dessert." Franco said as he presented her a plate. "Tiramisu, bon appétit."
"That looks delicious."
"Wait until you have tasted it. You have never had it like this before." Jo winked and left for the kitchen, Franco following close behind.
Kathryn took a small bite and an explosion of flavors greeted her. Jo wasn't kidding. It was soft and creamy, just the right sweetness and oh, the coffee flavor. Her eyes fluttered closed as she swallowed. it was almost as good as… She cleared her throat and composed herself, feeling a little flushed.
Twenty minutes later they arrived at Giulio's house. Kathryn had to smile at Jo's choice of words before, a small get together. They all greeted her warm heartedly, all 14 of them. Even the children hugged her as if she was a part of the family. The Italian warmth, she guessed. It made her feel good, relaxed. Just what she needed.
Elena, Giulio's wife, offered her a seat while Franco's mother Carmina handed her a glass of red wine. Kathryn didn't even have time to thank them; they all turned at the sound of a new voice.
"Cristiano!" They all said in unison. Kathryn couldn't see the man; everyone was huddled around him, the children screaming for his attention. She just watched and smiled, thinking of her own family and her family on Voyager. Chakotay… the smile faded.
She almost dropped her glass when someone addressed her. "Signora, pleasure to meet you. I am Cristiano."
Kathryn looked up and her heart skipped a beat. Those brown eyes… that dimpled smile… no tattoo. Her breath caught as Cristiano extended his hand, took hers and kissed her knuckles, never breaking eye contact.
"Kathryn." she said, her voice barely a whisper.
Oriana, Luigi's three-year-old daughter, wrapped her arms around Cristiano's leg and demanded his attention. "Zio!" He picked her up and gave her a bear hug. "Mia cara, Oriana!" he said and turned, leaving behind a still enchanted Kathryn.
"He's quite something, isn't he?" Jo woke her from her dream.
"He reminds me of someone, that's all." Kathryn admitted, to Jo as to herself.
"Someone special then, you were a million miles away just now."
'You ought to know…' she thought. "Mhm" was all she could manage.
"Come on, come sit with us. Luciano is going to tell a bedtime story to the children and his stories are wonderful." Jo took Kathryn's hand and pulled her along with her to where the family was gathered around Franco's father. They sat down and Kathryn noticed she had a good view of Cristiano, who was still holding his little niece Oriana.
Her mind drifted off again to Chakotay and she felt an unpleasant pressure building up in her chest. She had to take slow, deep breaths to hold herself together. This wasn't the time…
"Are you okay?" Cristiano startled her.
"Uhm, yes… no…" Kathryn shook her head, trying to focus, but his nearness didn't help. "I think I should go home, too much wine I think." She tried to smile as she stood.
"Let me take you." He offered.
'NO!' "Thank you, but I'll manage."
"I insist. It's late and it's dark." He wouldn't take no for an answer, that was for sure. "Papi, I'm walking Kathryn home, okay?" he shouted.
Everyone came to say goodbye to her. "Thank you for the hospitality. I had a great time." She thanked Giulio and Elena.
"The pleasure was ours! You are welcome any time. Sleep well, Signora Kathryn." Giulio said and kissed her hand.
Cristiano took the hand from his uncle and placed it in the crook of his arm. "Let's get you home safely." And they started the short walk up to the house.
Not one word was said during the walk, from Kathryn's side that was. Cristiano talked about his family, his work and she hung onto his every word. She wondered why that was, but was glad he didn't expect her to join in on the conversation. He probably noticed her discomfort and again she wondered why she felt like that.
Then he let go of her arm. She looked up and noticed they had arrived at her doorstep.
"Well, you're home."
"Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?" she asked, surprised at the sudden boldness.
"Thank you, but no, I really have to get back."
"Oh."
Before she could be disappointed he suggested "But how about I come over tomorrow morning, with breakfast?" he suggested.
"That sounds wonderful as long as there is coffee involved." She smiled up at him and the sight of him confused her, again. Those brown eyes…
"Buonanotte, Signora Kathryn. Sleep well." Cristiano leaned in and gave her a swift kiss on the cheek, lingering there just a tad longer than necessary. It sent shivers down Kathryn's spine, making her knees go weak.
"Goodnight, Cristiano." She whispered and watched him walk down the path again.
When he was out of sight, she closed the door behind her and leaned against it, taking in a deep breath.
