Notes: I still can't get enough of travelling SS. Rated M for future chapters, but for now this first part is rated T for language.
Part 1 - The Land of Wind
"I love you," she says, out of the blue.
Her words catch him off guard and he freezes, unsure if he'd heard right.
They'd been standing together and surveying the vast expanse of sand that stretched out for miles beneath their feet. The stars that guided their way through the desert twinkled good-naturedly above them. The wind had picked up at that very moment, temporarily soothing the skin of his heated face.
He turns his head to look at her. Light green eyes, full of sincerity and a little of what he thinks is hope, steadily meet his gaze. There was no trace of irony, no hint of a smirk playing on her lips, no playful revising of her words in the seconds that followed. The way she said it was like how one would state what the weather was like today or if a particular meal had agreed with them or not- a simple fact.
It is a part of Sakura that he would never be able to understand. To her, this sentiment was a constant in her life, fixed to her (by perhaps some unknown entity with a twisted sense of humor) like the sun and moon were to day and night. To him, it was an unnatural, illogical, and most of all, terrifying variable.
Finding it difficult to look at her anymore, he turns his attention back to the distant horizon and tries to distract himself with other thoughts. He knows he should be grateful but in a way it irritates him to see that she thinks he is like some lovesick puppy, always wanting this constant, blatant reaffirmation of her love for him.
But what he hates, what he absolutely despises, is the fact that deep down he knows it to be true.
When daylight begins to peek over the dunes, they set up camp on a rocky outcrop near a small oasis. The midsummer sun had been such a harsh and unforgiving experience the first time around that they had taken to traveling by night. Despite this change of plans, the residual heat of the day was still enough for his clothes to be stained with sweat and bothersome enough to put him in a foul mood on most nights. The oasis they had stumbled upon tonight had been a rare but welcome sight. He was looking forward to finally getting all this damned sand out of his clothes.
After they had unpacked their things, he takes their canteens and refills them at the spring while Sakura prepares their last meal of the day. Once he finishes, he walks back to the camp and begins setting up a fire. They work quickly, efficiently, and in tandem with each other, a natural result of the numerous days they had spent doing the same routine. When there is nothing left to do but to wait, Sakura goes to sit next him and leans her head against his shoulder.
"How was your day, Sasuke-kun?" she asks, as if she had not spent the whole entire day with him trudging through this godforsaken desert.
"Sandy," he replies in a clipped tone. He knows he has already been unkind to her today, possibly even cruel, but he is too tired to care. "What are you getting at?"
"Nothing. Just wanted to make conversation," Sakura says lightly.
"Well, there isn't really much to talk about regarding that, is there?"
"I guess so."
"So why bother to ask?"
Sakura glances at him, her expression unreadable. She turns her head to look at the spring. "Actually, I think I'll go wash my clothes right now. Don't know when I'll get another opportunity to do so. Keep an eye on the pot for me, will you?" Sakura pats him gently on the back and gets up to leave.
Grunting in agreement, he slowly rearranges himself so that the firepit is in front of him and his back is facing the spring. The soft patter of her footsteps gradually fades away. Glad to be finally left alone, Sasuke watches the embers dance around the edge of the fire, glowing like the eyes of a cat in the dark.
He thinks back to the black kitten that had followed him around when he had taken first post-war sojourn across the world. Ume, he had named her, after the plum tree he had found her in. Whenever it was time to eat she would circle his feet incessantly to see if he would toss some of his food to her, mewing her thanks when he did. Sasuke wonders where she was right now, or if she was even alive.
As he lay there thinking of his feline friend, Sasuke soon finds his head bowed down and his eyelids growing heavy. He dreams of a black cat with green irises watching him from the shadows, always alert for any sign of a dropped crumb.
Sasuke wakes to the smell of charred meat and burnt ashes.
The morning sun beats down on him mercilessly. With his lips chapped and throat parched, Sasuke looks around blearily and pushes himself to his feet. He lumbers towards the outcrop and into the shade, grasping at his forehead all the way. A headache has already formed and he hopes he isn't in the beginning stages of a heat stroke.
