The Big Bang Theory of Haruhi Suzumiya

The following is a non-profit fan-based Parody. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya and The Big Bang Theory are the sole property of their official owners. Please support the official release!- HOshikawa Subaru/ H.S

In the nurse's office:

Itsuki and Kyon were in the nurse's office. Why do you ask? Well as luck would have it, both had been unknowingly volunteered by an unknown source to give sperm donations.

…yeah you heard me.

Kyon: ….you….sick….bastard

Itsuki: I, personally, could kiss you right now H.S. I GETS TO SEE KYON'S PINGAS!

H.S- I COMMAND YOUZ ALL 2 SHUT DA UP. AND STAY DA EFFFFFFFFFFFFFF AWAY FROM ME YOU CRACKHEAD SAILOR

Itsuki: BOW TO MY POT MOTHERF*CKER

One cut transition scene later.

Kyon: Oh, F*cking copout.

H.S- Continuity is for pussies

Back in the classroom:

Okabe: class, today we have a new student please welcome Haruhi Suzumiya.

Haruhi: What up bitches listen up. If any of you are time traveler, aliens or ESPers please come see me.

Kyon: well this is getting to be a predictable fanfiction

Okabe: Haruhi, take your place behind Kyon over there. He's the cynical main character who everyone could give a crap on what he says but we choose to ignore him anyway!

Kyon: F*CK…YOU…ALL

Haruhi: YAOI KAWAII DESU KA! YAOI NO JUSTSU! PIKACHU MOTHERF*CKERS! CHEWBACCA SCREWED ALL YO MOMMAS WITH ME ON TOPPA DA BITCH!

Kyon:….did she just say "Die Wheaton die?" in Klingon?

Haruhi: YOU SPEAK SPOCKIAN! JOO AN ALIEN!

Kyon: Great, another Trekkie, I swear H.S must have a hard on for crack fanfiction.

H.S: No, I have a hard on for the Internet in general

Haruhi: So anything interesting happen here?

Suddenly, Itsuki crashed through the window riding a pissed Charlie the unicorn on a rainbow while waving his lunar wand around with his PINGAS hanging out while he was eating spaghetti stolen from pesky plumbers.

Itsuki: well, we masturbated for money today.

Haruhi: YAOI FTW mother*ckerz!

As she smiled a smile that would make a grown man high and Itsuki higher than he already was, babies started to cry and the author chewed on ice while he asked himself "why the crap am I typing this at 3 in the morning?"

A few hours later:

A happy Taniguchi came back after being slapped by an unknown character's breasts and Kunikida came back from being a background minor character to meet the strange newcomer. Upon witness Taniguchi immediately ran up to her and asked:

"MAY I TOUCH YOUR ASS WHILE I PICK IT FOR SKIN SAMPLES AND TAPE IT TO MY PILLOW WHILE I MASTURBATE?"

Haruhi:…I'm bored, I'm gonna make a club so I can be an obnoxious bitch.

So she turned to Kyon and pulled his intestines out of his mouth along with a tire, crowbar and atomic powered sombreros.

Kyon: Hey I need those for my Naruto fanfiction!

Haruhi: COME MANSLAVE!

So she grabbed him by his nipple and ran, leaving Taniguchi and Kunikida to vanish into the background.

At the clubroom:

Yuki: Bitch

Yeah this chapter ends here because I'm too lazy and I'm getting tired. Read and review on my first Haruhi fanfiction and my first crack fanfiction. Remember, flames will be used to heat my instant ramen.