=/\=
The faint smell of freshly brewed coffee stirred Kathryn out of her pleasant dream. Slowly she opened her eyes and took inventory of her surroundings. She hadn't made it up to her bedroom, courtesy of that last glass of wine. As the built up tension inside her body had faded, alcohol had taken over and she had fallen asleep on the couch.
She pushed herself into a sitting position, taking a moment to let the lightheadedness fade before she stood and followed the scent into the kitchen. She watched the black liquid drip from the machine and mentally prepared herself for that first sip. Looking around, she noticed the kitchen was empty and saw the outside door standing ajar. She peeked through the window and was pleasantly surprised by what she saw. The table was set with the most deliciously looking breakfast she could ever imagine. Everything was there: fresh bread, muffins, bacon and eggs, a bottle of milk, glasses of orange juice, yogurt, fresh fruit, cheese, you name it.
When she stepped onto the porch deck, she noticed Cristiano walking up to her, holding his hands behind his back. His smile threw her, the dimples… Before she knew it, he stood before her, leaned down to kiss her cheek and handed her the flowers he had picked from the back of the garden. "Good morning Kathryn. Did you sleep well?"
"Like a baby." He held out a chair for her and she sat down, placing the bouquet next to her and quickly running her hands through her hair, hoping she didn't look as disheveled as she usually did in the morning.
"One moment, please." He said and went inside to get the coffee.
She checked her breath and pulled up her nose. Morning breath, the worst.
"How do you take your coffee?" Cristiano asked as he started filling her mug from behind.
"Black, of course."
"Ah, how it should be. I hope this one is not too strong, I am used to the small ristretto's." He sat down in the chair next to her.
Kathryn breathed in the aroma and closed her eyes in delight. She took her first sip, let it tantalize every taste bud on her tongue before she swallowed and let the warmth spread through her body. The bitter taste of this particular brand gave her goose bumps. 'Heaven' she thought. An involuntary sigh escaped her lips.
"I guess you like it." Cristiano smiled and offered her some bread.
Kathryn took a slice and sat back, watching his every move, his little mannerisms. After filling the plate, he set it down in front of her and started the second one for himself. She took a small bite of eggs and was pleasantly surprised by the taste. Those weren't ordinary eggs.
"This is good. What's your secret?" she asked as she took another bite.
"If I tell you, I'll have to kill you. Mother's secret." He joked and started on his own eggs.
"Maybe I'll ask her myself then." Kathryn smiled.
Conversation was light and airy, they talked about much of nothing, but still she hung onto his every word. She wondered what it was about him that made her feel this way when he smiled again and a strange flutter rippled through her. The dimples…
"Will you excuse me for a minute?" she asked and stood. Cristiano followed her movement and started clearing the table.
Kathryn closed the door of the bathroom behind her and let out a deep sigh. What was this man doing to her? She felt strange, but in a good way. She checked herself in the mirror and quickly brushed her teeth. She combed her hair, which had grown down to past her shoulders again and pinned half of it with a hairclip at the back of her head. 'Much better' she thought and left the bathroom to go and help Cristiano clear the table.
Too late, he had done everything and was busy recycling their dishes. She leaned against the kitchen island, again watching him. As if he felt her eyes on him, he turned and locked eyes with her. What happened next was beyond her control. Without thinking, she closed the small distance between them, flung her arms around his neck and claimed his mouth in a passionate kiss. Much to her surprise, he wrapped his arms around her and responded to the kiss willingly.
In one swift movement Cristiano sat her down on the kitchen island. His hands travelled up and down her back, down her legs and back up again, pulling up her dress in the process. The lust she felt threw her a little, but she was so caught up in the moment that she let it all happen.
He caught her lower lip between his teeth and gently bit down on it, just hard enough that it was hurting, but still pleasurable. Their tongues danced, his hands roamed, her breath caught as he kept exploring her body. She couldn't recall the last time she felt so aroused and the last thing she wanted was for it to end.
A knock on the door… 'Ignore it!'
Another knock on the door, more insistent, then: "Signora Kathryn, are you home?" she heard the voice of Luigi ask.
As if he'd seen a ghost, Cristiano promptly stopped what he was doing and pushed himself away from the counter, and her, to straighten his clothes. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and rearranged his tussled hair. Kathryn didn't understand what was happening, still on her way down from her heavenly state.
She slid off the counter, looked at Cristiano who completely avoided eye contact and yelled out to Luigi: "Yes, we're in the kitchen."
She heard the front door open and looked at Cristiano again, trying to figure out why he reacted like he did, but he still ignored her by pretending to clean up the already clean kitchen.
