Disclaimers: I don't own them; I just like to give them a hard time every once in awhile.
The title is from a Jimmy Buffett song of the same name
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Woody---
Ring.... ring
I opened one eye to look over at the clock; it was three in the morning. Who could be calling at three in the morning?
Ring....ring
Laying there for a minute, I debated on letting the machine pick it up. After all it was three in the morning. I yelled for whomever it was to go away.
Ring...ring
My eyes were open now, and that pesky feeling was there in the back of my head. Maybe it was the station..... and the batteries in my cell were dead.....I couldn't remember...was I on call tonight?
Ring...ring
Why wasn't that machine picking up? Giving hope, I groped around in the dark for the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey bro!"
With a sigh, I decided I should have waited for the machine. "Cal, why the hell are you calling me at three in the morning?" Need I have asked...
"Dude, I need a favor."
I sat up and turned on the light. Going back to sleep was out of the question after hearing Calvin's deep voice. He always had a way of ruining a good night's sleep; even when it was just his pre-tonsillectomy snore as an eight year old.
"Couldn't have this waited until morning."
"It is morning Woody. Milking starts in a half hour!"
Milking?! Cal wouldn't be caught dead near a barn at three in the morning, unless he had an angle. I had to dig deep to find the strength to not climb through the phone line to throttle him. "What do you want?"
"Can I come and visit for awhile?"
Visit? Since when has a brotherly visit fit into Cal's social calendar? "Depends"
"Depends on what?"
"Depends on if it is for less then 24 hours and you're paying for your own airfare."
"I love you too..."
"Cut the crap Calvin, what kind of trouble are you in now?"
"What makes you think I'm in some kind of trouble?"
I strained to look at the clock again. "You're calling at...at 3:06 in the morning, wanting to come and visit me...."
"So?"
If he answered me with one more question I was going to kill him. "Are you running from the law?"
"No!"
"Dad kicking you out again?"
"Ah, not yet"
"Job?"
"When my horoscope is good.."
I laughed to myself. There was only one other possibly. Cal had always lived a charmed life. "Calvin, Calvin, Calvin"
"What?"
"Which is it this time....Blonde or brunette?"
"...Redhead"
"Congratulations... you're branching out. Let me take a wild guess, you didn't notice the wedding band on her left hand..."
"You know I'm not into those kinds of details Woody."
"How many times have I told you, those details are important."
"Think of it this way, bro....if I'm in Beantown you can jump up and down on your soap box all you want. I can't just hang up the phone on you like I normally do."
I was tired of arguing; frankly I was just plain tired. Then it occurred to me, maybe having Cal around for few days would be fun. Having him here would give us a chance to just hang out. The chance that was short lived the last time they were together.
"Ok, Ok, give me a call when you get your fight scheduled so I can make arrangements to meet you at the airport."
"Well....I landed fifteen minutes ago"
"You're kidding right?"
"Nope"
"I should just make you sit there until a logical hour of the morning. What if I'm not alone?"
"Woody, remember who you're talking too...eat, sleep and work... that's all you do... and not necessarily in that order."
I sounded pathetic even to my own flesh and blood. "What gate?" I looked around wildly to find something to write with as he told me the gate number.
"So, say thirty minutes in front of the baggage area.... "
"Make it an hour...and you're paying for parking too."
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Forty five minutes later I walked through the deserted baggage claim at Logan. I shook my head at the sight of Cal sitting by the luggage return carrying on an animated conversation with a pretty young stewardess. He looked up and caught my eye as I approached; that cocky smile firmly in place.
It was good to see him.
"Dude, you're late."
"Calvin."
"Woody, this is Becky. She was nice enough to sit with me while I was waiting for you."
"Hi" the little blonde smiled. She pressed a slip of paper into the pocket of Cal's flannel shirt. "Give me a call when you get settled. It was nice meeting you...Wally."
Wally; that was a new one. Normally I just fade into the woodwork when my brother is around. It was always 'Cal and his big brother' or 'Cal and the other one.' And when my name was mentioned, it was always 'Woody, you have such a great brother...' "That's Woody. Nice meeting you ...Becky."
With a wave, we watched as she strolled down the concourse. I hated to admit it but I never could fault Cal's taste. Once she was out of sight I looked at my watch; "Well, Cal I think that has to be a new record, you're in town for...one hour...in a deserted airport terminal and you already have a phone number."
Patting his pocket he said "Actually, I got one as I got off the plane too. Hey, maybe we can double date?"
I threw my hands in the air I said "You scare me....Thanks but no thanks. Let's go I'm parked in the red zone."
"Isn't that against the rules Woody?"
"See, you're rubbing off already on me. When did you say your return flight is?" He just gave me that cat with the canary smile that could mean just about anything. I waited patiently while Cal gathered his stuff, once in the car I asked, "So, how long ARE you expecting to stay?"
"Dude, I just got here. I was at least expecting you to show me some of the sights of the city. You know like Fenway, the FleetCenter ...hey, maybe that 'Cheers' bar...and I really want to meet this Jordan chick."
