DISCLAIMER: Digimon does not belong to me.
WARNING: This story contains a male/male relationship, so if you have a problem with this, please press back and take your narrow-mindedness elsewhere. Otherwise, enjoy!
SUMMARY: This is a sequel to, 'As Always, For Always', but can be read as a stand alone piece I guess (Just make it up :P). It's a year later and Taichi still can't put Yamato's death behind him. A short story about forgiveness.
WHITE WHISPERS –
By Minieggz
'Matt?'
A shadow shifted. 'Tai?'
For a moment, Taichi struggled for words, and then a heart-felt, 'I…I'm sorry…' trailed from his lips.
There was no response from the cloaked figure across from him. Overhead, the churning sky turned a brazen yellowish-brown, and the light around them suddenly became strange and unreal. A flash of lightening flickered in the distance, illuminating the small grave yard for a moment, and then all was dark again.
Taichi swallowed uncertainly. 'Matt? Did…did you hear me?'
Yamato's answer was curt and blunt, and cut through the hostile air harshly, 'Yeah, I heard you Tai.'
There was a pause then, a streak of lightening marred the sky for a second, and then a moment later, an ear-splitting BOOM thundered around them.
Taichi stirred uneasily. 'So do…do you forgive me?' he piped up, his voice tipped with emotion.
'No.'
Taichi's heart fell. 'No…?' he echoed, his voice breaking slightly.
'No, Tai, I don't forgive you,' Yamato repeated, his voice dead-pan, 'I can never forgive you.'
Taichi felt a swell of emotion in his chest, and he bit back his tears. 'P-please,' he whimpered, 'I-I didn't mean it…I'm so sorry…'
Again, there was no response, and a crack of thunder filled the silence.
A single tear fell and splattered on the dirt. 'Matt…I never meant to hurt you. I love you.'
Yamato laughed then, a harsh, bitter sounding thing that sent shivers down Taichi's spine. 'Do you, Tai? Do you really?'
'Yes,' Taichi gushed at once, 'with all my heart – oh God, you'll never know how much I love you, Matt…'
Yamato snorted. 'Even when…'
He cut short and stepped into the light, pushing back his hood, and Taichi cried out in alarm at the sight, stumbling slightly as he took a step back.
'M - Matt?!' he spluttered, his eyes wide and fearful.
Yamato smirked darkly. 'Even when I look like this?' he finished. 'Do you still love me like this?'
He gestured to his face that was sunken and deathly-white, and streaked with blue-green veins that seemed to crawl up his cheeks like climbing ivy. His eyelids had disappeared and Yamato's blood-shot eyes protruded from his skull-like face unpleasantly, and his blonde hair, once immaculate and cared for, now hung limply off his hollow face, matted with dirt and neglect.
'Well, Tai.' Yamato pressed, 'Do you?'
Taichi opened his mouth, but words failed him.
And then, suddenly, Yamato's temper flared:
'No. And how could you?' he snarled, his waxen, rotting face gnarled in fury. 'Look at me, Taichi! Fucking look what you've done! I'll never know how much you love me now, will I?'
'Oh God, Matt…' Taichi muttered, shaking his head in disbelief.
Yamato's laughter was high and hysterical sounding. 'Yes, yes Tai. Look what you've done. You killed me! You fucking killed me, you bastard!'
'I – I…'
'I'm going to make you pay for this!'
Then suddenly Yamato was coming towards him, a manic look in his eyes.
Taichi's instincts told him to run, but his legs were heavy and rooted to the spot. He shielded his face with his hands. 'No! No!' he cried, over and over, cowering. 'Keep away from me! Keep away! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!'
Two ice-cold hands pulled at his wrists, and suddenly he was staring straight into Yamato's swollen, red-streaked eyes. He was so close Taichi could smell the acrid smell of decay and see bulges under his skin squirm and wither as maggots crawled and fed off his flesh.
'No! No! Please Matt,' Taichi whispered. 'I - I'm sorry!'
'You will be,' Yamato growled, his eyes flashing, 'you fucking will be…'
'Rough night, eh?'
Taichi shrugged in response.
Hikari sighed softly as she lowered herself into the chair opposite her brother. 'Me too,' she continued, reaching for the last slice of toast. 'I couldn't sleep at all.'
There was a silence for a moment after that, and all that could be heard was the slapping of rain against the windowpane and the tinkering sound of spoon against cup as Taichi stirred his coffee, and then:
'Mum at work?' Hikari piped up conversationally.
