Disclaimers: General disclaimers apply. We do not own GI Joe, CSI, any soap opera or movie stars mentioned, nor do we make any money from this fic. We also do not own Pepsi nor do we own any rights to the game "Clue". Please don't sue us, because neither one of us have anything. Medic (MedicLifeline) owns the fictitious and original Joe named Hollywood.
Authors' Notes: This fic is being written in honor of our friend's birthday.
Happy Birthday, Scarlett Phoenix.
Additional authors' notes: MWR stands for Morale Welfare and Recreation, and Jameel is Arabic for beautiful.
Food, Fun and Weeknight Television
By: Medic (MedicLifeline) and Scarlett Storm O
---
Lifeline was running late again and of all nights of the week. It was the weekly CSI watch-a-thon at Joe headquarters. The Joes watched only a few shows religiously, and CSI was one of them. Running down the hall, all Lifeline could think of was," At least Torpedo will be saving me a spot." Lifeline had been relieved from the infirmary by one of the other medics for the next few hours. The Rec Room was on the third level of the PITT. Reaching the end of the hall and pushing the door open to the stairwell, he began descending the stairs two at a time.
Suddenly, he head the door open above him. Glancing up, he saw it was Cover Girl. "Hurry up, Cover Girl!" Lifeline yelled, smiling at the tank jockey coming down the other set of stairs above him. He stood on his step waiting for her to get closer. When Cover Girl caught up with him, the medic informed her, "Torpedo and Scarlett are holding our seats."
"Good, cause I got stuck in the back row of that Rec Room last week, and it sucked. A greenshirt kept asking me what was happening," Cover Girl told him as they went down the remaining flight of stairs. Reaching the door, Lifeline held it open for her. "Thanks, Lifeline," she smiled.
"You're welcome, " Lifeline replied, leading the way to the Rec Room.
Both Joes could hear the chatter of their teammates as they walked down the hall. To get morale up and keep it where the MWR department decided to have it, Hawk had designated certain nights as sitcom nights. Taking a poll of the shows, they found out that CSI was one of the most liked, so the department put the word out. At first, only a few Joes showed up, but now it had turned into a full production. There was even a betting pool going on in the back of the room, and Roadblock always made tasty snacks.
Walking in, Cover Girl automatically saw Ace placing a bet on one of the characters deemed to crack the case. The smell of popcorn was in the air. Looking around, the big screen television set was showing some program unrelated to tonight's show. Scanning the room a bit more, Cover Girl and Lifeline saw a few arms waving to them.
Waving from the front row, Shipwreck yelled over the noise, "Over here Doll Face! We saved you a seat."
Nodding, Cover Girl saw most of her teammates already seated. Torpedo and Scarlett had a few empty chairs surrounding them. Duke was nowhere to be found yet. Her eyes also found Dusty, sitting in the front row. She smiled at him as he mouthed to her, 'I have you a seat by me'
Footloose walked up to her and Lifeline as they got a bag of popcorn and a soda," Hey Dude and Dudette. Glad you could make it. I am feeling some pretty heavy karma with this episode."
"You are?" she questioned.
"Yes, ever since I saw the previews," Footloose replied.
"I see," Cover Girl replied, eating a piece of popcorn. "Did you place your bets with Ace yet?"
Footloose grinned before saying, "Like, no way, man. I'll never win. Ace is da man. Now, if Lifeline would bet, I may be so inclined."
Lifeline grabbed his popcorn and soda, shaking his head. "Are you crazy? I'm not betting against Ace."
As they headed towards the front to take their seats, a greenshirt walked up and sat down in between Shipwreck and Torpedo. Shipwreck cleared his throat before announcing, "Hey greenie, that seat is taken."
The greenshirt looked at him with a cocky expression on his face, "I know it is. I am sitting in it."
"If you know what is good for you," the sailor warned," you'll find another."
"Find another, find another," Polly echoed.
With a shrug and realizing who was talking to him, the greenshirt got up and left. By then, Cover Girl had taken the spot by Dusty. "Thanks, Ron," Cover Girl said, smiling at the desert trooper beside her. She caught Scarlett's devilish look on the other side of Dusty and flashed her an innocent smile.
"Anytime, Jameel," Dusty whispered. "This time, I'll constantly ask you what is going on."
"Don't even think about it, Desert," she quietly smirked.
"Hey Cover Girl, you were supposed to sit by me," Shipwreck whined.
"Well it was taken, Wreck," the tank jockey retorted.
Shipwreck looked for the greenshirt, wanting to strangle him. He saw Lifeline walk up and sit down between him and Torpedo.
"Thanks for the seat, Wreck," Lifeline said.
