The Platinum Rule
Barney swirled the cubes of ice around in the bottom of his tumbler and looked at them forlornly.
"Go get another drink, buddy?" Marshall suggested, as he and Ted were only half way through their beers.
Ted chuckled. "He won't."
"Why?" Marshall asked, eyeing Barney curiously.
Ted smiled. "He's scared of going up to the bar."
Barney spluttered, "Am not!", and clumsily unbuttoned his shirt collar, loosening his tie like it was choking him.
"Are too!" Ted replied with a laugh, thumbing over his shoulder in the direction of the bar. Marshall looked up, eyebrows raised when he saw Karina, the new bartender, with Wendy the waitress, deep in conversation.
"Oh!" Marshall drawled with a smile. "Oh, I get it."
Barney gulped and hunched into his seat, trying to make himself look smaller but only succeeding in drawing attention to himself. "Are they looking over?" He hissed. "Are they looking over?"
Ted shook his head. "Dude, you know you broke the Platinum Rule. Again. You just have to man up."
"You broke the platinum rule!" Barney blurted pointing a rather shaky but accusing finger. "You dated a student!"
Ted just laughed. "Totally different, man. I didn't sleep with her, and I don't hold anything against her." Marshall nodded along.
"Barney," The larger man said, "Haven't you learned your lesson yet? Really? What did you expect to happen? Can you really only see to the end of your dick?"
Ted nodded. "Hooking up with Karina was always gonna bring you trouble, dude."
Barney grimaced. "Yeah, right. Look, we need to get another bar. The girls said we should get another bar." He began to jiggle in his seat. "Let's find another bar! C'mon, it'll be fun. And it's not like MacLaren's is even that convenient now that Lily and Marshall live across town."
Both Ted and Marshall crossed their arms and shook their heads.
"Looks like you're gonna have to deal with the double fury of hell, man," Marshall said with a smug grin. "Those are two women you've screwed over, and they look pissed."
The door opened, and Robin walked into the bar, stopping to talk to Wendy and Karina.
"Correction," Marshall said. "Make that three."
Barney groaned and sank beneath the table.
*--*--*
It occurred to Robin as she awkwardly ordered her drink from the new bartender, that she was talking to two other women who'd had sex with Barney Stinson.
Who had been nailed by Barney Stinson.
Who had been inside the Fortress, on a sex visa.
Who had seen his "O-face".
Who had slid their fingers over his firm ass while he drove into them like-
Robin gulped. Okay. Okay, that line of thinking was never gonna lead anywhere healthy.
"That'll be seven dollars, Robin," Karina snapped, in a tone that idicated she'd already asked for the money a couple of times.
Wendy sighed, looking over in the direction of the booth.
"So, do you think we're freaking him out yet?" Karina said, with a brisk nod of her head.
Wendy smiled a secret smile. "Trust me, we really are."
Robin turned around to follow Wendy's gaze, giving the guys a little wave. "Where is Barney anyways?"
Wendy laughed. "Would you believe he's actually hiding under the table?"
"Jesus!" Karina said with disgust. "What a douche."
Robin shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah."
"And yet you dated him?" Karina asked, with a momentary flicker of interest that was almost immediately masked by an angry glare. "Like, really dated him?"
Robin grinned. "What can I say? He's great in bed."
As Barney's blonde head re-emerged from below the back of the booth, all three women sighed.
"You think we should hand back our memberships to Club Feminism?" Wendy asked.
Robin snorted at that and gave the girl an awkward fist-bump. That was another (in an increasingly long line of things) that she kind of missed about hanging out with Barney. She had no one to fist-bump or high-five anymore.
Karina shrugged, taking another order from a guy who was blatantly ogling her chest. "'That's part of the job description for me right now."
Robin thought back to her morning show, and a heated argument with Don about her top not revealing enough cleavage. "Yeah, I hear ya."
Wendy shrugged. "You just have to know how to play the game." She said, then she smiled a sweet smile and sashayed her way towards the booth.
Robin's fingers curled around her glass of wine, playing over the stem. "So Barney... are you gonna spit in his food now, or what?" She asked Karina. She couldn't help but allow a trace of bitterness to creep into her voice. There was no way this scrawny chick was hotter than her!
Karina rolled her eyes. "Nah, just tell all the girls in the bar that he has genital herpes."
Robin laughed, remembering the other day, and his obscene list of the professions of girls he'd slept with. "Nice," she said. Then with a sly grin, she continued, "You know, that's probably true."
Karina shuddered. "Ew," she said.
"Hey, you hit that," Robin reminded her with a wicked glint in her eye.
Karina gave her a cold look and then disappeared down the other end of the bar, taking the attention of most of the hot guys with her.
Robin cursed under her breath and made her way back to the booth. On the way, she stopped Wendy and whispered in her ear "That bitch gotta go, Wends."
Wendy smiled her butter-wouldn't-melt smile and nodded. "I'll talk to Carl," she said, giving Robin's hand a squeeze.
Robin sat down at the booth, next to Barney, noticing him flinch. Marshall and Ted began telling her about Barney's renewed paranoia and she took it all in with an enigmatic smile. When she glanced over at the bar, Wendy gave her a subtle nod.
Ah, it was good to have friends.