Taichi picked up his mug and slurped at his coffee noisily. 'Hmmm.'
'What about Dad?'
Taichi shrugged.
'Oh.'
They lapsed into silence again. Hikari nibbled at her toast, while Taichi fingered the rim of his coffee mug thoughtfully, watching the rain lash against the kitchen window.
After a while, Hikari cleared her throat, swallowing. She hesitated slightly, brushing away crumbs that had fallen onto the table pointedly, before saying, 'you know, it's Matt's birthday today…'
Taichi winced slightly at the sound of Yamato's name, but otherwise remained straight-faced.
'TK's planning a sort of memorial at the cemetery,' Hikari continued, watching her brother closely, 'you know, a few friends, candles, that sort of thing…'
Taichi brought his mug to his lips, tilting it slightly to study the last of the brown substance. 'Is that so?' he said, his tone indifferent.
Hikari frowned slightly at his response, 'Are…are you coming?'
Taichi was still for a moment, his brow creased in thought, and then he drained his mug and placed it on the kitchen table in front of him. 'No.'
Hikari bit her lips slightly. 'TK isn't angry anymore,' she said delicately. 'You don't have to worry about him. He's forgiven you.'
Taichi didn't respond.
Hikari paused tentatively, before adding, her voice hushed, 'Just like you should, Tai. It's been over a year now since…since…' She trailed off.
Taichi eye's flashed with emotion.
'Tai, you can't keep beating yourself up like this,' Hikari pressed on. 'It's not healthy. What happened, happened. It was tragic, yes, I know, but…but you've got to move on, Tai. You've got to forgive yourself. It wasn't your fault.'
Rain whipped more violently at the windowpane; Taichi's hands clenched into fists under the table.
She didn't understand, she didn't understand anything…
Hikari sighed faintly. 'I know it's hard for you – it's hard for us all,' she said, 'and I know you miss him – he was your best friend, but…but you have to let it go. Matt, he…he wouldn't want this –'
Then, suddenly, something snapped inside Taichi as he heard those words, and he was on his feet, bellowing, 'How the fuck do you know what Matt wants? He's dead, Kari. Dead! He's not drifting along on some fluffy cloud playing a fucking harp, he's fucking dead! Rotting away beneath us, and he's never coming back! Ever! And it's all my fault!'
And then – SMASH! CRACK!
In his flurry of emotion, Taichi had upturned the table. Cutlery cracked and smashed noisily, and food splattered the floor, and then Taichi was kicking and screaming, 'HE'S FUCKING DEAD! HE'S FUCKING DEAD, AND IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT! I KILLED HIM! I FUCKING KILLED HIM!'
'TAI!' Hikari shrieked, her voice wavering with fright. She was pressed against the fridge, cowering as glasses and plates shattered around her. 'NO, TAI! STOP IT! STOP IT!'
But Taichi was relentless, snatching anything in his reach and hauling it across the room until Hikari stepped forward and seized his wrists in a sudden bout of anger.
'TAICHI!' she bellowed, her face red with fury. 'JUST FUCKING STOP IT! STOP BEING SO FUCKING SELFISH! I KNOW YOU'RE HURTING, BUT SO ARE WE! HAVE YOU EVEN NOTICED? OR HAVE YOU BEEN TOO CAUGHT UP IN YOUR OWN GRIEF? LOOK AT TK! HE'S LOST HIS BROTHER, YET HE'S STILL GETTING ON WITH HIS LIFE! HE'S NOT WALLOWING IN HIS DEPRESSION LIKE YOU! SO JUST STOP IT TAI! STOP IT!'
And with that, she ran from the kitchen, howling.
'But…but…'
Taichi's voice broke as he sank to the floor, his knees pressing into shards of glass unnoticed as he hunched over and gave way to the tears brimming in his eyes.
'But it's different for me,' Taichi whimpered, 'I'm…I'm in love with him…'
Suddenly, a shadow fell over his trembling form.
Taichi snivelled, his body jerking as he glanced up cautiously.
Yamato sneered down at him, his bulging eyes fixed on him intensely. Half of his blue-tinged lip hung from his face and Taichi could see his blackened gums peeling away from his teeth.
'M - Matt…?' Taichi stuttered, his voice barely but a whisper.
Yamato shook his head disgustedly. 'You're such a jerk,' he snarled, 'I'd never treat TK like that. Ever. You don't deserve to have a sister like Hikari.'
