We begin our story in the gap between dimensions, as this narrator sneaks towards the massive battle happening 300 meters away in this invisible spaceship-
"Shut up, narrator!" one of the two combatants yells as he shoots a beam of light towards the spaceship, leaving him open to a swift kick in the balls from his opponent. Time seemed to slow down for him as he gasped in agony before crumpling to the ground in a fetal position. "Why are you interfering?!" he wheezed out. "I only wanted to irreparably damage this multiverse!"
Needless to say, this is not our hero. The hero is the other guy, the one with the aura of power radiating around him, and just so happens to be the color of the night sky, stars and all.
"Look, I would've stopped you either way. But, when you tried to destroy my home, it became personal." he replied, staring down at the shivering wreck of a villain.
The unnamed villain rose to his feet, and began flashing through a series of hand gestures. "If I can't beat you, I'll just seal you in another dimension! Sacrificial Art! Dimension Portal!"
A portal opened behind our hero, who looked incredulously at the laughing enemy. "You… are aware I can hop between both universes and dimensions… right?" he asked before shrugging and walking into the portal. "Oh well, might be a fun vacation." he said, completely ignorant to the enemy's utterly gobsmacked expression as the hole in space-time closed behind him.
"Well, shiiiit." the villain stated as he fell over and died, unceremoniously evacuating his bowels as he went.
….
The hero (who shall henceforth be known as Eric) strolled through the portal, whistling carelessly as he powered down into his regular form, a 6' fair-skinned man with deep blue eyes and long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. "Wonder where this'll take me?" he mused as he stepped through the portal.
As the portal collapsed behind him, Eric noticed two things, one of which was that he was apparently in the middle of a battle. The other was that he'd just had a massive hole blown through his chest by a winged unicorn wreathed in darkness. As the hole in his chest began to knit back together, he sighed and asked " Did you have to destroy my shirt? I liked that shirt."
"Why art thou not bothered by the gap in thine chest?" the unicorn-pegasus hybrid asked slowly, puzzled by the unfamiliar creature and its' strange reactions before shaking it off. "It matters not. You and those accursed Elements of Harmony will fall before my wrath-"
"Oh, so this is the My Little Pony™ universe! Based on the fact that you happen to be ripping my look off and it's nighttime, I'm guessing this is the Nightmare Moon arc." he cut the seething mare off as his chest closed entirely. "So… where exactly are the elements? I'm vaguely curious as to how they work…"
"Right behind you!" a voice rang out as six ponies trotted into the room, fragments of stone orbs orbiting all but the purple mare at the front. "You see, Nightmare Moon and… whoever you are… when those elements are ignited by the… the spark, that resides in the heart of us all, it creates the sixth element: the element of… Magic!"
And with that line, the orbs formed five necklaces and a crown, lifting the ponies into the air as a massive double-helix of light enveloped Nightmare Moon and Eric. It faded after a few seconds, revealing a purple alicorn and an entirely unaffected Eric, who looked unamused as another, this time pure white, alicorn flashed into being a few meters away.
"Look, if you're here to keep attacking me, can I at least have a five-minute break? I've filled my quota of 'being hit with massive blasts of energy' for the time being."
….
One long conversation later
….
"So, I can set up a home here, but I need to stay in the form of a unicorn stallion called 'Ex Machina', and you reserve the right to check in on me once a week? Sure, that sounds reasonable. I'll set up in the Everfree Forest." he concluded, nodding politely to Celestia as they finished negotiating.
"Now that that's settled, I need to go get absolutely smashed. Where's the nearest bar?" he grinned in anticipation.
"Don't you think that can wait until after I welcome back my sister, fix the town, and help you set up your house?" she asked, causing him to pause and rearrange his plan.
"Good point - I'll go and set up my house, you'll make some legislature and orate to the sheep that form the public (and at this Celestia twitched slightly), and then we'll both go and get utterly smashed. Sound good?" he asked the slightly exasperated alicorn.
