Title: While I'm Falling
Author & Email: DC James [abyssinian_fujimiya@yahoo.com]
Archived: DC James' Hideout [http://www.dreamwater.net/dudechan/]. Anywhere else,
ask.
Fandom: Ranma 1/2
Part: 3/3
Type: Last story of what was supposed to be a one-shot.
Warnings: Angst, sap, maybe some waff, some confussion, mention of suicide attempt,
depression, and shounen ai.
Summary: Last part of the 'Stay' trilogy. Ranma and Mu Tzu have a long overdue
discussion weeks after the events in 'Stay' and 'Conflicting Emotions'.
Pairing: Ranma + Mu Tzu
Written On: 8/16/01
C&C is welcomed privately.
* * *
While I'm Falling
Last Story of the 'Stay' trilogy
* * *
All rights and privileges belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz
Communications, Inc., and associated parties. The characters of this series are used
without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not
meant for sale or profit.
* * *
Text:
::= Thoughts
**= Actions within Speech/Characters in Non-talkable forms
_ _= Exaggerated Words
// //= Phone Conversation
* * *
"Ranma!!" Ryoga all but whined. It was almost amazing with how things have changed
in a span of a few weeks. Before the suicide attempt, he would only refer to his rival
with rage. Now, however, they became closer to more of best friends. Still, that didn't
mean the Saotome heir didn't occasionally strain Ryoga's patience. "Dammit, Ranma,
you've been sulking around this house for days!! Let's go spar!!" Ranma just stared at
him dispassionately, a small raise of his eyebrow the only indication that the blue-eyed
boy wasn't ignoring him.
"That's right, m'boy!" Genma crossed his arms across his chest, trying his best to act the
part of the all-knowing-and-wise-teacher. "You're getting slack in your training! I've
been letting it slide, but you're almost completely healed. Now get off your lazy-"
BAM!!!
"QUIT PICKING ON RANMA, _UNCLE_!!" Akane roared, removing her mallet from
the part-time panda.
Ranma smirked minutely, eyes still half-lidded, :Well, that's the first.:
Akane's expression softened as she turned to the Saotome heir, "But they do have a point,
Ranma. You can't just lay there for the rest of your life."
Ranma snorted softly, :I can try.:
Ryoga grinned, "Yeah, Saotome! We could spar, train... yeah! We could go on a training
journey and probably learn a few things! It's summer vacation soon, so why not?!"
"For God's sake, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm tired of martial arts being my
life?!" Ranma snapped, rolling on his side, his back facing the two teens. "Geez! I just
don't feel like it, okay? I haven't had a moment of peace or privacy since I went looney!
I'm surprised you're letting me take a leak by myself, _Hibiki_."
Ryoga glared, "I already removed all sharp objects from the bathroom, that's why."
Akane bit down her own anger, putting her hands on her hips, "Ranma, we are worried
about you. It isn't healthy to just stay up here. Dr. Tofu said you should get plenty of
fresh air and exercise."
"Fine, fine! I'm going for a walk! Happy?! Now leave me alone!" Standing up rapidly
from the futon he occupied moments before, he shoved pass the two to leave the room.
Akane huffed, narrowing her eyes, "Geez, Ranma, we're just trying to help!! Ooh, that
boy!"
Ryoga sighed, shaking his head, "Maybe he's right. We've all been smothering him, not
leaving him alone for very long or anything. He's a Saotome, they like to believe there's
nothing wrong when there is. You know as well as I do he won't go see a psychiatrist
like Tofu advised."
Akane crossed her arms over her chest, anger softening, "Yeah... I wish he wasn't such a
moron." Letting out a wistful sigh, she turned to the fanged boy, "Wanna go see a
movie?"
A blush instantly arose on the boy's cheeks as he began to stamper, "Ah, I well, that is...
um... Mr. Tendo... ah...." Grinning, he nodded his head, "Sure!!"
Akane kissed Ryoga on the cheek before leaving the room, "You're sweet when you're
embarrassed." Ryoga was still stuttering and blushing, the unconscious Genma being the
only other one in the room to bear witness.
* * *
Xian Pu stomped towards the kitchen, a bowl of warm miso soup in her hand. "Stupid
duck!! You put sugar in soup!!"
Mu Tzu grumbled, making another bowl for the dissatisfied customer. It was
immediately snatched away by the violet haired Amazon, who was going through one of
her 'all mighty' moments.
Khu Lon hopped over to the male, poking him, "Boy. Take your break. I'll do the
cooking. You need a walk."
"I'll stay. Got nowhere to go anyways." Mu Tzu brushed asside the offer as he checked
the rice again. An intense migrane popped up from the spot Khu Lon landed her staff on
his head. "YOU SENILE OL-"
Another hit for good measure. "I said. Take. Your. Break. I have to talk with my great-
granddaughter in private."
"Geez, you old crone, you could have said that." He washed his hands under the sink
before leaving out the backway of the Nekohatten. Women! So moody, so secretive.
Why don't they just go ahead and be bluntly honest about what they want, then things
would go along so much more smoothly. And less painful in some cases. Wishing for
the eighteenth time that day to fly, he quickly squashed the feeling, snarling to himself.
