I have to thank a few people for making this happen.
First - my amazing Beta Lil Miss Golden Eyes for your kind words and gentle guidance.
Second - the talented and fan-fucking-tastical ecandme. Check out her story 'Crooked Halo's & Ink Junkies' (Seriously...you won't be disappointed.) I don't know what I would do if I wasn't up till 4am talking story-lines with you! I cannot put into words the love I have for you!
Third - my best friends Michelle & Amanda. Without you two, this story would have just sat in my documents and been forgotten. You both are persistent and believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself. You gave me so much motivation and encouragement; I can never thank you enough. I love you!
Ok - that's the last time the thank you's will be that long...just had to get that all out there!
All the places I've been
And all the things I've seen
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
The faces of people I'll never see again
And I can't seem to find my way home
As I shoved the last of my belongings into the back of the Jeep, I looked around once more at everything I was leaving behind. I studied the stucco ranch that once had been a happy home, filled with my mother's laughter. I glanced at the desert in the backdrop. The rich brown earth, scattered green flora, deep blue sky and puffy white clouds. I closed my eyes and raised my head towards the hot Arizona sun, letting the warmth run over my face and down my exposed arms and legs until I could feel it reach my toes. I engraved all the things I would miss in my mind so I would never forget them. This would be the last time I stood in the comfortable dry heat. By tomorrow night I would be in Forks. A small, cloud and rain covered town in the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington, 1,583 miles away from the sun and warmth that engulfed Phoenix. By tomorrow night, my tank top, shorts, and flip flops would be replaced with a sweater, jeans, and boots. With a heavy sigh, I pulled the glass on the back of the jeep shut, grabbed my cup of coffee, and climbed into the driver's seat. I turned on my iPod and scrolled down to Five Finger Death Punch, letting the pounding double bass of "White Knuckles" vibrate through the speakers.
Late into the night, I pulled off the I-5 and drove to the nearest Motel. Grabbing my duffle bag I headed into the lobby, praying they had rooms available - better yet, smoking rooms. The last thing I wanted to do was drive around trying to find another Motel. For once – luck was on my side.
Once I had settled into the room and dug my cell phone out of my purse, I crawled on the large Motel bed and lit a cigarette. I scrolled through the address book until I found Charlie's number. After the third ring, he answered the phone.
"Hello?" My father answered, his voice sounding thick with sleep.
"Dad? It's Bella. I'm sorry to wake you."
"Hey, Bella…I wasn't sleeping. Is everything alright?"
"Everything's fine, Dad. I'm just checking in."
"Oh. Where are you?"
"I checked into a Best Western in Woodland. I'm going to sleep for a few hours and then head out again."
"Oh. Ok. Well be careful and I'll see you tomorrow."
"I will, Dad. See you tomorrow."
"Bells?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah?"
"I'm……I'm really glad you're coming." His voice was soft with emotion.
"I know, Dad. Me too."
"Night, Bells."
"Night, Dad."
I tossed my phone on the bed, snuffed out my cigarette and laid my head on the pillow. Charlie had been great about the whole thing. He seemed genuinely happy that I was coming to live with him. Not that I had many other options. Even though I wasn't a minor, this really was the only option. Granted, I could afford to live on my own thanks to the money I received from my mother's life insurance policy, but I didn't want to. I didn't mind living with Charlie, he was like me in so many ways, and living with him meant I wouldn't have to be alone.
After the accident, Charlie had flown down to Phoenix to handle the funeral arrangements for my mother and Phil. He stayed with me for a week before he had to return home. I was very grateful that he was there to handle all the details, because as grown up as I sometimes felt, I was still only 18, and had no idea how to orchestrate a funeral, sell a house or any of the many other things that needed to be done.
It had been tough convincing him to let me drive up to Forks instead of flying. The fact that Charlie was the Chief of Police in Forks made him wary of letting his teenage daughter make the 24 hour drive alone. I had gently reminded him that he was the Chief in a town with a population barely over three thousand. Phoenix has a population of over a million people. I would be just fine and after a week of arguing, he reluctantly gave in.