'But I…I didn't mean to…'
Yamato sighed impatiently and said, his tone mocking, 'You never mean to do anything, Tai, do you?'
'I didn't…she was…she was saying stuff – trying to make me forget you…she doesn't understand, Matt…I…I just lost it…
'I'm sorry…'
'Sorry, sorry, sorry,' Yamato spat nastily, 'you're always fucking sorry. Sorry for killing me, sorry for treating your sister like shit, sorry for screwing up everything you do…but if you think about it Tai, do you mean it? Do you? Or is something you say because you have to? I'm sorry for killing you, Matt, it was just a mistake, you know how it's like…'
Taichi slammed his hands against his ears, his fingers digging into scalp painfully. 'SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP! I'M SORRY! I'M FUCKING SORRY! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE YOU SEE HOW SORRY I AM?'
Suddenly, Taichi felt a hand fall on his shoulder
He jerked his head round.
Hikari was stood behind him, her eyes wide and fearful. Her lip trembled violently as she spoke, 'T – Tai? Who…who are you talking to?'
A lunchbox was pushed into his line of view. 'Here, I made you lunch.'
Taichi glanced up through his sodden fringe.
Sora and Mimi, huddled together under a pink polka-dot umbrella, peered down at him from across the wooden picnic table. It was Sora who'd spoken, smiling expectantly at him.
Taichi sighed heavily. 'Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not hungry.'
And he placed a hand on the lunchbox and slid it back across the table.
'Oh c'mon, Tai, it's your favourite – riceballs!' Mimi clucked; her eyes alight with encouragement.
Taichi's stomach churned at the thought, and he shook his head. 'I'm sorry, I'm really…I just…I'm not hungry.'
Sora sighed then, the smile slipping off her face. 'Tai, you've got to eat,' she said, her tone suddenly very serious, 'you're going to make yourself ill if you carry on like this...'
Taichi sighed. This was all he needed.
'I'm sorry, Tai,' Sora continued, sensing his distress, 'but I'm…we're worried about you.'
'Yea,' Mimi piped up from Sora's side, 'you're wasting away in front of ours eyes, Tai, and it hurts to see you like this. I mean, if you don't start eating soon you're going to get seriously ill… '
Taichi didn't respond. He knew this, he wasn't stupid, just…he couldn't. The moment food touched his lips, images of Yamato's decaying corpse flooded his brain and…
He just couldn't.
And he didn't care.
'I feel so helpless,' Sora suddenly whispered, jarring him from his thoughts. 'I watch you everyday, getting thinner and thinner, and I can't help you… and…and …'
She trailed off, swallowing. There were tears glistening in her eyes. Mimi placed a hand on Sora's shoulder comfortingly.
A lump came to Taichi's throat and he glanced away at the bustling playground. He'd never heard Sora sounding so weak, even after Yamato's death she remained calm and collective, the shoulder to cry on…
'I'm sorry…' Taichi croaked.
Sora sniffled, dabbing at her cheeks with the sleeve of her jumper. 'Don't be sorry, just eat. Can you…could you do that for me, Tai?'
But Taichi's attention seemed elsewhere at that moment.
Sora creased her brow. 'Tai?'
Something had caught Taichi's eye across the playground. His face was wrinkled in a frown of confusion.
For a moment he thought he'd caught sight of familiar flowing blonde locks…
Sora raised a curved eyebrow, curious. 'Tai?' she said softly. 'What is it?'
Taichi's frown deepened as he caught sight of the figure again.
Had that just been…?
He narrowed his eyes to get a better look, edging forward slightly.
'Tai? What are you looking at?'
And there – there he was again!
Taichi leapt to his feet in an instant. 'Matt!?'
Mimi gasped.
Sora whipped her head round. 'What?!'
'Matt! I saw Matt!'
'Where?'
'Wha?'
'Oh my God…'
'Matt! Matt! I saw Matt!'
And Taichi was off, sprinting across the playground.
'TAI! COME BACK, TAI!' Sora shouted after him, but her voice was nothing but a distant blur to Taichi.
Yamato! He was alive! He'd seen him! Right there!
And there he'd thought…
Taichi shook the thought away.
But he'd seen him….there…
He was alive!
And now he was laughing.
It'd been a joke! A fucking joke!
It was as Yamato was rounding the corner leading to the Music block did Taichi catch hold of his sleeve, jolting him to a halt abruptly.
