It was all my fault.
Sneaking around at night, stealing things to help people...or was it because I wanted him to show up trying to catch me again? I mean, if all I wanted to do was help people, he didn't have to be around, right?
Now he won't be around ever again.
He was so stupid. Not in the classroom. After all, he was the one Sister assigned to tutor me in math. But he didn't know anything—about who I really was and how I felt.
Maybe I'm the stupid one, for assuming he didn't.
You were always teasing me about him. Asking me how I felt about helping Sayaka when she was in love with Asuka Jr. Saying that I must have been looking forward to that Dolphins game that he wanted to see with me. For someone who's going to be a nun, you spent an awful lot of time trying to set me up with him.
Rina Takamiya. When she first showed up, she said she was going to become a police detective one day and wouldn't let a petty thief like St. Tail get in her way. But it seemed the only one she was really after was him.
He said I looked beautiful. Rina didn't look too happy to hear that. Of course, he tried to take it back by saying he was talking about the wedding dress I was wearing. But it was nice of him to pay a compliment to me, instead of St. Tail.
Then there was The Bet.
He agreed to date her if she could prove that I was St. Tail. I wonder how he would have felt if she did. That look on their faces when he and Rina thought St. Tail was a man dressing up as a girl was priceless.
He didn't mean anything to me—not then. But, when he told me— as St. Tail—why he made the bet with her, I couldn't help but cry, just a little. Even if he didn't think of it as love, I had the feeling he cared about me, hard as it may have been to believe at times.
Then there was the school festival.
That little superstition about taking a boy's lock and fastening it to the east fence on the roof so you could dance with him. I had to tell you about it, remember? I wanted to have Asuka's lock and dance with him. So did Rina. It was just luck on my part that my caper for that night involved opening his locker. I guess I have Sawatari to thank for that.
It worked, it really worked. Asuka just let me have his lock after I took the film Sawatari stashed in his locker. He even got me away from another boy who wanted me to dance with me. You should've seen him blush when he realized he was holding my hand.
He asked me what I could've known about St. Tail. I told him flat out I was St. Tail. You were so shocked to hear me say it in front of him. It was our little secret, after all.
I don't think he heard me; that, or he just couldn't believe what I said. I broke my promise to him—to keep him informed about my capers. I didn't think it was that important, certainly not to the point of him wanting to meet with me as St. Tail without a case to go with it. He said he was going to reveal my identity if I didn't, but it was just a bluff, like you said it was. We talked on the phone, even though I was only inches away from him as I leaned against his phone booth.
Sawatari had this awful crush on me. All I wanted to know was some information about Princess Roza's Mirror that he said was stolen by St. Tail. Instead, he thought I was interested in his work and not just his "undeniably dashing good looks." Asuka busted in just then; I guess he was listening in on us. It almost seemed like he was jealous over me...and I do believe he was.
After I got the mirror back, he asked me if I was at the auction house. Did he see something in the mirror? Did he see my true self? If he did, he wouldn't tell me about it.
Then there was the time when I watched this movie that Mom and Dad recommended, with Ryoko and Kyoko. The leading man looked so much like Asuka Jr., but he said we were being silly, mooning over true love.
I taunted him a bit, saying that there's no such thing as a perfect girl. He countered by citing St. Tail as an example.
I said "I hate you!" to his face. But I didn't mean it; not really, not in my heart. I've always been so impulsive.
We couldn't get tickets to the Tombstones concert. I was so happy when Dad gave me a couple that he just happened to have. I was going to ask Asuka to go with me, since I knew you weren't interested in that kind of music. Then Rina beat me to the punch with front row seats, no less. I just gave him the cold shoulder and wouldn't talk to him about it. If only I knew that this would've been the last time we'd have one of those silly fights.
Getting back that steel weathercock sculpture seemed simple enough. You gave me the layout for the Misato Building and I did the legwork, as usual. If it wasn't for him, I would've been killed by the electric current that was running through the statue. I'm sorry I wasn't able to return the favor.
I made my way inside to avoid being captured and he followed me. The building's security was activated and these steel shutters started to seal off the hallway I was running down. It was only when he screamed that I realized what happened; a haunting cry that echoed in my soul.
I wasn't able to save him. I was a split second too late to do anything. His upper body was nearly separated from the lower half, blood and guts adding a dreadful splash of color to the steel and concrete cocoon we found ourselves in.
I don't know how I managed to pull myself together long enough to escape. I shouldn't have run away like a coward; I should've stayed, even if it meant being caught because I deserved to be.
Detective Asuka arrested Mr. Misato, but Asuka Jr. didn't—he couldn't—know about it. They were miraculously able to get him to the hospital. A sunken cavity where his midsection ought to have been was evident underneath the white sheets. Respirators and other machinery tended to the business of keeping him alive. I visited as much as I could, trying to hold on to him, just a little longer.
He died less than a week after that fateful night.
Even though he couldn't scream or even cry through the mess of tubes and I.V. lines, I felt his pain—the pain I gave him.
If he had died silently, quickly, peacefully—maybe that would've made a difference. Then I wouldn't be doing what I'm about to do.
Everyone in class was shocked, but Rina was the most. She swore that "that worthless thief St. Tail" would pay for doing this to him. If she still suspected I was St. Tail, then I would have gotten what I deserved —from her.
Seira, please take of Ruby.
Dear God, please forgive me...for these ridiculous thoughts.