TITLE: Damn
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan
SUMMARY: A Yappy Obi story. Obi-Wan has discovered a new favorite word and has some things to say about the ruler of the planet he and Qui-Gon are on.
DEDICATION: For all those Yappy Obi (YO) fans out there who are always demanding more of him.Thanks for having fun with the character. I never thought he'd end up with his very own groupies. He's fun to write, so I'm glad so many enjoy YO and his antics.
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
**This is story is part of a challenge I made to myself. My goal, to take the 12 songs titles from the Matchbox Twenty album "Yourself or Someone Like You" and write a story that goes with each song title (these are NOT song fics). In no particular order, the stories will be called: Real World; Long Day; 3AM; Push; Girl Like That; Back to Good; Damn; Argue; Kody; Busted; Shame and Hang. They will be a mix of Jaythen based stories, Yappy Obi (YO) stories and Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan based stories. I hope you enjoy!**
"Damn, Master!"
"Excuse me, Obi-Wan?"
"Oh I mean, gosh darn it."
"Better."
"But really…damn! That man's head is bigger than a bantha pup. How does his skinny little neck hold that thing up?"
"That man is the ruler of the planet, Obi-Wan and is to be respected."
"I respect him all right. I respect his ability to keep his head from falling over and splattering onto the ground. Damn!"
"Obi-Wan!"
"Sorry, I can't help it. We don't have to talk to him do we? Because I might not be able to concentrate on what he's saying as long as his head stays that size."
"You expect it to shrink?"
"No, but stranger things have happened. I think…um…who is…DAMN!"
"Obi-Wan!"
"But look, Master! It's a female him!"
"What?"
"His wife maybe? Her head is almost as big. I'm gonna have nightmares about this for sure. This is worse than that whole 'my apprentice will be a whiny jerk-boy who will try to kill me and will ultimately destroy the whole galaxy' thing. Those heads have to be record size. I should call Guinness. Damn."
"Say it once more and your mouth will meet with a bar of soap when we get back to our room."
"I can't talk about the giant head couple anymore?"
"I meant the word, 'damn.'"
"Oh, so I can keep talking about their heads?"
"No, you can't."
"You can't have it both ways, Master. I have to be able to get away with something."
"Yes, because you are all of thirteen years old and have so much experience in political affairs."
"They're not having an affair, Master. And please don't get all started on that adult mush talk. You know how I feel about that."
"What are you talking about?"
"What? You started it! Rambling about them having an affair. And how can they have an affair if they're married?"
"Stop talking."
"But if I stop…DAMN! Is that their kid? His body is the size of Yoda, but his head is the size of Jabba the Hutt!"
"Oh, you know about Hutts too?"
"What's a Hutt?"
"You just said…never mind. Obi-Wan, just please pay attention to the ceremony. You have my permission to close your eyes if you want."
"I can sleep? Yes!"
"Did I say anything about sleep? No."
"You said close my eyes. That means sleep, Master. It's the only time I close my eyes."
"You close your eyes to meditate."
"No I don't."
"You should."
"But I don't. I just stare at you."
"I see. Well then, after we wash your mouth out with soap, you will meditate for three hours, by yourself, with your eyes closed and me watching you."
"Damn, Master. You're tough."
"Okay, where did that word come from?"
"What word?"
"The word you keep saying."
"I keep saying a lot of words, Master. Can you be more specific?"
"The one you just started using today."
"Affair?"
"No."
"Guinness?"
"No!"
"Hutt?"
"NO! DAMN IT, OBI-WAN! You know which word I mean."
"I do, but I just wanted you to say it. And you did. I win!"
"Yoda made me promise that I wouldn't kill you before you reached fourteen. I may have to renege on that promise."
"Master, if you kill me, who will train your brat boy after you die?"
"What?"
"I mean, please don't kill me, Master!"
"I won't. Today."
"Master, why don't the royal guards have big heads? I mean, they are the same race, right?"
"I'm not sure, Obi-Wan. Perhaps you should ask them."
"Okay."
"I was kidding."
"Since when do you kid with me, Master?"
"Since I decided it would be less stressful than strangling you."
"Oh, ah, kidding is good. But it really is strange that the guards…DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN! I was wrong! Look at the guards heads, Master! They're expanding. Inflating like giant balloons! Oh, Master Poof would be so jealous of these people. Good thing they don't have helmets on, or we'd all be diving to the ground to avoid flying pieces of shrapnel as their heads exploded their helmets."
"A little dramatic today, are we?"
"Just a little. Can we leave now? This is boring. Nothing is happening in this ceremony except the expansion of head size and it's not fun anymore."
"No more damn?"
"Nah. No more damn. Sorry about all that, Master. I ate too much sugar for breakfast like you told me not to. But at least I didn't listen to you again. My record is still on track for days in a row without obeying."
"You should be proud, Padawan."
"I am. Others are jealous, but afraid to admit it."
"I'm sure they are."
"Come on, Master. I believe I have a date with soap and meditation."
"You do. Wait a moment."
"For what?"
"The introduction of the future ruler of the planet. The new baby, only days old. They're bringing him out now."
"He's gonna rule the planet now? But if he's only a few days old…"
"No, you idiot. When he comes of age."
"Oh, or when his head comes of size you mean."
"Well, that too. But probably the child's head is normal for now. Hush now and watch."
"There…that's him…and his head…yes it is official, Master. His head is the size of a T-Rex."
"Damn!"
"Master!"
The End.