"Ah, signora, how nice to see you this morning" Luigi greeted her enthusiastically, but his demeanor changed, as fast as Cristiano's before, when he saw his brother. "Cristiano, what a surprise." Clearly it was not a good one.
"Luigi" Cristiano nodded. "Signora Kathryn, I hope you enjoyed our breakfast, but I really have to be going now. So many things to do, so little time." He casually strolled over to her, took her hand in his and gave her a chaste kiss on her knuckles. "Have a nice day." He winked and walked past his brother, exiting the room.
"He probably has to go help his wife" Luigi said.
Suddenly it all made sense. "He's married?"
"Yes, to Britt. She's Belgian. They're moving to her hometown, Antwerp, at the end of the week" he explained further.
"Oh" was all she could manage. The bastard! Why did some men have to be like this? Every time she begins to 'feel' something, bad karma comes around. Was love, to love, or be loved, not for her?
"Are you okay, signora?"
"Yes, I'm fine" she said and composed herself. She wasn't going to let it bring her down again. "Was there something you wanted, Luigi?"
"We're throwing a goodbye party for Cristiano and Britt and I was wondering if you would be my date?"
"I'm honored, but sadly I have to say no. I've received news from home and I'm invited at my sister's house. It has been ages since I've seen her and the family. I'm leaving tomorrow" she lied. She was done with all this - with dating, with men!
"I'm sorry to hear that you are leaving so suddenly, signora." Luigi was genuinely disappointed and Kathryn felt a little sorry for him, but she made up her mind.
"Yes, I'm sorry too. I had a lovely time here and I am glad I got to know you and your family. Maybe someday I will come back and visit you again." She only hoped she never had to meet Cristiano again. "Thanks for everything Luigi" she said as she covered her heart with her hand.
"It was my pleasure" he smiled politely. "And hopefully I will see you again real soon." He too took her hand and gave it a kiss before he turned to leave.
Kathryn sighed and covered her face with her hands.
=/\=
A floral scent, carried by a cooling breeze in the warm climate of Stromae, greeted Kathryn as she stepped off the little shuttle that had brought her to this, what they called, most peaceful and rejuvenating planet.
She set her bags down, stretched her back and closed her eyes, drawing in a deep, cleansing breath.
"Miss Janeway?" someone startled her and she had to repress a deep sigh.
"Yes" she answered before opening her eyes again. She was glad she had done it in that order, because the person who had addressed her literally took her breath away.
"My name is Rios Licer. I will be escorting you to Lake Top." He introduced himself and offered his hand.
"Kathryn Janeway" she managed with a shaky voice and shook his hand. He was gentle, yet firm and he never broke eye contact. Kathryn got lost in his brown eyes, which reminded her of…
"Can I take your bags?" he asked and she jerked her hand away, realizing she was still holding it.
"Yes! Yes, of course. Thank you."
The man's eyes had stirred something deep inside her, something she was trying to get away from. When she again looked at him as he was putting her bags into a hover car, a tingling feeling went from her head to her toes and she actually had to shake it off. If someone had seen her, they would have thought she had some awkward nervous tick or something.
He motioned for her to get in the car. She took a step forward and almost missed the step in as he took her hand to help her in.
'Get a hold of yourself, woman!' she reprimanded herself and managed to sit down. Taking a few deep breaths seemed to calm her senses and to avoid any other weird reactions she dove into her bag and retrieved a book. She was sure she wouldn't be able to read, but it gave her a reason not to look up again until they arrived at the sanctuary where she was going to spend a good amount of time. Time dedicated to Kathryn!
The trip only took about twenty minutes. When the car pulled into the driveway, the scenery this time caught her eye and she was instantly mesmerized by the sight of the large flower garden, surrounded by large willows hanging over the lake. In one of them hung a swing, large enough for two people, with soft white cushions. She could already imagine herself laying there, a steaming mug of coffee beside her and her book in hand. The lake would surely be inspiration enough if she decided to paint something too. A small smile crept upon her face thinking about doing nothing but indulge herself in everything she loved without thinking about anything or anyone.
The car stopped and Rios got out and walked around the car to open the door for her. The smell of the flowers greeted her and she willingly took his hand to finally stretch her legs and begin her vacation.
"Miss Janeway. Welcome to Lake Top House."
She hadn't noticed the magnificent building when driving up to it and she wondered how she could have missed such an impressive house. It looked like it was picked out of a 20th century painting of Thomas Kinkade, with large windows, white pillars supporting upper decks bathing in sunlight, and flowers everywhere you could see. Whoever was in charge of maintaining surely did a wonderful job because it was breathtaking, and she was about to spend a whole lot of time here.
