A/N: -please ignore this rant and proceed to story- I just spent the last 4 minutes and 40 seconds crying over 3 lost documents that had taken me a week to write, including this one. And I don't mean get-on-the-ground-and-weep-oh-noes-why-God-why crying, I mean literally tears-streaming-down-my-face-cussing-at-my-comp- crying. F*cking Microsoft Word.
Here is me mourning the loss and respecting the memory of my hard work by… well. Writing some more.
Disclaimer: I am as much a owner of the Percy Jackson series as Pacman is the new Vice President of Czechoslovakia.
Percy and Annabeth had just saved the day again for some rare Native American tribe on some unlikely quest in a very secluded forest where they would be nice and alone together.. you know, with the Indians, who were now doing a celebratory tribal dance that would put an exorcism to shame.
As one Indian wearing a large Hawaiian mask that took up half his body shook his booty while doing a dance that looked suspiciously like the Macarena, Annabeth turned to Percy with large, pleading eyes.
"Can we please just get out of here?" the alarm in her tone matched the one going off in his head perfectly as one Indian approached with a wooden platter of what appeared to be small woodland creatures on a stick, and he could feel his already digested breakfast trying to make a U-turn.
"Yes. Let's." He replied. As he mused how they would escape, she seemingly read his mind, which for some reason everyone could do when it came to him, and said:
"We have to come up with a distraction to get away. " The look in her eyes was so intense that he could tell her brain would search for any excuse to get the gears turning hard and fast again, like they would in split-second life-or-death situations. He could practically hear the tiny Nazi in her brain screaming commands and planning battle strategies.
That was when a very convenient meteor struck that same exact site they were in. Perfect size: Big enough to create a diversion, small enough so that it didn't knock Earth clear off its orbit therefore ultimately destroying every living thing on the planet.
"Oh no, this mamacita ain't gonn' put up with no rock up in her crib, chica!" One short, busty female native with silver earrings the size of hula hoops snapped her cheaply manicured fingers.
"Is that.. a ghetto-chonga inbreed?" Percy exclaimed.
"I hadn't even known those existed." Annabeth marveled.
"I heard only in Miami. But this can't be Miami, this is a forest, and Miami's like a friggin' island!" Percy yelled.
"Peninsula." Annabeth corrected in a dazed tone, still fixed on the chonga Indian who was now beating the flaming rock with a curling iron.
"That's what I meant. Now come on, let's bail before they notice." He grabbed her hand and led her to the trees. Geography had never been his strong point. Scratch that, academics weren't his strong point. Not that he was stupid; ADHD was a consequence of being a demigod.
He glanced at Annabeth. She was pretty smart, even in school related things. He wondered if this was some inborn skill that all Athena's children acquired at what could only be vaguely described as 'birth'?
His train of thought derailed and crashed when suddenly, Nico materialized out of thin air.
"Nico? What're you doing here? You weren't meant to appear in this fanfiction!" Annnabeth pointed out.
"I know, but the sickening love and desire of the fangirls alone was enough to summon my very being here." He shrugged, as if he were used to this.
All of a sudden, an unknown force began to push (or pull) Nico and Percy together.
"What's happening?" Percy fought the force as hard as he could, but still was dragged forward.
"Oh my gods, I think it's the yaoi fangirls…!" Nico struggled, a very afraid and disturbed expression on his face. Percy wondered what could make the son of the lord of the dead look that way. So he demanded,
"What the hell is yaoi?"
"You're about to find out!" And as hard as they kicked and yelled and struggled, their efforts were in vain. Annabeth watched, fascinated as their faces were pulled together against their will…
-CENSORED FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR DIGNITY-
"Aww! ew! Eewww!"
"OH my gods, OH my gods- OH my gods!"
They gagged and spit and wiped their mouths, Nico turned a sickly shade of green and Percy tried sticking a finger down his throat to puke. Annabeth rolled her eyes.
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad, it was just a little pop kiss. Men and their homophobic macho pride..." She sighed.
"First of all, we're straight, maybe that has something to do with it?" Nico's muffled voice called out behind his sleeve.
"Yeah, and second of all, I was sort of hoping my first kiss would be with a girl!"Percy said from where he knelt on the ground. Nico nodded fervently at this. Neither noticed Annabeth's face reddening with anger.
"Your first kiss WAS a girl, Seaweed Brain. Me, Battle of the Labyrinth, hello?!" She didn't look very happy at that. Percy paled.
"Oh. Right." How could he forget? In the midst of trying to make a point, he supposed.
"Well, it was a long time ago, and I didn't forget, it's just hard to remember what it felt like-" He babbled on with excuses, Annabeth just looking angrier and angrier, until she cut him off by grabbing him by the shirt collar and kissing him.
It was kind of awkward, what with the flaming Indians running around screaming, Nico now heaving his lunch behind a tree (which by the way had been McDonalds and a coke). Then he closed his eyes and tried tuning out everything else, and it helped. He was now determined to prove to her he can have a memorable kiss, so he pulled her down with him.
Nico peeked over his shoulder to check if it was safe. He found that it was not, and whipped his head back so quick he heard something snap in his neck.
Rachel popped into existence right by him.
"Why were you brought here?" Nico looked up at the paint-covered redhead.
"I think they want us to end up together, seeing as we're one of the only options of single characters left without having to bring in an absolutely annoying Mary-Sue." She explained, dusting off her torn-up jeans.
"But.. aren't you destined to become new oracle of Delphi or something for the last book?"
"They don't care."
"Oh." He shook his head in shame. Crazy ass fangirls.
They stood in silence for a moment.
"Soooo… I guess this should be the end of this fic." Nico suggested.
"I concur."
"Wait, there is still one more thing!" A voice from the heavens interrupted in 3rd person narration.
Rachel leaned up and kissed Nico.
"Blech, you taste like barf!"
"Okay, now it's done."
There it is. Every single word I've had to rewrite.
If you support the Percabeth Revolution, write an anti-lovey-dovey-Percabeth or anti-Nico/OC fic or etc, with the title The Percabeth Revolution and then name of your fic. Like mine is The Percabeth Revolution: Dancing Chonga Indians. And then, in your author's notes, copy and paste these instructions. I am a proud supporter of The Percabeth Revolution. You can be, too!
Just in case you don't know what a chonga is, its an infestation of ghetto Hispanic women with dollar-store preppy style who take advantage of their bilingual-ness and speak Spanglish, here in Miami. Ugh. Son insoportable.
R&R!
~Yasu