"Tsunade…"
"Don't."
"… It's been years now, Tsunade."
"So? Am I not allowed to mourn?"
"You say yourself that death is a part of our world."
"We have ways of bringing people ba-"
"Dan isn't coming back, Tsunade."
At the instant the words fell out of the white-haired ninja's mouth, he knew he had said the wrong thing. He knew that was completely insensitive.
Tsunade balled her fists and turned around, and before Jiraiya even had a moment to react she slapped him clean across the face. He clutched at his face, and when he looked back at her, she was brandishing a finger in front of her, tears welling in her eyes.
"You're an insensitive bastard! You're nothing but a fucking pervert and that's all you're ever going to be.I will never want you – nobody will." she hissed, the words spilling uncontrollably from her mouth, and time seemed to freeze.
His eyes widened almost imperceptibly and the hand dropped from his face, and Tsunade recoiled ever so slightly, and Jiraiya shook his head and turned around.
"Jiraiya, I-"
Jiraiya turned around, white ponytail flicking around and obscuring the hurt in his eyes for a second.
"Don't bother. I hope you're happy at the level you stooped too." he turned around and Tsunade's eyes widened.
"Jiraiya, don't be like this."
"Like what, Tsunade? Enlighten me, please." he crossed his arms, and she caught sight of his expression – betrayal.
"I didn't mean it." she said, and she tried her hardest not to sound as if she was begging.
"It sure sounded like you meant it." he remarked, shaking his head.
"I… You know how I feel about Dan." she said, as if she was trying to bargain with the white-haired man. He dropped his head and clenched his fists.
"Dan," he murmured, "it's always fucking Dan."
"Jiraiya! Don't talk about him like that!" Tears were falling freely from Tsunade's eyes now, and as Jiraiya approached her, she walked backwards.
"You're impervious to everything because of him. He's fucking gone, Tsunade, and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. Abusing me to shut yourself off and mourn some more isn't going to bring him back." he snapped, and he went to turn and walk away again when Tsunade grabbed his arm.
"What does that mean?" Tsunade asked, and Jiraiya shook his head furiously and went to walk away, and Tsunade called out.
"Jiraiya, what does that mean?"
"It means I love you, you idiot!"
There was silence.
"I've loved you before you even knew Dan existed, but now you're under this curtain of him and nothing else matters to you! And I'm just about done with it."
Jiraiya finally left Tsunade on her own, and she staggered back, grabbing onto the nearest surface for fear her legs were going to give way. Give way they did, and she slid against the counter in her apartment and sprawled onto the floor.
Her head dropped and she squeezed her eyes shut, tears forming at the corners of them.
For the first time in a very long time, the tears weren't for Dan.
A knock on the door woke Jiraiya from his stupor which was comprised of half sleep and half contemplation. Pushing himself up from the couch he pressed his hand down, and he tugged on his hair which was out of its ponytail, swearing under his breath. Annoyed before he even got to the door, Jiraiya was not in a particularly accepting mood when he pulled it open.
"Jiraiya."
"Go away, Tsunade." Jiraiya pushed the door around but found it would not shut the whole way, glancing down to see Tsunade's foot in the doorway.
"What do you want?" Jiraiya hissed.
"I did something wrong. It doesn't mean you're in the right, Jiraiya."
"So you're coming to my apartment to tell me I'm wrong. Get lost." Jiraiya growled, and Tsunade crossed her arms.
"I'm sorry, Jiraiya. But I loved Dan." she said.
"And I poured my heart out to you and you're still going on about him. Just go." Jiraiya walked away from the door and Tsunade pushed it open, walking into the dark apartment. She switched on the light and he recoiled, sitting on the couch and bringing up a pillow to cover his face.
"Jiraiya… this is childish. It's been a week." Tsunade said, sitting down on the couch. Jiraiya furrowed his eyebrows and dropped the cushion.
"And it's supposed to be magically better after a week, is it?" Jiraiya asked. Tsunade sighed and shook her head.
"I'm not saying that." Tsunade replied, and Jiraiya's onyx eyes narrowed.
"Then what are you saying?" Jiraiya snapped, and Tsunade glanced down at her hands, nervously clicking her nails together.
"Maybe… Maybe you're right. Maybe I dwell on Dan too much." she managed, and Jiraiya sighed, shaking his head.
