In a Name

by He's No Angel

Another AU fiklet. The Ateam plus Spike and Connor look up the meaning of their names. Some like what they read......Others dont. Hahaha. Funny and just plain WEIRD.

(A/N): I dedicate this weird fiklet 2 my buddy, u kno who u r, that gave me the generator site link.

Btw, I know 'Lorne' isnt Lorne's true name. Im feeling lazy right now (a lie! I have so much coffee in me! WHEEEE!) and not gonna look it up, sorry. The very few paranthesis comments r my own.

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Fred, for once being bored out of her mind with nothing to do, quietly signed online from the laptop sitting in her small area , Cordy beside her sipping coffee with a spaced-out look, Lorne reading one of his (corny) romance novels, and Wes expertly (-coughcough-) slicing the air in front of him with one of the many Shakespearean swords he had received from Angel and his countless excursions to "find" himself at a joyous place called the Opera.

A.K.A, Angel had stolen the said-sword.

Fred, dutifully rejecting the urge to log onto Myspace and become a sheep like many others, instead GOOGLED the renowned firm, Wolfram & Hart, and was instantly redirected to a site filled with Fortune Cookie generators, psychic readings, dirty IQ tests, and blogging quizzes. Nothing really meeting her fancy, she clicked on one of the many generators and out popped a 'NAME DEVELOPER'.

Peaking with curiosity but hunching even more so over her desk, absently hearing in the background the Hyperion doors open and the rest of the group returning, she typed in her name and clicked 'SUBMIT'.

"Hey, what are you-"

"Aaaah!" Fred gave a small shriek, jumping in her chair, as a thin hand planted itself on her shoulder. Cordelia raised an eyebrow.

"Fred. Relax. No one's out to kill you here." She leaned over the frail woman and looked at the monitor.

"I-Im sorry," Fred replied, trying to cover up her shakiness, but her voice stuttering didnt seem to go along with the plan. "I-I was only..."

"A name quiz?" Cordy then pulled up her chair and sat down. "So what does your name mean, huh?" She read it and started laughing. "Thats soooooo wrong. WOW." Fred frowned, finally reading for herself.

-F-flirty

-R-radiant

-E-earnest

-D-daredevil

"Maybe the 'earnest' is, but the rest..." Cordy grinned, shaking her head as Angel and the others entered, quickly gathering around.

"Hey guys, how was your night?" Angel beamed out, an arm wrapped almost possessively around his son, Connor, who was at the moment chowing down on a sumo-sized bucket of popcorn.

A bucket almost larger than he was.

"That movie was so fake!" Gunn was complaining to Spike not far behind, and shaking his head as he took off his dark coat. "How can you be a really hot babe one minute then a butt-ugly dude the next and NOT have your whole school plus your SISTER notice its you? And you cant walk around in L.A. and not be jumped by SOMETHING! Its just not poss-"

"My God, man, did that fly just pop out of your mouth?"

Gunn turned green, also witnessing the fly flutter away for its life.

"..." Cordy and the rest just gave him a weird look.

"What are you guys looking at?" Angel came closer, dragging Connor along with him. "'Flirty?'" He raised his eyebrows at the ex-cave-dwelling lady who blushed furiously, ducking her head and PROVING the words on the screen utterly WRONG. "Really? I didnt know..."

Cordy then promptly slapped him.

"What?" he laughed, patting his arm as if in pain as Connor grinned from the side. Wes had also stopped ...whatever he was doing and joined al the others crowding around the computer.

"It obviously mixed up her name with mine," the ex-cheerleader flicked her long tresses off her shoulder as she turned the laptop towards her and reloaded the other page. She typed in the longer version of her name and clicked 'SUBMIT', the others now filled with curiosity, excluding Connor who was only filled with popcorn and looking quite sick but putting up a brave front in the company of others, gathering closer to see the results.

Connor raised his head, having a smaller stature and all, and looked at what the name had produced, quickly chuckling and turning away as the others took their precious time reading.

Soon after was an exclamation of outrage followed closely by laughing voices.

-C-crazy

-O-organic

-R-refreshing

-D-ditzy

-E-earthy

-L-lively

-I-important

-A-arty

"Crazy! Ditzy!" Gunn was practically rolling on the floor laughing as Cordelia fumed from her seat.

"I am NOT ditzy!" She all-but-kicked Gunn. "What the HELL does this thing think it is!"

"Well, you ARE lively," Angel pointed out, but only after his fit of guffaws has ceased to exist.

