Never Had A Dream, a yu-gi-oh fanfic

Never Had A Dream Come True

Everybody's got something they had to leave behind.
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time.
There's no use looking back or wondering.
How it could be now or might have been.
Oh, this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go.

Seated above the thrashing waves on the edge of a dock, playing the tips of her unfiled nails through the water, she tried to ignore the lonely, broken side of her heart that still yearned for his touch, still regreated her loss. She was a working gilr now, self-supporting and still beautiful, but also darker now, deeper. She had given up her dueling days, but the feeling of her deck against her body, the feeling of her fingers on her breast pocket, refused to quit calling out empty, unforfilled promises and broken memories.

She brushed her blonde bangs away from her face and stared into the water. Twenty-five years old now, and yet so hung up.......... Hung up on that stupid Wheeler kid, she thought to herself, and she watched it dance across her violet eyes: Pain, loss, longing, and hatred. And then they were gone. She turned away from it, the same way she often turned away, ran away, from her mirror and the mirror where she worked.

She pulled her knees up to her chest, suddenly feeling self-concuious in her tight mini-skirt, a darker purple now than it had ever been when she was with Joey. She felt a bit of the water splash up to meet her bare stomach and crossed her arms over her chest, looking around the boat docks. No one ever came to the Domino City boat docks, leaving her completly alone.

Or at least they didn't anymore. No one came down there to laugh and romp anymore. She was now a lone shadow, resting after a long day at the bar, smiling for strangers and joking with the men and women, sensing their loss with her own heart and finding tips on her table. People loved talking to her, loved being around her when she smiled and acted like she understood.

Only it was never acting for Mai Valentine.

She's hear their comments, heard them everywhere she went in her low-cut, short-skirted work uniform, which now lay in a ball behind her on the dock. She's so pretty, they'd whisper. What's a girl like her doing here? She could do much better, the women gossiped. Think she's got anyone to go home to? The regular boys whispered, pointing and staring with longing and a desperation for love. Think she's ever been in love?

Both comments rang in her head, hurting her emotionally and physically as she felt her wrist aching where she'd been grabbed by one of them, his eyes a beautiful chocolate brown color, reminding her of Joey, his tenderness..... I still need him so much.....

Mai could feel her eyes stinging. "I don't belong anywhere anymore!" She heard her own voice howl brokenly. She looked up at the sky, so she wouldn't have to see herself like she did in the water, so she didn't have to remember who she was. The twilight twinkled painfully, the streak of red burning up the sky, dark as blood, dark as the blood that pumped pain from her broken heart. "Why couldn't I just stay where I was happy?"

The wind blew it's moaning reply.

Her hair moved around her slowly: She did her best to girne it, her broken nails cutting the flesh on her cheeks, trying her hardest to stop the flow of the memories, the memories of the last time she had seen Joey.They had been here, here and warm on this very dock, and they had been together, running, showing off and flapping their wings in the faint moonlight, trying to fly. Joey's shadow had come upon her like something in the shadow realm. She had clung to him, hanging onto his kisses and his words, whispered in her ear.

"I've got you, Mai, and I'll hold you until we can both face the world again." He had hidden her face with his, with his touches and kisses............

His words and kisses came back to her, gentle and warm. For a moment she found herself pressing her lips to air, feeling him. "He's in this city, but would he want me back?" Her life had been so empty without him, so sad without him. She was lost to the shadows, just like when she was a duelist...... Now all the shadows consumed her. Even her own shadow.

A gull cried somewhere above her, wild to the sky. Let him go, it seemed to scream.

"I can't, don't you understand?" She hollored. "I JUST CAN'T!!!!!!"

I never had a dream come true
Till the day that I found you
Even though I pretend that I moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
Your the one I think about each day
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you.

"I just can't do it," she whispered to the sky. "I just can't forget him." She shivered against the cold of the night, longing for her jacket: Her hands came up to meet the crook in her arms and she hugged herself for reassurence as well as warmth. "Where are you, Joey?"

