AN: Hey there. To those people who might be expecting a new chapter from Empty Feeling from me, know that I haven't given up on it, but I am no longer in that fandom. The story will be completed as I find inspiration.

This is just a fun little Star Trek parody. I already have multiple chapters completed or in progress, and will upload when I have the time. Enjoy.

CAPTAIN'S LOG

Captain's Log: Stardate 3203.6.

Landing party has arrived on a previously unexplored M Class planet. Commander Spock, Dr. McCoy, and I, as well as two armed security personnel – *crash!bang!* - Make that one armed security person... el... Mr. Spock tells me there are multiple forms of life upon the planet, including intelligent, humanoid beings of pre-industrial... oh, here's some now...

Captain's Log, supplemental:

We've been taken hostage, for unknown reasons... Shut up, Bones, I'm aware I probably shouldn't have leered, like you said, at his wife, but really... Crap, can I erase that last statement? Dammit, Bones, you've messed up my Log. Now I have to start over...

Captain's Log, supplemental:

Mr. Spock informs me that the inhabitants of this planet seem to be very wary of anything out of the ordinary. Such as three people in brightly colored uniforms suddenly appearing in a flash of blinding light in the middle of a ceremony... Oh, wait, here they come again. Maybe they want to – Oh. Lost the other security guard. Seems they aren't much for talking.

Captain's Log, supplemental:

Well, I told Scotty if we hadn't checked in within the hour, that he was to beam us back up, but it seems – yes, thank you, Bones, you're bitching is really helping us out right now. Let's keep it up, maybe if you yell really loud, your serious passion about all things emotional will magically get us out of this in one piece – as I was saying, it seems something's off up there. Admittedly, Scotty's been out of sorts lately. Keep's asking me for advice on picking up women and then blushing like schoolboy when I ask who he's interested in. Maybe he finally got up the courage... Well, at least something's going right today. That or he's on the sauce, again.

Captain's Log: Stardate... The Next Day, Morning, I Think

I knew this already, but Bones – Oh, sorry, Dr. McCoy – is impossible to cohabitate with. Not only does he snore and grumble in his sleep, he – Yes, Spock, I am perfectly aware that the Log is not meant to be complained to, but you refuse to listen and I've got to tell somebody. As I was saying, Bones – oh, shit, he's waking up! Quick, Spock, act natural. Yes, that's right. That blank, vacant look always works wonders.

Captain's Log: supplemental

Well, we made it back to the Enterprise. Spock did something genius with a tissue and piece of copper wire that got us a signal to call the ship, and we beamed right out of that prison cell. If you could call it a prison cell. It was more of a teepee with with guards. I would have gotten us out eventually... I'm being told that I'm digressing from the point of the Captain's Log. Yes, Spock, to succinctly inform, without being over- bla bla bla. Thanks for reminding me. Anyway. Peace. Kirk, out.

Writer's Log: I have problems.