'Matt! Matt! You're never going to believe this…' He blubbered excitedly, but he trailed off suddenly, his eyes widening as a pair of hostile green eyes glared back at him.
It wasn't…
Taichi's heart plummeted. 'Matt…?' he whimpered.
'Hey, get off me jerk,' the blonde growled rudely, jerking his arm out of Taichi's grasp.
'I…I'm sorry,' Taichi whispered, his eyes welling.
The blonde huffed. 'Tosser,' he muttered under his breath, and turned on his heel, the red-haired girl clung to his arm asking, 'what was all that about, Rio?'
There were fresh flowers on the grave, but all Taichi could make out was a blur of yellow and red as he staggered over to the stone and collapsed on the sodden grass in front of it.
For a moment, he was still, the bottle of liquor in his hand dripping and dampening his trousers slightly as he did so, and then he reached out and fingered the golden lettering etched on the stone.
'M - matt,' he whispered, his voice laced heavily with sorrow. 'Oh Matt…'
The grave looked different than how he remembered. At the funeral there'd been a mound of dirt hid with wreaths and bunches of flowers with little sympathy cards attached to them:
'Missing you already.'
'You will never be forgotten, Matt.'
'Sleep tight, sweetie. You'll always be in our hearts.'
And now there was a stone with a passage from the bible and an ornamental angel stood to one side, eyes skyward, praying. There were vases for flowers scattered here and there, and someone had hung a wind-chime on an overhanging tree which tinkled and chimed melodiously in the gently breeze.
There were cards today, too. Birthday cards sealed in laminate were resting against the stone.
'Teenage Wolves just ain't the same without ya mate. Missing you.'
'I miss you more as each day passes. Happy birthday, Matt.'
'We miss and love you more than ever. Always thinking of you, Mum and Dad.'
There was one card left, tucked under the vase with blooming yellow roses.
Resting his bottle aside, Taichi pulled it free and unfolded it.
There was no message, but simply a name written in spidery writing: Aren.
Taichi's temper flared in an instance.
How dare he, after all he'd done…
If he hadn't been for him, Yamato would still be alive.
And in a bout of anger, he tore the card in two before seizing the bundle of roses and hauling them across the grass violently, stamping their delicate petals into the dirt.
'YOU FUCKING BASTARD!' he bellowed, his face gnarled in fury. 'YOU FUCKING BASTARD!'
And then he was suddenly angry at Yamato, turning to his grave:
'AND YOU! WAKE UP!' he yelled. 'GET THE FUCK UP, ISHIDA! ENOUGHS ENOUGH! THE JOKES OVER!'
And then he was hunched over, clawing at the dirt with his fingers, much like a dog would digging for his bone…
'THIS ISN'T FUNNY! GET UP! GET THE FUCK UP!'
And when his cries went unheeded, he howled with frustration, beating the ground with his fists…
'JUST WAKE UP! PLEASE! I NEED YOU, MATT! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!'
His voice broke with emotion as he collapsed into a heap.
'Please, Matt, I need you…' he whimpered into the dirt, 'wake up…'
Somewhere behind him, he heard a twig snap, and then:
'You know I can't, Tai.' There was no malice, nor hostility to Yamato's voice, but rather, an understanding.
Taichi squeezed his eyes shut as his chest tightened. That voice, it sounded almost like his Yamato… his wondrous, beautiful Matt…
There was a silence for a few minutes, Taichi's emotions reeling, and then he swallowed:
'Help…help me,' he pleaded, 'tell me…tell me what I should do…'
Yamato didn't speak for a moment, there was a thoughtful silence, and a brisk wind howled through the graveyard and stirred the leaves overhead, and then:
'Well, you know how the saying goes, an eye for an eye…'
Yamato paused for a moment, letting his words sink in, and then he added, his voice solemn:
'I think you know what you have to do, Tai.'
And it was as though someone had switched the light on. Taichi's mind became clear.
It was so simple, so easy – why hadn't he thought of it before?
A life for a life. It was the only way…
And suddenly, laughter was rising in his throat, choking him, and then he was roaring manically, tears of relief streaming down his face…
There was a way to make everything better.
A familiar voice cut through the stillness of the graveyard.
'Sora phoned and said she's running late, but you're not to start without her 'cos she's coming.'
'Oh right.' Pause. 'What about Joe? He's still coming, right?'
'Yea, he said he was coming later, but –'
The voice cut off abruptly.
