A/N: It's been such a long time! But I'm back on my creative streak and am ready to write some fics! Although they'll mainly be Akatsuki and parody... :)
This one was just done for fun.
Warning: Language, slight violence, OOC (depends on how you see it)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Naruto related. All rights belong to Masashi Kishimoto-sama
Pein liked to think that the Akatsuki was one big happy family. Note: liked to think. Doesn't mean they were. Unless you were talking about a big, psycho, violent family, then he guessed you could refer to them as a family. The others didn't quite get the picture...
But still.
It was nice to imagine.
Pein sat at the head of the breakfast table, knife in one hand, fork in the other. He coolly stared down the members present. "Good morning every-"
*munch munch munch munch munch*
Pein's eye twitched. "Good morning every-"
*Munch Munch Munch Munch*
"Good mor-"
*MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH-*
"Hidan shut the fuck up!" Kakuzu spazzed, smacking the Jashinist on the head.
"Ow! You motherfucker! You got hot sauce un my eyes!"
Kakuzu scoffed. "You're the only one who eats that stuff on your waffles. Just be glad it's cheap," he muttered. "Or you'd be eating the scraps from yesterday's meal."
Hidan's nose crinkled. "Ew! That's nasty as shit!"
"Strangely I've seen you eat worse," Sasori said while stabbing a waffle.
"Fuck you!"
"No thanks."
Pein pointedly coughed. "Now as I was saying beforehand-"
Kisame suddenly straightened, catching them all off guard. "Where's Deidara?"
His leader visibly twitched at the interruption.
"I dunno," Sasori said before shoving a whole waffle into his mouth.
Kisame gave him a look, brows raised. "Don't you share a room?"
"So that's what that thing was on the other side of the bed," the redhead muttered.
They all gave him an odd look.
"If you two are finished," Pein started to say, "I would now like to-"
"Someone go wake him up," Sasori ordered.
Hidan barked out a laugh. "Oh please." He was currently cutting his waffles into a symbol all too familiar to his partner who promptly smacked him again. "Itai! Kakuzu you bastard!"
"Hmph. Whatever." Kakuzu eyed the immortal before facing Sasori across from him. "Do tell me who would be stupid enough to try and wake Deidara?"
"I'll do it," Kisame proclaimed, pushing to his feet.
The conversing group sweatdropped. "Nevermind…"
"Oh come on guys. It can't be that bad." Kisame placed his hands on his hips and laughed. "After all, I managed to bring Itachi down with no trouble."
Sasori, Kakuzu, and Hidan glanced over to the seat next to Kisame's. Itachi sat peacefully dosing, facedown in his own plate of burnt waffles. This time they all sweatdropped.
"Well, little to no trouble," Kisame sheepishly said.
"Right." Sasori rolled his eyes. "Let the brat wake up on his own."
"But he'll miss breakfast," Kisame argued. "Everyone needs breakfast."
All eyes went to a certain redhead.
"What?" Sasori snapped, pushing his plate away from him. "Can't I pretend?"
"Someone's a little sore," Hidan whispered to Kakuzu. A syrup covered fork stabbed him in the eye. "Ouch! Holy shit!"
"Your whispering SUCKS!" Sasori exclaimed, already aiming another utensil for the other eye socket.
"OK, OK! I'm sorry! Jashin-Christ!"
Pein released a heavy sigh and raised his hands for peace. "Guys-"
"Alright. I'll get going now!" Kisame cheerfully….cheered.
Pein immediately frowned, about to say something as the shark left the kitchen and swaggered down the hall, but was cut off when a shriek from Kisame and sound of a hole being punched into their wall echoed throughout the base.
Konan walked in a second after with a towel around her newly washed hair and face mask on. "Morning guys." She took a seat next to a petrified Hidan and indifferent Kakuzu.
Hidan coughed. "Umm…Konan"
"Hmm?"
"You've got a little something on…"
She turned narrowed eyes to him.
Hidan blanched. "Never fuckin' mind!"
Kakuzu growled, fingers twitching. "Do you mind not shouting in my ear every five seconds?"
"FUCK YES!"
Pein tapped the side of his water glass with his knife before a fight could break out. "Excuse me, as your leader and father figure I-"
"I don't think Kisame's coming back," Kakuzu said in a slightly interested tone in order to avoid an 'accident' concerning his partner and a missing head.
"Not without something missing," Sasori added.
"Hm…" Kakuzu's eyes gleamed with greed. "Wanna make a bet?"
"Did everyone forget we were even here?" White Zetsu suddenly said from the other side of Itachi, all the way at the end of the table. "Why those little fuckers."
Pein looked at him. "I didn't forget."
"Oh well. It's not like anyone listens to us anyway," White Zetsu told his other side. "True, true," Black Zetsu agreed.
Pein felt a vein pop. "Don't ignore your leader dammit!"
"Shhhhh!" Konan gave him a violent glare, waving her hand at the group. "I wanna hear what happens to Kisame!"
"Ooooh! Me too!" Hidan excitedly whispered.
Pein inwardly groaned. Like little kids…
They heard footsteps above them and the sound of knocking.
"Deidara? Hey- are you awake?"
More knocking.
"Deidara?"
There was the faint sound of growling.
"You have a dog in there or something Dei?"
Hidan and Konan exchanged looks. "Is he stupid or something?" Hidan fiercely whispered.
There was some more vicous growling and then-
"I'm coming in then~ Are you awake Dei-"
"OH. MY. GOD. SHUT THE FUCK UP UN!"
"But-!"
"KATSU!"
Kisame walked into the kitchen a minute later, bald and pissed. Everyone took one look and started laughing.
"W-ow~" Hidan snickered. "Like the new 'do'."
Pein coughed, cheeks slightly flushed from the effort of maintaining his leader air. "Ok, ok. Benice guys. And Kisame- please put on a hat, I'm going blind."
Sasori stood. "I'll get the brat then."
"Have fun," Konan waved.
-One wet loogie and a massive wedgie later-
Sasori walked down several minutes later, a drowsy and slightly limping blonde behind him.
Kisame glared. "Annoying gaki."
Deidara rubbed his visible eye, still in his pajamas. "Stupid shark hmm..."
"What are you gonna do about my hair?"
"What hair?" Deidara winced at the bright light being emmitted from the older man's head. "Put on a hat un."
Kisame growled. "Why you little-"
"Enough." Sasori dragged Deidara to his seat next to him.
Deidara stuck his tongues out, lifting Itachi's face from his plate of waffles and taking the food for himself.
Hidan stared. "That's fuckin' disgusting."
"So is your face but I'm not complaining hmm."
The whole table 'ooohhhed' save for their leader.
Pein cleared his throat several times, a vein throbbing. "Now that you're all assembled-"
"Sorry Tobi's late!" Tobi wailed, running into the kitchen. He tripped, ramming into Pein and effectively snapping his last sane nerve.
"You stupid fool! Why can't I sit down and have ONE peaceful breakfast in this house!" Pein shouted in fury, standing to his feet.
Konan stood and socked him in the face. "DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON THE KIDS!" she roared.
Pein: K.O.
A/N: I just couldn't get this out of my head. I love the idea of the Akatsuki and what they do when they're not out on missions and such :D
Let me know how it was ^v^