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I PROMISE
Elle Emina
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It's been a month since you left me.
Do you know how much I miss you? I guess you have no idea… well, I miss you so much and I can't stand it any longer.
Why did you have to leave me?
We were so happy… so in love.
But you just have to go and ruin everything…
--Six months ago--
Natsume Hyuuga was busy preparing dinner for his girlfriend in his apartment. He was already done cooking the meals and now he was just arranging the table.
This is going to be a special night for them.
Because tonight, he plans on proposing to Mikan Sakura.
They've been together since high school. Their relationship can be compared to a roller coaster- but it has more ups than downs. They may always fight and argue with each other but they always kiss and make up later. They love each other very much and now that they are both twenty five years old, Natsume wants to settle down with her. He wants to spend the rest of his life with Mikan and he can't imagine her with another man but him.
A minute later, he heard the front door of his apartment opened. It must be Mikan.
"Natsume?" He heard Mikan called his name from the living room.
Natsume rechecked everything on the table to make sure everything is in order then he went to the living room.
He saw his Mikan putting down her handbag on the couch. She was wearing a white frilly dress with little designs.
She looks lovely like an angel.
Natsume swiftly walked to her and then while standing from behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist. He leaned his face on her nape and snuggled her hair. God. She smelled so wonderful.
He heard Mikan giggled.
"Natsume…"
"I missed you"
"I missed you, too. I'm sorry I couldn't get here earlier to help you with dinner. Hotaru was dragging me everywhere."
"Hm. It's okay"
He spun Mikan around so they can be face to face. Natsume immediately noticed that her face looked a little pale.
"Are you okay? You look pale" Natsume said worriedly as he felt her forehead with his hand to check if she's hot. She feels just right.
"I'm okay, just a little tired" Mikan said, smiling, but he noticed that she avoided his gaze.
She must be really tired. Imai must have used up all her energy.
"Okay then. Let's go have dinner so you can gain your energy back. You're gonna need it tonight." He said, teasing her.
Mikan blushed.
"Natsume!"
Natsume just laughed then took her hand and pulled her to the dining room. He heard Mikan gasped when she saw the table arrangement and the flowers and candles. He knew he had done a great job for making a romantic ambiance.
"What did you do? You hired a caterer for this?" Mikan said, still surprised, as she checked and looked around the room.
Natsume couldn't help laughing.
"I did all these, you baka."
Natsume saw Mikan smiled but he thought that there was something sad in her smile.
"I didn't know Natsume Hyuuga could be this romantic" She said gently.
"Now you do." Then he pulled a chair for her to seat down.
They started eating dinner and Natsume could tell that Mikan liked the meals he prepared. She kept talking about everything that happened to her that day while he listened to her.
Natsume was looking for the perfect moment to propose to her. Everything was in order, all he had to do is pop the question.
When Mikan was already eating her dessert, Natsume sneakily took a small velvet box from his pocket. He stood up from his chair and went to Mikan's side.
"Natsume? Something wrong?" Mikan asked when he went to her.
Natsume didn't answer her but instead he knelt on the floor beside her. Mikan's eyes widened when she finally realized what was going to happen.
"I love you, Mikan. I want to spend forever with you. Marry me." Natsume said but he knew it sounded more of a command than a question. He opened the box which revealed a diamond ring that he bought a week ago.
Mikan was speechless for a moment. Her already pale face got paler.
"Mikan?" Natsume was starting to feel anxious.
Mikan then opened her lips to talk.
"I… I can't marry you. I'm s-sorry, Natsume… I just can't." Her voice was quavering and he could see tears starting to form in her eyes, then Mikan stood up from her seat and ran out of the room.
Natsume was stunned. He was still kneeling on the floor. What did just happen?
Then he heard the slamming of the door from the living room. Mikan already left.
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Natsume was angry. No, he was furious.
When he heard the front door slammed, he tried to ran after her but when he got out of his apartment, she was already gone.
He went back to his apartment and called Mikan's cell phone but she wasn't answering his call.
He was furious but he was also confused. Why did she reject his proposal? He thought she loved him? Did she just realize that she no longer wants to be with him? Or did she fall for another guy?