And why do I miss you so much? She picked up her uniform and began walking, fast, moving away from her problems: She could go to the bar, stay there, work night and morning shift, go home and sleep, and then be ready for another day. She HAD to, really, because she had left her car behind to save gas.

She noticed the heads turning her way. She never could understand why they stared at her, at the uniform in her hands, as if they might bite. I don't bite......... I'm not someone to be shunned or hated............

No one heard these silent pleas.

And to think I used to have dreams, she thought coldly. To think heads used to turn at the sight of Mai Valentine, number one female duelist. Now they only turn because I'm a girl all alone in the world............... I really let that kid put me in my place. It was a terrible thought, but none the less, she couldn't shake it.

Joey came to her mind in the same way the word dreams did, not something she wanted but something she needed to think over all the same, something she didn't want to think over. He had wanted the same things, the same kind of fame, the same kind of understanding............

"We both just need to try a little harder. We're both gonna be somebody, agreed?" She had nodded, shocked by his passion. "You're strong, Mai. With a little love and hope, you'll take off. I'll try to take off too. Just don't ever give up on me." They had exchanged such a tender peck.........

And she had left him. She had, in cold blood, thinking she would be better off without love, left Joey to suffer alone. He needed me and I left him. I needed him and I didn't understand....... He'd never want an unfaithful cold-hearted............... He'd never want me back.

I moved back here to find him. But he wouldn't want me back........ No one wants me. That's why I'm alone in this world. She let herself into the small bar silently, listening to the dance beat, knowing it was still early, only about nine o' clock, and that many people would be here soon, dancing and laughing and calling out for her.

There would be others, of course. The broken, defeated ones............ They would be the ones she talked to, that she felt pain for. They would be the ones in the shadows, at the small tables with a single candle, the ones that got wasted on their own pain and a few bottles of achohol..............

"Valentine, you're here!" The boss, a middle-aged woman, Anna Strangele, was white-haired and sharp-eyed, with blue eyes that stared straight through her employes. "Didn't you work this afternoon?" She eyed Mai with suspision. "Anyway, I'm willing to pay you overtime........ You look depressed, hon, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, ma'am." She pulled her apron on, affixed her name tag, straightened it with her hands. She caught sight of herself: A young beauty with no hope left.

"Glad to hear it. It's gonna be a loud night with that new tournament starting up, eh?" Anna stared at Mai.

"Yes ma'am," Mai said in a hardly audiable voice, and then she was gone from the kitchen with the door swinging wildly and quickly after her. The throbbing music got louder: The rush was about to begin.

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tommorrow can never be
Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
There's no use lookin back or wonderin
How it should be now or might have been
All this I know
But still I can't find way to let you go

Joey sat with his long legs over the edge of the bench, alone in the park, very depressed after another week of looking for Mai, of searching and praying and wondering where Mai was. His chocolate eyes to the sky, he wondered again what could have happened to her, where she could have gone. I really miss her.........

He could still remember her that night at the dock, her feet dangling into the warm water while she watched him jump and romp, laughing with him instead of at him. Everyone else always laughs at me.............. Mai didn't laugh at me............ He heard her laughter again in his ear, warm and tinkling, without the cold note of when they had first met.

She had been so afraid....... She had clung to him, a single tear falling. "Don't........ I can't take the shadows, Joey! I just can't take shadows and death and dispair and anger anymore." Her hair had been the only thing visible as she leaned into his shoulder for protection from her own darkness, from the darkness of the world.

He had kissed her as she had turned her face to him. "I've got you, Mai," he had whispered. "I've got you until we can both face the world again."

He was lost in memories, in time and space and hours spent with Mai. She had always been gentle with the kisses, always been warm and gentle and careful with him. He had always given her everything. He would never forget the morning, the moring she had left:

"Mai?" He had called into her apartment, having gone over to hang out for a few hours, flowers hidden behind his back. He had thought only of hanging out, of being warm and safe in her arms and loving her again.