Kathryn felt peace and calm washing over her. This was exactly what she needed and she was going to enjoy this to the fullest.
"I will take your bags up to your room and start dinner while you enjoy the outdoors for awhile. If there is anything you need, just ask. I'm here for you 24/7. Dinner will be ready at 18h30" Rios said and turned to take her bags.
Kathryn's heart started pounding suddenly. "You will be here all the time?"
"Yes Miss Janeway, at your service." He said with a wink and headed for the house.
'Oh shit…'
She strolled over the path to the lake feeling a little flushed, wondering why she reacted to Rios like that. She was here to take time for herself, no distractions, but going by the way she was feeling at the moment, she knew that it would be very difficult. Why did he have to look so… so like…?
"Quit it!" she said aloud and quickened her pace a little. When she finally arrived at the big willow tree, she noticed the beauty of the scenery again. A large branch hung over the lake, low enough that if she were to sit on it far enough, her feet would be in the water. Before she had thought just that, she was already climbing on it. She sat down, held on tight and scooted further until her toes touched the cooling water.
In the distance she could hear birds chirping, a bit closer a frog was busy trying to get attention from other female frogs. She looked down and saw fish swimming underneath her, wondering what those things were, dangling in front of them. Kathryn wiggled her toes and instead of hurrying away, one fish was brave enough to check out what was moving. It tickled her and a smile crept across her face. This was it, what she needed. Little things that made her smile, no responsibilities.
Her stomach growled and she decided to head back to the house to freshen up and see what Rios had managed for dinner.
When she stepped through the doors of the dining room, she was pleasantly surprised by the table setting. Flowers in the centre, a lit candle and an already filled glass of red wine.
She heard Rios working in the kitchen and couldn't keep herself from going in to see what he was cooking.
"That smells wonderful!"
"Thank you, Miss Janeway. I'm just finishing the caramelized carrots to go with the roast in the oven. I didn't know what you liked best, mashed potatoes or croquettes, so I have both. Which do you prefer?" Rios asked.
"Oh wow, if I can choose, croquettes please. I'll indulge myself." She smiled at him.
"And for dessert I have ice cream." Rios said while he tossed the carrots.
'If it's coffee flavor, I'm in love.' she thought.
"If you'll take your place at the table, I will be out with dinner in two minutes." He started dressing the plates.
Kathryn sat down at the table and tried a sip of wine - a wonderful mixture of ripe red fruits with hints of oak, perfect for red meats. Rios really made an effort; he was almost too good to be true. And he was handsome too, like…
"Miss Janeway" Rios announced himself as he put the plate in front of her. "Bon appétit."
"This looks amazing, Rios. You have missed your calling. You should have worked in a restaurant."
"You haven't tasted it yet" He joked and winked at her before turning around and heading for the kitchen again.
Kathryn waited for him to return with his own dinner, but when it looked like he wasn't coming, she stood up to go see where he was. He was eating his dinner in the kitchen, reading a newspaper.
"Do you feel like keeping me company?" she asked and startled him a little.
"Of course Miss Janeway, I assumed you wanted to have a quiet dinner by yourself." He took his plate and followed her back into the dining area. He put his plate down to the right from hers, and then went around holding out her chair. Kathryn sat down and waited for him to take his place.
"Bon appétit." He said again and they started their dinner.
The first bite she took tantalized all her taste buds. Rios was a magnificent cook, or she just wasn't used to good food anymore.
"Do you know whose house this is?" she asked, trying to make conversation.
"This is my house." He casually said.
"Oh, I didn't realize."
"That's okay. I actually wanted to rebuild it, make it into a hotel, but that would have ruined the intimate atmosphere it represents. I have only accommodated a few rooms to serve as guest rooms. In summertime, all six rooms are almost occupied non-stop. One of the rooms here always gets rented out to the same couple. They are almost family to me, coming here for almost 15 years straight."
"How nice. Am I the only one here now?"
"Yes miss. I officially start the season in two weeks but for you I could make an exception. It gets a little lonely sometimes." Rios admitted.
'I can imagine.' "No Mrs. Licer?" She wasn't sure why, but she had to ask.
"No." he smiled sheepishly.
Kathryn had a hard time believing that a handsome man like Rios, with skills like he had, didn't have someone to share his life with. For herself, she had been too occupied with work for seven odd years.
"Well, I'm glad that I can do something about that loneliness then." Kathryn smiled and continued eating her scrumptious dinner.