:What is wrong with me? Fly, fly, fly, that's all I think about doing. It's getting worse
than my crush on Xian Pu. Maybe a walk will be good.: Picking a random direction, he
began his break.
Khu Lon watched him leave, and picked up the phone, "Very well, he just left. Now tell
me what is so important that I had to let him go on his break early?"
"//Sorry, maybe later. Thanks again, Cologne. I'll be sure to cut your tab in half.//"
Khu Lon rolled her eyes, "You're kindness is overwhelming, Nabiki."
Nabiki hung up the phone on her end, turning to Kasumi, "Man, you really are
suffocating. Just because he went on a walk alone, you want a fighter out there to make
sure he's okay? What if Mousse hurts him?"
Kasumi smiled that smile of hers, the one that seemed to scream 'I know a secret and you
won't find out until it's too late'. "Mousse wouldn't hurt Ranma. Thank you again,
Nabiki-chan."
"And don't call me 'Nabiki-chan'!!"
* * *
Ranma walked in quiet solitude down the street with the late afternoon sun pulsing to his
left. He vaguely noted that the store owners were already closing up for the day, and the
street was steadily becoming more desolated. He really didn't care to notice consciously
at the moment. He was too angry with himself, with his friends and family. He stopped
in the middle of the bridge over the canal. The water it carried was only ten feet deep,
fifteen tops, which he figured out from his multiple dips. He stared into the dark blue
water, watching it run it's course from one destination to another.
:Damn. I should'uv known that I would have screwwed up the attempt. I'm Saotome
Ranma, for cryin' out loud.: Not to say thoughts like this didn't worry him. It downright
frightened him at times. He heard that most that tried to kill themselves ended up
regretting the action, have a new awakening of life, so on and so forth. He felt regret all
right, but only regret that he didn't die. Nothing would go back to the way it was. Ryoga
was his 'best buddy', but that was only because he had promised to share his cure with the
lost boy and hook him up with Akane. Or maybe they had always been friends, it was
just hidden for a while.
With a sigh, Ranma brushed back his bangs, irked at the headache that had returned full
force. He wished he had waited for a better opportunity to try and do himself in, that way
he wouldn't have to go through the changes that he was suffering through at the moment.
Ukyou would have been upset, depends on how well he would have tried to cover it up.
She would have blamed herself and the others a lot if he had died in his attempt. Well,
really, she would have blamed herself for five seconds, then try to kill the others before
herself afterwards. If it was just an 'accident', she would have accepted that, maybe get a
kick in the gut every once in a while when she thinks about it. He really thought that's
how they all would have acted, eventually. Some might even have had happy endings. If
you can't figure out the problem, destroy the problem, that's what his pop said.
Ranma smirked, watching the action mirrored in the water. His old man would be bleed
white if he thought Ranma actually listened to advise only when he twisted the words
around. Either that, or it'd be because of Nodoka's katana going through him. A slight
nervous laugh escaped his lips, and he quickly took on a blank expression in surprise at
that. :Oh great, not only am I thinking about suicide, but homicide now. Or just other
gory deaths. Okay, I'm no genius, but this isn't healthy.: His eyes half lidded in disbelief.
:Like aquatransexuality is healthy to start.: He tilted his head, seeming to notice for the
first time that it was now completely dark.
That was a problem with thoughts, sometimes they seem so short and instead last so long.
He took a deep breath, kicking a rock into the water below. The sound of the faint splash
caught his full attention. :Would they believe accidental drowning? I fell asleep and fell
off the bridge, then drowned?: He frowned at that. :No. I'm too good a swimmer, and
even with how heavy a sleeper I am, they know the feel of the change would always
wake me.:
"If you jump, I'm going to have to go in after you."
The voice shocked him, and he whirled around, locked into a defensive stance. He
relaxed as he recognized the sea-green eyes watching him morosely. "Hello, Mousse.
What brings you out here?"
Mu Tzu shrugged, walking over to stand beside the Saotome heir. "My evening break.
The Old Ghoul let's me have about a half hour after the 5 o'clock rush." The Amazon
male looked at Ranma (or what he could recognize as Ranma hopefully) from the corner
of his eye. He looked better than on... that night. He threw his thoughts from that
memory into the present. "Sooo......" he drew out as purpose hesitation. "What is the great
Saotome Ranma doing on a bridge, looking as though he's making plans?"
"I'm not makin' plans, Duck-boy." Ranma growled in a sudden rush of anger. "I'm just
tired of everyone targetting me while they're having mother hen syndrome."
"Need to get away from it?" Mu Tzu asked. "The Old Ghoul is needing a new waiter or
waitress this summer, seeing as how more people will be coming as tourists, and she has
some new places she wants to try out for the mobile faction."
"I'll think about it." Ranma put it asside to ponder later.
They stood together in companionable silence, almost agreed upon by the two fighters.
Only the calm rippling of moving water and the occasional slap of a wave hitting
concrete broke through the stillness. Ranma couldn't have been happier. Being beside
Mu Tzu, not fighting, just... he didn't know what it was they were doing, but he liked it.
"Why did you do it, Ranma?"
