A/N- AHAHAHA. I know what you are all thinking… something along the lines of "why the fuck is this bitch putting up a new story instead of updating all her others!?" Well…. Um…. Cause I love this story? And guess what?! ITS ALREADY COMPLETELY WRITTEN! So I will update weekly… or more than weekly. Happy? Its like a three or four chapter right now, but I might add on a little, or break up chapters in different ways. So enjoy my pretties!
Warnings: I am not trying to make fun of animal rights activists, vegans, or people who are simply against hunting. I was actually vegan for a long time, and this story evolved when I (a Californian who has never been exposed to anything outdoorsy besides horses) went to visit my brother who lives in montana while I was still vegan. Poor Naruto is going to experience some things that I have learned the hard way…
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
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Chapter 1
"All I am saying little brother, is that hunting with a crossbow involves much more skill than using ordinary guns. Plus, after hunting with a crossbow you gain a new appreciation for our ancestors and the hunters of old."
"Oh please Itachi, a modern hunting crossbow isn't anything remotely like what our so-called "ancestors" would have used, and technology has evolved for a reason—for me NOT to use a crossbow to bring down an animal." The dark-haired brothers scowled at each other and continued their ancient argument as they walked from Itachi's parked black Dodge Ram to the sporting good store.
They waltzed into the store and immediately went in separate directions. Itachi went to the back of the store that sold all sorts of different gear for hunting, and Sasuke sighed as he saw his brother head towards the guns. Itachi was the slowest shopper known to mankind, and if he were really interested in something, then there would be a lot of time for Sasuke to waste while Itachi debated on what to get. Sasuke drifted to the fishing section in hope of wasting time. He ended up buying himself a new fly fishing rod, not because he needed one, but because this one was newer and shinier than his other twelve fishing rods.
He continued browsing the store, and ended up buying himself a new sleeping bag also, not because he really needed one, but because this one was newer and fluffier than his other twelve sleeping bags. He circled the entire store, occasionally making purchases, for about an hour or so before he went to check up on Itachi. The black-haired man was in deep discussion with the salesperson, and Sasuke rolled his eyes, noticing the look of indecision on his brother's face. It would be another hour or so…
Sasuke got the keys from Itachi and decided to just go and wait in the car and nap or something along those lines. He had made it to the wooden doors of the sports store when he noticed a large gathering of people outside of it. The array of colors the group was wearing was shocking, from vivid orange to tie-die, and the brief thought that maybe these people were hippies crossed his mind. But why would hippies be in front of a sporting goods store? Sasuke wondered to himself. Maybe they are a part of some cult or something, and are picking up gear to live off the land in peace and harmony…. He shook his black hair, cursing hippies and their odd hippie ways.
He walked through the door and the group's rhythmic chanting reached Sasuke's ears, drawing his attention to the posters that escaped his attention before. Oh… hippie protestors… I wonder why? Sudden curiosity filled the usually stoic man and he felt himself walk over to one of the sign carriers, wanting to see what they all seemed so riled up about. Before he reached the pink-haired woman he was about to go to ask a shock of blond hair appeared in front of his face.
" Hello sir! Would you like to learn more about our cause? I would be more than willing to help educate you about the atrocities this store and those who frequent this store commit! It's terrible, just terrible! I can't even explain how very terrible! I mean, it's absolutely disgusting how they can just let people…."
"Would you just shut up for a second, idiot?" Sasuke cut off the short blond man, his head hurting from the obnoxious orange jumpsuit the man was wearing and the way the blue-eyed man practically yelled when he spoke.
"What!? Don't call me that you bastard! I was just going to tell you about…"
"Shut up…"
"…Bastard" The blond huffed, crossing his arms over the sign hanging from his neck.
Finally, Sasuke thought, I can just see what the stupid sign says. Sasuke gaped at the sign.
Would you kill your dog?
Would you kill your cat?
How about mount their heads on the wall like a trophy?
NO.
Hunters have no hearts.
Help us stop the killing.
"Are you people serious?" Sasuke let out a disbelieving laugh, pointing towards the sign on the man's chest. The blond puffed out tattooed cheeks in indignation, his face flushing red with anger.
"Hell yes we are serious bastard! Don't tell me you are a hunter!" The blond glanced at Sasuke's bag for the first time, narrowing his aqua eyes. "I'm not surprised, you seemed like a total jackass from the moment I saw you! What, do you jack off to killing helpless creatures? Do you drink their blood, wear their skin like the barbarian you are!"
