Disclaimer; I am very very very sad to say this but Lidee does not own the House of Night series. The Cast's.

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

-The Only Exception, Paramore

Take Me For Who I Am - Chapter 1

Zoey's POV

Unlike when Stevie Rae had been dying, I didn't have even an instant of numbness or hesitation.

"No!" I screamed, running over to Erik and falling to my knees beside him. He was on his hands and knees, groaning in pain, with his head almost touching the floor. I couldn't see his face, but I could see that sweat – or maybe even blood, though I didn't smell it yet – was already soaking his shirt. I knew what would follow: Blood would gush from his eyes, nose, mouth, and he would literally drown in his own fluids. And, yes, it would be as horrible as it sounded. Nothing could stop it. Nothing could change it. All I could do was be there for him and hope that somehow he became like Stevie Rae and managed to retain some kind of hold on his humanity.

I put my hand on his trembling shoulder. Heat radiated through his shirt, as if his body was burning from the inside. I looked around frantically for help. As always, Damien was there when I needed him.

"Get towels and Neferet," I said. Damien took off with Jack on his heels.

I turned back to Erik, but before I could pull him into my arms, Aphrodite's voice cut through the noise of his moans and the sounds of the frightened, watching crowd of kids.

"Zoey, he's not dying." I looked up at her, not really getting what she was saying. She grabbed my arm and pulled me away from Erik. I started to struggle, but her next words got through to me and made me freeze.

"Listen to me! He's not dying. He's changing."

Suddenly Erik screamed, his body curling in on itself as if something inside his chest was trying to claw its way free. His hands were pressed against his face. He was still trembling violently. Clearly, he was in pain and something big was happening to him. But there was absolutely no blood.

Aphrodite was right. Erik was changing into an adult vampire.

Jack rushed up to me and thrust several towels into my hands. I looked up at him. The kid was bawling so hard he was snotting on himself. I stood up and hugged him.

"He's not dying. He's changing." My voice sounded weird – hoarse and strained – as I repeated Aphrodite's words.

Then Neferet burst into the room with Damien and several of the warriors following close behind her. She ran over to Erik. I watched her face closely, and felt a dizzying rush of relief as her tense, worried expression changed instantly to one of joy. Neferet dropped gracefully to the floor beside him. Murmuring something so softly that I couldn't catch the words, she gently touched his shoulder. His body jerked violently once, and then he began to relax. His awful trembling stopped, and so did his scary, painful moaning. Slowly, Erik's body unwrapped from around itself and he pulled himself to his hands and knees. His head was still bent down toward the floor, so I couldn't see his face.

Neferet whispered something else to him and he nodded in response. Then she stood and turned to us. Her smile was amazing, completely filled with joy and almost blindingly beautiful.

"Rejoice fledglings! Erik Night has completed the change. Arise, Erik, and follow me for your purification ritual and the beginning of your new life!"

Erik stood up and raised his head. I gasped along with everyone else. His face was luminous. It seemed someone had turned a switch on inside of him. He'd been handsome before, but now everything was intensified. His eyes were bluer, his thick hair was wild and black and dangerous, he even appeared taller. And his Mark had been completed. The sapphire crescent was filled in. And framing his eyes, along his brows and over his well-defined cheekbones, was a stunning pattern of interlocking knots that formed the shape of a mask, reminding me instantly of Professor Nolan's beautiful mark. I felt dizzy with the rightness of it.

Erik's gaze touched mine for a moment. His full lips tilted up and he smiled a special smile just for me. I thought my heart would burst. Then he raised his arms over his head and cried out in a voice filled with power and pure joy, "I've changed!"

All the kids started to cheer, though no one except Neferet and the vamps actually approached him. Then he left the rec hall with them on a tide of excitement and noise.

I just stood there. I felt numb and shocked and more than a little sick.

"They'll take him to be anointed into the service of the Goddess," Aphrodite said. She was still standing beside me and her voice sounded as bleak as I suddenly felt.

"Fledglings don't know exactly what happens during the anointing. It's a big vamp secret, and they're not allowed to tell." She shrugged, "Whatever. Guess we'll find out some day."