His anger bursted through the serene feel that had calmed his thoughts. Of course he
would have to ruin it, the stupid duck! Couldn't the whole damn world just leave well
enough alone?! "Because I could." Ranma snapped at the other boy, and turned to walk
away.
"I didn't mean why you took a shot on suicide, Saotome. I won't lie and say you're the
only one who's really thought about it. You're just the first of us to actually try it." Mu
Tzu kept his eyes firmly locked on the water, refusing to look up at his rival, refusing to
satisfy his curiousity of what expression the blue-eyed boy was wearing. He took a deep
breath and continued, "What I meant was.... what..... what triggered it? What was the
final straw? And why..... why did you steal my dagger to use? Have you been planning
this for months in advance?"
Ranma was wide eyed, but it was the only thing giving away his surprise. He felt....
empty. No one had really asked more than why he tried to commit suicide, and he was so
tired of even remembering all the reasons he didn't want to repeat them. He looked to his
feet to collect his thoughts, then looked up towards the sky. The half moon was already
coming through, bringing a few stars with it.
Mu Tzu waited patiently for the other to answer his questions, but as more minutes
passed, he started to wonder if he would ever get them. He took a deep breath, about to
dismiss it, when he got his response in a quiet voice.
"I don't really know what triggered it. I... I guess I was depressed that day. Everyone
attacking me, except Ryoga and Akane... well, Akane did once, but that was because I
said her butt looked big in that orange dress she had, I can't really see her in-"
"Don't run off the subject, Saotome." Mu Tzu warned.
Ranma blushed faintly, nodding. "Sorry. But I honestly don't know. It was a day like all
the others really. Nothing special. As for your dagger... I don't know why I took it.
Maybe because I knew I didn't want to make Kasumi feel guilty if I used one of her
kitchen knives. Or maybe she would have thought she lost it. Who knows with Kasumi."
Mu Tzu narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Oh, so using my weapons and making _me_ feel
guilty is a better alternative?"
"NO!" Ranma snapped. "That's not what I meant! If you're just going to accuse me as
always, then go jump off the bridge, 'cause I ain't in the mood to take your shit, too,
Mousse!"
"Then why the hell did you use _my_ dagger?! Trying to frame me or something?! Why
not a piece of glass or a razor or something instead?! Or better yet, those might be too
dull, just use one of Ukyou's spatulas. No, no, wait." He was fusterated, confussed, a bad
combination. He kept running his mouth in hot anger, "That would make her feel guilty
too. Well, damn, I guess you could have used ol' Ryoga's bandanas-"
"I thought about those things, Mousse." Ranma whispered, more to himself thinking Mu
Tzu probably would have listened if he heard anyways. He looked away, minorly
embarrassed when the Amazon's rambling stopped. "I guess... I guess I just wanted you
to know I thought about you before I died or something. I don't know. I found your
dagger one day, thought about either returning it or throwing it away, and in the end I
never did either."
A quiet thoughtful look crossed over Mu Tzu's face as he listened to the boy, and
remained, growing more intense, after he was done. He put his hands in his sleeves,
suddenly cold, and lowered his head. "I won't get mad about what triggered you, Ranma.
If it's embarrassing, disgusting, or will make someone angry or scared, I'll keep quiet. I
just... I just need to know before I help you... so that I won't make a mistake."
"Buddy, I don't need you to be a mother duck, I got enought people trying to 'help' me by
smothering me with attention. And while I like a little attention, you can have too much
of a good thing." Ranma tried to brush off the concern with humor, but one look at Mu
Tzu's expression stated clearly that he wasn't going to let this one go. With a sound
halfway between a sigh and a growl, Ranma walked back to stand beside his Chinese
rival. "... you'll feel guilty."
"Try me."
Ranma smirked to himself, closing his eyes. :Just imagine he isn't there.... and you won't
put your foot into your mouth. Better now than never. And at least now... he won't think
I want Shampoo anymore.: Taking a clean, deep breath of fresh air, he began to speak
calmly. "It was you that triggered it, Mousse. After school, when Shampoo glomped me,
and you attacked me. Do you remember?"
Mu Tzu held his chin, thinking back. "Vaguely."
A nod and he continued, "I remember it ver well. You were able to glomp Shampoo and
that made her drop me so she could try and beat you up. You said... 'Xian Pu, please
marry me! You don't need that dumb Saotome, you don't need the village! As long as we
love each other, who needs them?' and you continued on with your usual advances."
Ranma paused, seeming to collect his thoughts. "Those words got me thinking. I realized
that... you were right. Love isn't something to be taken for granted. You gotta know
when you have it and how to treat it right. Shampoo doesn't see how much you're
devoted to her, so she doesn't appreciate you. You're a really good fighter, Mousse. But
those words..." he blushed faintly, "... scared me."
Both of Mu Tzu's eyebrows rose up in surprise, "_Scared_? _You_?"