"No problem, Lifeline," the sailor sighed. "I missed out again."
Lifeline laughed," You better get in line along with everyone else, Shipwreck." He then turned and greeted the diver beside him. "Evening, Torpedo."
"Evening, Lifeline. So what do you think of the show this week?" Torpedo asked.
"I think it will be the wife who did it," Lifeline replied, taking a drink of Pepsi to wash down the handful of popcorn he had just eaten.
"The wife? Are you crazy?" Shipwreck asked, shocked at the medic's prediction.
Before he could say anything more, there was a voice over the crowd. "Betting will close in two minutes!"
A few of the greenshirts got up and raced to the back to place their bets. The greenshirt that had moved from beside Shipwreck had taken the seat that Scarlett had saved next to her. The redhead glared at him, but he ignored her. When the call for final bets echoed over the crowd, she nudged him and said, "You better go place your bet. Wouldn't want your friends to think you are chicken, now would you?"
The greenshirt glanced over at the challenging look on Scarlett's face and nodded. "Thanks for the reminder, Ma'am." He got up and followed the crowd to make his bet.
Scarlett chuckled. "Sucker," she whispered.
Shocked, Lifeline shook his head. "I can't believe you just did that," he mumbled.
"What?!" Scarlett feigned astonishment. She looked over at Dusty and Cover Girl, whispering, "You two behave yourselves."
"Red, put a sock in it," Cover Girl exclaimed, her eyes dancing with mischief as she winked at Dusty.
Shaking his head, Dusty laughed. He leaned back in his seat and placed his arms across both women's shoulders. 'What a lucky man I am', he thought, finding himself sandwiched between two gorgeous women.
A voice echoed, "Betting is closed. Please take your seats."
The greenshirt, who was sitting next to Scarlett earlier, returned to reclaim his seat. Scarlett glanced around the room, wondering what was keeping Duke. She finally saw him walk into the room. His face was flustered, so she assumed that the talk with Flint and Hawk had not gone as planned.
Duke grabbed his soda and popcorn and walked up to the front. "Okay Joes, all seats are sacred now. No stealing anyone's seat," he ordered. A few weeks ago, every time someone got up to refill their pop, get some snacks, or use the facilities it became a session of musical chairs. Approaching the front, he glared at the greenshirt sitting beside Scarlett.
The greenshirt avoided Duke's stare, since the opening credits were beginning to roll. He moved his head over so he could see past the 'door' in front of him.
Scarlett repressed a chuckled as she watched the anger grow on Duke's face. She eagerly waited to see what the greenshirt's fate would be.
Crossing his arms, Duke tapped his foot, impatiently, to no avail. He looked around, scanning the room for Beach Head, but couldn't find the Ranger.
Dusty tapped the greenshirt on the shoulder. "Son, I think you better move," the desert trooper advised sternly.
"Why?" The greenshirt asked, glancing at Dusty then up at Duke's scowling face. "Oh yeah." He immediately jumped up and apologized, "Sorry, Top. I didn't realize this seat was taken." He hurried off, keeping his head down.
Duke watched the greenshirt's hasty exit before taking his seat in between Scarlett and Quick Kick. He gave Scarlett an impish grin, before noticing Dusty's arm. He cleared his throat rather loudly.
"Somebody's in trouble," Quick Kick mimicked in a cartoon character voice.
Dusty quickly pulled his arm off Scarlett's shoulder as Cover Girl snickered. "You're lucky, but not that lucky," she quietly murmured to him.
Duke shot Quick Kick a glare then settled his arm across Scarlett's shoulder. He would have to be sure to say something to Dusty when they had a moment alone.
Dusty gulped quietly before saying, "Maybe you ought to switch me seats, Court. I think I'm a wanted man now."
Scarlett elbowed Dusty in the ribs. "Quiet," she demanded.
"Quiet on the set, quiet on the set," Polly screeched.
"Shut your bill, Polly," Shipwreck commented, reaching for his parrot's beak.
The show started, and the room mysteriously quieted down. During the first two commercial breaks, not many people got up and moved around. Quiet chatter and "I think so and so did it" echoed through the room.
--
Hollywood was ticked. The plane had broken down at Scott AFB, and they had run late. The C-130 had to be fixed before they could leave, but the only bright spot was that the part was actually on base. Hollywood took the elevator, knowing where everyone would be. Reaching the second floor, the doors opened slowly. Pushing them wider, he got out and ran down the hall to the darkened room.
"Dang it," Hollywood grumbled, seeing that he got stuck in the back. "What an unlucky bastard I am," he mumbled as he took a seat next to a greenshirt, who immediately started to ask questions. "I do not know," he answered. "You saw me just sit down."
