Written for the Take a Prompt, Leave a Prompt Challenge on HPFC.
Prompt: (dialogue) "Beggars can't be choosers"
"I can't decide!" Rose shook her head, her bushy, orange curls swishing. She was holding a Chudley Cannons poster and the extremely popular addition to the book series, Harriet the Goblin-Trapper: The Lost Diadem. "My loyalties to Quidditch and books are at war with each other!"
"Well, beggars can't be choosers," Scorpius flicked imaginary lint from his robes. "So take what you can afford and let's go."
Rose turned furious eyes on him. "You take that back!"
"If I recall correctly, you once said, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'," Scorpius said calmly. "Or should we add 'hypocrisy' to your list of crimes?"
"Why, you - " Rose lunged at him.
"Hey, guys! I think I found some kind of bug-bear hybrid and I think it's trying to kill m - " Al stopped mid-sentence. "What in Merlin's soggy croutons is going on?"
Rose stopped trying to beat the life out of Scorpius. "Er..."
"...Belated...birthday punches?" Scorpius weakly suggested.
"Guys, I thought we went over this," Al shook his head. "You can't fight in public, it's bad for our image!"
"Why are we even trying to promote House unity?" Rose rolled her eyes. "No one even thinks we got into the right Houses, I doubt we're very good examp - "
"SOMEONE SAVE US!" A man shrieked, running inside the store. Fifteen people tumbled in after him. The man scribbled 'SOS' on the foggy window.
"Aaand that would be the bug-bear hybrid I was trying to tell you guys about," Al said.
"Should we help them?" Rose asked, wiping at one of the windows in an attempt to see outside.
"Nah, we're better off here." Al shuddered. "Trust me."
"As a Gryffindor, I feel the urge to live up to standard and save some people," Scorpius glared at Al. "Thanks to your dad, we have to save someone's arse or we aren't considered a 'true Gryffindor'."
"Well, suit yourself," Al shrugged. "As a Slytherin and someone who has actually seen the bug-bear hybrid first-hand, I advise you to stay put."
"Well, as a Hufflepuff I am extremely conflicted," Rose scowled at both of them. "My loyalties are split. So for the sake of upholding whatever weird House unity thing we're trying to accomplish, choose one or the other."
"You know what we need?" Al mused. "A Ravenclaw. They can be good decision-makers at an impasse like this."
"A Ravenclaw?" Rose rolled her eyes. "Oh please, no. I can't be loyal to anyone that shares a House with Lucy."
"Do you want to promote a better future or what?" Scorpius demanded. "Forget finding a Ravenclaw, if we want to look good as an inter-House team we have to look like heroes too, right?"
"As a Slytherin I can agree with that."
"As your resident loyal Hufflepuff I suggest you stop saying 'as a Slytherin' because it's driving me up the wall." Rose snapped. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she added, "Oh, and since you both agree on helping to fight the hybrid thing, I am no longer conflicted. Let's go."
"I can totally see this improving the state of the Wizarding world!" Al danced in place, each stomp flinging snow every which way. His dancing and snow-stomping kept the terrified crowd away from them.
"Okay, okay," Scorpius groaned, shielding his eyes from Al's snow flurry. "We get it."
"I just realized I forgot to choose one out of the two of these," Rose observed, staring down at the poster and book in her hands. "I also forgot to pay for them."
"Keep them," Al dismissed. "Or use them as things to throw at the hybrid creature."
Rose gasped, hugging the stolen merchandise to her chest. "I am not going to tarnish the name of Chudley Cannon and Harriet the Goblin-Trapper fans everywhere!"
"Is that the bug-thing creature we're looking for?" Scorpius asked, pointing at the sky above them. Floating above them was what looked like a cross between a panda, a bear, and a hornet.
"Oh my Merlin!" Al yelled, his voice hoarse.
"You look like someone just stepped on your owl," Scorpius commented, looking bored. "What's the big deal?"
"Speaking of your owl, I've been meaning to ask you," Rose added. "Why in the world would you name her Harpy, of all things?"
"It was that or Holyhead," Al whispered, staring up at the hybrid creature. "Mum made me. Also, why are we not running away?"
"House unity, remember," Scorpius nudged his shoulder. "Just stun it or something."
"Or, since Al's such a huge coward, I'll stun it," Rose rolled her eyes, taking her wand out of her robe pocket. "Stupe – AH!"
Al yanked her down as the creature swooped low over her head, raking its sharp feet-talons across her right shoulder.
"Argh! Mmmph!" Rose tried to muffle her cries of pain.
"Okay," Scorpius said, staring at the blood gushing from Rose's shoulder. "Maybe we should run."
"I get hurt, we don't save everyone from the weird monster, and House unity was not promoted in any way," Rose sighed. "Did we get anything out of this encounter?"
"Probably not," Scorpius said solemnly. "I'm sorry for trying to be more Gryffindor. I'll try not to be next time."
"Good, because you're stupid enough as it is." she muttered.
"The only reason why I haven't attacked you yet is because you're injured and in a Hospital Wing bed," he warned. "But don't count on that to save you when you get out of here."
"Oh please, you wouldn't have the guts to attack me either way," Rose retorted. "We both know I'd snap your wand and beat you up in half a minute."
"Actually, you wouldn't, because that's illegal," Scorpius smirked.
"Are you two fighting again?" Al asked. "I leave for two minutes and you're already at it."
"Don't kid yourself Al," Scorpius said off-handedly. "Your potty breaks take longer than that."
Al rolled his eyes. "So, I think we all learned something today," he began seriously.
"We suck at fighting as a team?" Scorpius suggested.
"We're incapable of functioning as a proper House unity movement?" Rose proposed hopefully.
"No and no," Al said. "You're being too pessimistic. What I'm trying to say is, we really, really need a Ravenclaw if we want to make this work."
The inhabitants of Hogwarts were subject to several banshee-like screeches of agony before someone called the Aurors and sent Hogwarts back where it always seemed to end up…in chaos.
I honestly have no idea where this idea came from. (Actually I kinda do, but we'll get to that.) At first this was a playful, banter-y Scorily, then it was depressing anti-Scorily, and then it became a crack-y Scorp/Rose/Al friendship fic? This is what happens when you choose prompts like "Beggars can't be choosers" while thinking, "Oh hey, I could totally write banter-filled Scorily with this line!"
There are many references in here. Not all of them obvious. But, I'll try to list most of them:
Firstly, the 'bug-bear hybrid creature' is completely My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, from the episode Slice of Life. I do not own that. I put this under MLP/HP crossover for a reason, and that's why.
Second, the whole 'House Unity Movement' idea is based off of NunaShipper934's "The Inter-House Challenge (A Scorose Fanfic)", along with the beginning of mindcandy's "Stunning Shifts".
The idea of Scorp, Al, and Rose being Hufflepuff/any other House is based off of Bartimus Crotchety's "Albus Potter and the Year of the Badger", and so is the mention of a 'banshee-like screech', because I love Lilith Leblanc.
The idea of Scorpius being a Gryffindor is from HarryBond007's "Harry Potter and the Gatekeeper's Book".
And of course everyone knows Albus-Potter-the-Slytherin is a popular headcanon, and it's one I enjoy as well. Also, Rose and Scorpius at each other's throats while Al tries to mediate is a cliche used so much that I can't name just a couple stories that the idea is based off of.