A note had greeted him from her apartment door:

I'm going, Joey. You'll always be my baby. Try not to be too hung up on me. I've got too many things to do....... Remember me. I'll be back someday.
Mai

It had all been so simple, yet he had been so effective. He had broken down on her steps, sobbing...........

Snap out of it, Joey, he hissed at himself, and looked out over the city.

To distract himself, he watched the warm lights come on one by one, buring across the sky like wildfire. He checked his watch: Nine o' clock on a Saturday night. He set off with purpose on his face: He knew where we was going to go.

Lost in his memory, he stood behind the others, waiting to get into the jumping nightclub, a small tavern: Blue's Bar. I know I shouldn't be drinkin' cause of Mai and Serenity still needs me, but............ He dropped this line of thought and followed the others in their forward shuffle.

Mai went toward the back of the pub, stopping to talk to the regulars, to ask how people were, smiling and talking and sometimes joking, looking at the dancers and the waitresses dancing drunkly among them with envy, none of which she knew but all of whom she reconized from being here and wondered why they hadn't been fired.

Does it really matter anyway?

The pub filled further and she could spend less and less time with people, running back and forth, bottles in one hand, pitchers in the other, ringing totals, making her way across the heart-throb of the dance floor. I used to be one of those people, she found herself thinking.

"Sexy blonde guy, underaged, back-left. Looks a few years younger than you, Valentine," said one of the girls behind the counter, who served the rows of people who would end up drunk partying, who were only here for 'one or two' of the Blue Bar's famous beers and would end up totally wasted......... "I would say kick him out, but he's real polite, not a thug at all. Go have a sit-in with him, I'll get Rosey on your tables." She gestured to one of the girls in the middle of the floor and then, putting up her 'back in five' sign, left Mai alone.

Make people feel better, Valentine. She heard that demand so often around here.......... Make them think they're someone. Show them that you care. What if I'M the one who really needs a hug, a hand? No one and nothing answered these angry questions within her mind.

The blonde boy was actually more of a diry blonde, head down almost to the table, and he was staring at the filthy tabletop between his arms as if he had never seen anything quite like it before, only the whites of his eyes visible to Mai. His skin had a healthy glow to it: He was obviously not a regular, although he sat among them.

"You're underage, honey," Mai said softly, and slid into the booth oppisite him. "What's up with you? You're the most depressed of this lot: Did someone die on you or something?" She knew how this worked, she'd done it so many times to Joey: Bring on your aurgement quickly and let the rest fall into place.

"She ain't dead," Joey whispered softly. "Mai, is that you?"

"Yes," she gasp out slowly. "Yes Joey, it is me."

His hand came out to touch hers and their eyes met across the filthy tabletop. "I found you, Mai. I can't belive you left......... You're the reason I'm here in the first place."

Joey.............. "I.........."

"Where have you been, Mai? I've needed you....... I still need you......."

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will
Oh baby
You'll always be the one
I know I'll never forget
There's no use lookin back or wonderin
Because love is a strange and funny thing
No matter how I try and try
I just can't say good-bye
No,no,no,no!

"Joey........ I don't know what to say." She stared at him, lost once again in his body and heart. "I didn't mean to leave you, I just......."

"Just what?" His eyes became more hostile now. "Just thought you could leave me? I loved you, and I cared. I cared for once in my life, Mai, and you ditched me!" His voice rose to an angry pitch. "And I still kept looking for you! I just don't understand........" His voice now broke. His eyes were deeper now, more worn with sadness she hadn't planned on him feeling, hadn't wanted him to have to feel on her behalf.

"Oh God, Joey.........." She gasp out, but could find no more words to say, staring at him, at his eyes, wondering how he could have changed so much. "Joey....." Come on, he knows his name, now comfort him! "Joey, I never meant it.

"Then what did you mean? Leavin' a note and leaving me...... I just can't get over you, Mai. Not with achohol, not with just lettin' it go. Please, tell me you've been okay, that you missed me too... I don't wanna play the fool again, Mai." He was so broken......