"Or we die," I said through numb lips.

"Or we die," She agreed. Then she looked at me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine," I said automatically.

"Hey, Z! Was that cool or what?" Jack said.

"Man, it was incredible. I'm still reeling!" Damien fanned himself and his large vocabulary.

"Oh, baby! Now Erik Night joins the other vamp hotties like Brandon Routh, Josh Hartnett, and Jake Gyllenhaal."

"And Loren Blake, Twin. Do not leave his hottiness out," Erin said.

"Wouldn't think of it, Twin," Shaunee said.

"It is totally cool that Z's boyfriend is a vamp. I mean, a real one," Jack said.

Damien took a deep breath to say something and then shut his mouth and looked uncomfortable.

"What?" I said.

"Well, it's just that...uh...well..." He hesitated.

"God, what is it? Just spit it out!" I snapped.

He flinched at my tone, making me feel like a jerk, but answered me.

"Well, I don't know much about it, but once a fledgling goes through the change he leaves the House of Night and starts his life as a full-grown vampire."

"Zoey's boyfriend is gonna leave?" Jack said.

"Long-distance relationship, Z," Erin said quickly.

"Yeah, you two will work it out. Easy-peasy," Shaunee said.

I looked from the twins to Damien to Jack, and finally at Aphrodite.

"Sucks," she said, "At least for you." Aphrodite raised her brows and shrugged, "Makes me glad he dumped me." Then she tossed back her hair and headed toward the food that was set out in the other room.

"If we can't call her a hag from hell, can we call her a bitch?" Shaunee asked.

"Hateful bitch would be my choice, Twin," Erin said.

"Well, she's wrong," Damien said stubbornly, "Erik's still your boyfriend, even if he's off doing vamp stuff."

They were all staring at me, so I tried to smile at them.

"Yeah, I know. It's okay. It's just – just a lot to take in, that's all. Let's get something to eat." Before they could do any more comforting, I strode off toward the food with them trailing after me like baby ducks.

It seemed like it took forever for the Dark Daughters and Sons to eat and then clear out, but when I looked at the clock I realized that they had actually eaten quickly and were leaving early. There had been a lot of excited talk about Erik, and I'd nodded and made noises in semi-appropriate response, trying to hide how numb and wrong I felt. I suppose everyone taking off early was proof of what a crappy job I did of it. Finally I realized the only kids left were Jack and Damien and the twins. They were quietly throwing away the left-overs and bagging up the trash.

"Uh, guys, I'll get that," I said.

"We're just about done, Z," Damien said, "Really all that's left is to put away the stuff on Nyx's table in the middle of the circle."

"I'll do that," I said, trying (unsuccessfully by the looks on their faces) to be nonchalant.

"Z, is everything-"

I held up my hand to cut off Damien, "I'm tired. I'm kinda freaked about Erik. And, honestly, I need some alone time." I hadn't wanted to sound so totally bitchy, but I was getting beyond the point where I could keep the happy look plastered on my face and continue pretending that I wasn't shaking all over inside. And I absolutely would rather have my friends think I was PMS-ing than that I was ready to totally fall apart. High priestesses in training didn't fall apart. They handled things. I really really really didn't want them to know that I was so not handling things.

"Guys, could you just give me awhile. Please?"

"No problem," The twins said together, "Later, Z."

"All right. I'll, uh, see you later, too," Damien said.

"Bye, Z," Jack said.

I waited till the door closed behind them before I walked slowly into the side room that was used as a dance studio and yoga room. It had a bunch of soft mats stacked in the corner and I sank down on them. My hands were shaking when I pulled my cell phone out of the pocket in my dress.

Are U ok?

I keyed in the short text message and then sent it to the disposable cell phone I'd bought Stevie Rae. It felt like an eternity before she answered.

Im ok

Hang on I replied.

Hurry She texted back.

Will do

I closed my phone, leaned against the wall, and, feeling like the whole world was pressing down on my shoulders, I burst into sobbing, snotty tears.

I cried and shook and shook and cried while I hugged my legs hard to my chest and rocked back and forth. I knew what was wrong with me. It surprised me that no-one else, not one of my friends, figured it out.