I rolled onto my side, shut off the lamp above my head, and tucked myself into fetal position. Closing my eyes, I thought of Renee; my beautiful, crazy, erratic mother. I pictured her face, her short hair, laugh lines and childlike eyes. I thought of all her crazy, wild ideas. I remembered the last time I saw her. Renee and Phil had been headed to Florida to look at houses. Phil had just accepted a position with the Jacksonville Suns baseball team. She had cupped my face in her hands, kissed my forehead and laughed.
"I'll only be away a few days Bella." She smiled. "You won't even notice I'm gone."
"Be careful please," I whispered.
"Oh honey, you're going to love Jacksonville. I just know it!" She let go of my face and pulled me tightly into a hug.
"I love you Mom," I mumbled into her shoulder.
"I love you too Bella. I'll see you in a few days." She released me from her hug, grabbed my hand, smiled, and then danced away.
Three days later the phone call came. My mother and Phil had been found at the bottom of an embankment on the side of a highway. Their bodies had been so mangled it had taken the Medical Examiner two days to identify them.
I felt my tears spill over and break through my closed eyes, falling hot and fast down my cheeks and soaking the pillow. I didn't even bother wiping them away. Instead, I clutched my arms tightly around my body and fell into a restless sleep.
The next morning I woke to the screeching sound of the alarm clock. I threw my arm up in the direction of the deafening noise hoping to silence it. Instead, I managed to knock it off the nightstand and it landed with a thud on the floor.
"Shit," I groaned as I rolled myself off the bed. I picked the alarm clock up, shut it off, and placed it back on the nightstand. I grabbed my bag of toiletries out of my duffle bag and headed into the shower. I turned the water on cold, hoping it would wake me up a bit. Thankfully it did the trick. After wrapping myself in the rough, poor excuse for a towel the motel had provided, I quickly brushed my teeth and my hair and went back into the room to change. Even though it was relatively warm outside in the California sun, I knew I would soon be in Forks, so I pulled out jeans, a tank top and a sweater. The sweater I would leave on the passenger seat until I got closer to….well home I guess.
After a quick detour to get my required cup of coffee, I was on the road again, stopping only for gas and to stock up on energy drinks. As I neared Forks, the clear, star filled sky faded away replaced by low, dark clouds and the soft thudding of rain. Finally, I pulled into the driveway of the small, two-bedroom house Charlie still lived in. He had bought the house with my mother in the early days of their marriage. Turning the headlights and engine off, I took a deep breath.
This is it. This was home.
The front door opened, and Charlie walked out to stand under the overhang of the front porch. I reached around to the back seat, grabbed my duffel bag, and slowly climbed out of my warm, dry Jeep and stumbled into the cold rain.
"It's good to see you Bells," he said, smiling, as I climbed the front steps.
"You too Dad." I smiled back. He reached out to give me an awkward one armed hug, then took my duffle bag and headed back towards the house. We walked in silence up the stairs to my bedroom. This had been my room since I was born. Everything looked the same. The wooden floor, the pale blue walls, the yellow lace curtains, all the same. Even the rocking chair in the corner, the one from my baby days, was unchanged.
Charlie placed the duffel bag on the double sized bed and went to retrieve the rest of my things from the Jeep. When the last of my belongings were neatly stacked in the corner of the room, I began unpacking.
Charlie headed for the door then stopped and cleared his throat. "Your mother had mentioned you had taken up smoking."
"Uh huh," I answered without looking up from the suitcase I was unpacking. I had been expecting the 'Bella you shouldn't be smoking' lecture.
"Well, you are technically an adult, so I can't really lecture you." I looked at him and could see he was fighting the urge to do exactly that. "But I do have one rule. No smoking in the house, okay?"
