The Medicine Man
By: Pseudomask
Disclaimer: None of the Fushigi Yugi characters belong to me, they belong to Yu Watase and a bunch of other people. This piece of work is just for entertainment purposes (although it might not be very entertaining).
Warnings: There is some character bashing, but it's not my fault. It's just that Mits is a little cranky, so HE might say some insulting things about the other senshi. Also, watch out for poor grammar and writing, and a gardening dominatrix.
Side Note: This is my first fanfic (that is my excuse for it sucking so much). Any reviews or comments would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading!
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How had he gotten himself into such a predicament? He was supposed to enjoy a
nice peaceful day at the lake, fishing with his loyal and most trusted companion
Tama, and somehow it had lead to this catastrophe! As much as he loved his
fellow seishi, every man had his limit and he passed his many an hour ago.
His day started going downhill once he saw his comrade, Chiriko was slowly pacing along the lavishly decorated halls with a mammoth smile spread across his miniature face.
Mitsukake prayed to every deity he knew that he had not been spotted. He dove behind a nearby plant, but failed pitifully at trying to hide his hulk of a frame behind the pot of breathtaking orchids. Not his most brilliant plan, he had to admit.
As he heard the faint sound of Chiriko's footsteps head in his direction, he pondered silently to himself as to why Chiriko sought out his companionship.
Perhaps it was because such a young child desired a father figure's reassurance in life. But this brought upon Mitsukake another desperate question.
But why did it have to be HIM!?!?!?
He supposed that it was logical that he be viewed as a father figure, for the other senshi all lacked the time to take on such a demanding task, or the necessary parenting skills (not to say that Tasuki didn't have other admirable qualities).
"Mitsukake, what is your purpose for positing yourself in such an peculiar position behind that foliage?" questioned the curious boy with the freakish gravity-defying ponytail who was looming over Mitsukake's head. What indeed was he doing here?
"Why… I…," he stalled for a reasonable explanation, while picking himself off the pristine floor, "was just pondering how the servants managed to get these orchids to look so…so… happy."
Okay, so it was evident that Mits had not the slightest knowledge in gardening, or a very skilled liar for that matter. Hopefully, the younger senshi would just leave it at that…
…but, of course, he was NEVER that lucky.
"I was not aware that an orchids are capable of such blatant displays of emotion!" stated a confused and yet simultaneously fascinated Chiriko, who was closely inspecting the plant before him.
Pinching the bridge of his nose, the larger man responded, "It was just a figure of speech Chiriko, do not concern yourself with it, for it is not worth your time." …but, more importantly, HIS precious leisure time.
Apparently, Chiriko disagreed with his companion's statement. "We should really make an inquiry with the servants to see her methods of gardening, it be a most educational experience!"
* * *
The imperial servant, who was the caretaker of the garden, was a positively ancient decrepit withered old man. He had a large assortment of (well used) whips and chains that laced the dust coated walls. Chiriko made little note of them, more interested in the man's methods of making the orchids appear to be so
"jubilant"…
Mitsukake, on the other hand, was seriously questioning the palace's overall stability. A dominatrix for a gardener, a cross-dressing member of the imperial harem… just what WAS Hotohori doing with the place anyways!?!
After fifty-two minutes and twenty-six seconds (he counted every agonizing second of pure torture with the gardener) he discovered that, yes, the happy appearance of the orchids was caused by a healthy mixture of horse manure, and a little sweet lullaby that the gardener sung in intervals of three hours each day. Chiriko, of course, desired to see this demonstration…
…which was when Mitsukake made his escape from that hellhole!
So now, he resumed his trek to the pond, where he would go spend a leisurely day with Tama fishing. The air seemed pure and the grass was crisp beneath his feet, how he had longed for this modest vacation from civilization…
"Mitsukake, whatcha doing?"
Turning his head slowly, Mitsukake started to wonder exactly WHY he had stopped living as a hermit in the mountains under the guise of an old man.
Then, at least, no one was foolish enough to bother him except…
"Miaka, I was merely ATTEMPTING to go on a fishing expedition," he stated, making an effort to keep the frustration out of his voice.
Running quickly beside him, she quickly exclaimed, "GREAT! I am soooooo hungry!" So, together they went ventured onward, with Mitsukake trying valiantly to outrun her, but he discovered that she was malformed in some way, to make her legs longer so she was freakishly fast.
They arrived at the lake, which was infamous for not only it's fish, but it's drowning Priestess No Mikos as well.
Why had Hotohori saved her? WHY!?!?!?
So, after Miaka practiced her 'expert' rock skipping skills in the lake, she finally asked, "I wonder why the fish aren't biting today?"
Mitsukake merely turned his beaten and bruised head (for Miaka's aim was a little "rusty" as she put it) and glared at her for a good minute.
"Mits, are you okay? Your eye is twitching and stuff. You should really get that checked out," Miaka casually commented.
"I'm fine, don't concern yourself," he declared through clenched teeth, reeling back in his fishing line, which once again was empty.
Squinting her eyes at the hunched man before her, she screeched, "Hey, look!
Now there is a big old ugly vein popping out of your forehead! Mits, you could be dying of some weird plaque!"
… … if he were only that lucky.
Thankfully, Chichiri, a fellow senshi, that like of Chiriko, who also had freakish gravity defying hair, which also disturbed Mitsukake to no end, saved their Priestess from a sound strangling.
"Wow, Chichiri! Look at all those fishes you caught!" Miaka shouted, the glutton in her making it's way to the surface, accompanied by a string of glistening drool hanging from her lower lip.
Turning his head *extremely* slowly, Mitsukake observed that indeed, the monk had a silver bucket that contained numerous fish within it.
Smiling, as best he could within the confines of his mask recollected, "It seems all the fish were gathered in the one side of the lake, no da," then crouching down into the grass, he continued, "I am surprised you didn't catch anything
Mitsukake, it is such a peaceful day!"
Thankfully, before he could respond, Miaka, in her dire state of hunger, had already started to try and eat the fish… raw, mind you.
"Well, I suppose we should cook these no da," he claimed gaily as he observed her, "Would you like to join us Mits?"
Mitsukake shifted uncomfortably before replying, "No, I suppose I'll try my luck
here some more," he thought now that Miaka will be GONE!
So, they both left, FINALLY leaving poor abused Mitsukake to his own devices.
Perhaps, the day could be salvaged after all.
He cast his line off again… and again… and again…
Eventually, he decided that the fish had more than likely developed a serve case of posttraumatic stress syndrome, and were probably seeking professional help in other areas of the pond.
Miaka had ruined his FAVORITE fishing spot! Who knew how long those fish were going to be traumatized!
He decided to relocate to another spot, grabbing his supplies he started to leave, when he realized that he was missing his most loyal and trusted companion!
"TAMA!" Mitsukake desperately shouted across the field. "TAMA! Where are you?!?!"
Running towards the palace, he decided to frantically search the area for his beloved cat! Who knows what people would do to such a wonderful, innocent, magnificent creature!
TBC… probably
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Yeah, not sure if that was funny or not, but like I said, my first attempt at a
fanfic let alone humor. Sorry if it's confusing or just plain old weird… it's not like I'm confusing or strange at all… … …
… okay so maybe not.
Any reviews would be much appreciated!