Once he feels slightly better, he walks to the spring to get a much needed drink. Splashing water onto his face to sharpen his senses a little more, he looks around and notices that there is no sign of Sakura in the area around him.
Sasuke blinks, disbelieving. Panic begins to set in as he dashes around the small oasis, searching for any sign of her curled up in her traveling cloak and hidden out of view by some strategically placed foliage or rock. After twenty minutes of searching there was no denying it- Sakura has left him.
Shit, he thinks. Shit, shit, shit.He'd feared- he'd knew that this day would come. Perhaps she had reached her breaking point last night. It was already somewhat of a superhuman feat that she had even stayed with him this long.
Sasuke shakes his head, trying to clear his thoughts. No, she would've never left him willingly. Or if she did, she would've had the decency to at least tell him that she was going to. Sakura was not the type of person who would abandon people and rest easily about it at night. Sasuke had put her through far more distressing situations and she had always stayed by his side when most (rational) people would've abandoned him, though the thought of that did not comfort him at all. Something must have happened to her.
He circles the perimeter of the oasis, trying to see if he can make out any footprints but the wind has already bested him to it and swept them away. Cursing himself ten times over for not paying attention earlier, he kicks at a nearby pile of sand. He kneels down, head in his hands, mulling over what he should do.
I need to move quickly. Act now, think later.
Sasuke returns to the fire pit, hurriedly grabbing a few of the filled canteens and stashing his chokuto into his belt. Climbing to the top of the outcrop, he summons chakra to his right hand, bites his thumb until he draws blood, and performs a few quick hand seals.
Garuda materializes before him in a burst of hot air and greets him with a piercing screech. The sight and spectacle of the massive hawk never fails to fill him with a sincere appreciation for the majesties of nature. Sasuke gives his old friend's beak a few gentle rubs before jumping onto his back, setting out into the endless dunes that surrounded their tiny camp.
Two hours later, he is desperate for any sign of her. Sakura shouldn't have gone too far on foot even if she had had a few hours head start, he reasoned. The daytime desert would be fighting her for every step she took.
There was the possibility that something or someone had kidnapped her, though that scenario was unlikely. Sakura was well beyond capable of taking care of herself. She had proven herself an extremely accomplished kunoichi during his defection from Konoha and with the whole Kido affair back when he was still traveling alone. But knowing all of that didn't make it any easier to stop worrying.
Calm yourself. Keep your emotions in check. Be vigilant.
In the time he had spent searching, Sasuke had discovered only two human settlements, both abandoned and decrepit. It was unlikely she would've come upon any form of shelter out here. Below him, the desert begins to swim together into one monotonous image. Dune upon dune stretches out from every corner of his vision. The sight makes Sasuke feel as insignificant as one of the many grains of sand beneath him- and twice as lonely.
A voice begins to whisper to him inside his head, soft and malicious.
You're too weak, Sasuke. Too weak to let go. You're too used to getting what you want. Revenge, power, respect, fear, love, all have been yours. You could have her, just like that, and she'd even go along with you willingly.
I can't do that to her, he thinks.
Of course you can't. This is Sakura, one of the few people in this world who can look past your numerous sins, not some revenge fantasy you've been harboring since you were eight. The closer you get to her the more you will hurt her- and you're afraid of that aren't you? You're afraid of hurting her because if you do she will leave, and when she leaves, you will have no one, just like you did before. She doesn't deserve this selfish kind of love, nor does she deserve you, with all your self-loathing. It's better to let her go. Let her be happier.
He closes his eyes and heaves a long and miserable sigh. The heat was starting to get to him. Garuda swivels his head back at him, golden eyes looking at him quizzically.
A sudden hissing noise startles him out of his stupor. What could only be described as a geyser of sand erupts from the area to his left. Hope and dread flood his body at the same time. It was the first sign of life he'd seen in this accursed desert.
Sasuke hastily squeezes Garuda's shoulder and directs him towards the source of the disturbance.
As Garuda flies over the area, Sasuke starts to see little craters dotting the landscape. A lone figure in red walks aimlessly back and forth between them. It occasionally stops to bend down to jab at the ground, causing another geyser of sand to spout into the sky.
