Shinji Ikari: Project Instrumentality

I'm waiting in the darkness again.

The wounds I have are just the latter of sins presented. Maybe I just wait for my death. I don't get up to enjoy life like I use to and all the oldest routines are gone. My agenda is short but sweet. Get up, wash, eat, and sit in darkness and go to sleep. I don't go out my house anymore... It's not my house at all. The sounds in my ears corrupt my movement, the sound deaf my vision. All I sit here is in this chair, decaying.

No matter what however, I wait for Death to come but I think I'll run from it. I think I wish to die but I believe I'm too stubborn to admit it.

I have no clothing... just the ones on my back. I sleep in them, then get up and wash, to just get back in the same clothing. I wish to go out this house but I fear this is only the place I can come to be safe. In short, I fear for me being hurt but wait for death.

There is no brick walls to protect me nor are doors here to shield me from the red sky as usual but I sit in the same chair I found until I feel human fatigue and rest on the floor for god knows when. I want to run on this Earth until my feet give out but my feet have already given out as with my mind. I can't think at times and it hurts. I have nobody to talk to and nobody to see. I'm the only one left here. The streets are nothing but rock and rumble and filled with papers, glass and grime. The only place I been was this and the beach I woke at. Now I regret again.

Why did I left that plane of existence? Why did I think outside the box? Everybody was in paradise, everybody was happy and I thought it wasn't right. I thought this wasn't real, so I left to come to here and then; all I can do is sit. I'm not crying or weeping but I want to, that shows I was being foolish, arrogant, everything that I want to be. In that reality, instead of being meek, I was vociferous. I had no shame, extroverted and happy as day. I was stupid to pick this place.

Nobody is here; nobody followed me like she said. I'm the only in the world, I can feel it. All I have is I and this world has to suffer again to another one human. I wish I could join Instrumentality again... but I rejected it. I abhorred it. I thought of it as a plane for the damned. How stupid was I...

My face suffers again and my skin should just peel back like a banana. Must I walk this Earth without somebody...?

What am I to you?

A lamb? Am I the god of this dirt and rocks, the new god of this Earth? Nobody wishes to come back... Instrumentality is their Heaven... and I'm in hell.

Author's Notes: This is the last story I'm working on. It's an assortment of one-shot stories, told in the account of several Evangelion characters. This is the only author note I'm really going to give you.

Disclaimer: I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Synopsis: After rejecting the project of God, Instrumentality, Shinji Ikari restarted back on Earth, the same age and the same life. When he went back to Earth, Rei promised him that many others would see the truth of the fake Heaven and follow after. However, nobody chooses to join Shinji Ikari, too ignorant in bliss. This leaves Shinji to be the only real human on Earth, stranded. He with his experience told this account after two to three years. Shinji doesn't quite know where he is on the Earth and doesn't pay much heed to it.

In this paradox, he is stranded to die and the human race will be sooner be finished without a female partner to share "genes" with. He believes Rei lied to him and has joined the fake Earth/Heaven. He is more introverted and apathy as before if that's possible. Shinji believes it was a mistake to reject Instrumentality and soon believes he should die. Unlike the movie where Asuka joins him on the Earth and soon, other people will follow, nobody follows the boy or cannot tell what's the difference between reality and a dream.

Project Instrumentality is described as a dream in which humanity cannot wake up from. They are rapped with their view of reality and given control over it. The only soul that is real is a person's soul. There is no rejecting Instrumentality once choosing it. Almost all mankind has chosen to live in Instrumentality is further stuck. Shinji Ikari is the only one left and given his regular human limitations; Shinji will die alone and probably miserable.

I decided to leave it as a one-shot, instead a complex account of poems. So, yeah, since people haven't even looked at this story. In all, it was kind of fun to write.