"I can live with that. Mom had the same rule." I smiled sadly as I thought of her. I briefly wondered if the pain when thinking of her would ever go away.
He left me alone to unpack and get settled in. I heard the TV in the living room turn on and some form of sports game pour out of the speakers. I smiled.
"Some things never change," I whispered to myself.
After an hour had passed, I was settled in enough to call it a day. The drive from Woodland had been uneventful but long. All I wanted was a smoke, a shower, and my bed. I grabbed a coat, bounded down the stairs and out the front door. As I stood outside, protected from the rain by the overhang, I lit a cigarette and looked around. Even with the absence of light from the moon and stars, I could still see the forest around me covered in varying shades of green.
Despite the loud, steady beating of the rain, it was peaceful. The serenity of it washed over me, momentarily freeing me from the numbness and loneliness that I had felt since my mother's death. It was almost as if the rain was washing the Earth clean, taking with it all the pain I held deep inside. The silence was something that would take some getting used to. In Phoenix there was some type of noise 24 hours a day. The thumping of bass from a passing car, the laughter of people walking by, the sounds of the highway behind our house. Here there was nothing but the sound of crickets and rain.
I flicked my cigarette – making a mental note to put an ashtray out here – and headed back inside. I stopped in the living room before heading upstairs.
"Goodnight, Dad." I kissed him on the top of the head
"Night, kiddo. I'll wake you before I leave tomorrow."
"Thanks."
I turned and climbed the stairs, grabbing my bag of toiletries from my room, and making my way to the communal bathroom - something that would also take some getting used to. I took a quick hot shower, allowing the water to unknot my muscles. After rinsing the last of the soap from my body, I turned off the water, wrapped myself in a towel and stood facing the mirror. I began brushing through my thick, wet hair and studied the reflection staring back. I certainly didn't look like I was from Arizona. Weren't Arizona girls supposed to be tan, sporty, and blond? The person staring back at me was anything but those things. I stared at my face. It wasn't a bad face really. Framed by a mess of wild, loosely curled chestnut colored hair that fell over my shoulders, my pale, heart shaped face held deep brown eyes under a bed of thick black lashes. My lips were full and pouty and my cheekbones high. My nose was small and straight, adorned with a small silver stud. I laughed to myself as I thought of the reaction Renee had when I came home with it.
"Isabella Marie Swan, you are only 17 years old!" she had yelled while she threw her hands up in exasperation. Bringing them back to cover her face, she mumbled, "Oh God…what will the Neighbors think?"
The reaction had been almost identical when I came home with my first tattoo. After the second one…my mother simply shook her head and walked away. By the third tattoo, she pretended not to even notice. Not that she could have missed it. The intricate, black design nearly screamed at you from its permanent spot against the pale skin of my right wrist. I felt a small twinge of guilt when I thought about the hell I had put Renee through in Phoenix. I wasn't necessarily a rebellious teenager; I had just spent a lot of time alone while Renee travelled with Phil. It was surprising the trouble a bored, unsupervised teenager could get into.
I shook my head, trying to clear the memory. Quickly, I brushed my teeth, changed into the tank top and shorts that served as my pajamas and headed down the hallway.
I closed the door to my room, lay down on the bed and let my mind wander. I was definitely not looking forward to tomorrow, especially since it was my senior year. Forks High School had a total of three hundred and fifty eight students – myself included. Back home, my senior class alone had more than double that! Not to mention, all the kids here had grown up together. Their parents, grandparents, maybe even great grandparents, were friends. And here I was, the new girl; the shiny new toy. What was worse is - if I thought I hadn't fit in back home - I definitely wasn't going to fit in here. The truth was – I didn't fit in anywhere. Period. I could never really relate to people. Even with my mother, the one person I was closest to, I was always on another page. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain; something that made me view the world differently than other people.
I sighed and rolled over to my side, once again tucking myself in fetal position and crossing my arms across my body.
~****~