a/n So, this happened... It's OOC for Nippy Sweetie, so it is most definitely not going in there, but I like it. So, here it is. Just ... think of this as what could have happened, but didn't. Because in the real NipS, she isn't suffering like this. (The "real NipS"? Headcanon much? Holy balls, I'm in deep...)

Here it is, darlings. NipS in a minor key.

Early morning. Their room was filled with rich, orange-pink light and her man was wrapped around her, snoring softly.

A wave of love. The urge to hold on to him, never to let him go. Tears welled up in her eyes and she did not try to contain them.

Memories of the previous day. Regrets. The time lost.

Their downstairs family, not really a replacement for the bairns they could have made together. Their children would have been beautiful.

Maybe it's time to let it out, Els. Time to feel this.

Her own regrets. Yes, her life in service had been a good one. Yes, she was proud of all they'd built. Nothing she'd told him the night before was untrue.

But to bear his children.

Her heart clenched; she held on tight to him. He woke slowly, turned away from her to stretch. His long legs reaching out, his arms nearly hitting the wall.

My big wonderful man. To carry your bairns in my belly. To feed them at my breast and raise them and see our children with my eyes and your nose — she giggled a little, a poor wee thing with a nose like that — and shook with the first sobs.

He turned to her just as she hid her face.

And all the time that we don't have left.

"Oh Elsie... Oh my darling…"

He gathered her into him, holding on as she sobbed. It seemed like she would shake apart with her grief. He wasn't sure what to do so he just held her, rocking her as best he could, stroking her back. He pulled the covers tight around them.

The thought repeated itself.

All the time that we don't have left. Time we don't have.

Horrible. And no young ones to carry on when they were gone, not really.

She wrapped her arms around him, holding him fiercely.

"I'm — I'm afraid…" she started.

"Hmmm?" He continued to stroke her back.

"I'm so afraid of losing you!" She said it all in a rush.

"I'm not —" But he knew what she meant; it would do no good to tell her he wasn't going anywhere.

"I know. I know. I just wish we'd —" She took deep quick breaths to try to speak.

"I do too." His tears were coming now too. But she'd never opened up like this before and he was not about to stifle it.

Several seconds of silence that felt like minutes.

She had never wept like this in her adult life. "Have you — have — have you ever thought of —"

He waited, humming to her.

" — of what might have been, if we'd gone another way?"

"You mean if we'd had children." He carefully kept his voice low, gentle. He stroked her hair out of her face as she nodded, dissolving in sobs against his chest.

"I would have, Charles — I would have loved to bear your children."

He could do nothing but hold her, rock her. He could offer her words about their downstairs family, but it would feel hollow just now. They did mean something — those young ones meant a great deal to them. And that had comforted him the night before. But this — this was something deeper.

Maybe it's something only a woman understands.

He didn't know. But he knew she was in pain and he held on for dear life.

a/n This is just... ugh. I don't think I'll be continuing this. I'd still love your reviews. And the REAL NipS will return soon!

Many, many thanks to kouw for suffering through this with me and helping me decide not to put this in the story.