"You're not going to give up on this, are you?"
"Nope! Having been both a king and a queen myself - don't ask, it's a long story - I know how hard it is to run a country and how good it feels to just have one night off. So, I'm not taking no for an answer on this." he cheerfully responded.
"What about my paper-" Celestia began halfheartedly, only to be cut off as another version of her flashed into existence.
"No problem! My clone will just take care of it for you!" He chirped as the clone transformed back into him before vanishing.
Celestia shook her head in defeat, but smiled in relief at the idea of a night off. 'After 1000 years without one, the only problem is that it's going to be far too short!' she thought happily as she told Eric that it was a (metaphorical) date and teleported back to her castle with the very confused Luna and Mane 6.
….
Later that night
…
"So the nobles had been leading a revolution against me ever since I'd made bribery illegal and hunted out all of the corrupt cops they owned in the service, as they wanted their power to act with near-impunity as long as they could pay their out. In preparation, I'd ordered all mirrors removed from the castle a few years prior, pretended to flinch whenever I saw my reflection, and outlawed the ability to own a mirror larger than a compact. So when they unveiled their genius plan of paying for a giant mirror and showing me my reflection, they were flabbergasted to see that nothing happened! All I said was "Huh. It looks like I need a shave." before I captured them, and everything went back to normal - only with significantly less corruption and snootiness." Eric finished his story, Celestia snorting into her 42nd drink with laughter.
"This is the life!" She slurred slightly, quite intoxicated despite her alicorn biology. "If you hadn't come along, I'd have never had this chance to relaxxxxx….." she began before falling asleep on the bar counter.
Eric smiled at the inebriated alicorn before picking her up and teleporting to a clearing in the Everfree forest. In front of him stood a house, already built within a few hours of his arrival in this universe. "I love my cloning ability," he thought as he entered the building, absently noting that it was much larger on the inside. Quickly scanning the ground floor, he found a nice guest bedroom and set Celestia down in there.
"Now that that's done, it's time to sleep." he yawned as he headed upstairs, stripping off his outer layers of clothes before collapsing into bed.
….
The next morning, he woke to loud groaning coming from the downstairs bedroom, and he grinned sheepishly. 'I probably should give her that hangover cure.' he thought as he teleported down to the basement, grabbing a vial marked 'The Lifesaver' before he headed up the steps. He stepped into Celestia's room, narrowly avoiding a stray beam of energy from the pained alicorn's wild aura. Squaring himself, he stepped through the wild magic and reached Celestia, offering her the cure which she gladly drank.
"Never… again…" she groaned out as the hangover began to leave her. "That was fun, but this is not something I want to experience again in my immortal lifetime." she finished as she shakily stood up and walked out of the room, Eric walking alongside her.
"Sit down at the table. I'll be making breakfast today." he told her, casually creating a clone to prepare and set a table for two and pointing her to the dining room. He then entered the kitchen and donned a apron, turning on the oven as he gathered the ingredients for pancakes. Mixing the ingredients, he sprouted a third arm of shadows and greased the griddle with some butter, before doling out some of the mix onto the griddle and adding some chocolate chips. A few minutes later, he stepped out into the dining room with a large stack of pancakes… and found Celestia eating her napkin. He rang the gong in the dining room with slight annoyance, startling Celestia into jumping back in her seat.
"Here's breakfast!" he smiled, though it held an exasperated look. He set the pancakes down on the table and served the two of them, and began a conversation.
….
30 minutes later
….
"Wait, you did what exactly to a mime in France?" Celestia asked, confused beyond words at the story he'd launched into.
"He was trying to cop a feel! Look, I swing both ways, but it's not exactly an overreaction when somebody randomly grabs you by the balls!" Eric explained, before beginning the story again. "Anyways-" he was cut off as his door creaked open. Confused, the duo headed over to the door and examined the shaking pegasus at the door. Eric turned to Celestia and asked 'Who is she?" as the yellow mare muttered a quiet "eep!" before fainting on the doorway.