"What kind of recruits are we training now-a-days?" He thought to himself, looking at the recruit. Glancing around, he saw that the betting board was closed also, and the odds were good this time. He liked betting against or even with Ace. Hollywood just wondered if the MWR department knew about that little aspect of the watch-a-thon. Most likely not, since it would have been shut down. He was surprised that Duke allowed this. With a sigh, he slumped back in his seat. He could not bet and missed the first fifteen minutes of the show.
Just as the third commercial aired, Roadblock strolled into the Rec Room. "Okay Amigos, time for some sustenance. I have RB's famous Buffalo Wings with my own special sauce for da appetizer, and Gung-Ho has shared my kitchen to make all of you some scrumptious Gumbo for after the show. Come and get it," the chef yelled.
Most of the Joes got up to grab a plate full of wings and refill their sodas. Scarlett and Cover Girl stood in line for the wings with Torpedo and Shipwreck while Duke and Dusty refilled theirs and the girls' drinks. Dusty had forgotten about Duke until he found himself standing beside the First Sergeant. "Uh oh," he muttered.
Duke grinned liked a cat with a bird in its mouth. "So, are you enjoying the show tonight, Ronald?"
Dusty swallowed hard. "Yes, I am Conrad. There is a long list of suspects."
Chuckling, Duke slapped Dusty on the back. "Yes, there is. I sort of think that the butler did it, but not sure. Who do you think did it?"
"Well," Dusty began, "the ex-lover who up till last week was the new lover but then became the former lover but as of yesterday was back together but after last night broke up."
Duke arched a brow and gave Dusty a confused look before shaking his head, laughing. "Whatever you say, Rudat. Just make sure that you aren't one of those lovers," he winked at Dusty.
Lifeline was in front of Dusty and heard the conversation, causing him to almost choke. Tilting his head back, he whispered to Dusty, "You better keep you arm off Scarlett from now on Desert."
"Okay, Courtney, I mean Ed," Dusty retorted smugly, referring to Lifeline's use of the word 'Desert'.
Rolling his eyes, Lifeline continued, "Hey, I'm not fixing you up if you and Top get into it, or if Courtney heard you say that. Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
Dusty shook his head as he refilled the two glasses with Pepsi. "Nope, I just thought it was a nice gesture. Red didn't seem to mind until she jabbed me in the ribs."
Duke had been talking to Quick Kick and came in on the tail end of the conversation between the medic and desert trooper. He was about to say something when the show came back from a commercial break. He quickly got his two glasses of Pepsi and returned to his seat.
As the guys had their little discussion, Scarlett and Cover Girl stood in line, ready to get plates of wings for themselves, Duke, Dusty, Lifeline, and Quick Kick. "Do you think you can carry three plates, Court?" Scarlett teasingly asked.
"Hey now, I most certainly can. Can you?" she replied, giving the tall redheaded counter-intelligence operative an evil glare.
"You betcha, chica," Scarlett retorted, ignoring the look.
Shipwreck slid his arms across both of the ladies' shoulders. "Now, you two lovely ladies would not be having yourselves a disagreement, would you?"
Torpedo chuckled. "Wreck, if they want a catfight, I'll pay to see that."
"Torp, watch it. If you say that too loudly, we will be in for…" Scarlett began but was drowned out by Polly, repeating, "Catfight, pay to see a catfight. Catfight, pay to see a catfight."
"Polly," Cover Girl swiped for the parrot as he flew off Shipwreck's shoulder. "Wreck, make your bird shut it or else?" she warned him.
"Or else what, Doll Face?" Shipwreck innocently queried.
"Or else you will eat this," Cover Girl and Scarlett both answered, curling their hands together in a fist.
"You don't have to get violent, ladies," Shipwreck exclaimed then yelled at his bird. "Polly, get back here. Polly, shut up." The sailor ran after his parrot, who was still squawking about a catfight.
The Joes all looked at the two ladies in line, grinning. "Jeez, why us?" Cover Girl sighed.
"Because you started it, Fashion," Scarlett retorted, grabbing three plates of wings and quickly departing before Cover Girl could reply to the jab regarding her modeling days.
"Why you?" Cover Girl smirked, annoyed at the reference to her past.
Torpedo caught the roguish look in the tank jockey's eyes. Laying his arm across her shoulders, he whispered, "Save it for the sailor, Cov. Unless you really want a ca…"
"Hush, Torp," Cover Girl whirled around and placed a finger over his lips. "Don't say it." She turned back around and grabbed four plates of wings. On her way back, she handed one to Shipwreck, who had managed to corner his parrot. "Here is a plate for you, and would you please take this one to Ed?" she asked the sailor politely as she handed him the other plate.