I laughed out loud at that. Jordan would see right through Cal's charm and cut him to his knees with that tongue of hers. ..Or would she? "No way am I going to let you within a hundred feet of Jordan Cavanaugh."
"Don't worry Woodrow...the rules are the rules and you saw her first. Besides she cuts up dead people for a living. That's too weird...even for me. When it comes to women I know my boundaries ..."
Every female over the age of 18 was on Cal's radar...or more likely visa versa. "Boundaries? Just like you knew where they were with this married redhead."
"That was different. She asked me to dance. And she grabbed MY ass...How was I suppose to know she's the new deputy's wife?"
"The new deputy's wife? How do you always get yourself into these situations?"
Shrugging his shoulders, he replied, "I don't know...Mom says it's the smile."
"It's more like your line of bullshit..."
Cal contemplated that for a second and then commented on the pre-dawn skyline. "Woody, did you know that marshmallow fluff was invented in Boston?"
"No, I didn't" I was not shocked at the direction the conversation was taking. After a lifetime with Calvin I was use to it. He was the kind of person who would yell out the answers while watching 'Jeopardy' before Alex Trebek could finish reading them. I pointed out a few landmarks as we drove to my apartment.
After a few minutes I couldn't hold in the questions that were burning on my tongue any longer. "How are things really going at home?"
Cal only smiled "I wondered how long it was going to take you to ask."
"Well?"
"Good, I guess. Things are starting to get back to normal; well, as normal as they can be. I'm guessing Mom told you they voted in the new sheriff and few weeks ago." Cal folded his arms and leaned back in his seat.
"Yeah, she left a message on my machine"....along with the obligatory 'Woodrow if you had stayed in Kewanee where you belong instead of living half a continent away, the job would have been yours.' No wonder I never returned the call. There was one more thing I had to know. "How...is Annie doing?"
"She has her good days and her bad ones....by the way she's getting married around Christmas time."
Cal looked over at me. I could tell he was gauging my reaction. "Woody, man...you knew it was bound to happen..."
"....Yeah well...Annie's a great girl. I knew she wasn't going to sit around long. Actually I'm... actually I'm happy for her. I hope her and Carl have a good marriage." When he didn't reply I glanced over at him and he quickly looked away. There was more to the story. Defiantly more.
"It's not Carl."
"What?!.... Who?"
"...Bobby Knapp"
"Bobby Knapp ...like in my ex-partner, Bobby Knapp!?" He only nodded. "I know they were friends but...Wait a minute; what the hell happened to not marrying a cop?!"
"I guess the reasons were buried with her father..." He did have a point. Annie was willing to elope with me but with Bobby's help, I was convinced I couldn't do that to her father.
"Whatever... so, what happened to Carl?"
"Hell, I don't know. I figure he was on the road too much. Bobby was always there for her after...well...you. Woody... man, you shot them both in the foot when you left. We all thought maybe it would be easier to hear this in person."
Talk about news flashes...why didn't I see this when I was home?...maybe because I was only there a short time, but most likely, because I was thinking about other things...other women. I honestly didn't know how I felt about this and that made me very uncomfortable. I had to concentrate to keep my car heading though the early morning traffic. "So, is that really why you flew out here? To break it too me gently?"
With a snort he said, "Heck no, I'm waiting for a 6'4" bald deputy to cool off."
I didn't expect Cal to answer any different. I just rolled my eyes. We could always talk about this later. "Do you have any more uplifting information to share from home...?"
"Not really, oh, but someone did take all the picnic tables out of the pavilion and put them in the middle of the Hanley field again last weekend.."
I looked over at my brother remembering the half dozen times he had pulled this same prank.
"Hey, it wasn't me this time! After the fourth or fifth time it was getting boring...and besides, your not there to get spun up about it any more. That was half the fun of it."
"Why do I find that hard to believe..."
"It's all part of that Peter Pan complex Mom's always talking about."
"More like not enough Ritalin..."
"You know the drill. We just go in a give the place a fresh coat of paint before moving the tables back in."
"This new sheriff may not look upon your "pranks" as a way to get free labor for city projects."
"Like I said it wasn't me...But, I don't think it'll be too much trouble with the new sheriff."
"Why?"
"Because...well, because I'm standing up for him at his wedding to Annie..."
"WHAT?" The rug had finally been pulled out from underneath me. Bobby Knapp was the new sheriff, Annie was marrying him, and Cal was now standing up for them. I was scared to think of what else I've missed. Did Mom and Dad adopt him yet?
"I'm guessing Mom didn't tell you WHO got voted in as the new sheriff..."
"I assumed it was Perry. He was the old man's right hand man."
"Perry decided it was a good time to retire, which is why they hired this new guy with his hand happy redheaded wife .....You know come to think of it, Mrs. Perry pinched my butt one time in the Piggly Wiggly. Maybe it has something to do with being married to a deputy."
My mind screamed 'stay with the topic Cal... for once'... "Mrs. Perry gropes everybody Calvin. Let's get back to the point, just when you were going to get around to telling me that you, Bobby and Annie were that tight."
"Dude.... you cut a path a mile wide when you headed east."