"And rather important to us, yes," Wes said after peeling away a hand from his mouth that was trying to hold in the laughter.

"Bloody mad, too..." Spike lit a smoke, sounding bored.

"AND she DOES eat organic foods, which isnt all that bad, might I add," Lorne put in, finally joining everybody. Connor gave the green demon a lip-curling frown, the thought of Cordelia's food stocked up in the fridge completely disgusting to him. Angel saw the boy's look and grinned fondly at him, heartily understanding, as he ruffled his son's hair affectionately.

"Me next," Gunn all-but-cried, straightening up. "Type in 'Charles'."

"Why not 'Gunn'?" Cordy asked, all ready over her anger...as if forgetting it...which describes so well one of those words that her name produced...

"C'mon, Cordy, its 'GUNN'. It might pop up with 'likes to SHOOT people'." The woman nodded and typed in 'Charles'.

-C-casual

-H-heavenly

-A-articulate

-R-relaxing

-L-legendary

-E-entertaining

-S-saucy

Gunn whistled. "I LIKE. And oh so true-"

"'Entertaining', my green ass...Wow, that came out wrong..." ('came out' hahahaha)

"'Heavenly'? Not in this lifetime, buddy," Cordy laughed. "Its wrong again!"

"He IS 'legendary'," Fred spoke quietly. Gunn smiled gratefully.

"Shut up, Fred." Cordy again. "How about you, Wes? Want to see if your actually a demon in disguise?"

Wes just nodded, looking blank.

And almost terrified.

-W-wonderful

-E-enchanting

-S-silly

-L-logical

-E-emotional

-Y-young

Seeing those words, Wes turned around with a quiet sigh of relief, wiping at his suddenly fogged up glasses.

They didnt find out. They still dont know, Wesley thought, realizing he had cut it close yet again.

The others just stared at his reaction with a creeped-out look.

"Well, he IS 'logical'," Cordelia pouted, disappointed she couldnt poke fun at the British man.

"And 'EMO' when he wants to be," Gunn grinned.

"Who wants to go next?"

Lorne looked over while stuffing away his book on a shelf. "I'll give it a go."

-NAME NOT FOUND. YOU MEAN NOTHING, MAN, NOTHING!-

Everybody: "..."

"That was HARSH," Gunn patted Lorne's drooping shoulders, almost feeling bad for the guy.

"Angel's next," Cordelia sang out, taking on the face of...something evil. Her eyes gleamed with an eerie light and fingers moved erratically with anticipation as she typed in her boss's name. "Lets see what it brings up for our lovable, tree-hugging, blood-guzzling, moody-broody friend of 200 years!"

Everybody practically shoved each other out of the way to read, even Connor, who was all-but climbing onto his father's shoulders to catch a glimpse. If it was something funny and true, he could taunt the man for YEARS. He had always been looking forward to something like this...

-A-adventurous

-N-nutty

-G-glittering

-E-extraordinary

-L-logical.

Connor moped and Angel grinned proud until Spike spoke up.

"No, you have to use 'Liam'. Thats his true name...'Nutty' does fit him well, though." Angel glared.

-L-loud

-I-idiotic

-A-adaptable

-M-modern

"Much better," Spike nodded.

"How do they have 'LIAM' but not 'Lorne'?" Lorne grumbled, inwardly cursing his own mother.

Angel just crossed his arms with a huff and turned away as Connor stored away his father's name's meaning for ..."future use."

"Do Connor's now!" Fred piped up, smiling sweetly at the boy. Gunn grinned slyly at him. Connor narrowed his eyes at the man but didnt complain as Cordelia started to type it in. Even Angel glanced over again, trying not to come off as too curious.

But this WAS something about his kid...

-C-clever

-O-ordinary

-N-nerdy

-N-normal

-O-orderly

-R-rude

Connor looked over at his father, eyes narrowed. "I hate you."

And Angel looked as if the comment had stabbed him in the heart.

"Thats obviously far from the truth, kid." Gunn said, glancing at Angel first to see if the man was ok then at the boy. "Your about as normal as an alien crash-landing here and feeling threatened by Cordelia's level of intelligen-" A hand was suddenly at his throat.

"Finish that sentence and your eyes will pop out, mister."

Angel kept looking over at his son cautiously as Connor continued to glare. "Connor...Thats not what your name means. Youre name is the most popular and POWERFUL name in all of Ireland, plus it was my favorite!"

