When Spike gets out of the VW Beetle, new leather jacket slung over one shoulder and sunglasses covering his eyes, he sees the twins, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, calmly chatting in the Ark's entrance.

"Hey guys!" He salutes, waving his free hand, as he approaches them, Bumblebee going back to root mode. "What are you cooking this fine day?"

"Cooking? What reason would we have to experiment with organic refueling materials?" The golden mech sneers while the red one looks confused.

"It's an expression." The teenager laughs, pushing his sunglasses up when he gets to the shadow cast by the volcano. "It means to plan something, so I was asking if you were planning something." He explains, smiling widely, and the twins plus Bumblebee look at him with curiosity.

"We weren't planning anything. What is that?" Sideswipe answers, pointing at Spike's new leather jacket.

Smiling wide and proudly, the boy shows it to them as they slowly go inside.

"My dad gave it to me as a birthday present. Isn't it awesome? I've been wanting one for years! Shame none of you have a motorcycle alt mode. Now, that would be the best birthday present ever." He daydreams, imagining the never-ending road, only the wind and red desert ground all around him, riding a blue—

"A what present?" Sunstreaker cuts through his thoughts, and the boy frowns a second in confusion before remembering what he was saying.

"Oh. A birthday present. You know, things your friends and family give you for your birthday."

"Humans celebrate the day they were created." Bumblebee adds after some seconds of silence, startling both his fellow Autobots and his human friend.

"You guys don't?" Spike asks, stunned, as they enter the Rec Room.

"Why should we?" Sideswipe shots back nonchalantly, grabbing a couple of Energon cubes from the dispenser as the younger Autobot and the teenager sit down at the closest table, the one almost on the corner, so as to be able to keep talking.

"Why should you?" He repeats, incredulous, as the twins sit in front of them, the red one giving the spare cube to Bumblebee. "But it's the day you were born, the day you started your life! It's the best reason to celebrate, to rejoice for the fact that, if you hadn't been born then, you wouldn't be here now!"

"Humans are weird." Sunstreaker says simply, sipping his Energon, and Spike has to shake his head to focus.

"You mean you really don't celebrate birthdays?"

"Again, why should we? Creating is nothing big." The red twin answers with a shrug, looking at the boy curiously.

"It's nothing… I have the feeling I'm missing something here." He finally manages to say, frowning in confusion as he tries to put things together. "How can creating a new life be… nothing big?"

The twins exchange a look before turning to an amused Bumblebee.

"He doesn't know how creating goes, does he?"

"Of course I do." The teenager scowls, crossing his arms, as he remembers Biology class and that awkward afternoon with his father after he started high school. "When a male Cybertronian loves a female Cybertronian very much—" He starts in a bored voice, but three big robotic beings suddenly leaning towards him cut him short.

"A male and a female what?"

"Why do you talk about two individuals?"

"What has love to do with creation?"

Overwhelmed by the voices talking in unison and the questions he manages to catch, Spike harshly gestures for them to quieten.

When they finally do, all four of them have bewildered expressions on their faces.

"What has love to do with creation?" He repeats, and Sideswipe nods, identifying himself as the one who asked. "Huh, well, people don't try to have children unless they really love each other, you know? Married couples with jobs and that kind of things."

"Humans can choose when to have newsparks?" After a second to change 'newsparks' for 'babies' in his mind, and to truly ponder the question, Spike looks up at the red twin.

"Well, kinda. You can, huh, you can get a girl pregnant when you have, huh, when you engage in, ah, a physical relationship with her." He manages to say, blushing madly under the curious and attentive looks of the three Autobots. "But that's why you take, uh, precautions."

"Precautions?" All three of them speak in unison, and the teenager reddens more, that uncomfortable afternoon having The Talk with his father coming back to mind.

Steeling himself and recalling what Sparkplug said back then, Spike tries to relax.

"Well, the best way to avoid such a situation would be not to… have sex until you are sure she's the girl of your life and you are ready for a kid." The Autobots don't react. "But if you really want to… there are… condoms." Curiosity fills their optics, so the teenager shuffles a bit in his spot. "To keep the… the sperm out of her…"

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker frown.

"But wouldn't that be like not spark-merging at all?"

"Spark what?"

"I think human creation doesn't work like ours." Bumblebee summarizes at all the dumbstruck looks.

"Obviously not. For Cybertronian, creation happens in a spark-merge when enough energy is available to create a newspark. There are ways to make that more likely, but none to avoid it." Sideswipe explains simply, and it's Spike's turn to frown.

After a couple of seconds of thinking about the issue, he decides he really doesn't want to know about 'robot sex', so he lets his questions stay unanswered.

