Disclaimer: Don't own mash or its characters; don't make any money off anything

Post-war, mild slash BJ/Hawkeye. T mainly for some swearing. Title is from a GreenDay song

Hawkeye paced back and forth nervously glancing at the front door of the apartment. He checked his watch. 'Ah 5:01 the same number it was ten seconds ago, and twenty seconds before that, good work Hawkeye' he scolded himself. He considered calling his dad again but he'd already heard of every relative's recent activities, every cousin's kid who lost a tooth, every argument, all the rumours and gossip; he knew more about what had happened this week in Crab-apple cove than the people who lived there.

Hawkeye sighed and raked his hand through his grey speckled black hair and glared at the door again. His eyes drifted to the liquor cabinet but he mentally slapped himself. No martinis. Bj had made him cut down significantly after the war and if there was any time he needed to be sober it was now. Hawkeye poured himself a glass of water and sat at the kitchen counter contemplated it carefully. He twirled the glass between his hands and tried to think of any time he had felt this anxious, this nervous, this scared. Maybe when Radar was in surgery or when his dad was in the hospital or maybe the day he told BJ he loved him...

That was it. That's the feeling. He remembered that was exactly like this.

Hawkeye sat on his bunk in the khaki Swamp. He twirled the martini that had remained in his sweaty shaking hands untouched for the past hour. His stomach was tight and painful and for once he couldn't blame the food from the mess tent... he hadn't been able to down any that morning. He sighed and glanced at the Swamp door again waiting for it to open, wishing it would hurry up and fighting the feeling to run away and never come back.

Hawkeye was pulled from his daydream by a soft knock on the door. It wasn't a request for Hawkeye to open the door, knew it wasn't a visitor; they didn't have enough friends who knew where they lived for that. No this knock was a warning:

'We're here'

'This is it'

'Ready or not were coming in'

In an odd image of déjà vu just like his memory of the day in the swamp the door swung open and a tired, strained BJ stood smiling softly at him. Hawkeye got to his feet which felt like lead and headed towards the man he loved. BJ's eyes were red from crying and his face was pale. Hawkeye wondered when the last time Beej slept was. He swallowed and fought the urge to grab BJ and comfort him; there were more pressing matters...

BJ stepped out of the doorway and set down the suitcase he was carrying. The teenage girl behind him stepped into the room and surveyed her surroundings with an icy critical look. Her blonde hair hung long past her shoulders and she held another suitcase just off the floor. Hawkeye was taken aback as the spitting image of Peggy stood in his doorway and his nerves assaulted him anew.

"Erin honey, this is Hawkeye" BJ smiled gesturing to his lover unable to keep all the pride out of his voice.

Hawkeye reached out to shake Erin's hand with what he hoped would be his most charming smile. He was at a loss for words. What could he say? 'I've heard so much about you'? 'I'm sorry for your loss'? It all sounded corny and insincere, so he just opted for smiling.

Erin took his hand with a huge grin on her face that didn't reach her eyes. Hawkeye withered slightly under the venom in her look. "Hi!" she said in a sickeningly peppy voice, "You must be the bastard who broke up my family and ruined my life!" she jerked her hand out of his and the fake smile dropped from her face.

If it had been anyone else Hawkeye would have returned the smile and quipped 'I try my best' but this was Erin, the light in BJ's life he could never be. It was as if everything he had been afraid of was coming true. He wondered if he should just leave now, if Erin hated him it would just be a matter of time before BJ did too.

"Erin" BJ reprimanded in a soft voice.

"What?" Erin snapped "I said I'd meet him, I never said I'd like him. Isn't it enough that I have to live with him?" she shot a disgusted look at Hawkeye who was standing, hand still outstretched and crestfallen. Erin stormed off in the direction of her room.

BJ sighed in frustration and rubbed his eyes. Hawkeye was still standing stunned and silent staring at the space Erin had just occupied.

"Hawk" He began

"That went well", the corner of Hawkeye's mouth shrugged up as he tried to regain composure. He looked at BJ with glistening eyes, "Beej she hates me"

BJ pulled the shorter man into a warm embrace and kissed the top of his head "She doesn't Hawk. She's just lost her mom. It's going to take time."

Hawkeye nodded but just to make BJ happy. He didn't really believe time would help. Erin hated him and it wasn't like he didn't deserve it...

Erin glanced around her room scowling. It was smaller than her room in Mill Valley but she had spent enough summer's staying there that it was familiar enough. She opened her suitcase and started to unpack. She should really go grab the other one but didn't want to face Hawkeye again yet.

Hawkeye. He wasn't really what she expected, but then she didn't know what to expect. She had read the letters BJ had sent her mom when he was in Korea but it was too painful. They were tinged with anger for her mother's sake. Her dad's letters started out sincere and so sappy she almost had to gag 'I miss you Peg', 'I love you.', and 'How's Erin?' every few lines. Slowly but surely they changed in tone, Hawkeye this and Hawkeye that, until it was brutally obvious BJ didn't think about Peggy anymore. Erin was too young to remember but it probably crushed her mom to see herself being slowly replaced by some stupid mash doctor. She had run over meeting Hawkeye for the first time in her head a million times, telling him off for stealing her dad away, but in actuality it wasn't as sweet or satisfying as she had hoped. He looked kind and caring. She hated it. Erin slammed a t-shirt down into the drawer with more forced then necessary and squeezed her eyes shut as angry tears dribbled down her cheeks. She heard a cough behind her and whirled to see Hawkeye standing in the doorway shoulders slumped and a defeated expression on his face.