A minute nod. "W-well... I didn't think for all this time that I was in love. I mean... yeah,
my attention has been set on someone that I felt something for, but I didn't know what it
was. What you said made me realize that it was love, not lust or admiration. I was
falling, and I didn't know if anyone would care, or if anyone would catch me. I'm not
always Saotome Ranma, you know. Sometimes I'm just plain Ranma." His eyes
darkened a few shades as depression began to set in. "So I ran back to the Tendo's,
thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more... I dunno, sad, confussed, angry,
depressed, so on and so forth I got. When I was alone, I walked around for a while.
Looking around the house, your dagger in my hand. When I got to the changing room, I
saw my reflection. I... I was furious. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. And that was
the trigger."
Mu Tzu was hesitant about what to do, guilt and shock rushing through him, making him
confussed and slightly unsure. He cautiously put his hand on Ranma's arm, smiling what
he hoped was reassuringly. "We'll keep it between us. I'm... I'm sorry I made you think
about it. But... is the person you feel for really worth all this trouble? I mean, you don't
even know if she feels the same way!"
"Not true." Ranma shrugged minutely, "I know 'she' doesn't feel the same way. But 'she'
is worth it all right. It's not in a good way, but with me out of the picture, maybe h-'she'
could have the one 'she' wants."
The green eyes held mischievious disbelief, "You're kidding, right? Any girl I know of
has a crush on you. Well, except for Akane-" He froze, eyes widening with all humor
gone. "A-Akane?!"
"Eh?"
A bright smile rushed over Mu Tzu's face, "I should'uv known!! Ranma and Akane, the
indestructible couple!! If you're out of the picture, she can have Ryoga!! Who'da thunk
that?!"
"Only you, apparently," Ranma grumbled.
"You love Akane!!! You don't want Ukyou or Kodachi or Xian Pu, you want Akane!!"
"I love Mousse. Don't want no other girls, just want Mousse." Ranma mumbled under his
breath.
"Ranma loves Akane!! Ranma loves-WHAT?!"
Ranma blushed, looking up to see a pale, wide-eyed Mu Tzu staring at him in open
shock. :Weird. That's the same look mom gave me right after I told her I was Ranko. If
this is anything like it, pretty soon he's going to-: *THUD* :..... faint.:
* * *
Mu Tzu struggled back to the world of the living, pretty sure he heard incorrectly. He
held the back of his head where it hit the concrete, noticing Ranma was looking at him
with worry and some fear. "Um.... I think my ears are going at an early age, but I thought
I heard you say.... um.... "
"I did."
"... you were joking, right?"
"No."
".... HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Mu Tzu exclaimed as he stood, beginning
to pace around. "I mean.... we've got nothing in common except that we fight! How
_could_ you?!"
Ranma kept his eyes on the ground, "You said you wouldn't get mad, scared, or angry."
Mu Tzu snarled back, "About what _triggered_ you, not about your love life!!" He missed
seeing the blue-eyed boy wince at the anger in his tone, too worried about what he was
going to do. :Khu Lon's gonna kill me, because I'd be in the way of Xian Pu's conquest!
Xian's going to kill me because of the same reason! Genma's going to attempt to kill me
because it's his son, Mrs. Saotome might do the same thing, oh hell!!!!: He grabbed his
hair, messing it around in a futile hope of getting some form of an idea of what to do.
"It's just between us, Mousse. No one knows, and no one will have to know. I can't go
back to China with Xian, though. Seeing you's enough to get me depressed. So. Just
forget about it." Ranma tried to reason, but it sounded dead and weak even to his own
ears.
Mu Tzu stopped his panic rush, and seconds later moved his hands away from his head.
"... That's true. You can't go to China with Xian. I would go, too, and we both would get
depressed. But I'm not going to just 'forget about it', Ranma." He turned, eyes dead
serious as he watched his rival. He lowered his eyes, letting out a wistful sigh as he
walked to the Saotome heir. :If only you were a girl...: "... better get home, Saotome.
With how long we've been here, they've probably sent out a search party to find you. I
need to think about this. I need... I just need a few days, okay? Don't do anything rash
during then."
A spark of a light entered the nearly black eyes, a slight look of hope on the other boy's
face, "What do you mean by that then, Mousse?"
Mu Tzu shrugged, a faint smile on his lips, "It means I'll see you in a few days, and
maybe by then we'll have an answer." That said, he turned on his heel and walked back to
the direction of the Nekohatten.
* * *
"Where stupid duck boy been?! Dinner rush start half hour ago and you come back
now?! Stupid stupid stupid duck!!" Xian Pu finished with her yelling at the other
Amazon and left to serve more customers.
Khu Lon handed over the grill to him, watching him from her perch on her staff, "So
what did take you so long, Mu Tzu?"
"Ran into Ranma. We talked."
"And?" The ancient woman asked.
Mu Tzu smiled to himself, chopping the vegetables. "Let's just say we both were falling
and just realized it. Now we have to catch each other or else it's going to be a very
painful landing."
Khu Lon looked lost for a few minutes, then snorted, hopping out of the kitchen, "I'll
never understand this generation." she grumbled under her breath.
[ owari ]
A/N: ........ was it good? .......... was it bad? ........... my muses aren't really cooperative.
One came back from re-training and she helped for a while, then she just kinda...
croaked. *prays to the well of Wishful Thinking* Anyway, C&C, whatever you like to
say, go ahead.
