Title: Forgive the Children We Once Were
Terraqua, 4000 words, post-KH3 speculation. Thank you for reading and if you enjoy, comments are always appreciated!
He still finds streaks of white in her dark hair. When they lay in bed, Terra combs his fingers between the strands of blue, catching little silvery threads that glint in the light. Aqua turns away from the tiny reflections, closes her eyes.
"You're an old lady, Aqua," Terra teases. "You're just starting to look your age."
Aqua snorts, a half-laugh. "Sure, we're both haggard," she says.
"We're both over thirty, technically," Terra remarks. "In no time we'll be decrepit."
Aqua opens her eyes. Terra's got his own pale hairs, peppered amongst the brown. She separates a few strands with her fingers. The sorrow that accompanies the gesture is out of control. Terra responds to the unspoken truth between them, bowing his head.
These are no distinguished marks of age, like Eraqus' were before them. They are scars.
After all of the battles are over, they fall into one another with an astonishing intensity. Neither confesses or makes the first move. One moment they are Aqua and Terra, childhood friends and comrades in arms, and then there are lips and tongues and hands guided by an instinctual need and all of the touch they have both been missing. They have been too long waiting, too long wanting, and if there's one thing that's clear it's that they love one another.
"What now?" Terra asks into the darkness of the bed they stumbled into, still tangled so closely they make one shape.
"I don't know," Aqua says. She brushes Terra's hair from his brow. It's slick with sweat. "Yen Sid wants to talk to all of us about the future. We'll figure it out."
They arrive at the end of all the fighting, alive and unharmed. Ventus is awoken, the Castle of Departure restored, darkness defeated.
There are new Keybladers who need training.
They sit ensconced with Master Yen Sid once the whirlwind of activity has calmed enough that they have a moment to breathe. It still feels like there are a million things that need doing. Aqua is troubled by it, Terra can tell. She sits still opposite Master Yen Sid, but there is a tension radiating from her.
"You will both be necessary," Yen Sid says gravely "Riku and Sora are Masters now, but neither has been formally taught. You are both Masters, and both equipped to carry the torch that Eraqus left behind."
Terra's fingers dig into the arm rests of his chair.
"Master Yen Sid," he says, with careful control. "I'm not a Keyblade Master- not yet."
"You were confirmed a Master by another Master, who witnessed your Mark of Master. That that Master was Xehanort was unfortunate but irrelevant. You have more than shown since that the title is well deserved."
Terra's throat works, teeth held fast together. Aqua beside him meets his gaze, smiles her encouragement. Terra isn't sure. He wants to argue this appointment- he isn't worthy of the title of Master, he fell to Darkness too easily.
"After everything that's happened," Terra starts, "how can you say that I'm a Master? You know what I've done, you've seen the damage I've caused-"
"Terra," Aqua says, and takes him by the wrist. Her gentle touch is enough to stop him talking.
"Terra," Yen Sid says measuredly, and his eyes flash. "Are you saying that you do not wish to be a Keyblade Master?"
Terra shakes his head, feeling trapped. "That's not what I'm saying," he says, voice strained. He still wants to be a Keyblade Master, more than anything.
"Then you mean that you do not trust my judgment." Yen Sid's gaze bores into Terra's, until Terra looks away in shame. "I would not offer this if I did not trust you both with stewardship of the future of the Keyblade."
Terra sits silent, unsure how to respond. It feels foolish and ill advised, putting him in charge of the future when he can be hardly be trusted with his own decision making. He also senses that any argument with Yen Sid will be fruitless. He settles on bowing his head and accepting this path to redemption Yen Sid has offered him. "Thank you, Master."
Aqua echoes Terra's bow. "We'll do our best, Master."
They leave that day, the preliminary plans for a Keyblade Academy hammered out. Terra stumbles out into the daylight, head spinning. There's a giddiness that he won't have to be apart from Aqua, so soon after they've found one another, but that's not not what is making his mind race. It's only once they have slipped into the Lanes Between that his shock crashes up on reality.
"Hey Terra?" Aqua says. She's faint and unsure and static crackles between her syllables.