There was a stunned silence for a moment, and then, 'Tai?'
A giggle escaped Taichi's lips before he could stop himself.
Hikari and Takeru loomed above him, there eyes wide as they took in Taichi's sprawled form, the churned soil and strewn petals scattered around him, and then wondered back onto Taichi who was gawping manically up at the sky.
Hikari creased her brow. 'What's going on, Tai?'
'We're having a party,' Taichi grinned drunkenly up at them, holding up a bottle of liquor. 'Wanna join?'
Hikari and Takeru exchanged a confused glance before she asked hesitantly, 'Who's…who's we?'
Taichi jumped to his feet then and draped an arm around Yamato's shoulder lazily. 'Me n Matt,' he said, as though she was stupid. 'It's his nineteenth birthday today – say Happy Birthday!'
Takeru shook his head, his nose wrinkled in disapproval. 'That's fucking sick, Tai…'
Hikari looked scared. 'There's…there's no-one there, Tai…'
Taichi ignore them both. 'How rude,' he muttered, then he sighed heavily, 'well, it looks like it's just you and me, mate,' he said to Yamato, and he held the bottle up, toasting to Yamato, 'well, here's to you, Matty-boy. Happy birthday!'
Takeru looked disgusted as Taichi threw his head back and gulped down the harsh liquid. 'Jesus,' he muttered distastefully.
Yamato shook his head, sneering as he watched Taichi. 'You're fucked up, Yagami,' he grinned, 'you're – fucking –fucked.'
'Tai!' Hikari shrieked, outraged. 'You're drunk!'
Taichi sniggered into the bottle. 'Oh really?' he said sarcastically. 'I hadn't noticed…'
Hikari's face fell. 'T…Tai…?'
Taichi laughed harder. There was something distinctly amusing about the whole situation.
But it seemed he was the only one who found it so. Something snapped inside Takeru then. 'Oh that's it,' he snarled, 'I've had enough of this!'
And he lurched for Taichi, his fists balled.
'TK!' Hikari shrieked, hastily stepping in front of Takeru and placing her hands on his chest. 'You said!'
'I'm sorry, Kari,' Takeru growled though clenched teeth as he glared hard at Taichi over Hikari's shoulder, 'I thought I could…I thought I could forgive him. But seeing his face, smiling and laughing and prating about when my brother's lying dead underneath him…' He trailed off, shaking his head violently. 'I can't. I can't forgive him.'
Hikari let out a cry of frustration. 'TK!' she whimpered desperately, tears clouding her eyes. 'Please! He's upset and drunk…he doesn't know what he's doing – he doesn't mean it!'
'That's no fucking excuse!' Takeru snapped. 'It's my fucking brother lying beneath us and do you see me getting drunk and treating everyone and everything like shit? He's my brother, Kari, my fucking brother!'
'I know! I know!' Hikari said patiently. 'Please, just let me talk to him—'
But Taichi cut across.
'No, Kari, leave it. It's time for me to be going now anyway.'
But before he went, he stepped forward and cupped Hikari's cheek, suddenly very together.
'You don't have to worry anymore, Kari,' he whispered. 'Everything's going to be alright now.'
'Wha – ?' Hikari frowned, confused as Taichi leant forward and kissed her brow. 'What are you on about Tai?'
'I'm going to make everything better, Kari.
'I promise you.'
The knife glimmered in the dying light.
This was it, his fault corrected…
One slice and it'd all be over. No more guilt. No more pain. He'd be free from it all.
But he hesitated, the blade poised only centimetres above his wrist.
He couldn't do it. Something was holding him back.
He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror over the sink. A scared child stared back at him.
What the hell was he doing?
He was sorry – so god damn fucking sorry.
He didn't mean it. He didn't mean the things he said. He was scared and confused and stupid, and God knows he'd do anything to change that night, absolutely anything.
He'd pray every night, pleading with God, promising to be good, to do anything he wanted, if only he'd give him another chance…please, just one more chance…
He'd hold onto Yamato. He wouldn't run, he'd stay. The driver would whiz by without a second glance at the pair and they'd be no accident, no deaths, there'd be just the two of them…
And staring into his eyes, Taichi would tell him he loved him, too, that he truly truly loved him and Yamato would smile that gorgeous smile of his and they'd kiss and everything would be perfect, just perfect. Taichi would never let him go, ever.
But wishes never come true, and, all because of one stupid mistake, Taichi would never hold nor kiss him again…
He'd give anything just to do that again, to make everything right again.