This is going to be fun, he thinks.
He guides Garuda to a nearby dune that juts out higher than the others. Jumping down, he races towards the peak.
"Sakura!" he calls out.
She glances up at him. Her face is puffy and red, her eyes wild and delirious. While she looks at him with a cold resignation, Sasuke has never been more relieved to see her.
"Are you alright?"
"Do I look alright?" Her voice is hoarse, accusatory. Sasuke winces as if her words have stung him.
"Why'd you leave?"
"I wasn't going to, well, I wasn't planning to. I just... had get away to let some steam off. And then I- I got lost."
"Well, let's go back. You look like you're about to collapse."
"No," she says, "not until- not until I tell you some- some things." Sakura backs away from him, shaking with each step.
"Come on Sakura, you can tell me later. You've been out in the sun for hours. You need medical attention."
"I can give that to myself," she snaps.
Gods, this woman. "Fine, let's hear it then. How angry are you with me?"
Sakura looks up at him and scrunches her face into a grimace. "I don't get you sometimes. You want something and then you act like you don't want it at all. The thing is, you can't have it both ways, it doesn't work that way, Sasuke-kun. I'm tired, tired of all this- this- back and forth."
She turns away so that he won't see her cry but Sasuke can still hear her trying to hold back her sobs.
"I miss Konoha, S-Sasuke-kun," she continues. "I've travelled with you for almost a year already and I miss my family, my friends, my job at the hospital, though I know that if I go back I'll miss you more than all of them combined. I don't know if that's right or wrong or even... healthy and most everybody I know back there was telling me that it isn't. Just please don't give me a reason to go back home. P-Please don't let it all be a mistake." Sakura shudders and hugs her arms to herself, crying freely now.
Sasuke stands there, unsure of what to say or do, despite every muscle, every nerve, every fiber in his body screaming at him to take action. Typical, he thinks bitterly, just typical.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" he asks.
"How could I? You were always the one who was suffering, the one who was always troubled, and rightly so. How could any of my problems possibly compare to yours?"
"That doesn't mean I'm completely heartless. I would've understood, or tried to at the very least."
"It didn't seem like earlier. I've stopped caring whether you loved me back or not a long time ago, but that doesn't mean you get to treat me like a stranger. I just- I just want a friend right now."
"Hey-" He takes a step forward.
"Don't come near me. Don't..."
Sakura teeters in place, hand outstretched in front of her as if it would somehow prevent him from coming closer. She lurches forward sharply as her feet stumble on a loose patch of sand. Before she has a chance to plant herself on the ground, Sasuke is already at her side, his right arm supporting her weight.
A distant memory stirs in the corner of his mind, an image of a time and place similar to this one where he'd cradled her body to his. Back then, she had saved him from a prolonged and miserable death in solitude. And now, he was doing the same for her.
She looks up at him through half-lidded eyes. "Am I wrong?" Sakura asks wearily.
"No," he says before pressing his fingers on a pressure point, knocking her out.
Sakura stirs slightly, moving her head from side to side.
Sitting by her shoulder, Sasuke rearranges the damp towel on her forehead to prevent it from slipping off. He dribbles some water from a canteen into her mouth. Her skin is still sweaty and feverish from earlier that day and he hopes the shade from the outcrop is able to cool her down.
"Ah- ptuh!"
She comes to her senses noisily. Sakura sputters and bolts up from the blanket that he had laid her on, coughing.
Her eyes slowly flutter open as they adjust to the light. The medical training she has honed over the years takes over and she methodically checks her vitals for any irregularities. Sasuke watches as she places her hand on her throat and a blue glow emerges to light her features. The healing arts were always a fascinating sight to see- partly because they were so incomprehensible to him.
It is then that she finally notices him. Grabbing the canteen from his hands, Sakura takes a long draught of water. When she is done, she wipes her mouth and asks, "How'd we get back here?"
"Garuda." Sasuke had been almost too exhausted to carry her onto to his avian friend. He didn't even know how his body was keeping itself upright right now.