He doesn't have to click in. The connection between them is thin enough that the message might not have gone through in any case. If he doesn't answer, they'll both pretend to believe that.
"Yes?" Terra responds.
Aqua is silent for long enough Terra things the connection has broken. Maybe.
"Do you think," Aqua asks, halting, and the static fills the empty space. "Do you think I deserve this?"
A desperate laugh rises up in Terra's throat, where he catches and holds it back, because it's the question that's been rattling around in his brain for hours now. How could I deserve this?
"You'll be a great teacher, Aqua." It's a weak reassurance and he knows it. It wouldn't make him feel better in the face of all his doubts.
"After falling to darkness. After watching you and Ven fall and being unable to do anything-" Aqua says. "To have happiness and hope and- to carry on Eraqus' legacy…. It doesn't feel fair after that."
She should be admonishing him over his own worthiness, not doubting her own.
"I fell to darkness, too," Terra says. Aqua's face is hidden by her armor, so he can't see her disappointment. He imagines it anyways. "Far more easily than you did. I've got no more idea than you whether or not we deserve this, but it's what we've got."
"Hmm," Aqua says, and Terra's not sure if it's the static cracking or just her voice. "But you'll stay with me, right, Terra?"
Where else could he be but with her? Terra does not say.
"Of course," he says instead.
Even with both Ventus and a trepidatiously helpful Vanitas helping to restore the Land of Departure for use once more as a school, the task ahead is still enormous. And whenever Aqua and Terra have a moment along, neither wants to talk.
Long, protracted talks about painful things are put off for first one day, then another and another, until it starts to become normal.
There's not much work to do to get the Land of Departure ready for students when Ventus announces his departure.
Aqua isn't going to stop him if he wants to go, but she still wonders why. They've only just got him back and awake and his departure feels like pulling half her heart from her chest again. Instinctively she wants to keep him close and safe.
"This isn't because of- because of me and Terra, is it?" she asks. There's been no hiding their new thing, not that they've tried. Still, they've both consciously made effort to include Ven in most of the things that they do. The new dynamic is one they're still figuring out.
"No, of course not," Ventus assures her quickly, before adding. "Although the constant kissing and gooey eyes are a little gross."
Because she and Terra have been careful to keep all of their kissing behind closed doors like decent people, Aqua feels justified in huffing and crossing her arms. "You're exaggerating, Ven."
"Not that much."
Ventus glances back towards his constant shadow, a bit guiltily. Vanitas, prickly and bad-tempered since their arrival, has nonetheless helped out in the reconstruction. He has been gruff but not cruel with the other students. Aqua is giving him his chance, but she can't pretend indifference.
He nearly killed her. He nearly killed Ven. He helped push Terra toward the darkness. These things are all still true, and Aqua's memory is sharp.
"I'm going to show him some of the worlds," Ven says. "Try to give him a taste of what he's been missing all this time."
"Ven," Aqua says. She remembers his first stumbling days, learning to be a person again when he was first brought to the Land of Departure. She remembers him, asleep with no sign of waking, after facing down the very boy he now plans to travel with.
"I know you're worried about me, Aqua, but I'll be fine." Ven pats her on the shoulder and smiles, bright and boyish. How in the world did she and Terra get lucky enough to befriend someone so good?
The smile drops away from Ven's face, replaced by an adult determination that Aqua's seen only rarely and is still surprised by. "Vanitas was made out of the darkness in my heart by Xehanort and controlled from the day he was created," Ven says. "He's never had the chance to be good. I have to give him the chance that he's never had."
Vanitas has skulked about the castle, suspicious and angry yes, but nonetheless hungry for something Aqua cannot give him. Not with the cold and the fury so close to her heart, and just beyond the endless expanse of darkness. Vanitas is searching for the same thing she is searching for, the same thing Terra is searching for.
She hopes Ven can help him find it.
"We'll miss you," she says, forcing a smile. She will be happy for Ven, despite the darkness that lurks. "Make sure you write."
"Of course I'll write," Ventus says. "You and Terra will get so sick of hearing from me, you won't have any time to teach lessons."
"That won't happen," Aqua says, but she's laughing and feeling lighter already.