Author & Email: DC James [abyssinian_fujimiya@yahoo.com]
Archived: DC James' Hideout [http://www.dreamwater.net/dudechan/]. Anywhere else,
ask.
Fandom: Ranma 1/2
Part: 3/3
Type: Last story of what was supposed to be a one-shot.
Warnings: Angst, sap, maybe some waff, some confussion, mention of suicide attempt,
depression, and shounen ai.
Summary: Last part of the 'Stay' trilogy. Ranma and Mu Tzu have a long overdue
discussion weeks after the events in 'Stay' and 'Conflicting Emotions'.
Pairing: Ranma + Mu Tzu
Written On: 8/16/01
C&C is welcomed privately.
* * *
While I'm Falling
Last Story of the 'Stay' trilogy
* * *
All rights and privileges belong to Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz
Communications, Inc., and associated parties. The characters of this series are used
without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not
meant for sale or profit.
* * *
Text:
::= Thoughts
**= Actions within Speech/Characters in Non-talkable forms
_ _= Exaggerated Words
// //= Phone Conversation
* * *
"Ranma!!" Ryoga all but whined. It was almost amazing with how things have changed
in a span of a few weeks. Before the suicide attempt, he would only refer to his rival
with rage. Now, however, they became closer to more of best friends. Still, that didn't
mean the Saotome heir didn't occasionally strain Ryoga's patience. "Dammit, Ranma,
you've been sulking around this house for days!! Let's go spar!!" Ranma just stared at
him dispassionately, a small raise of his eyebrow the only indication that the blue-eyed
boy wasn't ignoring him.
"That's right, m'boy!" Genma crossed his arms across his chest, trying his best to act the
part of the all-knowing-and-wise-teacher. "You're getting slack in your training! I've
been letting it slide, but you're almost completely healed. Now get off your lazy-"
BAM!!!
"QUIT PICKING ON RANMA, _UNCLE_!!" Akane roared, removing her mallet from
the part-time panda.
Ranma smirked minutely, eyes still half-lidded, :Well, that's the first.:
Akane's expression softened as she turned to the Saotome heir, "But they do have a point,
Ranma. You can't just lay there for the rest of your life."
Ranma snorted softly, :I can try.:
Ryoga grinned, "Yeah, Saotome! We could spar, train... yeah! We could go on a training
journey and probably learn a few things! It's summer vacation soon, so why not?!"
"For God's sake, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm tired of martial arts being my
life?!" Ranma snapped, rolling on his side, his back facing the two teens. "Geez! I just
don't feel like it, okay? I haven't had a moment of peace or privacy since I went looney!
I'm surprised you're letting me take a leak by myself, _Hibiki_."
Ryoga glared, "I already removed all sharp objects from the bathroom, that's why."
Akane bit down her own anger, putting her hands on her hips, "Ranma, we are worried
about you. It isn't healthy to just stay up here. Dr. Tofu said you should get plenty of
fresh air and exercise."
"Fine, fine! I'm going for a walk! Happy?! Now leave me alone!" Standing up rapidly
from the futon he occupied moments before, he shoved pass the two to leave the room.
Akane huffed, narrowing her eyes, "Geez, Ranma, we're just trying to help!! Ooh, that
boy!"
Ryoga sighed, shaking his head, "Maybe he's right. We've all been smothering him, not
leaving him alone for very long or anything. He's a Saotome, they like to believe there's
nothing wrong when there is. You know as well as I do he won't go see a psychiatrist
like Tofu advised."
Akane crossed her arms over her chest, anger softening, "Yeah... I wish he wasn't such a
moron." Letting out a wistful sigh, she turned to the fanged boy, "Wanna go see a
movie?"
A blush instantly arose on the boy's cheeks as he began to stamper, "Ah, I well, that is...
um... Mr. Tendo... ah...." Grinning, he nodded his head, "Sure!!"
Akane kissed Ryoga on the cheek before leaving the room, "You're sweet when you're
embarrassed." Ryoga was still stuttering and blushing, the unconscious Genma being the
only other one in the room to bear witness.
* * *
Xian Pu stomped towards the kitchen, a bowl of warm miso soup in her hand. "Stupid
duck!! You put sugar in soup!!"
Mu Tzu grumbled, making another bowl for the dissatisfied customer. It was
immediately snatched away by the violet haired Amazon, who was going through one of
her 'all mighty' moments.
Khu Lon hopped over to the male, poking him, "Boy. Take your break. I'll do the
cooking. You need a walk."
"I'll stay. Got nowhere to go anyways." Mu Tzu brushed asside the offer as he checked
the rice again. An intense migrane popped up from the spot Khu Lon landed her staff on
his head. "YOU SENILE OL-"
Another hit for good measure. "I said. Take. Your. Break. I have to talk with my great-
granddaughter in private."
"Geez, you old crone, you could have said that." He washed his hands under the sink
before leaving out the backway of the Nekohatten. Women! So moody, so secretive.
Why don't they just go ahead and be bluntly honest about what they want, then things
would go along so much more smoothly. And less painful in some cases. Wishing for
the eighteenth time that day to fly, he quickly squashed the feeling, snarling to himself.