"Being able to command giant animals to do your bidding does have its uses," Sakura remarks. "If only we could ride one straight out of this place." She cocks an eyebrow at him.
Sasuke laughs. "You know it doesn't work that way, Sakura. In that case we might as well be back in Konoha by the end of the week."
"It would be nice to get out of here though. I know you hate this place too. You've been pretty cranky for the last couple of days."
"Yea," he says quietly. "Sorry."
"For what?" she says in a cool tone.
"For making you feel that way. Being off in my own world. Being an ass."
"And what if I don't accept your apology?"
"Then you don't. But whether or not you do, don't leave like that again. You could've died."
"Good to know that you don't want me to die, Sasuke-kun."
He narrows his eyes, his temper starting to flare despite his better judgement. Was this really what it was all about?
"You're a terrible liar, Sakura."
"What?"
"You do care." Sasuke leans forward so that his face is inches away from hers. As he looks her directly in the eye, he sees her swallow nervously in his peripheral vision.
His lips curl into a smirk. They'd known each other for years, been through numerous situations that under normal circumstances should've irreparably fractured their relationship, and to this day he still had this effect on her.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. Why else would you say what you said earlier tonight if you weren't trying to get a reaction out of me?"
"I-I just felt like saying it. Not everything is about you. I never really expected anything to come out of it in the first place."
"Oh come on, nobody's that saintly, Sakura," he scoffs. "Not even you."
She gives him an odd look. "Well, I can stop it if you want, right here, right now. The question is, do you want me to?"
Before he can pull himself back from her, she reaches out and holds his head in her hands. Her grip is surprisingly strong for someone who had just undergone heat exhaustion. Sasuke suspects that she is using some of her chakra.
Although her tone is angry, her fingers are gentle on his skin. Sakura traces her thumb down his right cheekbone. "I want to know. Don't avoid the question this time. I'm tired, Sasuke-kun."
He looks at her, trying to think of anything he could say that could be both definite and indefinite. Words had never suited him for situations like this and he was loathe to rely on them right now. Still, he had to do something.
Maybe it is because he still feels angry at himself from before or because that this thrice-damned woman was somehow always right about his many dysfunctions (to which he would've done anything to prove her wrong) that drives him to do what he did next. Or maybe it was something entirely different. Whenever he thinks back to this day in the years to come, Sasuke is still not sure what made him move himself forward to kiss her.
Their lips are both chapped and rough to the touch but all Sasuke could focus on was how surprisingly good it felt to hear her initial gasp of surprise, how satisfying it was to hear her sigh, how sweet it was to have her kiss him back with equal fervor. He kisses her forcefully, hungrily, channeling all his anger and eagerness into the one simple act. Sakura responds in kind, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and holding him tighter against her body. Falling onto the the blanket with her, Sasuke loses himself in a little world where he could pretend that he could let himself have just this one thing.
It's a foreign sensation, being this physically close to another person. And yet Sakura tastes like warmth. Like belonging.
Sasuke doesn't know how many minutes have passed when they finally break apart, panting for air. There is a newness to the space between them, a feeling that a threshold has finally been crossed and scattered to the winds. He looks at Sakura lying in front of him, her light pink hair askew, face flushed from heat and passion, the one person who was willing to follow him to the ends of the earth.
Overwhelmed with something he can't quite put a name to, Sasuke clears his throat, gets up on his feet, and walks away.
He dips the rag into the waters of the spring and washes his face of all the dust and sand that has accumulated throughout the day. The sun has descended from its perch in the sky but the heat is still as stifling as ever. Sasuke is tired, so very tired of today.
Hearing footsteps from his seat at the water's edge, he turns to see Sakura coming towards him. She walks by him, kicks off her sandals, and dips her feet into the water. A sigh of contentment escapes from her lips.
Sasuke waits for her to say something about the kiss but Sakura remains silent. They watch together as the rays of the sun shrink back from the sky, turning their surroundings into a lush shade of orange. He is about to nod off when he hears Sakura wading through the water, fully clothed.