"Huh." He says simply, and, once the Autobots realize he's not going to say anything else, Sunstreaker pokes him softly with a dactyl.

"Now, why did you say that creation could only happen if a Femme is involved?"

"A what?"

"I think your words were 'male' and 'female'." Bumblebee supplies helpfully, as curious as the twins.

"'Cause that's the way it happens in humans? Don't you have female Cybertronian?" He asks back, genuinely confused.

"We have Femmes, but it's just a frame type. So, what does this have to do with creation?"

"What do you mean, 'just a frame type'?" He repeats, turning all his attention to Sunstreaker in the hope he will explain his words.

"There are many frame types. Bumblebee is a Minibot, Prime is a Cargo, Sides and I are Road Runners, Screamer is a Seeker… and 'Femme' is just another frame type." The golden mech answers simply with a small shrug.

Spike is stunned.

"So, it's just appearances? Alt modes?" The twins shrug with a nod, which is a 'mostly, yeah'. "Does that mean that…" He blanches at the thought, at the impossibility, at the weirdness of it all, but Bumblebee's curious poking makes the rest of the sentence blurt out of his mouth. "… that any of you could carry a child?" His voice is squeaky, but the Autobots just grow more curious.

"Yes, of course." The Beetle answers, and the teenager lets himself fall to lay on the table he's sitting on.

Any of them could…

"Seriously?" He croaks, and three voices answer positively. "But that's… that's…"

"Spike? I think you better talk with Ratchet about this, I'm afraid we must be explaining it wrong." Sideswipe cuts in, poking him softly on the side. "Though, one more question, if you're still operative." He hums in agreement, listening half way as he tries to erase images of the twins and Bumblebee sporting tell-tale pregnant bellies. "Does human creation always happen in pairs?"

"Does human… what? What do you mean, 'in pairs'?" He repeats, sitting up, when the question gets through the disturbing imaginings.

"Well, you said that creation happens between two individuals. Does that mean that humans always create a newspark between two of them? You can't create one alone?"

Spike can only think of a starfish growing from the severed arm of another.

"Create one alone? Are you nuts?!"

Blank looks.

And then, Sunstreaker turns to his brother.

"I think you've blown his processor. He thinks we are fruits composed of a seed and a hard shell."

"No, no, I meant, are you crazy? Malfunctioning?" At the last one they react with indignant shouts. "Guys, calm down!" Huffing, they do, curiosity quickly taking them once they fall silent. "It's impossible for a human to create alone, not even females can." They nod in acceptance, and it is the teenager's curiosity that grows then. "You can?"

"Sure can. Soundwave's Cassettes? They're most likely only his." Bumblebee answers calmly, and Spike feels like the world is tilting.

"Soundwave's… You mean… They are his children?" He whispers, a mix between horrified and dumbstruck.

"Of course. A Cassette Carrier is always his Cassettes' creator. Though it doesn't mean there can't be a co-creator. You see, Cassettes—"

But Spike isn't listening anymore, the image of Soundwave—Soundwave—with a rounded pregnant belly being almost too much to—

"A co-creator? Like, two creators?" He blurts out, shaking his head to dislodge the image, because that is far more disturbing that thinking about the twins and Bumblebee—don't think about that! "Does that mean Starscream is Laserbeak's other creator?"

Silence.

There's a loud clanging noise from the ventilation shaft, and the four of them jump to their feet in shock.

Slowly, Sunstreaker approaches the vent as Bumblebee pushes Spike behind him.

And then, the golden Autobot opens it, peeks inside—and blurts out laughing.

Stunned, no one moves for a second, before Sideswipe gets next to his brother to see what's so funny—and starts laughing too.

"Guys? What is it?" The teenager asks and, without being able to verbally answer, Sunstreaker takes out whatever is in the vent.

Laserbeak, optics offline, hangs limply from his servo.

Bumblebee falls to the bench amidst peals of laughter.

"What…?"

"He—He crashed!" Sideswipe manages to chortle, his engine rumbling noisily with mirth. "He was listening to us and he crashed! You short-circuited his processor!"

And then, Spike realizes that what he's just managed is to make Laserbeak faint with his hastily and quickly blurted unprocessed question, most likely from the imagery that popped up.

Not letting it get to him, too, he decides to surrender to the laughter bubbling in his chest instead.

"I wish—I wish I could see their faces when Laserbeak tells them!" He cackles, leaning on the Beetle's leg.

"We can!" The twins shout in unison and, next he knows, he's been scooped up in the servos of a mech rushing through the corridors, a blur of red bouncing in front of him.

Hanging tightly to the dactyls around him, Spike waits until the world has stopped bouncing and he's been left on something solid to open his eyes again.