"Shit, Tsunade, don't say that." Jiraiya leant forward to offer a hand on the shoulder as a comfort and a beginning of a truce, but as he craned his head forward, he winced.
"Son of a bitch!" he stood up, grasping the back of his scalp as his hair fell limp around his shoulders.
"What happened?" Tsunade asked.
"I sat on my hair." he rubbed furiously at the back of his head, and Tsunade clasped her hands over her mouth. A small giggle escaped.
"Don't laugh. It isn't funny." he brandished a finger in her face, and it only led to more giggles escaping. Eventually, it turned to fully-fledged laughter, and Jiraiya couldn't keep the smirk off his face at the sound of her laughter.
"Nice to know you care, Tsunade." Jiraiya held his hair up as he sat down, letting it fall over the edge of the couch.
"I'm sorry." she shook her head, and he could feel her apology wasn't for the laughing.
"Tsunade, you don't have to apologise. Let's face it, you were probably right." he remarked.
"I'm not right. You know I'm not right." Tsunade shook her head, and Jiraiya crossed his arms and shrugged.
"What I said about Dan was totally out of line. I mean, I had no right to –"
"Are you really in love with me?"
Tsunade had found one way to address the elephant in the room.
Jiraiya swallowed hard and he clasped his hand, his eyes flicking from the floor to Tsunade then quickly to the walls.
"I… I mean, it's not that I'm… well, I'm sort of…" Jiraiya stammered and stumbled over his words, and Tsunade blinked.
"How long?" she murmured. Jiraiya sighed and dropped his head.
"A while, I s'pose." he mumbled, and Tsunade shuffled closer to him. He looked up and took a deep breath, and Tsunade reached out and grasped his hands.
"I'm sorry, Jiraiya." Tsunade looked up at him, and her eyes were wide and vulnerable like Jiraiya had never seen. She stroked his clasped hands with her thumb and they were in such close proximity that neither of them were sure what was going to happen.
"I don't know how you did it." Tsunade murmured.
"Did what?" Jiraiya asked, and the blonde looked up at him.
"Comforted me after Dan died. If you felt the way you say you feel." Tsunade replied, and Jiraiya sighed.
"You've never been in unrequited love, have you?" Jiraiya asked. Tsunade blinked.
"I've only even been with Dan. He loved me back." she admitted, and Jiraiya nodded, not making eye contact with the kunoichi.
"Being in unrequited love is just like being in regular love, except it sucks a whole lot more." Jiraiya stated, and Tsunade raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Well, you'd have done anything you could for Dan. He'd have done anything he could for you." Jiraiya stopped and swallowed, and Tsunade grasped his hands tighter as if to tell him it was okay.
"… And I did everything I could for you when he died." Jiraiya said. Tsunade tried hard not to gasp and Jiraiya finally looked at her.
"And even when you're giving unrequited love, you can reach the end of your tether and say something stupid like I did." Jiraiya finished, and Tsunade was stricken.
"I didn't mean to make you feel that way." she finally said, and Jiraiya gave his trademark smirk and nod.
"I know. It's just in your crazy nature." he laughed, and she crossed her arms.
"Thanks, Jiraiya." she sat back, and he laughed more. She sighed and shook her head, feigning exasperation, and Jiraiya put his hand on Tsunade's shoulder.
"Can I just say – when you were going at me, you said fuck. It was pretty great." Jiraiya reminded Tsunade, and she raised an eyebrow.
"No, I didn't." she replied. Jiraiya crossed his arms.
"I said fucking, not fuck." she added, and Jiraiya's mirthful laugh filled the room again. Tsunade smiled and pushed herself up onto her knees, wrapping her arms around Jiraiya and nestling his chin in the crook of his neck.
"I really am sorry, Jiraiya." she murmured, and she felt his strong arms wrap around her back. He turned his head to place a kiss on her temple.
"I know. So am I." he replied. Tsunade's hands linked behind his back and she squeezed her eyes shut.
He spoke about unrequited love – a love which was not reciprocated.
Sure, Tsunade may still have been in love with Dan, and perhaps she always would be in some way.
However, slowly but surely, the white-haired ninja was making his way into her heart, whether she wanted him to or not. There was nothing she could do to stop it.
It was on days like these where she knew she didn't want to.