Just the thought of Mikan falling for another guy makes Natsume's mind go wild. He could never accept that. He would never let her go. He will fight for her till death. How could he not? Mikan is his life.
Mikan was still not answering his calls. Natsume decided to call Ruka.
Ruka answered after two rings.
"Hey, Natsume, what's up? How did it go with Mikan?" Ruka knew that he was going to propose tonight. Natsume told him but asked not to tell Ruka's girlfriend, Hotaru Imai, to be sure that Mikan won't know.
"She left. She said no. Where is Imai? I need to talk to her!" Natsume's voice was full of rage. If anybody knows Mikan better other than him, it would be her best friend Imai.
"What?! What are you saying? Mikan said no?!" Ruka's voice was incredulous.
"Yes! Where is Imai? I need to talk to her! I need to know if Mikan is seeing another guy!" Just saying it out loud makes Natsume's heart burst.
"She's here in my place… but how could you say Mikan's seeing another guy? That's absurd! She's so in love with you!" Ruka said, not believing the possibility of Mikan in love with someone else other than Natsume.
"I don't know, okay? I'm going there. Wait for me. Don't let Imai go anywhere." Then he ended the call without waiting for Ruka to say anything back.
Natsume drove off to Ruka's place and in just fifteen minutes, he was already there.
He slammed the door open.
Ruka and Imai stood up from the couch when they saw him. He knows his face was so red from anger.
When Natsume saw Imai, he went to her quickly.
"Is Mikan seeing another guy?" He asked, his voice was shaky from pain and anger.
"Hyuuga… No. Mikan's not seeing anyone. She loves you, you know that…" Imai said but Natsume could see in her face that she was trying to hide something.
"Then why did she leave me?! She said no when I asked her to marry me!" Natsume was already shouting.
"Natsume, you… you have to listen to Hotaru, she has s-something to say about Mikan…" Natsume heard Ruka say but he sounded reluctant.
"What is it?" He turned again to Imai. His face still red and he's breathing heavily.
"Mikan… Mikan is s-sick, Hyuuga." Imai could not look at his face when she said it.
"Yes, she's sick! You tired her for dragging her all day! What has that got to do with her leaving me?!"
"You don't get it! Mikan is sick! She has leukemia! She's dying, Natsume…" Then he saw a tear streamed down on Imai's cheek.
Natsume felt everything around him went still. He could not see nor hear anything for a moment other than Imai's words.
She's dying, Natsume…
That can't be right.
Imai's lying.
She's not telling the truth. How could his sweet, beautiful, lively Mikan could be dying? That's not the truth at all. It just can't be.
"Natsume…" He heard Ruka's worried voice.
Natsume looked at Imai again.
"You're lying…" He said in a low voice.
"Natsume, Hotaru's not lying… Mikan is sick—"
"Shut up! Just tell me where Mikan is! Imai! Where is Mikan?! I don't want to hear your crap!"
"She's sick, Natsume! She just learned about her cancer two weeks ago when she suddenly collapsed at my house! We went to the doctor together to have her checked up and she was diagnosed with leukemia… She didn't want to tell you… She doesn't want you to get hurt. You don't know how it's been hard for h-her these past few weeks… W-We consulted other doctors and they all have the same diagnosis. Earlier, we went to the hospital and asked for treatment but they said her case is already h-hard to c-cure…"
Natsume can't believe what he was hearing. His face was blank. He wants Imai to stop telling this absurd lies…
"The d-doctors said that she only has t-three months to l-live, four to f-five if she'll get treatment…"
Hotaru kept talking. Natsume could hear Imai's voice shaking. She was already crying while speaking. Imai never cried. So she must be telling the truth…
"Mikan doesn't know if she would still get those treatments… she said if she'll live longer, it would just be harder and more p-painful… I know why she said n-no to your proposal… she knows she'll just hurt you because she knows she would just have to l-leave you s-sooner or l-later…"
Natsume realized that tears were already falling from his eyes. He turned to look at Imai and Ruka. His vision was blurred by his tears. He tried to wipe the tears from his eyes.