:What is wrong with me? Fly, fly, fly, that's all I think about doing. It's getting worse
than my crush on Xian Pu. Maybe a walk will be good.: Picking a random direction, he
began his break.
Khu Lon watched him leave, and picked up the phone, "Very well, he just left. Now tell
me what is so important that I had to let him go on his break early?"
"//Sorry, maybe later. Thanks again, Cologne. I'll be sure to cut your tab in half.//"
Khu Lon rolled her eyes, "You're kindness is overwhelming, Nabiki."
Nabiki hung up the phone on her end, turning to Kasumi, "Man, you really are
suffocating. Just because he went on a walk alone, you want a fighter out there to make
sure he's okay? What if Mousse hurts him?"
Kasumi smiled that smile of hers, the one that seemed to scream 'I know a secret and you
won't find out until it's too late'. "Mousse wouldn't hurt Ranma. Thank you again,
Nabiki-chan."
"And don't call me 'Nabiki-chan'!!"
* * *
Ranma walked in quiet solitude down the street with the late afternoon sun pulsing to his
left. He vaguely noted that the store owners were already closing up for the day, and the
street was steadily becoming more desolated. He really didn't care to notice consciously
at the moment. He was too angry with himself, with his friends and family. He stopped
in the middle of the bridge over the canal. The water it carried was only ten feet deep,
fifteen tops, which he figured out from his multiple dips. He stared into the dark blue
water, watching it run it's course from one destination to another.
:Damn. I should'uv known that I would have screwwed up the attempt. I'm Saotome
Ranma, for cryin' out loud.: Not to say thoughts like this didn't worry him. It downright
frightened him at times. He heard that most that tried to kill themselves ended up
regretting the action, have a new awakening of life, so on and so forth. He felt regret all
right, but only regret that he didn't die. Nothing would go back to the way it was. Ryoga
was his 'best buddy', but that was only because he had promised to share his cure with the
lost boy and hook him up with Akane. Or maybe they had always been friends, it was
just hidden for a while.
With a sigh, Ranma brushed back his bangs, irked at the headache that had returned full
force. He wished he had waited for a better opportunity to try and do himself in, that way
he wouldn't have to go through the changes that he was suffering through at the moment.
Ukyou would have been upset, depends on how well he would have tried to cover it up.
She would have blamed herself and the others a lot if he had died in his attempt. Well,
really, she would have blamed herself for five seconds, then try to kill the others before
herself afterwards. If it was just an 'accident', she would have accepted that, maybe get a
kick in the gut every once in a while when she thinks about it. He really thought that's
how they all would have acted, eventually. Some might even have had happy endings. If
you can't figure out the problem, destroy the problem, that's what his pop said.
Ranma smirked, watching the action mirrored in the water. His old man would be bleed
white if he thought Ranma actually listened to advise only when he twisted the words
around. Either that, or it'd be because of Nodoka's katana going through him. A slight
nervous laugh escaped his lips, and he quickly took on a blank expression in surprise at
that. :Oh great, not only am I thinking about suicide, but homicide now. Or just other
gory deaths. Okay, I'm no genius, but this isn't healthy.: His eyes half lidded in disbelief.
:Like aquatransexuality is healthy to start.: He tilted his head, seeming to notice for the
first time that it was now completely dark.
That was a problem with thoughts, sometimes they seem so short and instead last so long.
He took a deep breath, kicking a rock into the water below. The sound of the faint splash
caught his full attention. :Would they believe accidental drowning? I fell asleep and fell
off the bridge, then drowned?: He frowned at that. :No. I'm too good a swimmer, and
even with how heavy a sleeper I am, they know the feel of the change would always
wake me.:
"If you jump, I'm going to have to go in after you."
The voice shocked him, and he whirled around, locked into a defensive stance. He
relaxed as he recognized the sea-green eyes watching him morosely. "Hello, Mousse.
What brings you out here?"
Mu Tzu shrugged, walking over to stand beside the Saotome heir. "My evening break.
The Old Ghoul let's me have about a half hour after the 5 o'clock rush." The Amazon
male looked at Ranma (or what he could recognize as Ranma hopefully) from the corner
of his eye. He looked better than on... that night. He threw his thoughts from that
memory into the present. "Sooo......" he drew out as purpose hesitation. "What is the great
Saotome Ranma doing on a bridge, looking as though he's making plans?"
"I'm not makin' plans, Duck-boy." Ranma growled in a sudden rush of anger. "I'm just
tired of everyone targetting me while they're having mother hen syndrome."
"Need to get away from it?" Mu Tzu asked. "The Old Ghoul is needing a new waiter or
waitress this summer, seeing as how more people will be coming as tourists, and she has
some new places she wants to try out for the mobile faction."
"I'll think about it." Ranma put it asside to ponder later.
They stood together in companionable silence, almost agreed upon by the two fighters.
Only the calm rippling of moving water and the occasional slap of a wave hitting
concrete broke through the stillness. Ranma couldn't have been happier. Being beside
Mu Tzu, not fighting, just... he didn't know what it was they were doing, but he liked it.
"Why did you do it, Ranma?"