It had been a long time since she had eaten so much. She felt full and wanted nothing more than to slouch down in one of the big sofas in the living room and enjoy the rest of her glass of wine.
"Did you want anything else? I'll clean up here. Maybe we can talk a bit more afterwards in the sitting area?" Rios suggested. It was like he could read her mind. She wondered.
"I'm fine, thank you. I would love to talk some more later."
Rios stood up and started clearing the table. Kathryn did what she intended to do and sank down on the big and fluffy couch in the living room. She thought she would disappear in all the soft and luscious cushions. This was heaven. She closed her eyes and enjoyed, nothing more, nothing less. A sip from her wine, soft music in the background, she didn't need anything more. Or maybe someone to share it with. Rios maybe? He was single and atoned to her needs and wants without her even having to voice them.
Rios startled her out of her reverie and offered her a bowl of ice cream. It couldn't all be like she wanted, it was vanilla and chocolate, not coffee flavor. Oh well, it was as good as she could have it.
Rios sat down next to her and started eating his own ice cream.
"If I may be so frank, why this escape?" Rios started, and he was actually right, she was escaping.
"I'm in desperate need to find myself again, to find Kathryn again. I have dedicated my life, every aspect of it, to Starfleet and to my former crew, without ever considering myself and what I wanted from life. I had expectations, needs, wants and it was all put on hold. No, that's not true; I put it all on hold. And then…" she paused. She got lost in thoughts again. 'I was ready to move forward, but he beat me to it. With her…'
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" Rios reassured her. Bless the man. He was so thoughtful.
They flowed gracefully into some random banter, enjoying each other's company. The more wine they drank, the funnier their conversation got and they spent the evening laughing until their bellies hurt.
Kathryn woke from a stiff neck. She opened her eyes and noticed she was still in the living room, slouched against Rios' shoulder. He had his arm around her, keeping her warm in the already chilling room. She was afraid to wake him if she moved, but the pain shooting through her neck convinced her to move anyway.
"Hmm, what?" Rios mumbled and sat up straight, pushing Kathryn out of balance and almost made her fall off the couch. He quickly grabbed her by the arm and held her close. Their eyes locked.
"Good save." She smiled and felt something stir inside. Those eyes mesmerized her and when Rios bent towards her, she didn't hesitate and kissed him.
Rios immediately pulled back. So did Kathryn.
"I'm sorry" she apologized and untangled herself from his arms.
Rios cleared his throat and ruffled his hair with his fingers. "It's okay, you didn't know."
Kathryn frowned, indeed not knowing what he meant by that.
"It's not that I don't like you, on the contrary, you are a wonderful woman and very attractive, but…" he smiled shyly, "I'm gay."
Kathryn's eyes widened in shock. Not because of his revelation, not in the least, but she hadn't at all seen this coming. "Oh" was all she could muster. She should have known it was all too good to be true. Rios was the most perfect man and he was gay. Oh the luck with men…
=/\=
At first, after Rios' revelation, things felt a bit awkward, especially for Kathryn, she had made the first move after all. But after a few days, they both saw the humor in it all and they casually flowed into a new friendship.
Kathryn helped him with preparations for the oncoming season and in turn, he kept on spoiling her with his food and good care. They spent hours talking or just keeping each other company. When Rios was working Kathryn painted, wrote, walked, slept… she did what she wanted to do, when she wanted to do it, without a care in the world.
After 4 weeks in Lake Top House, she felt like another woman. She finally felt like herself, a new Kathryn. Sadly, it was time to say goodbye to her fairytale life. It was time to go home.
Rios had made her goodbye one to never forget. He had cooked and pampered her so she wouldn't forget. How could she ever forget Rios? He had helped her find herself and had made the journey a hell of a lot easier than if she had done it by herself.
The ride to the shuttle station seemed 10 times shorter than she remembered. She was dreading the actual goodbye. Rios parked the hover car and stepped out of the vehicle. He first unloaded her baggage and made sure they got on board. In the rearview mirror she saw him walking towards the car again, sighing deeply. A sad feeling came over her and tears welled up in her eyes. She felt stupid for her reaction, but she couldn't help herself.
Rios opened the door and offered his hand. She took it and stepped out of the car, right into his already inviting arms.
"I'm going to miss you" she sobbed.
"Hey, what's this?" Rios asked as he noticed her tears when he let go of her.
"I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it." Kathryn smiled helplessly and wiped at her tears.