Ruka was comforting Imai who was now crying uncontrollably in Ruka's arm.
So everything Imai said is true…
"Do you know about this?" He asked Ruka.
"Just after you called, Hotaru told me…" Ruka's voice was full of agony.
Natsume stood there with them for a moment. His mind could not process everything Imai just said. How could he be so stupid? So ignorant?
He just noticed now that these past few days, Mikan gets tired easily. And there was this one time when he was teasing her, he was tickling her waist and he accidentally bumped her shoulder and even though it wasn't really that hard, he heard Mikan gasped from pain. He stopped tickling her then asked if she was hurt and she just said that she was just faking so he would stop tickling her. How could he be so stupid to believe her?
He has to see Mikan.
He doesn't know what to tell her now that he knows about her sickness. All he knows is that he has to be with her. She must be alone and scared right now…
Natsume went out of the house. He ignored when Ruka called out to him.
He drove off to Mikan's place but she wasn't there. Where could she be? It's already dark…
And then a certain place came to his mind.
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"You baka…"
Natsume saw Mikan sitting under a big Sakura tree at the park. She was alone and crying by herself. Natsume was sure he was gonna find her there. Mikan likes going to that Sakura tree whenever she's upset about something.
Mikan looked up at him and was surprised to see him.
"N-Natsume…" Mikan's eyes widened.
"You baka! Don't you know how worried I was while looking for you?! It's already dark and you still chose to come here! What if some pervert sees you then attacked you?! What will you do?! You don't even know how to defend yourself from a cat let alone a man!"
Mikan cried harder then stood up from the ground. She ran to Natsume and hugged him tightly. Natsume wrapped his arms around her, trying hard not to cry.
"Natsume! I'm so sorry! I want to marry you… but I just can't. But I love you! I love you very much! You know how much I love you, don't you?" Mikan said while sobbing.
Natsume pressed his face on her neck. He was rubbing her back to calm her down.
How could life be so unfair?
Why does it have to be his Mikan?
"Yes, I know… I love you, too… so much." Natsume could not stop a tear from falling. He hugged her tighter but not too tightly so not to hurt her.
"And I would do anything for you. Anything! I just can't marry you… because I don't want to hurt you…"
Natsume couldn't control himself anymore. Tears keep falling. They just won't stop from falling. He was crying again.
"Natsume… I'm s-sick…" Mikan said in a strained voice.
Natsume didn't say anything. He was crying hard now, like a child, while hugging Mikan. He never cried so much in his life.
Mikan felt Natsume's shoulders were shaking.
"Natsume…"
"Please… Don't l-leave me…"
He was in pure agony.
But you still left me.
You left me, Mikan…
Do you remember when we both went to the doctor together for your treatment? At first you didn't want because you said it will be just harder for me. Why do you always have to think of me first before you think of yourself?
But I told you I don't care. I don't care if it will be hard for me. I just want you to be cured. Then you finally agreed to seek treatment.
When we got to the hospital, the doctor said there was no cure for you. That even if you get treatment, it will only extend your life but not totally cure you. And he said that you only have three to five months to live.
I wanted to kill that bastard at that moment. But you were there. You stopped me from punching him. Why do you have to be so kind? That bastard deserved to die. How dare he put a contract on your life? He's not God.
And God.
I want to blame Him, too.
How could He do this to you? To me? You don't deserve to die young… You're so kind and pure. I think God envied me because I have you so He decided to take you away from me. Or maybe because He lacked angels in heaven and He needed another one and He chose you…
I wanted to tell God that if He was planning to take you away from me all along, he should've taken me first. But hell, I know I don't deserve to be in heaven. I'm nothing like you, Mikan, because you were perfect.
Do you remember when I asked you to marry me again? You were speechless for the second time then you tried to reason out with me that I'll just get hurt in the end. But I didn't take no for an answer.
A week later, we got married.
It was just a simple wedding, just you and me, Hotaru and Ruka, and a priest to wed us. It was the happiest and most memorable event in my life. I was crying while I was listening to your vows and you were half-laughing and half-crying.
You were the loveliest bride.