She moves deeper into the spring until everything below her chin is submerged. Then she looks up at the rapidly darkening sky above them, an expression of utter tranquility on her a face. A dash of light pink in a field of deep blue.
She never did get to wash her clothes, he thinks, smiling to himself.
It is the last thing he sees before he finally closes his eyes and sleeps.
The two of them travel mostly in silence over the course of the next couple of days. Since the day at the oasis, little has changed in their daily routine and interactions. Their words are sparse and their conversations utilitarian.
Sasuke begins to wonder whether he had imagined something shifting between them. Was this how things were supposed to go? A short, brilliant outburst, then a slow fizz to nothing afterwards?
They start to near the southeastern border to the Land of Earth. The scenery changes around them, loose sand giving away to hard packed dirt. The sun becomes gentler to the skin and so they take to traveling during the day now. Signs of life gradually begin to appear- a hardscrabble shrub here, a rabbit darting away over there. More and more human settlements crop up as they make their way to the mountain ranges in the distance. Sasuke is glad to see the color green in the world around him again.
They walk, they eat, they rest. It is a simple cycle that has ruled them through weeks and months, sun and snow. Two sets of footprints left behind, the promise of new lands before them.
After a particularly grueling day of traveling, they find a ranch house surrounded by a grove of juniper trees. Wanting a change of pace, Sakura talks to the farmer there- a sunburnt middle-aged man named Shio. They spend the rest of the day pulling weeds out of his fields, working in exchange for board.
It is an easy if not dull grind, but it feels good to have something to do with his hands again. Purpose was purpose, however temporary it was.
Sasuke watches as Sakura bends down and pulls at a stubborn growth of nettles. The roots of the plant have interwoven with that of its neighbors so that when she pulls out the single plant, Sakura takes out the whole entire patch with her. She slips and falls onto her bottom, hands clutching a yard's worth of weeds. Wincing in pain, she rubs her back tenderly. Sasuke walks over and offers her a hand up.
"I don't think I'm very good at this," she says as she takes his hand.
He smiles. "You're a kunoichi. You don't have to be."
She looks at the pile of nettles in her hands. "Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if we weren't shinobi?"
"No, not really. What point is there to that?"
"I guess it's harder for you to imagine having a different kind of life, being that you're an Uchiha. My parents, my ancestors were all civilians. This..." she gestures at the field around them, "...could've been my home, if I hadn't passed the Academy entrance exam."
"Your parents would have sent you out to work on a bean farm?"
"No! That's not the point. What I meant was... we might never have met. I could've been a farm hand, or a hostess, a maid-"
"I doubt it. You're too smart. You would've still ended up in the hospital. Not as a patient, I mean, but as a civilian doctor."
She beams at that. "You think so?"
"Yea. I probably would've been... I would probably be a..." Try as he might, Sasuke could not see himself as anything other than a shinobi. After all, his only real talents involved subterfuge and assassinations. Not exactly a set of skills that would easily translate to an ordinary life. His lineage and his past had effectively wiped out any chances of him becoming a civilian anyways.
"I think you would've made a good midwife," she adds helpfully. "Or possibly a very talented wet nurse."
"That's hilarious, Sakura. Real hilarious."
She laughs, a high tinkling sound. Picking up the weeds, she drops them into a nearby wheelbarrow, Sakura places her hands on her hips. "A simple way of life, isn't it?. I can't help but wonder."
"Would you want one?"
"Sometimes I think I do." Sakura bends down and starts pulling at another patch of nettles. "Then I remember how many things I'd miss."
She smiles at him, in her mud-stained clothing and her brow dripping with sweat. He doesn't think he's ever seen her this beautiful.
Stars fill every corner of the night sky, a beautiful and familiar sight. They lay on the roof of the barn, eating a very postponed dinner and resting from a hard day's work. Between the two of them, three fields' worth of weeds were no more. Shio had nodded his silent approval and shown them their sleeping quarters: an old barn that used to house his milk cows.
Sasuke supposed it was to be expected, considering that no ryo was exchanged. The farmer had given them lodging for two days but had neglected to mention what kind of quality it was before directing them to the fields. The barn was musty and smelled strongly of manure but still provided them with a roof to sleep under. He knew that not many people were as fond as he was for sleeping out in the elements, his companion being one of them.