"This isn't farewell, it's just goodbye. I'm sure we will meet again soon. I keep in contact with good friends" Rios reassured her. "Come here." He pulled her into his arms again.
"Thank you for everything."
"Don't mention it. It was my pleasure. And by the way, I owe you my thanks too."
"For what?"
"For being you."
They let go of each other and smiled. "See you." Rios nodded and made it easier for the both of them by getting into the car and driving away. They waved at one another and then he was gone. Kathryn took a deep breath, straightened her jacket and turned around. With determination in her step, she boarded the shuttle. She was ready for home.
=/\=
Walking up to the front porch, Kathryn felt excited to see her mother after all this time. They had spent a little time together during the awful debriefings, but they had both been so tense it felt awkward. Now she was ready to finally come home.
Kathryn took a moment before knocking on the door. When the door opened, the two women looked at each other and Gretchen smiled approvingly. "Now my daughter is finally home" she simply said and stepped out to give Kathryn the long awaited hug they both had been craving for all this time.
"Hi mom." Kathryn smiled brightly and hugged her mother as tight as she could.
"I'm so glad to see you dear, but if you squeeze me any harder, I'll pass out" her mother warned. Kathryn immediately loosened her grip and kissed her mother on the cheek.
"I'm so glad to be here."
"I share your feelings honey. It has been too long." Gretchen stepped out of the way to let Kathryn into the house.
The smell of freshly baked bread welcomed her and she was certain she could also detect the faint smell of freshly brewed coffee. She followed her nose into the kitchen and sighed when she saw a full pot of the black gold standing on the counter. Gretchen came from behind and got two cups from the cupboard, knowing exactly what her daughter wanted. She poured the coffee and offered one to Kathryn.
She placed the cup under her nose and inhaled the scent. It gave her goose bumps. No one could make coffee like her mother did. The first sip was just a little too hot, but she didn't care. Now everything was complete; at home with her mother and a cup of coffee in her hand.
"Let's sit down." Gretchen motioned to the table. They took their places and she just looked at her daughter.
"What?" Kathryn asked.
"Nothing dear" Gretchen smiled. "You look happy."
"I am happy mom. I have everything I want and need right now." Kathryn smiled back.
"Something changed since the last time I saw you."
"I have found myself again. I've resigned from Starfleet, I have been doing what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it and I have no one to be responsible for anymore. I'm at peace" Kathryn explained.
"I'm so glad. When I first saw you after your return, you were like a flame ready to die down. You looked torn between feeling happy for your return and sad for… I don't know, but… you look nothing like you did then. And you sound very different too." Gretchen felt emotional but refused to show it, not wanting to ruin the mood they were in.
"I'm a new person mom. No, not a new person. I'm still me, but… I don't know how to explain it." She shook her head, still smiling.
"I wish everyone had made a turn for the good like you." Gretchen couldn't help it.
"What do you mean?" Kathryn asked suddenly sounding worried.
"I have something to tell you dear" She started. Kathryn scooted to the edge of her chair and straightened her back, bracing herself for what she thought would be bad news. "For about six weeks now, I've had a houseguest."
Kathryn shook her head and frowned, wanting her mother to go on. "At first he only waited until I was ready to go to bed, only to turn up on my doorstep first thing in the morning again. After a week I offered him to stay here in the spare room, saving him the trip." Gretchen sighed.
"Mom? Who are you talking about?"
"He's a broken man, Katy. Promise me you won't do something rash." Gretchen was already protecting him.
"I promise." Kathryn was still apprehensive, but she trusted her mother.
"He's on the back porch."
Kathryn turned her head towards the backdoor. She took a deep breath and stood up from her chair, placing her cup on the table.
She slowly walked to the door and peeked through the window. Her breath caught in her throat and a tingly sensation in her belly almost made her nauseous, nervous. She managed to muster up enough strength to open the door and step outside. She made her presence known by clearing her throat.
The man sitting in the chair with his back to her, lowered his head and covered his face in his hands. Anger, pain and guilt raced through her body and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat before she could take another step. She was right beside him and she could clearly see that he was crying. Her heart went out for him and she placed a hand on his shoulder, like she had done a thousand times before. "Chakotay" she whispered.
Chakotay took a deep breath, but didn't say anything. He lifted his head a little, but didn't seem to have the courage to look at her. She placed her hand against his cheek and pulled him to her chest, resting her head on top of his. Chakotay grabbed the front of her jacket and buried his face into the fabric. She slowly caressed his cheek, wiping at the tears that kept coming and had to fight her own. She shook away the feelings of anger and hurt and remembered how she felt about him before she found out about him and Seven.
