Disclaimer: Hoo boy! Where do I start? Um, all rights go to whoever owns whatever, I guess. I'm merely borrowing their characters, places, and phrases for my own personal entertainment.

Warning: First take Blue's Clues, then replace all of the characters with Star Wars characters (some without clothes lol), then add a hint of racism, a pinch of bad language, a handful of "Breaking the Fourth Wall" moments, a crap load of OOC-ness, and finally top it off with mild Anakin torture. Poor guy. I think this is hilarious and I'm just putting it on here so my brother and I can read it over and OVER again.

I have no beta. All mistakes and general bad grammar are of my own fault because I hated typing class.

CCAdventures Proudly Presents:
Anakin's Clues

There is a big, black door. It's really big. It's really black. It's really a door. But, do you know what else it is?

It's the door to Count Dooku's lair!
It's closed though.
It's still closed.
It's still closed.
IT'S STILL CLOSED!

The door opens and Count Dooku himself appears!

"Hello, I am the evil Sith Lord, Count Dooku. Today, I'm going to put Anakin Skywalker through he—"

A shoe hits his face. He scowls.

"Today, I'm going to put Anakin Skywalker…on a little quest for me. It's going to start in, uh, however long it takes for me to record a hologram and send it to the Jedi Temple. That will be all."

He stays standing where he is. The scene refuses to budge from his face. Is that a pimple?

"Would you go away already!"

"This is all the information that I have time to give you Masters, but rest assured, Anakin can solve the rest of this puzzle. Every time that he gets hit in the face with a lightsaber, it means that there's a clue nearby. Goodbye and good luck."

The blue and very ugly image of Count Dooku faded. The Jedi Council sat around the transmission quietly. Mace Windu spoke first.

"I don't trust the boy. I don't think he can han—OW!"

He was cut off by a gimer stick whacking him on the top of his bald head.

"Shut up, you will! To hear your negative nonsense, nobody wants."

The rest of the council nodded their heads in agreement. Master Windu's face turned purple with embarrassment, because he's just too bad ass to turn red. Obi-Wan spoke next.

"I don't think it would be any fun to watch Anakin get hit in the head with a lightsaber."

Shaak Ti burst out laughing.

"Are you kidding me! That's the best part!" She was soon struck in the head by Obi-Wan's lightsaber.

"It's not so funny when it's you, now is it?" He was struck in the head by her lightsaber. He slapped her. She punched him. Mace Windu sighed and attempted to break up the quarreling Masters.

I did not sign up for this.

Once the council had calmed to the point of tolerance, Yoda got the meeting going.

"If find the answer to Dooku's clues we are, spy on Skywalker, we must."

Mace put on his most bad ass frown.

"Why do we have to spy on him? If he gets hurt, that's his own kriffing fault."

"Dooku won't harm Anakin too greatly. He's a political—"

All of the council members glared at Ki Adi Mundi, who quickly shut his mouth. All was quiet for a few moments.

"It's settled then, Oaf—I mean Obi-Wan will be the one to spy on Skywalker. Council dismissed."

Obi-Wan frowned.

"Why do I always have to spy on him?"

Mace ushered him out of the door.

"Because you have a big, creepy, girly crush on him."

Obi-Wan was dumbfounded.

"Mace, this is a comedy, not a slash fic…"

"Oh…right. Be gone, then!"

"Okay, but—"

"THERE SHOULD BE NO BUTTS INVOLVED!" Mace was purple yet again. He was angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry. "Now go find the boy!" he said as he handed Obi-Wan a holorecorder.

"His name is—"

"I DON'T CARE!"

And with that, the Chosen One's Master was running.

Obi-Wan wandered aimlessly through the Temple, looking for, as Mace often said, his "wayward Padawan".

He had given up on "super searching" long agao and just looked around, hoping he would run into Anakin. Which he did, eventually…and literally.

"Oh! Sorry! I was looking for you."

"You were?" the boy asked in a hopeful tone. It was soon replaced by a confused one. "Why?"

Obi-Wan stared at him for a moment before answering. "The council is sending you on a mission."

"Really? Awesome. Doing what, if I may ask?"

"Well, that's the thing…"

"Come on, spit it out."

"Well…"

"Any day now."

"You see—"

"Hurry up!"

"Anakin! Let me talk!"

"Okay, sheesh. No need to get all huffy at me."

"Well, I don't know how to put this but…Dooku wants you…"

Anakin was surprised.

"Really? I didn't know the old man swung that way. Not that I do, but—"

"Ew! Anakin! Bad mental images! That's not what I meant!"

"Ohhhh! He wants me captured! Got it…he sure is kinky, don't ya think?"

Obi-Wan groaned.

"I'm joking! I'm joking! So, uh, what am I supposed to do on this mission exactly?"

"Well, to find Dooku's clues, you gotta find, uhh, a lightsaber, yeah. And that's your first—"

"Clue?"

"Clue."

"A clue?"

"Yes, Anakin a clue!"

"And then?"

"You put it in this—"

"Holorecorder?"

"Are you gonna let me finish?"

"Who's clues?"

"Dooku's Clues!"

"I know, I'm just messin with ya."

"You have to get hit with another lightsaber and that's your second clue. You put it in this holorecorder—"

"And then what do I do?"

"I was getting to that. You have to find the last lightsaber—"

"'Cause that's the third clue! I put it in this holo cause it's who's clues? Dooku's clues!"

"Anakin?"

"And then—" Anakin was cut off from his song when he finally noticed the entire council surrounding him. They picked up on his song.

"We sit down in the council room and think. Think. Think! 'Cause if you use your mind and find them one at a time, you can do anything! That you wanna do!" The whole dance ended with jazz hands, because who doesn't love jazz hands?

"Really?"

Mace Windu frowned. "No. Now get to clue hunting."

Anakin sighed. It was going to be a long day.

A/N: So, Happy Anniversary folks! Well, not exactly. We still got a couple of weeks. This is the first part out of four. I could have posted this an hour earlier, but I was listening a Supernatural panel on YouTube and I wasn't expecting a fake orgasm from Misha Collins (for those of you who don't know the franchise, he literally plays an angel. Not so holy, eh? lol jk). I tried to type as much as I could between heaves of laughter. Next part: Captain Rex and the first clue!

~CCAdventure