"That one, I think it's the Drunken Monkey.. no, no wait, it's the Vengeful Dragon...?" Sakura guesses.
"Not even close. It's the Lazy Hare. How did you even get to that conclusion?"
He'd been teaching Sakura the constellations throughout their journey, the reason being that it would be an useful skill in case she'd ever got lost. Surprisingly, she was absolutely terrible at it- something he had grown fond of teasing her about. Sakura had consistently been at the top of their class back when they were still in the Academy and seeing her getting progressively more wrong had been quite entertaining.
"Hnngh, they all look the same to me. I don't get to see them all that much in Konoha, there's too many lights on during the night," she complains.
"That's an excuse and a thin one too. Admit it, you're just bad at it," he snickers.
"No I'm not, I just need more practice." Sakura playfully slaps him on his upper left arm.
Sasuke winces loudly in pain. For someone with incredibly precise chakra control, she certainly had a habit of forgetting to reigning in her strength around him. Is this what the dobe has to go through? he thinks glumly as he massages his upper arm. There was definitely going to be bruising later on.
"I'd heal it but you deserved that one," she sniffs. "For being a jerk and..."
She trails off when she sees him taking off his shirt. Her eyes widen and he is sure that if it were daytime, he would be able to see her face turn as red as her clothes right now. This is too easy, he thinks to himself.
"W-what are you doing?" she stutters.
"Healing it. You taught me back when we were still in Suna, remember?" It was another skill they had shared with each other. Though in the end, it hadn't really amounted to much because he was just as terrible at it as she was with stargazing.
He moves his shirt to the side and places his hand on the stump of his left arm.
"No wait, don't. I'll do it." Sakura brushes off his hand and replaces it with her own. "You're even worse at healing than I am at identifying stars."
"I'm glad we're so supportive of each other," he remarks dryly, secretly feeling triumphant.
A blue glow emits from her hands and bathes them in a ghostly light. The pain disappears from his shoulder but Sakura's hands remain cradled around his stunted arm, their warmth all the more noticeable in the cool night.
Sasuke clears his throat. An awkward silence hangs in the air.
"What are we, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asks slowly.
"Hn?"
"Back in the desert. Are we friends? Or are we... we- " she hesitates.
"-lovers? Sweethearts? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" he finishes for her.
The words feel strange on his tongue, too trite and cloyingly sweet to describe their relationship. Gods, he'd tried to kill Sakura twice before. Most people would consider that a dealbreaker, but then again both of them weren't right in the head like most people.
"Yea. That." Sakura moves her hands to her lap and starts fidgeting with the fabric of her skirt. "I really enjoyed it... our kiss. It was really nice."
Sasuke reaches for his shirt and puts it back on. "Yea. I did too."
"You're not answering the question." She was getting too good at this now.
"Look, does it really matter how we define it? It's not so straightforward as that. There doesn't always have to a be a neat little label to everything. We're here and we're together, whatever that may mean. And I'm thankful for that."
"I- I see," Sakura says softly, her voice laced with disappointment.
Sighing, Sasuke looks up at the sky. Flanked by the stars, the moon watches over him like an old friend. It had accompanied him when he first watched his brother desecrate everything that he held dear, the time when the girl who loved him begged him not to leave their village, the fight he had with his closest friend to resist being taken back home. It would never be as bright and welcoming as the sun, but it had its own quiet sort of beauty.
Let her go, the familiar voice inside his head says. Let her be happier.
I can't do that anymore, he thinks. Not after all that's happened. Not after how far we've come.
Sasuke reaches out with his right hand and pokes her on the forehead. The yin seal in the center glitters in the moonlight as she shifts her head in surprise.
He moves his hand down her cheek and cups her chin, tilting her head slightly to look into her green eyes. She looks back at him, timid yet curious.
"Do you know what that means?" he asks her.
"No. I've always wondered though." Sakura admits. "You did the same thing when you left Konoha after the war."
"Well," he says. "Let me tell you what it means."