Celestia sighed and levitated her unconscious body into the house. "Her name's Fluttershy. I can only assume she was sent to retrieve me, as she has a talent for taming just about anyone with a simple stare. Bears, other ponies, a demonic rabbit called 'Angel Bunny", and much more."
Eric looked at the newly identified Fluttershy for a few seconds before turning around and telling Celestia "I'm keeping her. I don't care what you say, she's too goddamn cute to not keep here! And besides, if you're worried about the 'element of kindness' she possesses, don't worry! I could always just build an orbital friendship cannon or something."
Using the only thing she had over Eric, Celestia fired back "You do know that kidnapping is illegal, right?"
"...FUCK!"
….
A few hours later
….
Fluttershy woke up from her impromptu nap and glanced around before (surprisingly effectively) trying to hide in her own shadow. She wasn't in her own house! Glancing around, she saw Celestia and the other creature she'd been told to retrieve, and tried to hide in her shadow once more when she realized they'd noticed her move. As the strange creature approached, she prepared herself for the worst, only to be pleasantly surprised when he gently picked her up and sat down with her on his lap, stroking her head and the area between her wings. She snuggled in and barely paid attention for the rest of the conversation.
….
"So, you want me to create a set of universal wards? You are aware that I'll need a lot of expensive materials, some time for this universe to settle, and a lot of area without other people - or ponies, as you've so commonly reminded me - inside of it. And even then, why do you even trust me?" he asked incredulously, not believing that the princess was willing to pay him to create a set of wards for her home universe less than a day after meeting him.
"I have no reason to not trust you, Eric ("So that's what his name is." Fluttershy thought sleepily.), and we need at least something to keep this universe protected, based on the stories you've told me."
"I know, it's just rather sudden!" he replied before sighing. "Fine, I'll do it. You said you were paying me 1 million bits to do this job? I'm going to need at least that much more to get the materials, and even then, it's going to be a month before this universe is stable enough to start construction. I'm assuming this all top secret?" he asked as he gestured to Fluttershy.
"Don't worry." she mumbled out, surprising the duo. "I'd lose this massage if I did…" before drifting back into a blissful state of silence.
The group sat in silence for another hour before Eric stood up (gently moving a whining Fluttershy off his lap)and gestured to the clock. "As specified in our contract, I'll be transformed into a pony for the majority of the time I'll be staying here. I figure I might as well start now." he explained before forming a magic seal beneath him and glowing a bright white. As the light died down, a golden unicorn with silver wings stood in front of them, a cutie mark of a solid black circle on his right flank.
" I swear my powers have a sense of humor." he grumbled as he cast a quick glamour over his wings, ignoring the sudden nosebleeds and cries of "WOOF!" from the two mares behind him. Glancing back at the two mares, he noticed their blatant ogling of him and frowned briefly. "If you're done checking out my body, I think you'd notice it's teatime!" he snapped at the two abashed ponies, who proceeded to walk to the table and unintentionally flash him in the process.
"Damn you, hormones!" he mentally cursed before heading to join the others at the table.
….
A few hours later
….
"It's time for you to return to the castle," he informed Celestia as the group of three watched the sunset. "You should probably take Fluttershy with you as well. I don't know how they'd react to me carrying Fluttershy, and I'm not eager to find out." She nodded sadly, and they exchanged a quick hug before Celestia teleported her and the blushing Fluttershy back to the palace gardens.
"Now, it's time to kick back and relax…." he thought out loud as he trotted inside, unaware of the effect he'd have on this peaceful little world.
….
How do you like it? Keep in mind, this is going to be a massive crossover - I've got a few story arcs and universes planned already, and the creative juices are flowing!
As for my other stories…
They're all on permanent hiatus until otherwise noted. I can only concentrate on so much, and with the massive amount of work I have to complete outside of school, I can't find that much time for writing. Thank you for sticking with me for this long, and I wouldn't be here without you guys. :)