And on our honeymoon, you were so afraid that you won't be able to satisfy me. That was so absurd! There's nothing you can do that can never make me happy. That night, it was perfect. Just like you.
And then we still keep coming back to the hospital for your treatment. You hated it because it was too physically painful… but do you know that whenever you'd have your treatment, I was just outside waiting for you because they wouldn't let me in to accompany you but I can hear your screams? It was killing me. I could feel the pain you were feeling.
But I would do anything to make your life longer so I can spend more time with you. I know I'm selfish but I just love you so much…
Your doctor said that it would be better if you would stay in the hospital but you strongly refused to it. You cried to me and you said you don't like the smell there and their food. We fought about it, didn't we? But you won in the end.
You were just too stubborn.
And speaking of being stubborn, do you remember when, one morning, I woke up and you weren't beside me? I freaked out. I searched the house calling out your name like a retard then I found out you were just in the kitchen, preparing me breakfast. You were not supposed to tire yourself. I got angry at you for tiring yourself in the kitchen but you were angrier.
You said, "Natsume! How dare you get out of the bed?! You shouldn't wake up yet! I was supposed to surprise you a breakfast in bed but you ruined it! I was almost done! Now go back to our room and pretend that you're still asleep!"
I couldn't help laughing back then. You looked so serious when you told me to go back to our room and pretend to be still sleeping. But still, I did what you asked. I went back to our room and pretended to be asleep until you woke me up with a heavy breakfast in bed. You were just so silly and so wonderful.
And almost every afternoon, we go to the park and we sat under our Sakura tree. We would talk about random things.
"Natsume?"
"Hm"
"Do you love me?"
"That's a silly question, you baka"
"Just answer it"
"I love you."
"I love you, too"
And after that, you'd always ask me if I love you then we'd go over on that same conversation.
But there was one conversation I really didn't like.
"Natsume?"
"Hm"
"When I'm already gone, you should live a good life, okay? You should be happy."
"…"
"Natsume, answer me!"
"I don't know"
"What? Natsume! Promise me you'll live a good life and you'll be happy!"
"…"
"Natsume! I said promise me!"
"Okay, okay! I p-promise…"
You were selfish. How could you make me promise you something like that? You are my life, Mikan.
And the time came when you had no choice but to stay in the hospital. You were becoming weaker and weaker every day. You stayed in the hospital for two weeks then the doctor said you only have a couple of weeks to live.
I punched the doctor. I was gonna punch him more but Ruka stopped me. You didn't see it because you were inside your hospital room with Imai.
After two weeks in the hospital, you begged to go home. You said to me that you didn't want to spend the rest of your days there. Do you know how hard it was for me to see you in that state? It was killing me. I wished it was me who was sick instead.
But then, you won again. We went home but I had to buy some medical equipment so your pain could at least lessen even when you were out of the hospital.
And then the day we were both dreading finally came.
We were at the park sitting under our Sakura tree. It was already a little dark but you suddenly insisted on going there. You said you wanted to watch the sunset.
I was leaning against the tree while you were in my arms. Your face pale but you still look lovely as ever.
"Natsume…" You called my name.
"Hm"
"Thank you for everything" Your voice was very weak…
"I'd do anything for you"
"I know…"
Then I kept silent. I was trying to hold back my tears. I was already feeling that you were going to leave me soon…
"I will miss you, Natsume…"
"We will see each other again, I promise" I tried to steady my voice even though my throat was already hurting from stopping myself to cry.
"You promise?"
"I do, I promise."
You looked up at me.
"We'll see each other in our next life, won't we?"
"Yes, we will. You'll never get away from me"
You tried to smile. I know simple things like smiling was already hard for you to do.
I tried to smile back without bursting into tears.
I can already feel it. You're going to leave me soon…
"Mikan… please don't leave me yet…" I couldn't stop it anymore. Tears were now streaming down my face.
When you saw me crying, a tear fell from your tired eyes. I cursed myself for making you cry.
"I won't…"
But your body was saying otherwise. I could feel your hold on my hand loosening. And your eyes were starting to close but you were trying to fight it.
Your breathing was also becoming shallow…
"Mikan, baby, don't s-sleep… p-please. It's still early… please, t-talk to me…" My voice quivering as I beg you to speak.