"I'm going for me too," Ventus says. He looks past Aqua, off to the horizon of the Land of Departure and all that lays beyond. He's wistful. "I never got much of a chance to see the worlds before I fell asleep. And who knows, maybe I'll learn a bit more about my past too!"
Aqua smiles. They're just starting to piece together who Ventus was before Xehanort stole him from himself. What they've found so far is strange and makes so little sense. They'll likely never know everything.
Just one more thing that could swamp her with fury for Xehanort. She might scream all her hatred, except that it would only be a return to the dark and the cold.
He is gone, and can no longer harm any of them. Ventus is here, and smiling, and perhaps he will find some fragment of his past after all.
"I hope so," Aqua says. She has to fight to hold back her tears even as she opens up her arms to Ventus.
The stars shine just as they ever did, the illumination of other worlds reaching out from far away. Aqua remembers staring at that skyline and wondering what awaited her.
Now each pinprick of light is a reminder, of just how much they have to protect.
Aqua and Terra stand on the edge of the Land of Departure and watch Ventus disappear into the vast sky, each silently vowing to create a safe harbor for their friend to return to. They watch until they can't see the retreating Keyblade gliders any longer.
Aqua isn't sure how her hand finds its way into Terra's, isn't sure if he moved first or she did. She twines her fingers with Terra's, and holds on tight.
There's a week between Ventus and Vanitas' departure and the arrival of their first students. The castle is quiet, and empty, and full of memories.
Terra knows that he is avoiding Aqua, and he thinks that Aqua may be avoiding him as well. Even with the castle in livable condition once more there is still so much that needs to be done before the students arrival. Terra tackles the grounds, righting equipment and reshaping garden beds and mending uneven earth. The physical intensity of the work feels good.
It keeps his mind off of everything.
He is not ready to face Aqua, to talk about what they haven't yet. Coward, a voice whispers at him. He knows that he is, but every time he thinks about talking with her- thinks about seeing her disappointment- the shame wells up in his chest. She suffered so much, because of him.
Aqua has handed the organization of the library and spearheaded their lesson plans with a stalwart determination that he's frankly in awe of. At the end of every evening Aqua has a stack of papers for him, that Terra looks over and makes notes on before returning them to Aqua by morning. Every time he's seen her in the last week she's been buried in paper.
Which is why he's so surprised to see her leaning against a tree, eyes closed, with the breeze gently playing with her hair. She looks serene and peaceful, younger somehow in the sunlight. Terra considers leaving and letting her be, but even moving as quietly as he has, Aqua's already noticed him. She opens her eyes and smiles.
It's as good an invitation as any.
"Sorry," Terra says as he takes a seat next to Aqua. "I was trying to let you rest."
"I appreciate it," Aqua says, smile fond if a little amused. "I heard you trying to sneak away."
Terra, discomfited, says, "I could go if you wa- I mean there's things I could work on-"
"No, stay." Aqua rests her hand on Terra's forearm. "It's fine, I just needed a break from lesson planning." She sighs, and stretches out her neck towards the sky, eyes closing. "How did the Master manage to do all this?"
The reminder- that Eraqus is gone- hurts afresh, but Terra jokes. "Well he didn't also have a castle to restore, so." It's half-hearted. The destruction of the Land of Departure and the death of their master both land unequivocally at his feet. Terra hangs his head, the burden of all of it- restoring this castle, living up to Eraqus' memory- physically overburdening him. "Listen, Aqua, I'm so sorry-"
"Terra, no," she says, and the fierceness in demeanor sets him on his back foot. The blue of her eyes shines with it. "Don't do that. You can't blame yourself for what happened."
Terra is immediately defensive, and some obstinate stubbornness rises in him. "Why not?" he bites out. "It's clearly my fault the Master died, that the castle was destroyed-"
Aqua's brows snap together, and she squares up almost as if she's about to fight him. "That was Xehanort's fault, and you should know that, Terra!"