"I've been okay," she whispered, and set her hand on his for a moment, shimmering in the different colored lights, thriving on being with him again, with seeing him and touching him and knowing everything could be alright again.

He pulled back slightly, as if unsure of what a touch was supposed to feel like. "I'm glad you've been okay........"

"I've been looking for you since I came back. I didn't think the word love applied to me. But then....... Love just turned out to be different, to be something that, even though I couldnt' see, I needed. And the only place I found love.... Was you. I only stayed away a year, but then I couldn't find you, any of you........" She looked out across the room.

"I know. Ever since Yug packed it up and Serenity and I got a bigger apartment, everyone just kinda scattered themselves throughout the city. Tea and Tristan are both in my building now, and Bakura's been doin' okay.... They were all looking for you too."

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Joey.........."

Now he was the one to take her hand, patting it, reassuring her. "It's alright, it's just.... It was all so different. No more hugs, only bein' with the gang. Sometimes Serenity and Tea would accidentaly put out an extra plate for you, like you were coming back........."

"I'm so sorry........." Her eyes shown over with tears. She had waited all this time to find him, to hold him..... The splintered table dug into her through the thin uniform, and she wanted more than ever to have the old days back, the days when she was actually cared about. "I knew you wouldn't want me back.........."

"Baby, I DO want you back." He stared at her, tears coming down his cheeks now. Mai had never thought him the kind capable of crying and was shocked. "I've dreamed about you every night, done everything I could to try to erase you........ But I can't. Goodbye wasn't an option for me........."

"I've dreamed about you too. Every time, it's those days when we both dreamed."

"I know......... Mai, if you want to take me back, I'm more than willing to have you. I love you."

"I...... I love you too."

"One thing I could never erase was this." He leaned across, the sweat pouring from him, fear of rejection shining in both his eyes. His lips pressed to hers, and she pressed back. This was what she needed him for, this was what she could never replace, love flowing between both of them.

A small creaking noise awoke Mai. She sat bold upright in her bed, not at her bar job but in fact in the darkness of her apartment, her alarm clock grinning at her, it's manical smile of the red numbers spelling out three AM. She felt herself sweating and yet remotely chilled at the same time: She hugged her soaking white sheets to herself and tried not to cry.

"Just another dream.........." She whispered to herself.

Rolling out of bed, she walked into her lonely, tiny living room: Only two steps into the hallway from her bedroom, then two more steps to the couch, four to cross her living room. She had made this lonely night time treck so many times, she had each step memoried, could see one purple-slippered foot putting itself in front of the other without glancing down.

She sank into the blue couch, directly into the middle, where a single spring came out to great her back. She ignored it and fumbled the thin white silk nightgown, seeing her own legs and slippers stretched in front of her, leaning back into her uniform, draped where she had left it when she had come in, exsahusted.

"I can't even say how much I miss you......." Regret seized her and she stared out the window, stared at the city lights for a long time, stared at the unyeilding sky. I never had a dream come true........... I wish I could find Joey again..... I never should have left........

A neighbor rolled over in bed, ignoring the sobs of the over-emotional woman downstairs. What does SHE have to cry about? He complained to himself.

A girl took her screaming brother in her arms and woke him up. "Joey, it was just another dream!"

Hair falling in his face, he looked up at her sadly. "I was........... dreamin' about Mai." His eyes filled with tears at the name. "She seemed so real, so unhappy.........." Joey looked out the window next to them. "She was sobbin', Serenity, like she needs me. I just wanna see her again......."

"When are you going to let her go, Joey?" Serenity felt his body trembling through her thin pajamas, and not from cold, as expected: He trembled from the pain of the loss, the pain within his own head.

"Never." He stared out into the night. "I'm just going to keep dreamin' and trying to find her, tryin' to get her back in my life." I love you, Mai. He thought.

A part of me will always be with you.

Raventhedarkgoddess: Born from my extreme boredom. I don't own YGO or S Club 7's song 'Never Had A Dream Come True'. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. If not, flames are welcome.