But this?
Taichi glanced down at the blade hovering above his wrist.
He couldn't.
He thought he could, but…
At that moment, something flickered in the corner of Taichi's eye, and suddenly a withered hand came into view, a bony finger tracing the edge of the blade.
'You know this is right, Tai,' Yamato muttered into his ear, his icy lips brushing against Taichi's earlobe unpleasantly as he spoke. 'Stop trying to deny it.'
Taichi swallowed the lump in his throat.
'I…I know,' he whispered, his voice hushed and cracking with emotion, 'but…but I can't…'
Taichi looked up.
'I can't do it, Matt.'
Yamato's hollow, hostile eyes bore into his uncomfortably, and then he said, his voice emotionless, 'I knew you'd need help…'
There was no pain or sorrow as the blade sliced through his skin, but instead, a rush of relief, and for a moment, one single moment of bliss, he was content, soaring high among the angels…
And then the pain and panic all set in at once, and Taichi cried out, his eye's widening as reality hit.
He was going to die. Here, now, in this grubby little bathroom…
And he was scared.
The knife clattered in the blood-stained sink unnoticed as Taichi hurriedly whipped a towel round his gushing wound, wincing and hissing as searing pains shot up his arm.
'What…what have I done?' Taichi breathed, his blood running cold as he slumped against the wall.
Vaguely, he heard Yamato's voice in the distance, but Taichi could barely focus…
The wound was deep; blood was blotting through the towel and trickling down his elbow, dripping on the floor…
He needed help…quickly.
He didn't want to die. Not here, not like this…
He staggered into the hallway, clutching his wrist.
The phone? Where was the phone?
He couldn't think straight. The apartment lurched violently around him, and then suddenly he was on all fours feeling light-headed and queasy. His arms shook violently and then buckled and he hit the ground head first.
For a moment, all was a daze, and then his brain spun into gear and he tried to push himself upright – he needed to get to a phone – but a sharp pain shot up his arm and he fell to the floor again with a cry of agony.
He was still for a moment, breathing heavily into the carpet, and then he rolled over onto his back.
Through the blur around him, Taichi spotted Yamato, who had followed him into the hall and was leant against the wall, arms crossed.
'H – Hel…Help me,' Taichi choked out between rugged breaths, his hand stretching out slightly towards him.
But Yamato didn't move, he leered down at him, a satisfied glint in his eye as he watched Taichi wither on the floor beneath him, blood gushing from his wound and staining the carpet around him.
'Matt, please,' he pleaded, but Yamato remained motionless, the smirk on his face growing. 'Please!'
But it was hopeless.
And it was then, Taichi knew in his heart. He was going to die.
Tears were forming in his eyes, and then trickling down his cheeks.
Oh God, he was going to die. This wasn't a joke, it wasn't a dream – it was real. And Taichi had never felt so scared in his life. His heart was beating rapidly in the base of his throat, his breath short and uneven…
He was finding it hard to keep his eyes open. A blackness was enveloping him.
Then suddenly he felt a pulling at his heart…a warm sensation…
The pain was subsiding…
And he was floating in the realms of his mind…images of school, of his family, his friends, flashed before his eyes…Yamato beaming…his first kiss…that day…
And then everything was fading.
Through the haze, he heard the slam of a door, and then familiar voices…
'Tai? Where are you Tai?'
Kari? Is… is that you?
'He's probably not back yet, Kari.'
And TK…
The pull was greater now, so tempting, so easy…
A gasp. 'Oh my God! Tai!'
'Tai?!'
'He's – He's bleeding!'
I'm bleeding? I…I don't want to bleed…
'DON'T JUST STAND THERE, TK! PHONE AN AMBULANCE!
'NOW!'
Help me…
'Tai? No, oh God, what have you done? Please, not you too–'
…please…
'—just hold on, helps coming–'
And then there was nothing.
The first thing he heard was the drip-drop of water, and then an airy familiar voice floated around him.
'Taichi.''
Taichi eyelids fluttered open. For a moment he was blinded by an intense white light, and then, wincing, he made out a silhouette hovering over him.
And he blinked, and blinked again…
It couldn't be!
Yamato was peering down at him, a half-smile on his beautiful face.
There were no words to describe the pure elation that surged through his body as he bounded to his feet and threw his arms around Yamato's neck.
'Oh my God! Matt! It's you!' he blubbered into his shoulder. 'It's really you! Oh my God!'