"Should I?" Terra snaps, not backing down. "Who was the one who got duped by Xehanort, huh? I was the only one stupid enough to-"
Aqua's properly furious now. "Stop it, Terra, stop it!" she shouts, stepping into Terra's space, forcing him back with her body. "Xehanort manipulated you, he manipulated all of us, so stop saying it's your fault. It could have just as easily been Ven, or me-"
Terra laughs. It's a cruel sound, erupting without warning from his chest. "You? Aqua, who's always perfect? Who never did anything wrong in your life? Always the Master's favorite, is that who you think would have fallen to Xehanort?"
It feels good, for a split second, to put Aqua back on her heels- and then her eyes widen and her lip trembles and Terra knows he's hurt her and he feels like pond scum. Aqua scowls. "Is that what you're doing right now, playing favorites?" she demands furiously. "The Master loved you, Terra! He gave his life for you and you want to make that into some kind of- of contest over who got the most compliments at lesson time?"
The old resentment, long buried, had just come bubbling up without warning. Aqua was a naturally gifted learner and, since most of their time with Eraqus was spent in lessons, it had eaten at him in their early days. By the time he was sixteen he'd understood how stupid it was to make comparisons. It hadn't stopped him from occasionally feeling that jealousy again, hadn't stopped Xehanort from preying on it. And here it was again, rearing its ugly head.
Terra's anger abruptly rushes out of him, leaving him swaying. "That's not what I-" he starts, and thinks better of it. "I didn't mean to say that." He hangs his head, once again feeling guilty. "Sorry, Aqua."
She seems pacified by that, shoulders dropping and mouth softening. "That, I'll allow you to apologize for," she says stiffly.
Flatly, Terra says, "Thanks."
"Maybe it'll help teach you the difference between things that are and aren't your fault," Aqua says, though it's without the vehemence from before. The storm has passed, and somehow they are okay.
Terra sighs, heavily. "I know Xehanort's to blame for a lot of things. I spent a lot of time hating him for everything that he did to me, to Ven- to you." He looks up, meets Aqua's eyes, and there's an understanding that passes between them. It's forged in adversity and all the stronger for it. "But I really screwed up. Big time. And I'm going to try to be better."
Aqua meets Terra's eyes for a long time. "Okay," she says at last, and settles her hand on his shoulder. It's warm. "As long as you don't drown in it."
Terra smiles. "I'll try not to." He brushes Aqua's hair back from her face, watches as the light glints off bits of silver scattered within it. Aqua presses her cheek into Terra's palm, just for a moment, before letting him go. "If you need help with planning, I can-"
Aqua shakes her head, smiles. "I'll be fine," she says. "We both have a lot on our plates."
Terra finishes up as much as he can on the training grounds, until the sun is about to give up for the day and the sweat is starting to sting his eyes. He washes up quickly but thoroughly and, feeling refreshed, makes for the castle's kitchen. He searches the castle's pantry, is pleased to find it well stocked with fresh vegetables and a little bit of chicken. (Even after years of disuse, the essential magic of this place has not diminished.)
Terra starts first with rice, putting it aside to cook. He sets in on chopping then, separating the carrots and onion and eggplant and peppers and chicken into little separated mounds that he pours into a pan to sear. Over this he starts building the sauce, until the whole kitchen smells like the warm aroma of spices and cooking rice.
He ladles out enough for two heaping plates, puts away enough to serve as a quick meal, and goes to find Aqua.
She's in the castle library as she has been for the past week, three books spread out in front of her and a pad of paper that's already half full of notes. She sets the pen down when Terra comes in with the two bowls of curry.
Terra hears her stomach rumble from across the room.
"That smells delicious," she says, clearing a space on the table for the plate.
Terra sets it down in front of her and spins around another chair. Aqua is already setting into the food eagerly, her appetite apparent. "I know you're a fan of your spicy food."
Aqua slows down, long enough to savor a heaping spoonful of curry and rice. "Mmmmm," she says, eyelids slipping closed in pure pleasure. "It's wonderful. Thanks Terra."
"I had to make up for this afternoon somehow," Terra says, with a wry grin. The sentiment is entirely sincere. There's no one in all of the worlds he cares about more than Aqua, even if they fight. She deserves his best effort.
"Thanks," Aqua says, and her eyes are soft. She scoops up another vegetable, chews it slowly, still gazing at Terra. "D'you know? This is what I missed most while I was in the Realm of Darkness."
