Chapter 18 of Breaking Dawn (Edward's point of view)
One scream was all that it took.
One scream, and suddenly my life – my entire existence – was nearing collapse. Everything that I had worked for, everything that I had known and loved was suddenly fading away.
My brain seemed to be running on no fuel – it took me one brief, never-ending second to realize that something had gone wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong.
And then I was aware of my mouth moving – my brain seemed to be working for me, running on automatic now. Rosalie swept Bella – oh, Bella – into her arms, and we were running up the staircase at the momentum of a bullet.
And then the cloudy, agonized fog in my head lifted, and I was aware of everything all at one time. Bella, Bella…
Bella was in excruciating pain, and the baby – our baby -- was dying inside of her. It was hard to focus on much besides the first part of the latter.
"Morphine!" I yelled. Bella, in pain, because of me. Bella's bones breaking, her blood spewing onto the floor. I was aware of the intense burn in my throat, but only just. Nothing mattered now besides saving her – fixing the mess I had created.
Rosalie pinned Bella onto the operating table, yanking her clothes out of the way. I stabbed the syringe filled of morphine into her arm, praying that it would spread fast.
"What's happening, Edward?" Rosalie yelled – shocked and confused. Her thoughts were in synch with her words.
"He's suffocating!" I shouted.
"The placenta must have detached!"
Bella actually opened her eyelids, and let out a raging scream that was worse than before.
"Get him out! He can't breathe! Do it now!" She screamed.
Panic. Frustration. Pain. Anger. Shock. Confusion. But mostly panic.
"The morphine—" I snarled, still unable to focus on anything but Bella's pain.
"NO! Now!" She shouted, and then started choking.
I held her head up, helping her to breathe.
Alice walked in, handed Rosalie a cell phone earpiece, and quickly backed out. I met her eyes for one, brief second, and the panic in my eyes reflected in hers.
I can't see, Edward! I can't see anything…
Jacob took note of the blotchy black and purple colors to Bella's skin, and I hated myself more than anything else in that moment. I caused that…
Rosalie talked feverishly to Carlisle, asking directions. More blood dripped – Rosalie's hand came up with a scalpel. No…
"Let the morphine spread!" I shrieked. The thought of Bella's pain was like acid running in my veins.
"There's no time! He's dying!" She yelled.
The knife in her hand sliced through Bella's stomach, and more and more blood dripped.
And then Rose's expression changed – turned animalistic, thirsty…But I couldn't restrain her while I kept Bella breathing!
"No, Rose!" I yelled, unable to do much else.
Suddenly Jacob – his thoughts were also in a panic – knocked her down. Alice grabbed her by the throat and pulled her into the hallway. Jacob ripped out the scalpel which had been forced into his arm in the struggle.
"Alice, get her out of here! Take her to Jasper and keep her there! Jacob, I need you!" Those words had never been this true.
He turned back to the table, staring at Bella's unconscious face.
"CPR?" I demanded.
"Yes!" he yelled.
He looked at me once – making sure I wouldn't have a similar reaction to Rose's. As if any physical need could touch me in this moment.
"Get her breathing! I've got to get him out before—" I started, but a sudden crack interrupted my words. It seemed to have originated from the center of her body – her legs went limp, and agony pierced me.
"Her spine!" I choked, shocked and trying to think as fast as possible.
"Get it out of her! She won't feel anything now!" Jacob shouted, flinging the bloody scalpel to me. I caught it, immediately realizing that this was the only option left.
Jacob pressed his mouth to hers – his thoughts only full of panic and anxiety – trying to get Bella to breathe.
I cut across Bella's stomach with the scalpel, and more blood fell to the floor, like a fountain. I then forced my teeth into her stomach – cutting through the rock hard skin of the baby.
Jacob yelled words of fierce encouragement to Bella, while he continued to force her breathing.
And then everything was still – everything stopped. A new fog filled my brain – but it wasn't unpleasant, and it wasn't expected.
I realized I was holding a newborn baby in my arms. This was my child? Through all the panic and the frustration, I had never imagined this moment in my head. I could see matted, bloody curls on the baby's head – a bronze color that matched my own. I realized that Bella had been wrong – I was holding a baby girl in my arms. She had named her Renesmee…
"Renesmee." I muttered, unable to say anything else.
And then, shockingly, Bella muttered "Let me…give her to me."
