I admit this is realllly fun! I squealed over 1 review, bad thing is it's only one review for 150 views :( Now let me get this out before anyone says anything, I will NEVER as long as I write fics that anyone wants to read hold a chapter hostage for reviews! It's one of the most annoying things ever, at the same time I really really would like them :) Cuz without them I can't get better at this, I probably won't notice my mistakes at all... So whether I'm too cliche, use one word too much or anything for that matter please tell me...

Onto other things, Bella may be a little OOC at times. Something wants me to give her a little bit of an attitude ;)

Now last time I did this I spelled her name wrong (Don't sue me it was an accident!), Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I only own the countless movie merch I got from Hot Topic, my Twilight DVD, My copies of the books and the pretty little Toshiba I type on.

"Alice stop imagining such things" Edward growled to Alice as she hugged me after giving me a not so expensive bracelet for my 18th birthday, she stiffened before mouthing "I'm sorry" to me and returning to her place beside Jasper and Edward returned to mine taking hold of my hand as the Cullen's had finished presenting me with birthday gifts. She couldn't have, could she? Did she slip and reveal the one secret we shared that absolutely no one else knew? Suddenly the mood in the room became very tense, I looked to Alice and she confirmed my fears with a nod, everything seemed to unravel at that very moment.

Jasper had a hurt look about him as he looked between Alice and I, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were utterly confused. Edward began to shake at my side and turning to me "How could you?" he said as his eyes shifted from gold to black, the growls building up from his chest "Edward I..I'm" "BELLA MOVE!" Alice shouted to me, but it was too late Edward had thrown me against the wall by my neck and was growling furiously mumbling things that only another vampire could understand. Jasper and Carlisle pulled Edward off of me and I fell to the ground holding my throat as tears started to silently fall down my face "Bella I think you should go home" Esme suggested in a confused tone as she looked at her son, I was already halfway to the door...

That night replays in my mind anytime I see anything that reminds me of them, "It will be as if I never existed" how untrue that was, everywhere I went there was some reminder of their existences. At first I thought it was just him leaving, but then they were all gone, the house was abandoned, cars gone, which meant she was gone too. The Cullen's left, at least what's left of them after my "College experiment" gone horribly wrong and by horribly I mean that I wasn't supposed to fall for her, Curiosity killed the human I guess.

My boyfriend that I had believed for so long that I would be with forever, I betrayed him. My best friend, the one that knew everything about me and then some, I betrayed her by letting a mindless crush turn into a blinding infatuation, reciprocated or not. I was constantly grateful for whatever mental instability or gift I had that didn't allow him into my mind. Without it he would've known everything, every doubt I had about us, every unspoken word I wanted to share so badly with her, how after so long that I'd been so madly in love with him that I'd barely felt anything when we kissed or hugged, yet when I was near her it felt like I was high off of some unspoken substance, how I felt so restricted with him and so free with her, how my heart longed to be with her and not him... My first and second loves lost on the same day, tragic almost.

Then it seemed as if everyone else was gone too, Jake had become werewolf and declared himself "Not good enough to be my friend anymore", refusing to speak to me ever again and only being around when Victoria was near. I had alienated every friend I had at school, become a living zombie doing only the bare minimum to get by and avoid being sent to Florida by Charlie. Then he was gone too, killed in a car accident when the brakes on his cruiser went out and he went head on into a tree. Which of course me being 18 meant I got everything, the house, the bills and a pissed off red headed vampire that wants me dead. Can't she see what my life has turned into? Or did she not care at all, I could only think that after my "Best friend" leaves without saying goodbye.

Now here I am 6 months later in Forks general waiting to die, and I still can't even think either of your names, constantly waiting for the hole to rip open again leaving me in a puddle of my own tears, grasping at some unknown force to keep me from falling into pieces. Guess I can't exactly do that though seeing as I'm in the ICU so doped up I can barely speak, listening to my heart slow in my ears waiting to see the infamous "White light" that supposedly welcomes you to the afterlife.

Even with all this hell I've been through I have no regrets, I met the most amazing people that will ever exist and you can shove that no soul thing up your sparkly asses, people without souls wouldn't have done any of the things they did for me. Saving me from another blood crazed tracking vampire, trusting me with a secret that could get all of you killed, and as it appears I am taking it to my grave... Yeah you guys totally don't have souls, oops too much sarcasm.

How could any of the Cullen's ever consider themselves monsters? I was the one that was the monster, leading him on for so long even after I knew I didn't love him anymore just to be around her. I single handedly tore everything apart, I wasn't sure how Jasper didn't want to kill me that night instead choosing to stop Edward from doing so himself, and if Rosalie didn't hate me before she sure as hell did now, I ruined her family. Carlisle and Esme, how disappointed are they with me? Are they still proud to consider me one of their children, do they still consider me one of their children? These questions and many others rang through my head like Alice's bell like voice every day since.

I can finally say their names I thought to myself as I felt my heartbeat weaken even more and I knew that it couldn't be much longer, I try to open my eyes to see if anyone is here to send me off, but all I see is blurred edges and an annoyingly bright fluorescent light above my head, and all I hear is the noise of a hospital in the halls as the heart monitors beeps become faint. "Where is the light?" I ask nobody in particular, I draw in a few more breaths after that and everything seemed to slow even more as my head falls to the side and I see doctors and nurses rush into the room.

"She's crashing! code blue room 211"

"Get me a crash cart now!"

"Bella don't you dare give up now, don't leave me damn it!" a bell like voice yelled to me.

"Alice?" my mouth formed but no sound came out, then I was surrounded by nothing but black.

The green button would like your attention please :) Judging by how long it took me to write this I should only be 1-3 days between updates, I'm obsessed with writing chaps having over 1100 words, if I don't it will feel too short. By the way Happy Holidays to all!