Terra looks down at the bowl. "Curry?"
"No, food."
Terra raises his eyebrow, curious. Aqua hasn't spoken a lot about what she went through, and every time she does there's always a weariness to her. She's come through impossible things, and didn't return quite the same.
"Time didn't really pass there, not like it should. I didn't have to eat or sleep- but I missed it," she says, faraway and wistful. "Something as simple as sitting down for a meal with you and Ven and the Master. I'd want it so badly I'd start to get hungry and then I'd have to make myself stop thinking about it."
Terra's heart aches for all that Aqua's endured, and there's a part of him that wants to punch back and rage against what hurt her. Instead he leans forward, wraps his arms around Aqua's shoulders, presses his lips to her forehead. Aqua stiffens, and then with the exhaling of a breath relaxes into Terra.
"You don't have to go through that anymore, Aqua," he murmurs.
Aqua leans more into Terra, burying her face in his shoulder. He can smell her shampoo, a clean scent. This close he can feel her breathing, slow ins and outs, and Terra's lungs intuitively mimic the pattern.
Aqua moves away, just long enough so that she can cradle Terra's head in her hands. She leans forward, presses her lips deliberately to his. There is no heat there, just tenderness and the exhaling of a breath long held.
"I love you," she says, eyes open and gaze deliberate. "Terra."
Terra draws Aqua to him for another lingering kiss that is somehow more intimate than all that came before. He draws back, meets Aqua's blue eyes. "I love you too."
It hangs in the air between them for a long time, even after Aqua apologetically turns back to her food. (There is nothing to apologize for, Terra thinks, and he is glad that she has an appetite.) They both tuck back into their curry eagerly.
"So," Terra says, sliding Aqua's notebook over so that he can read it easily. "What sorts of lessons have you been dreaming up?"
Aqua grins, and wrinkles her nose a little. "No specific plans today," she says. "I've been thinking about a set of foundational ethics that we can work from, actually-"
It's a few days later that the students arrive in the Land of Departure. Terra and Aqua wait in the courtyard, exchanging nervous glances. Terra takes Aqua's hand, squeezes it reassuringly. They'll be just fine, he says with only the weight of his hand. Aqua squeezes back.
They both stand at attention as the gummi ship appears over the horizon and sails toward the castle. It lands in the courtyard, humming loudly, shedding displaced air. Aqua and Terra's hair is whipped back and forth by the hot wind blowing off the ship.
Aqua and Terra wait-both looking more poised than they feel- as the ship powers down and the hatch opens to let passengers out.
Kairi and Lea are the first to disembark. Both proficient with the Keyblade and with combat, but according to Yen Sid they are missing some of the fundamentals. They're both laughing as they step away from the ship.
"Ready to get your ass kicked at training again?" Lea says, elbowing Kairi playfully.
She shoves him back. "You wish," she says. "I just thought I'd let your ego recover over summer break."
"My ego-?" Lea squawks, before Terra clears his throat loudly. The two redheads see Terra and Aqua standing at attention and settle down falling into something that is not exactly discipline but will pass for the moment.
Xion has departed the gummi ship in the midst of the chaos, and is already looking around in curious wonder. There's not been much of a chance to assess her capabilities as of yet, and Aqua is looking forward to seeing what she can do. She falls in next to Lea, who smiles encouragingly down at her.
Next is Roxas, looking uncannily like Ventus. Aqua's heart constricts, and she wonders what Ven is doing out there among the stars. They've only had one short letter from him, though it's been less than a week. Instinctively she glances up towards the sky.
"Come on, guys," Roxas says, gesturing to those who remain on the ship. "It's pretty cool out there."
Three more follow, two boys and a girl. They're shuffling, nervous, and it's clear that they've never held a keyblade or been off world before in their lives. Aqua smiles warmly as they join the forming line up, hoping to make them feel welcome.
Terra takes a step forward. "Good, you're all here," he says, looking over the seven in front of him. "Welcome to the Land of Departure, where you're going to learn all we can teach you about the Keyblade. This is Master Aqua, and I am Master Terra…"