Without really thinking, I held out Renesmee so that Bella's shaking hands reached her. Her expression turned loving, adoring – even in her worst hour, she was so beautiful. But her face was contorted in pain, splattered with blood. It was a twisted vision.
And then she gasped in pain, and I realized that the baby had bitten her. But she wasn't venomous – I was sure of this fact somehow.
The strange, new haze was still sifting through my brain, not letting me see reason.
"No, Renesmee." I muttered, pulling the baby closer into my arms. She stared back up at me, and smiled. I realized that warm, familiar, chocolate brown eyes were staring up at me, and I forgot everything else. It was the most lovely sight I had known – one I had thought I would lose.
Who would have guessed that this was the road my life had traveled down? Throughout the first century of my existence, I had not known love. Yes, I had loved my family, but to say that I knew love would be a lie. When Bella entered my life, everything changed – and I felt more love than I thought was possible. Everything had moved in fast forward – but, with Bella, my existence was truly complete. Whole. So many things that I had thought were impossible became possible…including this moment. Who would have thought that I could create something so pure and perfect using only the passionate, never-ending love I had for Bella? Who would have thought that I would be a father? The haze in my brain only let me see Renesmee. But the haze was fading, slowly, horror coming back to me. The battle for happiness and love wasn't over, and now I had to fight harder than I ever had.
"What are you waiting for?" Jacob gasped, and the haze left my brain with a snap. He was doing compressions on Bella's chest, keeping her alive…
"Take the baby." I said quickly, knowing now what I had to do.
"Throw it out the window."
Before I could respond or think, Rosalie appeared in the doorway.
"Give her to me." She said, and I immediately growled – as did Jacob, surprisingly.
"I've got it under control. Give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella…" dies, she thought smugly. I didn't have time to chuck Rose across the river. I handed her Renesmee, and it felt strange to have my arms free. I grabbed another syringe.
"Move your hands, Jacob." I said, impatiently knocking his hand out of the way. Before any more time could pass, I shoved the needle straight into her heart, praying that it would work.
"What's that?" Jacob asked.
"My venom." I said, pushing down on the syringe.
"Keep it moving." I ordered. I wasn't going to lose Bella. I had come much too close in the past, and nothing would take her away from me now, when life and happiness was so close.
And then I was biting her – her wrists, her arms, her throat. I swept my tongue across each gash, closing the cut.
That was when Jacob's thoughts suddenly changed – he was giving up, losing all hope he had contained. He thought Bella was dead, and he wanted to go.
"Go, then." I snapped, knocking his hands out of the way again. I took his job, doing compressions as fast and hard as possible.
The sure fact of Bella being dead washed through his thoughts, and I flinched. No. No. The venom was in place now, and she would live. She had to live, or everything else would be gone…
"She's not dead. She's going to be fine." I snarled, continuing on. He left the room, and I was alone. It was just me, and the horrifying trouble I had caused.
It was my turn to fight, to fight for everything I had. This would either be the end, or the beginning, And it was up to me. I pressed harder, faster, not giving up.
Suddenly, memories washed through me – my existence flashing before my eyes. If Bella was gone, nothing would be left for me here. I would not linger behind in a world that was devoid of everything besides agony. I remembered seeing Bella's face for the first time – had I been blind before that day? I remembered holding her in my arms – feeling her intense warmth. Seeing her loving, warm smile. Pulling up her chin so that I could read her eyes. Feeling the heat of her lips on mine – all of these memories that brought a new kind of strength to me. Every single moment flew before me, almost as if Alice was showing me millions of visions at one time.
And then, in one never-ending second, everything changed. I put everything that I had left in me into working her heart, and suddenly a pounding filled the room, a racing rhythm that filled through me and made me pause.
Bella's heart was beating on its own – and suddenly everything seemed to fall into the right place. I fell to my knees, reaching up to hold Bella's limp right hand in both of mine.
The pain, the fear, the loss…suddenly, it was all gone.
Nothing would stop us now.
Author's Note:
Stephenie Meyer's fabulous characters and dialogue does not belong to me.
The inspiration for this came to me randomly (as it always does), and it was that brief space of time when Edward is holding Renesmee, and Jacob yells, "What are you waiting for?"
I was wondering what Edward could be thinking right then, so I decided I'd take a stab at it. It's not my best work, but I just do this for fun, and to practice writing. Try not to be too harsh. I hope you enjoy