His anger bursted through the serene feel that had calmed his thoughts. Of course he
would have to ruin it, the stupid duck! Couldn't the whole damn world just leave well
enough alone?! "Because I could." Ranma snapped at the other boy, and turned to walk
away.
"I didn't mean why you took a shot on suicide, Saotome. I won't lie and say you're the
only one who's really thought about it. You're just the first of us to actually try it." Mu
Tzu kept his eyes firmly locked on the water, refusing to look up at his rival, refusing to
satisfy his curiousity of what expression the blue-eyed boy was wearing. He took a deep
breath and continued, "What I meant was.... what..... what triggered it? What was the
final straw? And why..... why did you steal my dagger to use? Have you been planning
this for months in advance?"
Ranma was wide eyed, but it was the only thing giving away his surprise. He felt....
empty. No one had really asked more than why he tried to commit suicide, and he was so
tired of even remembering all the reasons he didn't want to repeat them. He looked to his
feet to collect his thoughts, then looked up towards the sky. The half moon was already
coming through, bringing a few stars with it.
Mu Tzu waited patiently for the other to answer his questions, but as more minutes
passed, he started to wonder if he would ever get them. He took a deep breath, about to
dismiss it, when he got his response in a quiet voice.
"I don't really know what triggered it. I... I guess I was depressed that day. Everyone
attacking me, except Ryoga and Akane... well, Akane did once, but that was because I
said her butt looked big in that orange dress she had, I can't really see her in-"
"Don't run off the subject, Saotome." Mu Tzu warned.
Ranma blushed faintly, nodding. "Sorry. But I honestly don't know. It was a day like all
the others really. Nothing special. As for your dagger... I don't know why I took it.
Maybe because I knew I didn't want to make Kasumi feel guilty if I used one of her
kitchen knives. Or maybe she would have thought she lost it. Who knows with Kasumi."
Mu Tzu narrowed his eyes in irritation. "Oh, so using my weapons and making _me_ feel
guilty is a better alternative?"
"NO!" Ranma snapped. "That's not what I meant! If you're just going to accuse me as
always, then go jump off the bridge, 'cause I ain't in the mood to take your shit, too,
Mousse!"
"Then why the hell did you use _my_ dagger?! Trying to frame me or something?! Why
not a piece of glass or a razor or something instead?! Or better yet, those might be too
dull, just use one of Ukyou's spatulas. No, no, wait." He was fusterated, confussed, a bad
combination. He kept running his mouth in hot anger, "That would make her feel guilty
too. Well, damn, I guess you could have used ol' Ryoga's bandanas-"
"I thought about those things, Mousse." Ranma whispered, more to himself thinking Mu
Tzu probably would have listened if he heard anyways. He looked away, minorly
embarrassed when the Amazon's rambling stopped. "I guess... I guess I just wanted you
to know I thought about you before I died or something. I don't know. I found your
dagger one day, thought about either returning it or throwing it away, and in the end I
never did either."
A quiet thoughtful look crossed over Mu Tzu's face as he listened to the boy, and
remained, growing more intense, after he was done. He put his hands in his sleeves,
suddenly cold, and lowered his head. "I won't get mad about what triggered you, Ranma.
If it's embarrassing, disgusting, or will make someone angry or scared, I'll keep quiet. I
just... I just need to know before I help you... so that I won't make a mistake."
"Buddy, I don't need you to be a mother duck, I got enought people trying to 'help' me by
smothering me with attention. And while I like a little attention, you can have too much
of a good thing." Ranma tried to brush off the concern with humor, but one look at Mu
Tzu's expression stated clearly that he wasn't going to let this one go. With a sound
halfway between a sigh and a growl, Ranma walked back to stand beside his Chinese
rival. "... you'll feel guilty."
"Try me."
Ranma smirked to himself, closing his eyes. :Just imagine he isn't there.... and you won't
put your foot into your mouth. Better now than never. And at least now... he won't think
I want Shampoo anymore.: Taking a clean, deep breath of fresh air, he began to speak
calmly. "It was you that triggered it, Mousse. After school, when Shampoo glomped me,
and you attacked me. Do you remember?"
Mu Tzu held his chin, thinking back. "Vaguely."
A nod and he continued, "I remember it ver well. You were able to glomp Shampoo and
that made her drop me so she could try and beat you up. You said... 'Xian Pu, please
marry me! You don't need that dumb Saotome, you don't need the village! As long as we
love each other, who needs them?' and you continued on with your usual advances."
Ranma paused, seeming to collect his thoughts. "Those words got me thinking. I realized
that... you were right. Love isn't something to be taken for granted. You gotta know
when you have it and how to treat it right. Shampoo doesn't see how much you're
devoted to her, so she doesn't appreciate you. You're a really good fighter, Mousse. But
those words..." he blushed faintly, "... scared me."
Both of Mu Tzu's eyebrows rose up in surprise, "_Scared_? _You_?"
A minute nod. "W-well... I didn't think for all this time that I was in love. I mean... yeah,
my attention has been set on someone that I felt something for, but I didn't know what it
was. What you said made me realize that it was love, not lust or admiration. I was
falling, and I didn't know if anyone would care, or if anyone would catch me. I'm not
always Saotome Ranma, you know. Sometimes I'm just plain Ranma." His eyes
darkened a few shades as depression began to set in. "So I ran back to the Tendo's,
thinking about it. The more I thought about it, the more... I dunno, sad, confussed, angry,
depressed, so on and so forth I got. When I was alone, I walked around for a while.