And then he was crying with joy, his voice breaking with emotion.
'Oh Matt! Oh my god!'
Yamato laughed softly and slipped his arms around Taichi's waist, pulling him close.
'Taichi,' he breathed into his shoulder, 'I'm so glad to see you. But…but how?'
And then Taichi suddenly jerked out of his arms, his eyes widening as everything came flooding back in an instant. He'd slit his wrists. The wound had been serious. And Yamato – he was…he was dead! Yet…yet he was standing here in front of him. Did that mean…?
'Are you alright, Tai?' Yamato's concerned voice floated around him, a hand curling round his shoulder, but Taichi could barely focus.
He'd felt sleepy. A nice sort of sleepiness. And it'd been all dark and inviting around him.
Kari! He'd heard Kari there, and TK. They'd told him to hold on, help was coming, but then…then he was suddenly here.
But where the hell was here?
Taichi glanced round quickly. As far as the eye could see, all around him a body of still water stretched out, and above was a blackness loomed, the only light source being a glistening star that hung far above them.
There was only one explanation that came to Taichi's mind.
He swallowed, hesitatingly. 'Am…am I…am I dead?' he spluttered.
Yamato was still for a moment, and then he shook his head slowly. 'Not quite.'
Taichi frowned slightly, 'not quite?' he echoed, confused. 'What do you mean not quite?'
'You haven't passed over yet,' Yamato said calmly. 'At the moment you're fighting for your life in hospital.'
'Fighting for my life?' Taichi repeated disbelievingly.
Yamato nodded.
There was a silence for a moment after that, Yamato's words sinking in. He was dying, now, gasping for breathe, his family crowded around him…
He felt faint with ill-ease. 'What have I done…?' he whispered, falling to his knees. 'I…I…'
Taichi's mind was whizzing. He could barely think straight. He was dying? But he was here, too? What the hell was going on? There was also something else on Taichi's mind…
'Was it you…?'
Yamato frowned slightly, his beautiful features tainted for a moment. 'Was who me?'
'Who…who visited me...'
Yamato's frown deepened. 'I…I don't know what you're on about, Tai,' he said.
'You know…you were the one watching me… taunting me…'
Yamato shook his head. 'Tai I…I don't know what you're on about, that wasn't me…'
'But it was! I…I saw you! It was you!'
'But it wasn't me,' Yamato repeated.
'Then…then who was it?'
Yamato shook his head again, 'I don't know, Tai. But all I do know is that grief does funny things to a man.'
A swell of hope rose in Taichi's chest. 'So… so you don't hate me?' he piped up.
Yamato caught his face with his hand, lifting his chin so that their eyes connected. 'I will never hate you, Tai. Ever.'
Taichi could barely belief his ears. 'And…and you forgive me?'
Yamato raised an eyebrow. 'What for?' he questioned, bewildered. 'It was my time, that was all.'
A smile broke across Taichi's face then, his eyes lighting up, and he threw his arms around Yamato's neck.
'Oh, Matt,' he murmured, his heart swelling with content in his chest. 'Thank-you…'
At that moment, voices echoed around them, and both boys broke apart and glanced upwards instinctively.
'…Tai…Tai…'
It was his mother's voice.
'C'mon Honey…honey, don't leave me, please wake…wake up, sweetie…'
Then the sounds of snivelling could be heard and then Hikari's voice boomed around them.
'...Oh please, Tai, wake up…wake up…'
Their pleas were heart-wrenching to listen to.
Yamato was the one that broke the silence that followed. 'It's time to go now,' he said.
And as if by cue the water beneath him began to bubble and ripple. 'Eh? What's happening?' Taichi asked, confused as water began to rise and spill over his shoes.
'It's time for you to leave, Tai.'
'But I…but I don't want to go,' Taichi whimpered, his eyes wide and panic-ridden as a tendril of water began to slither round his leg. 'I want to stay with you…'
'I don't think you have a choice, Tai,' Yamato said quietly.
'But! But!' Taichi stammered, trying to pull his leg free but to no avail.
Yamato shook his head. 'Don't fight it, Tai, it's pointless. It's just not your time yet.'
'But I want to stay with you, Matt!' Taichi cried, desperation creeping into his voice as the water crept further up his leg, rooting him firmly to the spot.
Yamato didn't answer, his eyes boring into his, and that was when Taichi knew he couldn't.
