A/N: Enjoy this one-shot including Harry and Everyone else!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry potter of affiliates, I do own, however, my sick and perverted mind. Thank God!

Warnings: Sick humor, disgusting mental images, vulgar language, horrid… everything!

Summary: Oh gods! What are you doing with that giant dildo! Why are you such a man-whore Harry! STD, WTF? HarryxEveryone Crack!Fic

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Harry's POV:

"Hey wait up you guys!" I ran, breathing hard to catch up with Blaise and Pansy. They were laughing at me, starting to walk faster.

"Come on you bastards!" I was laughing to. I decided to get revenge, so I took off my shoes and threw them at their heads. Two loud "ow's" resounded through the stone halls.

"Harry you suck!" I grinned.

"I know that. Speaking of sucking on things, have you seen Voldy?" They got disgusted looks on their faces.

"EWWWWW Harry, I don't need to KNOW about your gay flings with Voldemort!" I looked at Pansy who was making the ugliest face I've ever seen.

"What about my flings with you Pansy?" Blaise cracked up laughing, practically rolling on the floor. Pansy looked around embarrassed. Then an evil glint shone in her eyes.

"Glad you find that funny Blaise… Maybe you're forgetting about YOUR flings with him!" Blaise paled.

"How did you know about that?" Pansy smirked.

"Well you're a screamer Blaise! Everyone in Hogwarts can hear you!" Now it's my turn to laugh.

"Oh Harry, you're such a man-whore!" Blaise looked at me, trying to wipe the grin off my face.

"Oh I know! I've fucked like everyone in this school! Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, Draco, Neville, Luna…" I paused. "And that was some freaky sex with Luna! I swear when that girl's daydreaming it's about sex because she had some CRAZY ass ideas! But it was so awesome I keep going back."

They were both staring at me now.

"I need to go get checked for STD's…" Pansy made a face, thinking about the possibility.

"You should, I have like everything in the book." I smirked at them.

They sweat dropped.

"And I'm not joking about that either." They looked at one another.

"THANK YOU HARRY! That's such an AWESOME gift!" Blaise looked absolutely delighted.

"No problem, anytime!"

"Oh Harry if you get a new one, make sure you give it to me first!" Pansy looked pleading at me.

"No me first!" Blaise looked at me as well, begging with his eyes. I looked back and forth from them seriously.

"I don't know…"

"I said me first you prick!" Pansy turned to Blaise, holding a giant 12 inch dildo menacingly. Blaise's eyes widened dramatically.

"Ok, you first."

"Actually I believe it's ME first?" The both looked shocked, looking at the new person that entered. Once I realized who it was, my eyes lit up and I ran towards the man and flung my arms around his waist, nuzzling up to his erection.

"DUMBLEDORE!"

Pansy and Blaise looked at one another, and threw up.

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THE END!

A/N: yeah so… I was reading some angsty stories and writing my own, and then I just had this sick and twisted idea for this. I was just so tired, for a moment, of the seriousness! I know it's short, but it's just a Randomocity I felt I had to share with everyone!

Now, don't let the idea of Dumbledore naked, and fucking Harry, keep you up all night nauseous!

Review please; let me know what you thought about this!

~Kupo~