"Hey, what's—Is that Laserbeak?" Cliffjumper, who is on monitor duty, exclaims, looking from the twins to the Cassette still hanging limply from Sunstreaker's servos. "What did you do to him?"

"Spike crashed his processor." Sideswipe sniggers, fiddling with some controls next to where he's left the teenager.

"He what? And what are you doing?"

"We're making sure his creators don't worry." The red twin answers with a sharp smirk, looking at the screen—

Black flickers to static for a second before a view of the Nemesis' bridge shows up, Megatron sitting on his throne and Soundwave manning the controls.

"What is the meaning of this?" The Decepticon leader growls with flashing optics, studying Sideswipe and, to the teenager's surprise, Spike.

But the twin isn't looking back at the tyrant.

"There you are!" He shouts, optics on the Communications Officer, who, as per usual, doesn't react. "We just wanted to let you know we haven't done anything to him, he was already like that when we found him." He adds with soft snickers, and his brother steps next to him and lifts the immobile Cassette so that the mechs on the other side of the screen can see him.

"Is that Laserbeak?" A shrill voice exclaims, Starscream walking into view between the communications console and the throne.

The twins break down laughing.

Spike, more controlled, almost loses it when he sees the Decepticon's stunned faces and the flash of surprise of their optics.

"What is going on here?" The teenager almost falls on his back as he turns to look at a clearly unamused Prowl on the doorway.

"We—We just wanted to—to let Las—Laserbeak's creators know—he's fine." Sunstreaker manages to say, and, on the other side of the screen, Soundwave and Starscream exchange a look.

Sideswipe, who hasn't taken his optics off of them, ends on the ground with a hiccup of his engine, unable to stay standing when his laughter doubles.

Bumblebee, who has also caught the look, manages to point in the Seeker's general direction before his laughter becomes too much to let him keep his arm steady.

As one, all three Decepticons turn to stare at the wall.

The two yellow Autobots lose it, joining Sideswipe as they fall to their knees, while Cliffjumper takes a careful step away, as if afraid it's catching.

Prowl ignores them and steps up to the screen.

"Are they on High Grade? There's no mech ther—" Starscream's words are cut short as he turns once more to the screen, only to find himself staring straight at Soundwave, who hasn't turned around.

Megatron's mouth falls open, optics a pale orange.

"Prime will contact you with the terms of the return of Laserbeak." The Autobot Second in Command tells the Decepticons calmly, and cuts the transmission.

Just before the screen goes black, Spike catches both Decepticon officers whirling to the screen with almost white flashing optics, even the Communications Officer looking murderous despite his inexpressive face.

His mirth is smothered.

He has the feeling Ratchet is going to have a field trip trying to put the twins and Bumblebee together after the next battle.

"Now, an explanation, please." Prowl's calm voice cuts through his musings, and he turns his attention to where the three laughing Autobots have managed to get back to their knees and regain their speech capabilities, though there are still wide smiles on their faces.

The Cassette, now in Cliffjumper's hold, is still completely out of it.

"We were trying to explain Spike some things about creation, and he ended with the idea that Laserbeak is Soundwave and Starscream's creation." Sideswipe answers, snickering softly, and the red Minobot's jaw falls open in shock.

If the Autobot tactician was human, he would have sighed tiredly.

"Perhaps you should leave the explanations to Ratchet, from now on. Although what Spike suggested is not as unlikely a possibility as you seem to think."

Silence.

And then, the sound of whirling fans fills the room, with the two Minibots turning to stare in astonishment at the frontliners, and Prowl's doorwings straighten almost vertically on his back—

His fans stutter for a second before the tactician's blue eyes turn black and he ends sprawled on the ground.

Spike's question about if they should call the medic is drowned in the horned mechs' cries of despair.

"I did not need those images!"

AN: I'm under siege by plot bunnies, help!

Well, not really 'help', 'cause this one's quite tame in comparison to the others, but another? Really?

This story is born because I have my headcanons about Transformers (as everyone else) that I've started writing on paper to put bits as notes in another story... And I found myself thinking, 'hey, what if...?'

Most. Dangerous. Question. Ever.

In this case, it went like: What if humans found about all these facts? How would they learn about them? And what would it mean to the Cybertronian, both Autobots and Decepticons?

So... Ta-da!

I'm going to see if I can work out a schedule, but no promises (yet). I'll like to have some more written before posting the next so, if I can, I'll try to put this into an 'updates on weekends' thing, or, if not, expect the next one about a week from now.

Also, warning: This one may be all laughter, but not all facts in life are pretty, so don't expect them all to be like this one (I've got at least another funny one, but I also have a mixed one and a dark-ish one, so you've been warned).