Looking around the house, your dagger in my hand. When I got to the changing room, I
saw my reflection. I... I was furious. I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. And that was
the trigger."
Mu Tzu was hesitant about what to do, guilt and shock rushing through him, making him
confussed and slightly unsure. He cautiously put his hand on Ranma's arm, smiling what
he hoped was reassuringly. "We'll keep it between us. I'm... I'm sorry I made you think
about it. But... is the person you feel for really worth all this trouble? I mean, you don't
even know if she feels the same way!"
"Not true." Ranma shrugged minutely, "I know 'she' doesn't feel the same way. But 'she'
is worth it all right. It's not in a good way, but with me out of the picture, maybe h-'she'
could have the one 'she' wants."
The green eyes held mischievious disbelief, "You're kidding, right? Any girl I know of
has a crush on you. Well, except for Akane-" He froze, eyes widening with all humor
gone. "A-Akane?!"
"Eh?"
A bright smile rushed over Mu Tzu's face, "I should'uv known!! Ranma and Akane, the
indestructible couple!! If you're out of the picture, she can have Ryoga!! Who'da thunk
that?!"
"Only you, apparently," Ranma grumbled.
"You love Akane!!! You don't want Ukyou or Kodachi or Xian Pu, you want Akane!!"
"I love Mousse. Don't want no other girls, just want Mousse." Ranma mumbled under his
breath.
"Ranma loves Akane!! Ranma loves-WHAT?!"
Ranma blushed, looking up to see a pale, wide-eyed Mu Tzu staring at him in open
shock. :Weird. That's the same look mom gave me right after I told her I was Ranko. If
this is anything like it, pretty soon he's going to-: *THUD* :..... faint.:
* * *
Mu Tzu struggled back to the world of the living, pretty sure he heard incorrectly. He
held the back of his head where it hit the concrete, noticing Ranma was looking at him
with worry and some fear. "Um.... I think my ears are going at an early age, but I thought
I heard you say.... um.... "
"I did."
"... you were joking, right?"
"No."
".... HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?!" Mu Tzu exclaimed as he stood, beginning
to pace around. "I mean.... we've got nothing in common except that we fight! How
_could_ you?!"
Ranma kept his eyes on the ground, "You said you wouldn't get mad, scared, or angry."
Mu Tzu snarled back, "About what _triggered_ you, not about your love life!!" He missed
seeing the blue-eyed boy wince at the anger in his tone, too worried about what he was
going to do. :Khu Lon's gonna kill me, because I'd be in the way of Xian Pu's conquest!
Xian's going to kill me because of the same reason! Genma's going to attempt to kill me
because it's his son, Mrs. Saotome might do the same thing, oh hell!!!!: He grabbed his
hair, messing it around in a futile hope of getting some form of an idea of what to do.
"It's just between us, Mousse. No one knows, and no one will have to know. I can't go
back to China with Xian, though. Seeing you's enough to get me depressed. So. Just
forget about it." Ranma tried to reason, but it sounded dead and weak even to his own
ears.
Mu Tzu stopped his panic rush, and seconds later moved his hands away from his head.
"... That's true. You can't go to China with Xian. I would go, too, and we both would get
depressed. But I'm not going to just 'forget about it', Ranma." He turned, eyes dead
serious as he watched his rival. He lowered his eyes, letting out a wistful sigh as he
walked to the Saotome heir. :If only you were a girl...: "... better get home, Saotome.
With how long we've been here, they've probably sent out a search party to find you. I
need to think about this. I need... I just need a few days, okay? Don't do anything rash
during then."
A spark of a light entered the nearly black eyes, a slight look of hope on the other boy's
face, "What do you mean by that then, Mousse?"
Mu Tzu shrugged, a faint smile on his lips, "It means I'll see you in a few days, and
maybe by then we'll have an answer." That said, he turned on his heel and walked back to
the direction of the Nekohatten.
* * *
"Where stupid duck boy been?! Dinner rush start half hour ago and you come back
now?! Stupid stupid stupid duck!!" Xian Pu finished with her yelling at the other
Amazon and left to serve more customers.
Khu Lon handed over the grill to him, watching him from her perch on her staff, "So
what did take you so long, Mu Tzu?"
"Ran into Ranma. We talked."
"And?" The ancient woman asked.
Mu Tzu smiled to himself, chopping the vegetables. "Let's just say we both were falling
and just realized it. Now we have to catch each other or else it's going to be a very
painful landing."
Khu Lon looked lost for a few minutes, then snorted, hopping out of the kitchen, "I'll
never understand this generation." she grumbled under her breath.
[ owari ]
A/N: ........ was it good? .......... was it bad? ........... my muses aren't really cooperative.
One came back from re-training and she helped for a while, then she just kinda...
croaked. *prays to the well of Wishful Thinking* Anyway, C&C, whatever you like to
say, go ahead.