"Nat…sume…" You tried to say
"Yes? Just t-talk to me… it's o-okay…"
"Do you… love… me?" Your voice was very weak. Your eyes wanted to close but you were fighting it. You were trying to spend more time with me.
"I do! I love you! I love you so m-much… I love you, Mikan…" My voice was shaking. I was crying hard again. Tears keep falling from my eyes.
"I love… you, too, Natsume… so much…" Your grip on my hand tightened a little. I was praying to God to not let your hand slip from my hand.
You didn't say anything else, your eyes finally closed…
"Baby, p-please… don't leave me! Mikan, I love you… t-talk to me. I still have some s-stories to tell…" But it was too late. You can't hear me anymore.
Your breathing stopped and your hold on my hand slipped.
You left me.
You're already gone.
I hugged your lifeless body tightly and cried hard. I didn't care if there were people looking at me. I didn't want to let go of you. But those people who were watching must have realized what had happened. They called an ambulance and they took you away from me.
At your funeral, many people came.
I didn't.
I can't stand to see you lifeless.
And now, Mikan, one month had already passed since you left me.
I'm here alone at our house, thinking of you. I'm always thinking of you.
Ruka and Imai would always check up on me and see if I'm okay but really, their visits didn't help me, but I appreciate them because they are our best friends.
But you, Mikan, why do you have to leave me? You said you won't leave me.
Do you remember when you made me promise to be happy and live a good life after you're gone? Well, I didn't mean it.
Because how could I go on living when you're not here with me anymore? You are my life, Mikan.
Do you know how hard and painful it is for me to wake up every day knowing that I can never see you again?
I miss you so much, every little thing about you. I miss your smiles, your loud voice, your laugh...
I miss every time you'd wrap your arms around my neck whenever I kissed you. I miss your pout whenever I call you an idiot. Heck, I even missed whenever you hit me and call me a pervert every time I peek under your skirt.
I missed you so much it hurts.
Do you remember the first time I proposed to you but you turned me down and then I went to Imai and asked her if you were seeing another man but she said you were not and that you were sick and dying? I wished she just said that I was right, that you were seeing someone else. Because I'd rather see you with another man than not see you at all. Because I know I can still fight for you and I can still have you back…
Your last words to me before you left me were that you love me. It was so painful because I know that it would be the last time I would be hearing those words from you…
I'm sorry if I won't be able to keep my promise to you that I'll live a good life after you're gone because it's impossible. I can't do it, Mikan. I'm so sorry.
But I will keep my promise that we will see each other again. I just can't wait for the next lifetime to come.
I love you so much I'm ready to give up everything for you…
I know you would be mad but I bought a gun yesterday. Ruka didn't know.
But really, Mikan, there's no use for me to live any longer because I'm already dead.
I died the day that you died. The moment your heart stopped beating, my heart stopped beating.
I just missed you so much.
But we'll see each other again... soon.
I promise...
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My first one-shot! And it's sad… sorry.
I lack knowledge about cancer so I didn't elaborate much on Mikan's case. I know the plot is clichéd, no need to point out that one. :) This is inspired by my fave movie A Walk to Remember.
Let me know what you think and if you like it, but don't flame, please. :D
-E.E.
P.S. If you didn't get the ending, Natsume committed suicide.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Gakuen Alice characters.
07/30/09 I edited some typos. There are still some that I might have missed, but, oh well. Anyways, thanks so much to those who read and reviewed this. I am very happy to read them; totally worth the five hours I spent on writing this story. :D
09/29/09 To those readers who want to post this story on their blogs, journals, etc.: I really don't like my works to be posted anywhere else other than this site. Please have the decency to ask for permission first. And if you do, please leave your e-mail address or any contact details if you are an anonymous reviewer, because how else would I be able to get in touch with you? But it would be much better if you will just pm me. Oh and changing my story in any way -even just a little bit- is really upsetting. And lastly, plagiarism is NOT okay. Copying other people's work and taking all the credits is just awjul and not to mention, shameless. I appreciate those people who asked for my permission in regards with posting this story. :)