This oneshot will jump months and years every couple paragraphs, you'll pick it up though. This story also changes to present tense near the end. The past tense is kind of like a collection of his thoughts I suppose. Like unwritten thoughts that should go in his "diary" hahaha.
Echo
When I hugged Elena for that last time, the last time we were happy and together, something inside me told me things would never be the same. That I would not be coming back.
After all, I was going to seek help from Klaus. I was sure that he would not cure my brother and just kill me.
But I had to. My brother was dying. I love my brother. I hate my brother. It doesn't matter what I feel about him in the moment; I will always protect him.
As a child, I looked up to him - after all, he was the older brother. I was his shadow. I followed him everywhere. He taught me tricks. He taught me not to let dear old Dad's strict personality bother me. We rode horses together. We grew up together. We were best friends. When he enlisted in the Confederate army, I prayed to God he would not die. I was proud of him, though.
Even though our bond as changed quite considerably because of the love of a mutual woman, the devil in disguise, Katherine Pierce. I still was loyal to him. I still would do anything for him. I still feel guilt for influencing him to turn into a monster. I still feel his shame and disappointment in me for being a careless, heartless ripper all those years ago.
I had to go to Klaus. I had to leave Elena.
Ever since Klaus took me in as his minion in exchange for the cure for Damon I have been forced to complete the most despicable tasks. While the lying, hurting, and killing would be everything against my human nature - I am not human. I enjoy it. The more human blood I consume the less the guilt and shame consumes me. Though, the disgust and self-hatred I feel for myself never totally escapes me.
I've killed, and killed, and killed. I've blacked out and decapitated innocent people. Yet, for the first few months, Damon and Elena still looked for me. They still wanted to save me, but I couldn't be saved. It would take decades to be who I was. There was no stubborn, heart of gold vampire named Lexi to save me anymore. There was no hope. There was nothing.
Eventually, I had persuaded them to give up on me. I am not who I was. I told them I did not want to be saved. I told Elena I did not want to be with her. All lies. I killed Damon's Andy. I did anything to get my point across and to keep Elena's existence undiscovered by Klaus. It finally worked. They stopped. For good. The fact that they stopped trying to save me strangely hurt, even though that's what I wanted. I felt empty.
After years, Klaus gave up on the hybrid army. Nothing he did would work. He still made me do the most cruel things. There was still a side of me that enjoyed it. I pretended that I have turned the whole human part of me off. Klaus, wise from his age, probably never believed it. He never said anything about it, though. Elena being alive was still a secret. Hopefully, she was happy. Hopefully, she forgot me and did all the normal things teenagers do.
When it was Elena's 22nd birthday, I wondered if she graduated college. I wondered what career she was aspiring for, if Damon was taking good care of her, if Elena fell in love with him after I was gone. Pain ripped through my entire body at that thought, but if she has found happiness with him after my absence than I guess I should be happy.
I wondered if Elena ever thought of me anymore. Why should she? I told her to forget, to move on. I was harsh, but it was necessary. Her dreams of fixing me were unrealistic. She should not dwell on me. I never should have been in her life in the first place. I should have saved her and my curiosity to her resemblance of Katherine be damned. If I had the chance to go and take it back though, I would not be able to.
More years passed by, and I grew tired of my ways. Killing and my thirst for human blood shockingly did grow dull. Klaus and I formed a brotherhood. We joked, told stories of the past, threw a football around, and sung kumbaya around a campfire. Well, not the last one. I did a lot of things Damon and I did with Klaus, but it was never the same. It was mostly an act for me, but I would lose myself in the moment and be reminded of Damon and I.
Klaus was still scheming. He was lonely. My ten years of servitude was up, but Klaus made various threats if I was to leave. He was desperate. I stayed. What life did I really have to go back to anyway? Everyone back at Mystic Falls moved on. The twisted life of harming people and finding sick joy in it, then being disgusted for my actions was what I had now.
I missed her hair. I missed her smile. I missed her kiss. I missed her laugh. I missed her warmth. I missed her touch. I missed how she made me feel, and how she made me forget what I was. I felt dead inside, and not just literally.
I often heard her voice echo in my mind.
"If you walk away, it's for you. Because I know what I want. Stefan, I love you."
"It's you and me, Stefan. Always."
She is the only thing that kept me from turning it off. She is the only reason I had left to care.
Klaus has been killed. Killed by a vampire hunter by the name of Michael. A part of me almost wanted to save me, but I wanted to be free. I would not have been able to save him anyways. Everything is a blur as I let my feet carry me to my home. Home is where she is. I need to see her. I need to know she is okay without me. I need to know her life has returned to normal. Her happiness is the only thing important to me.
As I arrive behind the familiar, large mansion nostalgia hits me. I feel as thought I was just here yesterday. I'm lurking in the woods. There's a party going on.
First, I see Caroline with Tyler. She looks well, and strong. She is not the same insecure girl that I met all those years ago. Tyler is not far from her. I see Jeremy - he has really grown up. Then, I see Bonnie and Matt. I see Alaric. I see faces I don't recognize. Then, I see her.
She looks so beautiful...and human. She is certainly not a teenager anymore, but still youthful - a mere 30 years old. I miss her so much. I have an overwhelming urge to go to her, but I can't. I can't hurt her anymore than I already have by walking away from her. It was for the best.
I notice a small boy. I immediately know it is hers. He resembles her so much. "Mommy!" he says to her as he taps her leg. She picks him.
"Ah, my favorite boy in the whole world," she says as she kisses his cheek. She is happy. Motherhood suits her.
A door opens. Damon comes out with beer. Typical. "Uncle Damon, can I have one of those?" the boy asks. Uncle Damon...
"Not right now, little man, but when you're older I will certainly teach you the fine art of drinking," he smirks. Elena slaps him. I realize how much I've missed Damon's inappropriate humor.
The boy runs out of Elena's arms. "Stefan!" she calls. If my heart was beating it would have stopped. For a second I thought she saw me, but she was talking to the boy. She named her son after me. I feel warm. The same kind I felt when I was with her.
After a while, everyone goes into the house. Before Elena leaves the backyard, she suddenly looks right in my direction. "Stefan?" her voice sounding choked up. I quickly hide. She can't see me. I will not put her through anymore pain. "Stefan, are you out there, please be there, please," she begs. I don't make a move.
"Damon!" she yells. Damon runs out to her.
"What?" he asks.
"I saw him. I know I did." Tears are in her eyes. Damon's face twists into a frustrated expression.
"Enough with that Elena! He is not coming back! He's been gone for so long. You're imagining him because you miss him. I miss him, too, but he's gone. Let him go."
"But I just thought that he finally..."
"I know," he said as he wraps his arms around her.
I can't do this. I can't just walk back into her life as if nothing ever happened. They say if you love someone you should let them go.
Goodbye, Elena.
Hopefully that wasn't too sucky to read. I haven't written in a while. It was also pretty depressing ): I love Stefan...I wrote this quickly, so feel free to tell me how bad it was in a review LOL. And obviously this little oneshot is not consistant with the show, as Stefan and Elena are/will be reunited in whatever way. I also hope that Stefan's thoughts in this story weren't out of character. I tried to think like he would for this, but it's hard! Stefan is so wise, intelligent, and elegant - he's from the 1800s! I apologize if you find I butchered his character, which I've more than likely done -_- ahahahahhaa.
TO SUM THIS PARAGRAPH UP: sorry if this story made no sense, sucked, was confusing, or didn't sound like Stefan at all. I'm just dabbling ;p