I'd thought Erik was dying, and it had brought back the night Stevie Rae had died in my arms. It was as if it was happening all over again – the blood, the sadness, the horror. It had completely blind sided me. I mean, I'd thought I was over what had happened to Stevie Rae. After all, she wasn't really dead.

I'd just been fooling myself.

I'd been bawling so hard that I didn't know he was there until he touched my shoulder. I looked up, wiping tears from my eyes, trying to think of something reassuring to say to whatever friend had come back for me.

"I could feel that you needed me," Loren said.

I looked up, unsure of what I was hearing and now, seeing. But yes, Loren Blake was standing right in front of me. His face was full of compassion and love, but why me? Didn't I have enough crap in my life and now Loren had to go and make it worse by making me fall for him. I already loved Erik, why wasn't he enough?

"When Erik changed, you thought he was dying, didn't you?" Loren spoke softly, and for a brief second I couldn't believe that I had doubted his love for me. Then I looked into his eyes.

Loren's beautiful, warm brown eyes.

"Come here, love." Loren held out his arms for me to crawl into. But I didn't. This was his fault, all his fault. If he hadn't have made me love him then I wouldn't be so upset about Erik maybe dying. I knew that he might have come back like Stevie Rae.

Oh, how I wish Stevie Rae was here right now. Here to comfort me and tell me it would all be okay and that she was here for me.

I stood up, tears falling down my face like a waterfall. I pushed Loren hard in the chest, causing him to stumble backwards while broken sobs choked out of my mouth.

"It's your fault." I started by whispering, but just kept repeating it again and again, louder and louder.

"Love, what's the matter?" I gasped as I saw the truth on his face. And my thought was proved right when Neferet came into the hall, her eyes narrowed.

"What is with all the noise, I told you to be quiet!" Neferet hissed, staring at Loren accusingly and then blinking confused when she saw me fuming at them both.

It had all been lies.

I could see the adoration in Loren's eyes as he looked at Neferet, and then thinking back to when he looked at me, when I was convinced him loved me, it was all lies.

I just had been kidding myself. Loren had never loved me, it was obvious by the way he leered at Neferet.

"You lied! This was all mistakes and lies, you never loved me!" I choked out, gasps escaping from my mouth every few seconds just before I ran of the rec hall. Leaving my love for Loren; behind with him.

By the time I had reached the old oak, I was breathing heavily after how fast I had been running. I didn't know who's arms I fell into at the time, but they were strong and loving.

Those arms were loving.

As soon as I recognized the arms of the beautiful vampire, I lifted my head up and kissed him with all I had.

I needed him to make me forget. Forget all that had happened. Loren, Stevie Rae, Heath. I knew this man loved me. It was so obvious, I didn't see how I couldn't have noticed it before.

"I love you!" I sobbed, hugging him tighter and tighter against me. I didn't care that I would have hell when he found out about me and Loren. I didn't care that he would be moving away soon enough. I didn't care that he hadn't said I love you, back. All I cared about was him.

He was everything to me now, and always would be.

"I love you more." Erik rested his cheek against my head, and stroked my hair comfortingly. I breathed out the breath I hadn't realised I had been holding when he replied.

Tighter, I held him. Tighter and tighter. I never wanted to let him go...but I had to.

"Goodbye." I whispered heart-brokenly, a fresh set of tears leaking down my wet cheeks. I couldn't stay with him now, I didn't deserve him. I had cheated on him and...it was all lies.

Leaving now would be better. He wouldn't have to find out what had happened, it would kill him. Erik just assumed that I meant him leaving to join the other vampires. I let him think that.

We held each other all through the night. Neither of us loosening our grip, just holding each other.

I know the very big first part was mostly from the end of Chosen but I didn't to remind everyone about what happened before I started writing my part.

Even though this story is a Zoey/Erik, and it will be mostly, it's also about what happens when Stark arrives and does Loren still die, etc. etc.

Hope you enjoyed my first chapter :)

I liked it but only because I was listening to music, and that makes all stories good for me (when I listen to music)

Review and I'll love you forever and ever? :) x