Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Just a fan.
Note: As is stated at the bottom of the page, this chapter isn't supposed to be very funny. It is just a little introduction to set the scene. It does not reflect the overall story, and you can skip it altogether for all I care. Just don't be put off by this chapter.
PROLOGUE
Mr Muesli of Number Four, Pivet Drive, sipped happily from a large bottle of Coke and settled his beefy figure onto a reclined, plush armchair. He sighed contentedly, took another gulp of Coke, and then lowered the bottle onto the ground and wiped his mouth with a burly hand. A few rays of sunlight filtered in through the window and highlighted Mr Muesli's form, illuminating his chubby, thickset features-evidence of years of overeating. He sniffed loudly, picked up the bottle of Coke and finished its contents, then casually flung it across the room. With a satisfied burp, he made his way to the fridge and was just about to reach in for another bottle when his wife, Mrs. Muesli, stepped into the room, her skinny frame coming beside him.
"Stop it with the Coke! What is that, your sixth bottle today?" Exclaimed the woman irritably.
"Oh, shut up!" Mr Muesli replied. To further add to this rebellious statement, he reached inside the fridge, pulled out a bottle of Coke, guzzled the whole bottle down in one go and belched loudly. After this, he inspected the inside of the fridge, and finding no more bottles of coke inside it, stormed off to the shop, clutching a large black wallet exactly the same colour and size as his large black hat. Seething, Mrs. Muesli stormed into her bedroom, fell onto her bed and fell into a fitful sleep.
Outside Number Four, Pivet Drive, A black and white cow watched the street intently, mooing softly. A man appeared in a puff of smoke on the corner of the street. He had long, grey flowing hair, which, at the present moment, was partly hidden underneath a pointed conical hat. He walked up to the cow, and she continued to stare at him. Then, the cow recognised the man and mooed happily. It promptly transformed into a wrinkly old lady with an equally wrinkly hat sitting atop her head.
"Hello, McDonalds," said the man to the newly transformed lady, "Where's the little guy?"
"He's with Fatty. He should be arriving soon"
As if on cue, a motorbike appeared in the sky, roared loudly, and then landed with an almighty thud on the ground next to McDonalds and the man. A fat, hairy man was seated on the vehicle, and he thrust out a bundle towards the man, who took it. Then, the motorbike roared into the sky again, taking the fat, hairy man with it.
The man took the bundle to the door of Number Four, Pivet Drive, and laid it down on the doorstep. Suddenly, a soft cry emerged from the bundle, which happened to have a baby inside it. Then the baby started to scream, which meant in baby talk, "OMG! What the hell! Why do I have to wait another bloody ten years before I'm the bloody star of the book! The two figures then disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving the baby to cry helplessly.
Fortunately for the baby, the author was kind enough to make ten years fly by in a very short space of time, only a small amount of words, in fact.