The pink haired woman he was heading towards earlier and another brown haired man heard the blond's outburst and came running over. "Naruto! This is not how we are supposed to spread our beliefs you idiot!" The woman hit Naruto over the head, fuming before she turned to Sasuke. "I am so sorry sir, Naruto is just an idiot, please excuse his attitude. Um… here is a flyer explaining our efforts to help save animals!"
Sasuke nodded, smirking as the blond shot him an angry look. The brunette man whispered something into the blond's ear and Naruto shook his head fiercely. "No Kiba, I won't apologize to a hunter! He doesn't deserve any better than he gives to animals! I would shoot him if I could!"
"NARUTO!" The pink haired woman looked closer to shooting someone then the blond did….
By now a small crowd had formed around them, made up of the other protesters, people going into the store, and simply onlookers who were shocked by Naruto's threat.
"Yeah right, idiot. Like you could do anything to me. Look at your scrawny little girl ass, you couldn't even pull the trigger on the guns I handle, let alone handle the recoil. You'd break your bony shoulder." Sasuke's smirk got even larger as the brunette protester holding Naruto back actually snorted with laughter.
"Dude Naruto, he actually does have a point. You are scrawny, and I doubt you have ever even hurt a fly." Kiba broke down laughing.
"I'll show you scrawny!" Naruto made a flying leap at Sasuke, aiming a punch for his pretty-boy face. Just then a different voice was heard over the crowd.
"Oh hey, is that you Naruto? Oh, and Sasuke, I was looking for you too." The blond skidded to a stop and twiddled his thumbs, trying to look innocent as Itachi walked up. "It's rather convenient that you two met up today!"
Both Naruto and Sasuke felt like their poor minds would explode from confusion. Naruto let out an intelligent, "Huh?" which was closely followed by a snort of agreement from Sasuke.
"Oh yeah, Naruto this is my little brother Sasuke. Sasuke this is Deidara's friend Naruto who just moved here to Montana from California. Remember when I told you that him and Deidara were coming camping with us all next week?"
Sasuke quickly scanned his memories to see if this was so, he stopped as the image of Itachi rambling on about hot blonds and camping and California popped into his head. "Wait, I have to spend a week with this idiot?"
"Hey! You bastard, it's not like I want to spend any time around you either! Or you for that matter Itachi! You never said anything about being a hunter!" Naruto was so, so very confused. Itachi put on a dashing smile, immediately resorting to his charm to make sure that Naruto came along on the trip. Mainly because if Naruto didn't come, then Deidara might not come, and that would make a bad week for Itachi's exceedingly important sex life.
"Oh, I simply didn't want to say anything about it to you Naruto. I mean, what you do is so very honorable, I honestly, I felt ashamed that I hunted. I have quit though, so you won't see one dead animal on the entire trip! I promise!" Sasuke stared in disgust as his brother hid his newly purchased gun behind his back. That lying, slimy, deceptive, sick bastard! He just wants to watch me suffer for a week! Sasuke was glaring at nothing, internally twisting everything Itachi had done so that it revolved around himself, while Naruto's tender little heart melted at the thought that he had made a difference.
"That is amazing Itachi! I'm so proud of you!" Naruto's blue eyes watered, Sasuke shook his head, Itachi smiled even more.
"So then I will be seeing you and my dearest boyfriend next week, right?" Itachi asked innocently. Naruto nodded, unable to resist the older Uchiha's ruse. "I can't wait Naruto! Maybe you will be able to change my little brother just like you have changed me! He really is so very cold towards animals…" The elder brother made a sideways glance at his younger sibling, giving him an evil smirk.
"Why you…" Sasuke was sooooo pissed.
"Of course! It will be a challenge, but I will dedicate myself to it!" An orange-clothed arm pumped the air.
Naruto and Itachi said their goodbyes and the brothers headed towards the Dodge Ram and loaded their new purchases in.
"You are evil."
"Aww, little brother, your words hurt me. Maybe you should actually TRY to get along with Naruto, I mean, he is completely sexy. I would do him if Deidara wouldn't blow me up if I cheated on him."
"I don't do idiots."
"What about that Suigestsu character you did a while back? He seemed like an idiot. Or that guy… what was his name… oh yeah, Kakashi. He always read porn and covered his face all the time… that seems pretty idiotic to me."
"Whatever." The ride back to their mansion was silent.
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A/N- So, what do you all think!? This is my attempt at humor (at least my version of humor) so I would really, really appreciate lots of feedback on this story. If you are confused about anything Review, if you are perplexed about anything Review, and if you simply want to tell me how much you love and adore me, Review!