He was here with her instead of Seven, that surely meant something. She stepped in front of him, kissed the top of his head and placed both hands on his cheek. She crouched down and finally they made eye contact.
"Oh Chakotay." She didn't know what else to say. He couldn't speak either; he just pulled her up onto his lap and hugged her. They stayed like that for quite a while, until he settled down and they had their emotions under control.
"Kathryn, I need to tell you something. Something important." His voice was hoarse. They looked at each other and she waited for him to continue. "I…"
She knew what he was going to say. She knew him so well, and she wondered why he had trouble voicing his feelings. Was it because he was afraid that she didn't feel the same? He should know in his heart that she did. It was she who could have doubted it, because of what had been going on just before they made it home. Maybe he was afraid to say it because she had always made it clear to him that it just couldn't happen, that she couldn't return the feelings, that he couldn't tell her because she was afraid that she couldn't say it back.
There was nothing standing in their way now, didn't he see that? There was no Seven, they were home and Starfleet was out of her life. There were no more parameters. She smiled encouragingly.
"I…" he stammered again.
"I love you, Chakotay!" she put him out of his misery. Those four words seemed to dissolve all the dark clouds surrounding him, making the light shine again. The twinkle in his eyes was proof of that.
All the other feelings she felt moments before were pushed to the background. Only one overtook her - love. Love for the man in front of her and that love wanted nothing more than to break out, fully and firmly.
This was it, this was the moment and she seized it. She closed her eyes, leaned forward and finally, for the first time in almost eight years, she kissed him… and it felt long overdue.
=/\=
The sun had already begun to set when they walked back into the house, hand in hand. Gretchen had left a note saying dinner was in the oven if they were hungry, but she had already gone off to bed.
Kathryn checked the chronometer; it was already 22h00.
"Hungry?" she asked Chakotay.
"Yes actually." He smiled down at her.
Kathryn moved to the oven to get the plates, while Chakotay grabbed some cutlery and glasses. Passing the fridge, he snatched a cool bottle of white wine and met her at the table. He set everything down and held out the chair for her.
"Thank you."
He sat down too, filled their glasses and raised his. "To us" He said, emotion clearly in his voice.
"I've longed to hear that for a long time, you know." Kathryn admitted.
"Me too. You have no idea."
"I think I do." She smiled at him. She reached out and he instinctively took her hand in his. Their eyes locked for the umpteenth time and dinner was forgotten. "Actually, when I think of it, there are a lot of things that I have longed for, all involving you." She slowly stood and pulled him along with her.
He followed her as she walked to the spare room where he had been staying for weeks. She lit the bedside lamp and turned back to him. She reached up and pulled his head towards her, tenderly kissing his lips. When she broke away, she unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. His skin was smooth and inviting, her hands touching him everywhere. She kissed his chest, his upper arm and circled him, kissing his shoulder and his back. Snuggling her head against his bare skin, her hands came around and hugged him from behind. She inhaled his scent and a flutter rippled through her.
Chakotay let her do whatever she wanted. He just enjoyed and cherished her being close to him, loving him. He closed his eyes and tried to remain upright when her hands wandered down to his waistband. She fumbled a bit with the fastener and when it was loose, she slowly pushed the pants over his hips and they fell down in a puddle around his ankles. She did the same with his briefs, leaving him naked before her. If it were anyone else he might have felt vulnerable, exposed, but not with her.
She stopped touching him for a moment, and stepped back in front of him. She again took his hand and led him to the bed, where she motioned for him to sit down.
Kathryn took a step back, kicked off her shoes and slowly started discarding her clothes piece by piece. When she stood before him in only her underwear, Chakotay had to swallow. He was in awe of how beautiful she looked. Although she was well into her forties, she was still in good shape. Kathryn had never been someone to neglect her physique, even in her busiest of times.
She reached behind and unclasped her bra as she closed the distance between them. Chakotay placed both his hands on her hips and slowly caressed upwards, slightly touching the sides of her full, naked breasts. When he slid back down, he touched her nipples with his thumbs and they reacted immediately, making Kathryn gasp. He dipped his tongue in her navel and she let her head fall back, whimpering and blindly reaching for his head. She firmly grasped his hair and pulled his head back to look him in the eye.
"Just enjoy."
