It's finally summer and I've been celebrating by writing like a madwoman. This was just a little idea that popped into my head. I hope you enjoy. :)
Oh, and I don't own Supernatural.
It's the little things about Dean that make him special, at least to Castiel. What's endearing about it is that Dean isn't aware that these things make him special at all. In fact, Castiel has observed that Dean probably has the worst self esteem he's ever seen. This saddens him because if he can see how special Dean is, why can't Dean see it himself? No matter how much good he's done Dean continues to focus on his shortcomings relentlessly, as if they define him as a human being. As if they're the reason why he thinks of himself as some kind of monster.
They don't.
And he's not.
Castiel can see it in the way Dean acts with his brother. The boy with the demon blood.
Lucifer's vessel.
But despite Sam's mistakes and the fact that he basically jump started the apocalypse, Dean continues to love his brother in a way that only he can. Castiel can see it when Dean chooses the bed closest to the door to better protect Sam. Or when Dean stopped teasing Sam about his hair, as much as he loved to do it, when Dean found out that Jessica liked running her hands through it before she and Sam went to bed. It was in the way Dean turned down his music and pulled out a blanket from under his seat for Sam if he fell asleep in the Impala because Sam's nightmares were getting worse and worse and it was all Dean could do. Dean would do anything for Sam, no matter what the cost. Castiel once saw him stare down a werewolf unarmed and injured because Sam lay behind him unconscious. Of course Castiel took care of the creature, but if he hadn't he knew that Dean would have died that night protecting his brother. Castiel believes this makes Dean special. No other human is capable of what Dean has done and continues to do.
And there are other small things about Dean that make him special, small things that only Castiel (and Sam) notices because he stares at Dean a lot.
He can't help it.
Because Castiel is a very observant angel, and he notices many small Dean-like things. Like the fact that Dean's head jerks a little to the left when he's angry with someone he doesn't know very well. If it's someone Dean cares for he'll become very still and then in an explosion of movement he lashes out because that's just how he shows people how much he cares for them. Dean and Sam have beaten each other to a bloody pulp so Castiel knows that they care for each other very much. Maybe too much. And so when Dean punched Castiel in the jaw while being held captive by Zachariah, Castiel took it as a sign that Dean really did care for him. Up until that point Castiel wasn't sure about the nature of his relationship with Dean. He was intrigued by Dean, but Dean didn't seem to like him very much. Castiel does not blame him. He did threaten to throw Dean back in Hell, something he regretted as soon as the initial flash of fear shot across Dean's features. Castiel was weary from battle and extremely agitated; he never meant to scare Dean. He apologized the next day, but Dean didn't seem to accept it. Which is why Castiel believed Dean did not like him very much.
Until Dean punched him in the jaw.
Then there was the night that Dean made him go to the den of iniquity. Castiel was completely content to sit quietly in his chair until his time came, but Dean seemed to have a better idea, and Castiel was always interested in Dean's ideas.
Because in case anyone hasn't noticed, Dean is special.
So Castiel braved the horrors of the female species and as a result, he became what Sam called a 'best friend' to Dean. Castiel was not entirely sure of what a 'best friend' was, but he figured it was a step above a 'friend.' Dean didn't have many 'friends', so this made Castiel feel special also.
They were special together.
Being Dean's 'best friend' allowed for Castiel to get away with things, things that Dean would have murdered others for if they would have tried. Things like…
Kissing.
Castiel had observed humans kissing with a detached kind of interest. He understood that it was a way to convey affection. He also understood that siblings did not do it, even if they cared for each other greatly. Castiel supposed it was another one of those unwritten human rules that Dean was trying to teach him. So this was why Dean and Sam never kissed, though they showed affection in many other ways, such as Dean calling Sam a 'bitch'. Another Dean-like thing.
Castiel tried this out on a woman who had helped him many times with his phone, but that is a story for another time.
So one day when Dean was working on his Impala, Castiel walked up and kissed him. Castiel had never kissed anyone before so he hoped that he was doing it right. He must have done something wrong because Dean forcefully shoved him away and got very still same in the manner that suggested he was going to lash out. Except he didn't. He just stood there looking at Castiel in shocked disbelief, like he couldn't grasp what had just happened. Castiel tilted his head and waited. This was not typical Dean-like behavior. After a long pause, Dean reacted.
He punched Castiel in the jaw.
This of course hurt Dean's hand, and as a result Castiel felt a new emotion that Sam had called 'guilt'. Dean had to be special if he made an angel of the Lord feel 'guilt'.
"Why the hell did you do that, Cas?"
Castiel observed that Dean was not really angry, just slightly irritated with him.
"I thought that was how humans show affection. I am sorry if I offended you."
