A/N: Story was inspired by an old Vampire Hunter D fic that's no longer up on this site.

Warning: Some sexual contents and swearing with some OOC-ness. The humor in this story is also somewhat old-school (since it's, you know, written in the mid-2000's) and a bit 'out there,' which, funny enough, is the point of this one-shot... in other words, this fic is not meant to be taken seriously, it's all for random fun.

Enjoy regardless.

"Hi this is Sub-Zero aka Grandmaster, aka Lin Kuei, aka Ice Ninja, aka Frost's bitch…at least that's what she likes to think. I'm not at the temple right now so just leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Oh yeah, do that after the beep."

Beep

"Hey Sub, it's Scorpion! I shall have my revenge on you! You shall die! You stole my keg of beer dammit!"

Beep

"It's Sareena, remember me? You stood me up on our last date! Anyway, do you have Shinnok's amulet? Call me back."

Beep

"Yo it's Jax, where the hell have ya been man? We were fightin' them Outworld gangstas and you weren't around! Dammit man, I thought you were my friend!"

Beep

"Hi, it's Sonya, don't mind Jax, I think he forgot you were away for the day. Is Frost with you? Hehe..."

Beep

"It's Kenshi. I found out who's stalking you. His name's Hotaru and he stole my katana! Wait a minute, how did I dial your number to begin with?"

Beep

"Dude, it's Smoke. I found a pink thong in my den...and it wasn't here yesterday...and you were here yesterday...what are you smoking? Even Frost doesn't wear pink!"

Beep

"This is your br - I mean, this is Noob Saibot. Where's that Playboy magazine you borrowed from me last week?"

Beep

"Sub-Zero? Who names their kid Sub-Zero? Any who, I dialed the wrong number, I was looking for the number to the Proctologist."

Beep

"Sub-Zero! This is Raiden and it is urgent! We must travel to the most notorious, evil place in all the realms! We must travel to... the DMV! We must renew our drivers licenses! The fate of the realms hang in the balance!"

Beep

"Voldo speaking. Why weren't you at the club last night? ...wait a minute, wrong game! And why am I talking?"

Beep

"It's Scorpion again! I forgot to say another thing! Wh, where were you man? We were supposed to meet at the sports bar. Dammit man, you were supposed to pay for the dinner! Dammit, I'll get my revenge! I'll kill you for leaving me the paychecks! ARHGHGHGHGHGH!"

Beep

"It's Kenshi again, I could use your help right now. Hotaru just stole your phone number...oh wait, that means you're screwed. Now to just get my katana back!"

Beep

"This is Hotaru...haha, I got your number! Now I can harass you all I want because I hate you and you're Frost's bitch! Ha, ha, ha! Oh yeah, I have your blind friend's katana too! Ha, ha, ha!"

Beep

"This is Quan-Chi, where is the amulet! I must have it so I can finally reach my life-long dream to be a ballerina and wear my pink tutu on stage!"

Beep

"Hey Subbie, it's Frosty." (In seductive voice) "I saw your message on my door this morning. You wanted to see my privates? Eh! No wait! I mean, ehhhh, you wanted to see me in private?"

Beep

"It's Kitana, long time no talk. Last time we saw each other, you were my bitch!"

Beep

"This is Kenshi's katana. Could you kinda try to save me now? The sooner, the better!"

Beep

"Frost again. Hey Sub, what's this I heard about you and Kitana? That better be a rumor! Your balls belong to ME!" (slams the phone down)

Beep

"It's Sareena again. Nevermind I found the amulet...by looking at it, I don't think I want to know what Shinnok did to it..."

Beep

"This is the WI Inc. aka Weapon Inspection. We've been getting reports about you abusing your kori blade and we would like to make an appointment with you."

Beep

"Hotaru again. I almost forgot to tell you, I've been secretly abusing your kori blade. Ha, ha, ha!"

Beep

"Noob once again...I AM YOUR BROTHER! HAHAHAHA! (cough!)"

Beep

"It's Scorpion again. Eh, sorry, it was actually Quan-Chi who did all that. You know, I get you two confused now since you're both pale as hell... and bald... almost on your part in your Deception alternate costume..."

Beep

"This is your lawyer concerning about your needs to sue Johnny Cage for his false portrayal of your character in his latest movie. Just gimme a call back at 555-1111."

Beep

"This is your medallion. How could leave me behind like that! I thought I was special! Well screw you anyways, you weren't THAT great of a Grandmaster!"

Beep