Kathryn gently pushed against his shoulders until he was lying down and straddled his hips, not yet closing the distance to touch. Balancing on one hand, the other came to rest on his heart, which was racing; she could feel it beating beneath her fingertips. Closing her eyes and leaning in to steal another kiss, her hand trailed down over his stomach, eliciting small goose bumps, until she reached her goal. Chakotay gasped in her mouth as she gently, but firmly stroked his manhood, positioning herself and, with one swift move, guided him into her warmth. She held her breath while she let her body adjust to him, slowly, until he was completely inside her. The sensation of him filling her was overwhelming and she forced her eyes open, hoping the sight of him would help her take control of the situation again.
Chakotay was looking up at her, his eyes wide, with a clear sparkle as if he had just realized it was really her and this was really happening. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth and he reached up to touch her cheek. Kathryn mirrored the smile and leaned in to his touch.
"I love you" she whispered. Those three words brought happy tears to his eyes. Kathryn reached down and took his hands, intertwining their fingers as she slowly began rocking back and forth. The gentle friction against her already sensitive nub caused her head to spin. She could feel flames of lust and want burning her from the inside, muscles already starting to tense up. Her breathing became irregular and in a futile attempt to try and make it last a little longer, she bit her bottom lip. It just wouldn't happen.
She came hard and fast, her muscles tightening hard around him, making it very difficult for Chakotay to hold back and let her ride it out. He let go of her hand and reached behind her neck, pulling her down to his mouth. His fierce kiss gave an extra edge to her orgasm and her mind spun out of control. Coming up for much needed air, she rested her forehead on his, keeping still for a moment.
Finally managing to open her eyes again, she resumed the rocking motion that had brought her this bliss. The tremors that were still lingering inside her played to her advantage. She could tell by the change in his breathing that Chakotay was close. "Don't hold back" she whispered.
She watched him lose control, his eyes fluttering close and his jaw clenching, the hard intake of breath before her name rolled off his lips like a wave coming to shore. "Kathryn."
When Chakotay slowly came down from his high, he opened his eyes and looked up at the beautiful woman sitting on top of him. What he saw then, was the last thing he had expected to see. Kathryn was crying. "Hey, what's this?" He pushed himself in a sitting position and wrapped his arms around her.
"I made a huge mistake."
Chakotay felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest with bare hands. Did he really hear her right? Did she think this was a mistake?
Kathryn felt him tense up and immediately regretted the poor choice of words. She pushed back a little and took his face between her palms, making him look her right in the eye. "I never should have denied… this… us! We have lost so much precious time. I was so wrong, all this time, hiding behind protocol and imaginary boundaries."
Chakotay released the breath caught in his throat with a loud sob and closed his eyes. Unexpected tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn't care. She had scared the hell out of him. "Oh Chakotay, I'm so sorry. I love you; I have loved you for so long! I have been so stupid."
They were both crying now, holding on to each other like a lifeline. She pulled him close again, letting their tears mingle as she pressed her lips to his. The taste of them evoked all possible emotions inside of her and she smiled. She was happy and content now that she was here, with him.
Mischief suddenly stirred and she actually giggled, surprising both of them with the sound. Rolling off of him carefully as not to hurt him, she couldn't stop laughing at the thought running through her mind. "I can't believe how I could have managed so long without this. This was actually very good." She wiggled her eyebrows.
Chakotay looked at Kathryn baffled. "You just wait, woman, I'll give you good" he almost growled and then turned, pinning her under him. Kissing, teasing and biting, he got her so aroused, she actually begged him. He took pity on her and gave her everything she wanted, until they were both spent.
=/\=
The morning sun peeking through the window woke up Kathryn. A smile graced her lips as she felt Chakotay's strong arm tightening a little around her waist. She entwined her fingers in his and pulled his hand up to kiss his knuckles. Chakotay's breath tickled her neck and goose bumps covered her body. Her every nerve started tingling, she just couldn't get enough of this man. She slowly turned around and placed feathery kisses on his cheek, nose and mouth, trying to wake him up.
"You evil woman, can't a man get some down time?"
Her smile grew even bigger and she gently pushed him on his back, easing herself half on top of him to steal another kiss. "I'm making up for lost times, Chakotay. Almost eight years worth of lost times."
"Oh, Spirits…" he sighed, but smiled and pulled her all the way on top of him to envelop her into a bear hug. "I'm going to need some fuel first. Breakfast?"
"I'd love that."
"Let me enjoy this for a moment, then I'll fetch us something to eat." He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in the scent that was all Kathryn. She closed her eyes and felt content.
This was what she had envisioned for their homecoming. This is how she dreamed their lives would be; and she was sure that dream wasn't hers alone.