There it was again. 'Guilt'. In response to Dean's hostility Castiel adopted his 'look', the one where his eyes got impossibly big while he tilted his head. This 'look' seemed to mollify Dean whenever he scolded Castiel for doing something he shouldn't have. And like always, it worked.
Dean had sighed and waved him off, ordering him not to do it again. It was never brought up after that. Castiel believed that if anyone else had done that, Dean would have reacted very differently. This is when Castiel became aware of the fact that Dean was his 'best friend' too.
And according to Sam, 'best friends' get special privileges. Especially if you are Dean's 'best friend'. So with Sam's encouragement, Castiel sat down next to Dean on the couch and turned to stare at him. Castiel supposed his special privlege was Dean not standing up and walking out of the room like he usually did when someone sat too close to him and started to stare at him like Castiel was doing.
"Dean, I am here to tell you that out of all the humans I have seen, you are the most special." He reached out and patted Dean's knee once.
Dean had looked at him oddly and nodded slowly, one eyebrow arched.
"Uh, thanks, Cas."
Dean then stood and walked out of the room after he deemed Castiel's continued staring awkward. Castiel knew his message had not been conveyed to Dean. He decided that he would not rest until Dean noticed his worth. There truly is no human that Castiel has come in contact with that possesses the qualities that Dean has. Dean is the diamond in the ruff in Castiel's eyes, and this makes Castiel that much more interested in him. How could he have possibly turned out this way with what he's gone through? Other humans would have given up years ago, but Dean continues on with his unshakable faith in the belief that things would turn out okay.
Faith. Castiel knows about faith very well. He knows that Dean possesses a lot of it, even if it becomes misplaced sometimes.
Castiel realized a very long time ago that Dean would have made a great angel. His faith would have been be astounding, something to be admired and cherished. He'd have the purest of white wings because despite the fact that Dean believes his soul is blackened by what he's done in Hell, Castiel has seen Dean's soul and held it in his hands, and he has never seen such brilliance inside of a human. Castiel pieced Dean's soul back together with great care because he believed that the world needed that brilliance. But something must have gone wrong when Castiel was mending Dean's soul because even though his worth was apparent to other people, Dean himself could not notice it, and as a result he continued to spiral down into a chasm of self hatred.
Maybe Castiel had missed a piece. So he dove deep into the pit and withstood the tortures of Hell again just to make sure and found no trace of Dean's soul. Castiel was wounded for a few days, but at least he knew that Dean's soul was fully intact. He could fix what Dean didn't know was broken.
A little while after Castiel told Dean about how special he was, Castiel realized that he overlooked yet another one of the small things that defined his 'best friend'.
Words meant very little to Dean.
Dean was a man of action. He did little talking, and of course this carried over to his relationships. Castiel supposed this is why Dean never kept a lover for long. With Dean's job there was only time for talk (among other things) until he was on the road again. Dean would rather show how he felt, though there seemed to be a limit to this as well. He was constantly warning Sam about 'chick flick moments'. He seemed rather stiff when people he rescued hugged him and he did not hold contact with anyone for long. This confused Castiel because sometimes the brothers would hug each other tight like they might drown if they let go. Because of this Castiel believes that there are special occasions for all of Dean's rules. Usually these special occasions were reserved for Sam only. But Castiel has begun to notice that Dean's rules for him are a bit different.
Castiel is allowed to invade Dean's personal space without being pushed away.
Except for the kissing thing. A small miscalculation on Castiel's part.
Dean will tell Castiel over and over again about his personal space but he never does anything about it. So Castiel pops up as close to Dean as he dares just to see if Dean will push him away.
He never does.
So Castiel continues to invade Dean's personal space and Dean continues to lecture Castiel about invading his personal space without actually doing anything about it. It gives Castiel much amuesment.
Castiel also notices that when Dean does engage in physical contact with him, it's always subconsciously. Dean has on many occasions shoved Castiel out of the way of danger, fogetting that Castiel is an angel and that he doesn't need protection. Castiel has lost count of how many times Dean has patted his shoulder after a dangerous hunt, seemingly to reassure himself that Castiel was okay. These moments of brief contact bring Castiel great joy because it shows that Dean is not lost completely.
However, Dean is still a man of few words. So Castiel decided that telling Dean how special he was wouldn't be enough. Castiel would show him.
One afternoon when Sam was out at the local library, Castiel came to Dean while he was brushing his teeth. Castiel waited patiently while Dean lectured him on personal space for the thousandth time before he clamped his hand over the print burned into Dean's arm. The toothbrush dropped to the ground as Dean's legs buckled and as he slid down to the bathroom floor, Castiel moving with him. While leaning back against the wall Dean stared at Castiel with wide eyes as their souls melded together and soared.
"Do you understand, Dean?"
Dean nodded.
Castiel smiled.