It was a dark, dank bar. What light that was given out from the low hanging neon lights filtered through a fog of smoke that swirled above the customers' heads, seemingly waiting for a chance to creep up their noses and choke them to death.
The guard sitting in the darkest corner could have been a good looking man; he had a square jaw, and twinkling dark eyes set above razor-sharp cheekbones. But he grinned like a shark - all teeth and no smile - and there was no trace of compassion to be found in his beaten and broken features. At any given moment, he looked as if he was ready to start a fight.
"I do like a man in a uniform." The woman sat opposite him purred, and slid a delicate hand under her chin. In the dim light, her frizzy blonde hair seemed a surreal white, and her deep brown eyes looked like two dark holes in her smiling face.
"And I do like a bird with a brain," the guard smiled, locking eyes with the woman, "Doctor…"
"Song." She smiled back, her calculating gaze never wavering, "Doctor… River… Song."
With every word, River Song placed her hands closer and closer to the gnarled paw the guard was laying on the table.
He watched as she gently tapped each of his knuckles with a long, sharp, red nail, before puffing himself up, and staring lustfully back into the eyes of the lady doctor.
"The Pastors of Venus you say?" He asked, "Information like that… not everyone knows."
"But you know. Don't you, sweetie?" Doctor Song's eyes seemed to bore into him, burrowing into his brain. He liked it. "Intergalactic guard like you? I know your company keeps a close watch on all of its… competition." She uttered the last few words in a throaty whisper.
He licked his lips, looking her up and down, "Maybe I do." He smiled, wider than before, "But it'll cost ya."
River was silent for a few moments, holding the guard's gaze like a cat holding down its prey, before she slowly leaned over the table, and slide a hand down the guard's chest.
"Well…" she purred, "It's a good thing I have a lot to pay with, then. Isn't it?"
With that, she kissed him. Her full, ruby red lips caressing the thin lips of the guard. He kissed back, eager for more, gripping the back of her head with a possessive hand. His tongue slowly snuck into her mouth. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer…
"Excuse me!" There came a barrage of alien curses from the other end of the bar, following by a man muttering "Excuse me! Pardon! Mind out! Coming through! Sorry! Excuse me!" and a crash and clatter of a tray of drinks hitting the floor.
The guard's head snapped to the source of the noise – a gangly man with a flippy fringe dressed like something out the first Victorian era, complete with bow tie. As he watched the man threw up his hands and demanded to assist the waitress in cleaning up the mess.
"Who is that?" He snarled, as the waitress attempted to beat the man off with her tray,
"My husband." Replied River Song, and before the guard could react to anything Mr. Song had hurried over to them.
"River!" He beamed, pointing at her with both hands and ignoring the guard completely, "Where have you been? Your parents and myself have just been touring round the nearest nebula. Met up with some Chihuahuas the size of fire engines. Bright red too! They don't breathe fire, unfortunately, but they do have quite large teeth they use to tear apart things like trees, the native deer, or your dad's leg.
He clapped his hands together, still smiling that demented, happy smile, "Don't worry he's fine. Now!"
"Doctor!" River knew to speak up before the Doctor had a chance to take a breath, "I'm rather busy."
The guard took this as a cue to stand up and over this Doctor, having a clear half foot extra in height, and an entire foot extra in width.
However, before he could say anything, the Doctor looked straight in his eyes and said, "Hello. You're handsome." Then grabbed his shirt and kissed him too.
The guard's eyes bulged and he flapped his arms frantically to get away. The Doctor released him with an overly-loud 'Mwah!' and held out a hand to River.
"Come along, Song!"
The female doctor took the madman's hand and stalked out of the bar with a large grin and. without even a glance behind her.