"Sure thing, Doll," Shipwreck replied.
"Pretty please with a cherry on top. Pretty pleas…" Polly started to screech but Cover Girl's quick hand surrounded his beak, clamping it together and quieting the parrot.
"I'm warning you, Polly. I bet Roadblock could come up with some kind of parrot surprise for next week's show," Cover Girl hissed at the green-feathered bird. Her right hand held his beak shut and her left hand balanced two plates of wings.
Shipwreck snickered as Cover Girl released Polly's beak and walked back to her seat. He followed behind her, handing Lifeline his plate of wings.
Everyone settled back down as the show got back into full swing. Dusty leaned over to Cover Girl and quietly complimented, "Nice juggling act. Nary a drop on you."
Cover Girl flashed him an ingenious smile. "Piece of cake," she smirked.
Scarlett had settled down beside Duke, handing Quick Kick his plate of wings. "Here's lookin' at you kid," he stated in his best Humphrey Bogart voice as he took a bite of his wing.
"Anytime, QK," Scarlett replied before looking into Duke's inquisitive eyes. "Don't ask," she simply requested.
Laughing, Duke shook his head and started in on his wings. "You know if Dusty doesn't watch it over there, he's gonna wind up being a patient of Lifeline's tonight."
"Hey, I heard that," Lifeline retorted, "I don't want to see any of you in the infirmary. I have to go back after this." Lifeline nibbled on his wings and continued to watch the show. Occasionally, he poked Shipwreck in the side. "See, I'm telling you. The wife did it. The CSI team is on to her."
"Your brains are soggy, Lifeline. It was that other dude. The guy she was sleeping with yesterday," Shipwreck contradicted the medic.
Dusty chuckled. "Hey, that's just what I said."
"No, you didn't. You had a whole bunch of ex-lovers and new lovers in your soliloquy," Quick Kick interjected.
"Shut up," Scarlett and Duke exclaimed simultaneously.
Cover Girl gave Dusty a look. "What are you talking about? The butler did. It is cut and dried."
"See told ya," Duke confidently smirked.
"You are both wrong," Scarlett stated, calmly.
Duke looked at his girlfriend. "Well, if he didn't do it and that other guy that she slept with didn't do it, then who did Miss Scarlett?"
"Professor Plum did it in the study with the candlestick," an unidentified greenshirt hollered from several rows back, causing the room to explode with laughter.
"This sounds like a soap opera," Shipwreck complained.
"Yeah, Young and the Restless or General Hospital," Torpedo piped up.
"Live and on stage, it is your nightly rendition of Days of Our Lives," Quick Kick said in his best television announcer's voice.
Scarlett rolled her eyes. "I'm not telling," she coyly stated, crossing her arms and leaning back in her seat.
Many of the Joes grumbled about 'her having an unfair advantage' and 'she didn't really know'. Duke chuckled as he looked around. The show broke for another commercial, just before it was going to reveal who did it. A garbage bag started down the rows so that the Joes could discard their paper plates and glasses, if they were finished. As the show came back on, Duke gave a shrill whistle to capture everybody's attention. "Okay Joes. Hush. We shall find out in a few minutes who really did it." He winked at Scarlett, thinking that he had this one down pat.
Scarlett shook her head but kept her mouth shut. She loved having the advantage, but she wasn't always right. She just really paid attention to the clues in this one. They were pretty obvious even though they threw in at least three, maybe four, potential suspects. She chuckled to herself, remembering the little side bet that she and Cover Girl had placed when they were waiting to get their wings.
As the room grew quiet, everyone watched intently as the arrested suspect was………
"Queue the music," Quick Kick exclaimed, shattering the silence. "Da da dummmmm"
……the wife.
Casually, Lifeline crossed his arms and said, "See, told you the wife did it."
"No way. How did you guess that?" Shipwreck and Torpedo asked.
Cover Girl winked at Lifeline and then looked at Dusty. "Come on, Desert. We have KP duty tonight."
"What?! How did we manage that?" Dusty asked stupefied.
"Because you were wrong," Cover Girl quickly replied.
"So were you," Dusty countered, following her out of the Rec Room.
"Yes, just remind me to never bet against Shana," she groaned as she rolled her eyes.
Watching Cover Girl and Dusty leave, Scarlett smirked at Duke. "Told ya. Ya'll were wrong. The wife did it and that's that. You owe me, buster." She poked at Duke's chest, grinning brightly.
"And so I do, but after we have Gung-Ho's Gumbo, that is," Duke told her standing up and offering his hand.
"I can't wait," Scarlett replied with a grin, taking his outstretched hand and walking out of the Rec Room towards the Mess hall.