My shift had just ended at Newton's Outfitters, and I was in a really bad mood today. Mike had constantly tried to make 'small talk' with me during work. It couldn't be that bad, could it? Oh yes, it could. 'Nice weather we're having' isn't my ideal subject to talk about. He knows how much I hate the rain and cold.
I was putting on my jacket when I noticed Mike coming over, a sheepish grin plastered onto his face. I wish Edward was here right now, but it just had to be sunny today. I may not like the rain and cold, but I never said I didn't like the clouds.
"Hey Bella" Mike said.
"Mike."
" So um, I was wondering if you maybe would like to, uh , go see a movie with me this weekend?" he asked me, trying to give me what he thinks are 'irresistable' puppy dog eyes. Trust me, they're not.
This was the fifth time he asked me out. Today! At this point I was really fed up with him.
"NO MIKE, I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU, I WILL NEVER GO OUT WITH YOU! I LOVE EDWARD! WHAT DOES YOUR THICK HEAD NOT UNDERSTAND!!!"
...
Mike stood there, looking at me for a few seconds, before he responded
"Ok, maybe next time then" he responded, totally oblivious to what I just told him.
"UGH!!!"
I ran out to my truck and got in, making sure to slam the door for emphasis. I then drove as fast as my truck could go, I was so mad. After driving for a few minutes, (Forks isn't that big,) I pulled into my driveway. Charlie wasn't home because he was having a fishing weekend with Billy. That was good on his part, he probably wouldn't want to deal with me being so angry.
I went up to my room and buried my head in my pillow, just laying there. Then a brilliant idea formed in my devious mind. I scrambled around my room until I found a blue fountain pen and notebook to match. Flipping a few pages in, I started writing.
101 THINGS TO HIT MIKE WITH
1. dead fish
2. blender
3. angry cat
4. waffle iron
5. running chainsaw
6. Emmett's fist
7. baseball bat
8. lamp
9. Victoria
10. stop sign
11. cuckoo clock
12. washer
13. dryer
14. Edward's piano
15. hungry shark
16. brick
17. T.V.
18. bicycle
19. Tyler's van
20. microscope
21. guitar
22. Santa Claus
23. his sleigh
24. glass vase
25. couch
26. the first computer invented
27. a painting
28. fridge
29. hot stove
30. a meteor
31. old lady
32. curtain rod
33. trophy
34. his mom
35. Lauren
36. live piranha
37. knife
38. box of leeches ( AN: LOL!!!)
39. Dumbbell
40. goat
41. ladder
42. gumball machine
43. gutter
44. tree
45. scythe
46. yacht
47. elephant
48. The Stupid Shiny Volvo
49. metal chair
50. tuba
51. guy playing the tuba
52. fish tank
53. robot
54. infinite ice balls
55. hockey stick
56. basketball hoop
57. snow globe
58. recliner
59. biggest yarn ball in the world
60. T-Rex skull
61. playground slide
62. bowling ball
63. safe
64. rusty sword
65. hammer
66. train
67. whip
68. wrench
69. hatchet
70. exploding Mentos (AN: got the idea from a blog by Eshizz)
71. stink-bomb
72. paintballs
73. old 70's radio
74. dead rat
75. dresser
76. pink inflatable dolphin
77. blacksmith's iron
78. rabid squirrels
79. Mike-hating rabid squirrels
80. switched on flamethrower
81. all previous stuff at the same time
82. Wii
83. surfboard
84. his spine
85. The Thinker
86. bridge
87. The Statue of Liberty
88. turret
89. meat cleaver
90. Alice's shopping bag
91. fencepost
92. bus
93. suitcase
94. dictionary
95. toilet
96. PVC pipe
97. Yoda
98. fruitcake
99. bush
V. neon pink hair dye
101. Simon Cowell
I reread my masterpiece, laughing the whole time. I mean, really, rabid squirrels, Yoda, a tuba? I didn't think my mind was capable of these thoughts.
I heard a chuckling behind me. "Edward!"
"Hello Bella, Love. I like this list you've made. Mind if I make a copy?"
"On one condition" I replied. "You and I have to do as many things on this list as possible."
"Ok, it's a deal. I really do need some revenge for everything he's thought of you."
" So what are we waiting for!" I yelled, "let's go!!!"
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