Erin hastily wiped the tears away, "What do you want?" she snapped

"Just the bellboy" he held up her other suitcase as proof and stepped inside the room setting it by the door.

"Get out" she snarled

He turned to leave but pause at the doorway, one hand on the frame, "Erin... for what it's worth, I'm sorry" he said softly.

Erin heard his retreating footsteps and stood for a moment in silence before she was overcome by sobs. Her shoulders shook violently and she covered her mouth with one hand. She sank onto the bed never wanting to crawl into her mother's arms as much as she did at that moment... And it was all Hawkeye's fault she couldn't.

To say dinner was tense would be the understatement of the century. Erin sat slumped in her chair pushing with her fork at the spaghetti with disinterest shooting Hawkeye a dark glare across the table every time BJ wasn't looking.

"So Erin, you start you new high school tomorrow. Are you excited?" BJ fished for a small-talk lifeline from the frigid air in the room

"No"

"Ah, your excitement embodies the very heart of adventure and new experience" Hawkeye quipped.

'Like what you and my dad in Korea!' Erin thought scowling but she bit back her retort looking at her dad who was obliviously eating, "Well not all of us are like you Pierce" she smiled coldly.

Hawkeye's grin dropped. And the rest of the dinner passed in silence.

"Don't worry I got it" BJ smiled stacking the empty plates.

"Ah my knight in shining denim" Hawkeye smiled warmly

"You're not much of a princess"

"Wait 'til you see me in my gown. You've caught me when it was at the cleaners"

BJ cringed exaggeratedly "I'll pass" he grinned and headed for the kitchen.

Erin watched as her father and Hawkeye fell into what was obviously a natural interchange and Hawkeye relaxed visibly. Erin felt a heat rise in her chest and her fist clenched around her napkin. BJ was her dad and she hated how close he was with Hawkeye. She looked up to see Hawkeye watching her. She glared back and they sat in silence for a moment before he sighed.

"Erin... You know, every summer when you come up here to visit your dad I go visit mine."

"And?"

"It was your mom's idea. Well not so much idea as one of her conditions for BJ to have you for the summer"

"She was a smart woman" Erin snapped. She didn't want him to mention her mother.

"I was thinking... maybe I should go early this year. Give you time to adjust, give you and Beej time to grieve."

"Like that is all it takes? A few months?" Erin was livid "You think you can take my dad away and then when my mom dies. Alone. All you need to do is disappear for a while?"

"That's not what I meant"

"Let me tell you something. You should disappear. Permanently." Erin leant in with a fire burning in her eyes. Hawkeye was completely speechless at the hatred in the blue eyes that were so familiar... BJ's eyes.

"You should run home to your mommy and daddy." Erin continued venomously "You should go and you shouldn't come back. You have no idea what I'm going through, what it's like to lose your mother and the only person you have left is your dad. You've had him for years and I'm sick of it. He's not yours!" Erin sat back in her chair looking smug.

The door swung open and BJ strolled, "Okay dishes are done. And by done I mean I'll get them later. It's getting late. Bed young lady." He kissed Erin's cheek and ruffled her hair lovingly. Hawkeye stood shakily and headed towards his and BJ's bedroom looking forward to unconsciousness and gladly hearing the pad of his lover's footsteps behind him.

"Daddy!!!" Hawkeye cringed at the childish cry. He turned to see Erin standing mouth agape, "Daddy do you really sleep in the same bed with another man??"

Oh no he can't be buying this!

Her lip quivered "Daddy I don't understand!"

"No, no honey of course not!" Bj assured her quickly

He bought it. "Beej can I talk to you for a second?" Hawkeye grabbed BJ's arm and dragged him away from his worried father bit.

"What are you doing?"

"Hawk she's just a kid. I don't think she's even had the birds and the bees talk let alone understanding us."

Hawkeye scoffed quite certain that Erin was a little more worldly than her doting father thought. He looked over BJ's shoulder and Erin grinned and waved. "You're not really buying that are you?" Hawkeye hissed.

BJ scowled and snapping defensively "Why would Erin pretend about something like this? Besides all I'm asking is that you stay on the couch for a little while. Give her time to adjust."

Hawkeye nodded glumly, seeing he wasn't going to win. He leant up to kiss BJ goodnight but the taller surgeon turned away pointedly looking at Erin.

"Goodnight Beej" Hawkeye muttered turning away.

Hawkeye lay on the couch bitterly contemplating the ceiling when the room darkened slightly. He looked up to see Erin standing in the doorway with her arms crossed.

"You know you should go home now. You won't make it until summer anyway" she smirked.

"Oh I think I'll manage. Between living in a hellhole for three years with snipers and mortars going off to working in a city ICU and OR I don't think a teenage girl will be the thing to get me"

"Mhm we'll see" Erin smiled before turning with a flick of blonde hair, "Goodnight Pierce"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Notes: Until now I had a self-placed ban on any angst or drama because I know I get melodramatic and long-winded (and this story probably will). I'm writing a chapter two but I would love reviews, whether or not this is worth continuing and constructive criticism. And I know its Erin-centric at the moment but the guys do take a more central role in the rest of the story