Even as he showed harry the image of the crumbling order, Sirius' heart was aching. No doubt Harry though Sirius was always a womanizer, flitting from woman to woman in the blink of an eye. He used to be, before his girl came along.
Sirius felt guilty. Surely he should be able to talk to Harry, his godson- everything Sirius had (apart from memories), about his love. If he couldn't tell Harry about her, then did that mean he didn't love harry? Or did it mean he didn't love her?
Sirius' life had been a moral maze for 14 years, even now, there was a hole in his chest where she had been. 14 years ago, Sirius' everything, his girl, his one true love had been taken from him.
"That's Marlene McKinnon, her entire family was killed, two weeks after this was taken," he said softly, his voice managing to change only a mililtone, even Harry couldn't notice. 14 years had roughened Sirius up, but he still told himself it was for the best.
Marlene is gone. You can't save her now. Nor can you love a memory.
He watched harry walk away. He had to protect him. After all, Sirius' godson was all he had left.
*Fighting in the Ministry*
Sirius apparated into the ministry, he saw harry fighting desperately.
James...
No, he was gone. Another one gone. Not a single day went past when he didn't think of his late best friend.
Subconsciously, Sirius threw curse after curse. Then he came face to face with his cousin. Every time Sirius tied not to acknowledge that she was his cousin, and of what she'd done. Lily always said the first stage of depression is denial...
Lily...
Sweet, caring Lily, who was like a gentle sister to him? She was dead too. All Sirius could do was remembering her advice: No denial.
Bellatrix Lestrange killed my Marlene. My fiancée.
Sirius duelled her for a long time. Everywhere hurt: His Back, his arms, his legs, his head... His heart.
James
Lily
Alice
Frank
Emmeline
Mary
...
Marlene...
Who was there to live for?
Harry.
Remus had tonks.
Harry had his friends.
But Sirius didn't.
He wanted his Friends,
He wanted his Marlene...
Meeting her
Kissing her
Laughing with her
Loving her
Sleeping with her
Proposing to her
Weeping to her lifeless body.
Sirius knew what to do.
"Avada Kedavra!"
At the last second, Sirius turned his wand on himself.
He saw Bellatrix's eyes widen, realizing what happened.
He saw the pain on Harry's face as he yelled out.
Last of all, he saw Marlene, behind a translucent veil.
"Come, Sirius," She said.
And Sirius laughed. He was happy again.