Trigger warning: talks about self-harm and suicide, but is nowhere near my other couple stories that do. Warning still, though.
Title: I fucking give up trying to name them after songs. That's just… tough. So bear with my shitty titles. I doubt someone will click on one titled something like "NJ Legion Iced Tea" anyways. I fucking love ADTR (saying so because someone totally didn't ask if I did).
But fucking booyah for the puns on this one, man! Aaaand it answers the final line. I feel like a fucking winner.
He always wears a watch on his left wrist.
Except once. During Chloe's pool party for Izzy's birthday he had to take it off. But it was okay, they weren't paying attention to him.
He froze when he saw Rae stuck in the slide. The attention of all five drew to her legs which were covered in scars noticeable from meters away, in Finn's case. She looked up and his breath caught. Her expression hid nothing. The look of fear on her face gave away what he already knows. The scars aren't accidental. They're there because they were put there.
His heart broke for her. She recovered, asking Chop to get her out of the slide. Finn smiled at the exchange. Unconsciously rubbing his thumb where his watch usually is. He felt weird without it.
He noticed Chloe going through Rae's bag a bit later while they're messing about in the pool. A hospital bracelet. He looked to Rae to see her staring in horror back at Chloe. He let out a ragged breath and watched as Chop splashed her.
A bit later they were chatting in the sauna. Finn was sat next to Rae. No one said anything about her legs, no one stared at them. It was as if there wasn't anything there. He was sure Rae was grateful for that. His own left arm aimed away from others or towards himself. But they weren't paying attention.
In the next month he fell for Rae. Hard. He was devastated when he learned about her and Archer; relieved when she wouldn't take him back. He tried to make nice after being a dick. He hugged her. Feeling her body against his played repeatedly in the shower and whilst he dreamt at night. He thought they were getting somewhere, he thought she understood he was flirting and he wanted her, but then she kissed Archie at the rave and he kissed Chloe. Monumental cock up.
He wasn't sure what to think of what she revealed at her mum's reception. He knew she cut and went to the hospital from it. He didn't know she was in the mental ward for it. He wasn't disgusted. Not at all. He'd be a terrible person if he was. Don't people understand how much someone has to hate themselves to do such a thing? He was… surprised and empathetic.
But her fantasies? Did that mean she wanted him too? She was looking right at him…
He left the reception before they talked. Not without letting Archie know he'd be heading to the chippy first, just in case a certain someone would look for him. He'd been pacing in the small alleyway between the chippy and its neighboring business when he noticed Rae.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked. He thought they were becoming best mates whilst he worked for a different relationship.
"I'm so sorry."
"I- I want to tell you something."
"What?"
"I'm no good with words. I'm no good with speaking."
She shrugged, unsure how to answer. He should just tell her now. He swallowed hard before grabbing his left cuff and pulling it up revealing his watch. He then turned his wrist over so it was upwards and undid his watch. He raised his head to he could watch Rae's reaction when he pulled it away.
She gasped when she saw it. A raised, white scar that spanned the width of his wrist. She reached for his hand, rubbing her thumb just below it where his palm and wrist merged.
"Me mum… I grew up being told she died from being sick when I was a baby. When I was 12 I found out she killed herself. Postpartum depression after having me. I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself for my dad losing his wife. I thought he should hate me for it; thought he'd be happier if I wasn't there anymore. I tried to kill myself the next day. My dad found me and took me to the hospital where I was given a transfusion for the blood loss and stitched up. Dad told me that I was the greatest thing he'd ever gotten, that it wasn't my fault and he was glad he still had me; that he couldn't handle losing me too. He's remarried now. They've been together since I was 5, married when I was 14. I was best man at their wedding and we went paintballing as his stag do – just the two of us. She's great; I call her 'Mum.'"
"Finn, I had no idea," Rae said.
"You're the only one who knows the big secret. I've never told Chop or Archie and we've known each other basically our whole lives. They only know she's my stepmum."
"At the pool party…" she trailed off.
"Yeah. I knew that it wasn't from an accident like you told Chloe and Izzy. They were like mine. I saw the hospital bracelet, too."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"I didn't think you'd want to be confronted about it. I've had my scar for almost six years now and I still hide it. I didn't do it for attention, I did it to escape. I figured it was the same for you."
"So did you tell me about yourself because you pitied me?"
"No. I told you because I wanted you to know I understand, so that when I tell you I love you and I want you, you know I'm being serious."
"You what?" Rae was shocked.
"Y- You heard me."
"I don't believe you."
"You should, but I don't- I don't care if- if you don't believe me."
Rae looked down and grinned, causing Finn's own to widen.
"So what now?"