Connor tilted his head then slowly started to feel better...until...

"I thought you named him after that MacLeod guy- you know, the one that's a drunk, slept with his half-sister, and finally got his head chopped off in the-"

"-Shut UP, Cordelia," Angel said through clenched teeth. "You know thats not true. That 'Conner' is 'E-R', not 'O-R'. 'Connor' was actually the name of my favorite teddy bear when I was...uhhh...oops."

"Awww, how SWEEEEEEEET," Spike cooed, smiling mockingly at the blushing-furiously Connor. "Named after a widdle-itty-bitty teddy bear! Not big-bad-Mr-Boy-Destroyer anymore, but a tinsy-winsy-ARGH!" He was suddenly hit with a thick book.

Connor smirked.

"Thats my boy," Angel grinned at his Miracle then at the fallen vampire. "I think Spike should be next."

"He's the only name left," Cordy rolled her eyes, already typing it in. "And just to let you know, Angel, it's 'O-R'. Good try, though...Wait, 'William the Bloody', right? Should I leave off 'the Bloody' or type it in?"

They all just gave her a look, except for Spike who was now frantically looking around for his cigarette that had flown from his mouth during his little...ordeal.

Cordy read the results out loud so the immortal could hear also.

"-W-warm

-I-irresistible

-L-loud

-L-luscious

-I-intense

-A-altruistic

-M-marvelous"

"'Marvelous'?" Spike laughed, fired up with pride. "Thats right! I AM marvelous! Behold, all you foul uglies! William the Marvelous."

"Only the 'LOUD' is true," Gunn muttered, a finger twisting in his ears. He couldve sworn his hearing gave out a second there, him being the closest to the platinum blonde.

"'Al' what?" Connor asked. "Whats that word mean?" Nobody answered him, too disappointed at the complimenting results...plus they didnt want to admit they didnt actually know the definition of 'altruistic'. Not even Wes knew, which surprised him...and enraged him. He took off towards the nearest dictionary like a mad man on a mission

"How boring," Cordy complained to the laptop. "Im typing in 'Spike'. Thats his name now, anyway."

-S-selfish

-P-prissy

-I-insane

-K-kind

-E-effeminate

"Much better," Angel laughed, cracking up.

"I like it," Cordy smiled, looking innocent.

"Very fitting," Lorne nodded.

Spike however wasnt so thrilled. "WHAT IN THE BLOODY BLAZES IS THAT! 'PRISSY'? ME? 'SELFISH'? BLOODY SOD, THAT SYSTEM SHOULD DIE! TECHNOLOGY BE DAMNED! I'LL GIVE THEM 'INSANE'!" He then just stomped around like Godzilla in America, his furious and 'kind' words soon jumbling together to form ferocious snarls and growls as he practically leveled a bookcase.

Things flew everywhere behind the group.

"What does 'effeminate' mean?" Connor asked his father curiously.

"Means he's like a girl, son."

"TRHUEIOJMKLSDHJGSHFUHGRRRRGRRRRRRRRGRRRRRRR!"

"Well, thats it," Cordy sat back, flexing her fingers.

Then got an amazing idea.

She leaned forward again.

"Who are you going to type in?" Fred asked curiously.

"Wolfram and Hart."

The others just stared at her, wide-eyed.

"It says you cant have spaces."

"Then I wont have them. Im leaving out 'and', too."

She typed it in and eagerly awaited what the search would find, the others not trying to look so interested but finding themselves crowding around again, just the same.

-W-warm

-O-orderly

-L-likable

-F-flavorful

-R-relaxing

-A-amazing

-M-mushy

-H-healthy

-A-altruistic

-R-remarkable

-T-tempting

/CRAAAAAAAAAAAASH/ The flat computer was promptly thrown out the window.

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(A/N): Yeah, again, I dont know what this is. Took me like an hour to write. I was kinda on a writers-block from Precious Destruction, so I took a detour and produced this. All those name thingies actually fit. I looked up all their names, and found them SOOOO fitting (except Connor's! That was just MEAN!) and funny (ESPECIALLY Connor's!...mean, tho, MEAN!) , I got THIS idea. Spike's wasnt real ('William' was). I made that one up. O, Lorne's either. Lorne's name popped up with something stupid. Everything else tho was real.

Spike's real one:

-S-strong

-P-perky

-I-intense

-K-kinky

-E-extreme

Heh. 'kinky' heheheheheh.