Disclaimer: I do not own, I wish I did or there would be Janto all day long,
I would like to thank my betas Peppe and Secrets-and -Smiles and my idea bouncer Stardiva and I hope you all enjoy since this is my first Torchwood story ever.
This story is rated T for mild swearing and full of janto goodness and of course what's janto without a little mpreg
Chapter 1: Broken Hearted Captain
The service was nice; Jack had steeled himself to keep from showing any emotion as he sat between Gwen and Rhys, as Toshiko stood and began to speak about Ianto the time agent grabbed Gwen's hand and squeezed it to keep himself from breaking down. When the service ended an hour later Jack Harkness let his co-workers lead him back to the Torchwood hub. When the cog wheel door closed and the alarms fell silent everyone looked at the fifty-first century man. Taking a shuddering breath Jack and pushed himself to do some work, he looked at the computers before looking at the resident computer specialist. "Tosh… can you check the rift…Owen I need your report from the last artifact," Jack said as he made his way to the kitchen. As soon but as he saw the coffee pot sitting in the machine waiting to be used Jack felt tears start to cloud his vision at the very thought of Ianto never making another cup of coffee for him. He let all his pain out as he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, all his pain finally erupting like a dormant volcano.
Trying to stifle his tears Jack pulled himself into a ball and put his head down, he was alone again… being immortal meant he would have to say goodbye to his friends someday but it was too soon. I can still hear him in my head…he's never going to be calling me Cariad ever again… Jack thought as felt his tears soak through his favorite coat.
Gwen walked to the kitchen and peered around the corner when she saw Jack sitting on the floor his knees against his chest and his forehead resting on his arms, she felt her heart go out to the man. When she heard him sniffling back tears she moved into the kitchen and sat beside him on the floor. "I should have been the one that went, if the rift alarm hadn't gone off then Ianto wouldn't have gone in my place. I would have died but I would have come back…" Jack sobbed as he took in another shuddering breath. The young Welshwoman put her arms around the man and hugged him close.
"Jack… you have to remember Ianto's body was never recovered when the accident happened, we don't know If he's alive or not," Gwen said softly as she began to rub the older man's back in small circles. "Don't patronize me please Gwen, we searched for a week, he's gone and he won't be coming back," Jack snapped back coldly as he pulled away from the woman. He didn't mean to snap but getting his hopes up meant more heartache. Jack pulled his gun out of his holster and looked at it. "I could put this in my mouth and pull the trigger a thousand times and I will die each time but I always come back. But Ianto won't, he's dead and we just have to accept it… even if it hurts," Jack added as he put his gun on the floor beside him his hand still resting on the handle.
Owen tapped his pen on his report as he filled out the information to finish his paperwork, when he halfway done with the report the rift alarm began to blare loudly with a yellow light. Jack looked up and let his head fall back against the wall, "Gwen… you guys should go without me, I can't right now…" Jack said softly as he stayed on the floor. Gwen reached over and took Jack's gun "I'm going to put this in the other room, why don't you go lie down for a while Jack…" Gwen suggested as she left and followed the other two to the SUV. Tosh and Owen didn't question Jack's absence they knew he was fragile and time before he dove fully back into work. "How bad is it?"Owen asked as he started the company car.
"It's bad, I'm worried about leaving him alone right now… you two have known him longer, and well I don't know how to ask this but has…Jack…ever you know…" Gwen tried to figure out how to ask her question. Owen turned around "Out with it Gwen…" he snapped. Gwen bit her cheek and closed her eyes. "Has Jack ever been suicidal?" she asked opening her eyes to see Tosh and Owen's reaction. Tosh shook her head as she looked at Gwen in the back seat "Never, why do you think he's thinking about it?" the Asian woman asked very worried about their boss. "Maybe one of us should stay behind this is just an artifact retrieval what do you think Owen?" Toshiko asked.
Thinking things over Owen shook his head. "We won't be gone long and as long as we keep in contact with him over the comms and talk him through any problems then he should be alright," he said driving out of the hidden garage he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Soon they made their way through Cardiff and to the location of the artifact. "Tosh are you sure this is the place?" Owen said looking at the vast building in front of them. The report had said the item that came through the rift was quite small. "We're going to be here for hours looking for this thing," Gwen remarked with a sigh.
Jack dragged himself out of the kitchen; he slowly made his way to his bunker under his office, as soon as he sat on his cot he looked across the bunker and saw a framed picture of Ianto and himself that Gwen had taken when she brought the camera Rhys got her to work and was taking pictures of everyone. Walking over to the shelf Jack grabbed the picture and carried it to bed with him.
"I should have gone…I'm so sorry Yan… please forgive me…" Jack said softly as he sat on his cot, his tears dripping onto the glass that protected the picture. Lying down slowly Jack put the picture on his nightstand before he hugged one pillow against his chest, it still smelled like Ianto from the last time he had spent the night. "I miss you so much Yan…so much," he whispered softly as he turned the light off and tried to fall asleep. The ticking clock on the nightstand lulled the time agent into a restless sleep, nightmares plagued his dreams. After two hours on barely getting any sleep Jack pulled himself out of bed, reaching up to his cheek he felt the dried tears on his face. He walked into his private bathroom and washed his face off before making his way back up to his office.
When he got there he found a folded note on his desk from the rest of his team telling him everything had been taken care of and the artifact was stored safely away in the archives and that everyone would be back in the morning. Looking around his office Jack heard his stomach growl loudly; it was then he realized that he hadn't eaten much in days. "I'm starving, maybe there is something in the fridge…" he whispered to himself as he made his way through the dark hub to the small kitchen area. Grabbing the handle of the fridge jack pulled it open and found a pizza box from his favorite place and another note "Jack we knew you would be hungry so we got you your favorite, love Tosh, Gwen and Owen… okay not Owen," Jack read with a small smile, he opened the pizza box he smiled when he saw the three meat special, it reminded him of the time that Owen had made a joke about him like three meats in him and his own response about only liking Ianto being in him made the young Welshman so mad that he hid in the archives for a week and put Jack on decaf coffee for a month.
Taking a deep whiff of the pizza Jack felt his stomach churn harshly; dropping the pizza on the small table he grabbed the rim of the sink and began to empty what little was in his stomach from the few bites of a muffin he had for breakfast. Once he was done he wiped his mouth off and began to shake from becoming sick. "Oh god no…" Jack whispered as he rushed out of the kitchen and made his way through the dimly lit hub to the autopsy bay, digging around Jack found the old ultrasound machine that had somehow been purchased but never used once. Not even bothering to warm the gel he pulled the machine to the edge of the table and laid down on the cold table and lifted his shirt up and put the gel on his hard stomach.
As he pushed the scanner around Jack began to control his breathing until he heard a heartbeat coming from the ultrasound, Jack felt his heart constrict as his hand slid away to the left he froze when he heard a second heartbeat. Dropping the scanner Jack sat up and put his head in his hands. "I'm having twins… I'm having twins," Jack yelled as he felt his anger and pain boil in his chest again. How can there be a god…how can he give me two children and take their father away so easily… Jack thought in anger as he threw things around the hub as he made his way to his office. Grabbing his phone off his desk he dialed Owen's number and waited for him to pick up.
"Owen… Owen shut up and could please come to the office as soon as possible, I need you to come back… no it's not an emergency but if you don't show up in the next forty minutes I'll retcon you all the way back to the day you were born," Jack warned as he hung up and dropped his phone on his desk. "You would have been a great father Yan, I bet they look just like you," Jack said softly as he put his hand over his still flat stomach.