Title: A Good Run
Author: ATX
Rated: All Ages
Timeline: After Voyager reaches Earth in "Endgame" (after the series ended
She was moving her lips silently, eyes closed, her breath puffing a strand of hair through the air with each word she spoke. Her legs were folded smartly as they always were when she was seated in the center chair on the bridge, hands clenched lightly into a fist on the end of the arms of the chair. She must have heard the turbolift door hiss when I entered, but she gave no indication of it. I was standing off to the side near the first officer's chair.
"Captain?" I began. Her lips stopped moving. Slowly, she turned to look in my direction and her eyes looked hooded as she opened them ever so slowly.
"We made it," she rasped, a weak smile crossing her face.
"The rest of the crew has deboarded." It sounded more formal than I had intended.
She closed her eyes and let her head fall heavy against the seat. "Sit, please." She gestured to her left.
I did as she bade, and sat in the chair. "What were you saying?" I asked.
"Mm," she shifted in her seat and re-crossed her legs. "I was listening for the ghosts of Voyager."
"Last time I checked, listening didn't involve talking on behalf of the listener."
"Ah, but these ghosts are very vocal. They are not silent." She shook her finger in the air as if she were scolding a small child. Then she abruptly gripped the armrests tightly with both hands and opened her eyes. "They're here," she said calmly. "They're all here." She held out a hand and moved it in an arc through the air, gesturing to all areas of the bridge.
"Who is here, Kathryn?" I prodded.
"The ones who didn't make it." She stood up now, and began pacing the length of the bridge just as she always had when faced with a problem. "I brought home a ship that wasn't meant to be."
"You're having doubts about Admiral Janeway?"
"Chakotay, it's like I'm doubting myself, only I'm not her. Not yet. Maybe not ever now." She stopped pacing, and stood with her back to me, one hand on her hip and the other holding her head. "This should be a happy time. I can't remember any of the good. I'm home."
I pushed myself out of the chair and placed a hand on the captain's shoulder. "You kept your promise," I reminded her.
"Not for everyone," she whispered. She sagged for a moment, then turned around to face me. "Who did I get home? Not the half of our crews that died in the beginning, not those who died on the way home."
"For every one we've lost, someone has been gained not to replace but to remember. And that's where the people who didn't make it back to Earth with us remain: in our memories." I touched my hand to my head. "Stop remembering them here." I moved my hand to my chest over my heart. "Remember them here. Stop feeling guilty for living."
Her face crumpled and for a moment I was certain she was going to cry. Instead she let out a tiny bark of a laugh. "That was what Phoebe said to me after the accident. Chakotay, what would I have done without you by my side all these years?"
"Probably gotten yourself into more trouble along the way," I teased.
She swatted my arm and hugged me. "Thank you."
I thought I felt tears seeping through my uniform, but when she pulled away her eyes were dry. Maybe they were my own tears. Kathryn held out her arm, and I looped it with my own. "Speaking of Phoebe, she's anxious to see her sister again."
"So am I." She was smiling again, a real genuine Kathryn Janeway smile that reached her eyes and spread over her entire face. Together we walked toward the turbolift. The doors opened, but she didn't follow me inside.
"They're still here. They're a part of Voyager. I remember each and every name. Every one of them." Her hand rested on the wall, and I knew she was feeling the pulse die away from the ship as the engineers and other Starfleet personnel swarmed the ship as the crew was being debriefed at headquarters. "That's what I was saying."
I stepped out of the turbolift to stand next her as she turned around to take one last look at the empty bridge. "Come on. Let's go home."
She smiled her sad smile, and stepped back into the lift. "Transporter Room 1."
The doors swished shut, but not before we saw a team of Starfleet personnel beam aboard and begin downloading and deconstructing. Kathryn and I sighed in tandem as the turbolift descended. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and she wound her arm around my waist. "We gave her a good run."
I smiled, and said, "That we did."
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