They stared at each other for what seemed an eternity then, thoughts and emotions running through them, Taichi's heart tearing in two, and then:
'Will we…will we see one another again?' Taichi asked hesitantly, a prick of fear rising in him as the swell of water curled round his waist.
Yamato smiled sadly at him. 'I'm sure we will, Tai, when the time's right…'
A lone tear trickled down Taichi's cheek and rippled the water beneath him. 'Promise me?' he whispered, his voice cracking.
He couldn't bear to lose him again, not after all this, not after everything that'd happened…
'Please?'
Yamato reached for Taichi's hand and placed it over his heart. 'We'll meet again, Tai,' he said, his voice husky, 'I promise you.'
Taichi swallowed the lump in his throat. 'I…I love you, Matt.'
Yamato's eyes sparkled with emotion. 'I know, Tai. I love you, too.'
And as he leant forward and captured Taichi's longing lips with his own, the water finally took its hold and drew Taichi under…
A fresh, brisk wind pervaded through the graveyard, desolate except for the lone figure who sat, cross-legged, opposite the grave of Yamato Ishida.
'Who'd have thought, hey?' the bushy-haired boy chuckled. 'Me? In university? And going to England, too!'
He was answered only with the tinkle of a wind-chime from above, but this did not faze the boy at all. His grin widened.
'It's a great place, too, Matt,' he continued, 'just on the outskirts of London – You would have loved it. Me and Kari went their a few weeks back with TK to check it out. We went round all those historical type places – you know the sort. Castles and Cathedrals and stuff. I thought it was all pretty boring to be honest with you, but Kari was in her element. She loves those sorts of places. TK was just as bored as me, but it wasn't all bad. One time, though, we couldn't stand it anymore so when she had her back turned we legged it, went to the pub down the street.' The boy sniggered to himself, 'Kari's face was hilarious when she found us, she was completely pissed, but so were we so we didn't care…ah man, we had some good times…'
The boy sighed contently then, and leant back on his hands. After a few moments of thought, he spoke again, his tone suddenly very serious, confiding, 'I'm kinda scared, Matt. I haven't told the others, but I am…what if I don't fit in? Or find the course too difficult? I…I'm scared I'm going to fail everyone again…my Mum's so proud, she's told everyone, and I haven't seen my Dad this happy in my life.' The boy sighed, glancing away, and then he continued, his voice hushed, 'I'm scared I'm going to fail you, too, Matt. You were always the one who wanted to travel the world, go to uni, and I…and I...I wanted to play football forever. Hang out with my mates. I had no plans…but things are different now. Things have changed. I've changed. I want to do this. I have to do this. If not for me, for you, Matt. You can't live your dreams anymore, but I can, and when I meet with you again, I can tell you what it's like. All the experiences, all the lessons learnt, we can share them together, the way things were meant to be. I just wish…I just wish it didn't have to be this way…'
He trailed off, a lump forming in his throat.
Somewhere in the distance, a car horn beeped, and then an irritated voice sounded around him, 'Hurry up, Tai, we gotta go soon.' It was Takeru, stretching across the driver's seat and craning his head through a wound-down window.
Taichi sighed heavily and stood up, brushing the dirt from his trousers absent-mindedly. 'Well I've got to go,' he said reluctantly. 'I've got a plane to catch in an hour.'
For a moment after, he was at a loss for words, and then he smiled, reaching out and touching Yamato's grave in a loving sort of gesture. 'I won't say goodbye, Matt. They'll never be a goodbye – you promised.'
BEEP! BEEP! 'C'mon Tai! We gotta go!'
Taichi chuckled slightly, shaking his head as he began to step backwards. 'But I've got to go for serious now,' he continued, beginning to quicken his pace, 'I'll cya around Matt – wish me luck!'
And as he turned to jog away, he could've swore he saw a familiar blonde-haired boy perched by Yamato's grave.
'Good luck, Tai.'
END OF WHITE WHISPERS
QUICK NOTE:
White Whispers didn't really have a plot at the beginning. I just wrote scenes and then 'sewed' them together afterwards, hence the reason the above doesn't flow. Also, the characters are OOC, and I apologise for that, but I find it hard not to. .
Anyway, the reason I was writing this note thing was because I just wanted to thank all who reviewed, 'As Always, For Always', as they made all the frustration worthwhile – so thank-you!
Started: 7/9/04 Finished: 03/12/04
Feedback is much appreciated and welcomed, whether be good or bad.
Thanks for reading!